Par dating i love Straight Talk

Online Dating at Match.com. Every year, hundreds of thousands of people find love on Match.com. Match.com pioneered the Internet dating industry, launching in 1995 and today serves millions of singles in 24 countries.Match.com continues to redefine the way single men and single women meet, flirt, date and fall in love, proving time and again that you can make love happen through online dating ... A sad truth about online dating is most first messages are destined to never receive replies. For whatever reason, straight, gay, and bisexual daters all have response rates below 33% on dating sites. Straight men have it the worst of all — averaging a 12% chance of having a first message turn into an online conversation.This isn’t for lack of trying. Single men send over three times as ... You are not straight, but identify with another label such as queer, trisexual, omnisexual or pan-sexual You are transgender, transsexual or gender variant You have not figured out your sexuality ... Love: What Really Matters. A loving relationship can be an oasis in uncertain times, but nurturing it requires attention, honesty, openness, vulnerability, and gratitude. It's much more helpful to say something like, 'I know you're having a hard time, but I'm so tired that I can't think straight now. Can we talk about this later, after I've rested, so that I can ... I was 21 and vaguely dating a 50-year-old guy I had met through friends. We hooked up for the first time at a huge house party I had that was filled with other early- to mid-20s people. 'Straight guys just can't get over you having the male parts. 'Once I've had or get the surgery, I think it will change a lot for me because right now if I meet a straight guy and he doesn't know ... When you are dating a dominant person, sometimes she can be very controlling. She might leave you “honey-do” lists and expect you to have them done before she comes home from work. Because of this, you might feel more like a child than her boyfriend. Love brings challenges and these can stir up many emotions. What matters is your will to keep strong and fight for your love; talk about emotional love sms messages! [Read More:Heart Touching Love sms In English] 13. Dating is a chance — a chance to meet someone new, a chance for them to introduce you to people, places and things that you never knew that you’d love. It’s the chance that you won’t like them and that they won’t like you. And it’s the chance that they will and that you will too.

Has my JNFMIL finally turned my boyfriend into a JNSO after 7 years?

2020.09.18 05:57 myrealnameisdoormat Has my JNFMIL finally turned my boyfriend into a JNSO after 7 years?

I DO NOT CONSENT FOR THIS POST OR ANY OF ITS CONTENTS TO BE SHARED.
This is a long one (it’s 4 years of pent up frustration which has now come to a head) and so I’m not expecting anyone to read it but it’s been therapeutic writing it and if anyone out there is bored and does read it and has an opinion on what I should do I would be forever grateful!
Myself (28) and my SO (30M) have been in a relationship for 7+ years. We met as season workers abroad and have lived together in his hometown for 6 years (first 2 years I was in student accommodation and last 4 years in our own house).
We’re not engaged but for ease I’ve written JNFSIL//JNFMIL//FSSIL.
For clarity, both JNFSIL and FSSIL are planning weddings - FFSIL’s is in 2 weeks and JNFSIL is in may.
JNFMIL in a nutshell.

- Dictated when and where we could buy our first house and what kind of house we could buy (she wasn’t paying for it!). Tried to put us off every house we saw. Kept going on and on about how we shouldn’t buy an ex-council house and shouldn’t live on a “council estate” despite knowing full well that I grew up in a council house.

- Wouldn’t take no for an answer so forced us to take a broken bed from her house into our new house (it went straight in the garage as junk and remains there to this day)

- Was insistent that we should not “waste” money on a fridge to match all our other kitchen items but should have an old one of hers which was old, yellowing and as we found out on the day we moved it FULL OF MAGGOTS. Cue us running around last minute trying to buy a fridge when we’d already spent the money we had set aside for the fridge on other less necessary home furnishings. This also remains in our garage as junk to this day.

- Continually makes comments as though my SO and I are really strapped for cash in front of other people to belittle us (I would estimate that we have double the income coming into our household that she has coming into hers!)

- Took great pleasure in telling us that we weren’t invited to FSSIL’s wedding which really upset my SO (we later found out that we actually were invited - the bride and groom had only been CONSIDERING a small venue that couldn’t accommodate all of their guests but decided against it as they wanted to share their special day with ALL of their family). When we received the informal text invite from the bride and groom I replied “we’d love to come - so happy to be invited as we’d been told by JNFMIL that we didn’t make the cut”. This was the only time that I stood up for myself in everything she’s ever done to me and she went MENTAL. I have a video of her shouting down the phone at me telling me how disgusted she was with me and telling my SO “it’s about time you started sticking up for your mother” when he tried to make her see how wrong she had been in telling us that INCORRECT info just for a bit of “gossip”.

- Invited herself and her husband to our house for Christmas breakfast despite the fact that they were coming for Christmas dinner and we already had 8 people for breakfast and not a very big house!

- Went crazy at us and got other family members to harass us for not going to her Boxing Day party the following day - we were shattered after doing Xmas breakfast for 10 and Xmas dinner for 8, I was working the following day and we’d not had any time to ourselves over the Xmas period. She was calling us selfish and unsociable even though all of her children/step-children and their partners occasionally miss her Boxing Day party due to having to attend other family events - nobody else gets spoken to like that by her when they don’t attend.

- cannot accept any fault or wrongdoing nor hear any criticism about herself. To the the point she will shout over my SO (me on that one occasion) or leave the room. She physically cannot tolerate people calling her out on her shite.

- went to check out a potential wedding venue for me and SO whilst she was on holiday in Ibiza. Then my JNFSIL got engaged and JNFMIL told her to get married at the EXACT SAME PLACE that we wanted to get married. When JNFSIL said “oh no we can’t get married there, Ibiza is XX and XX’s place”, JNFMIL apparently replied “who cares, they’re not engaged are they?”

- Makes snide comments about my weight and clothes.

- Continuously forgets everything I say so I end up having the same conversation with her over and over again. This can be over the most mundane of subjects and comes across as really rude, like she can’t be bothered to even retain our conversation. The most annoying example is that every time the subject turns to children she goes “ohhhh so you want kids now do you? You always said you didn’t”. For the first year or two of our relationship me and my SO didn’t think we wanted children, for the last 5 years or so, we’ve been steadfast in our wish to have children one day, yet every time I see her she makes out as if we’re flighty and changing our mind all the time about the subject and we’re totally not!

- Harasses us about the same subjects over and over.

- Berates us if we don’t do as she tells us.

- Loves gossip, loves drama, thrives off it and tries to draw everyone into it.

JNFSIL in a nutshell. I’ve also got a massive problem with JNFSIL who is a chip off the old block. JNFSIL is also the worlds biggest gossip and revels in telling me and SO all of the horrible things that JNFMIL says about us. But the issue is that JNFSIL feels obliged to put up with this behaviour from her mum because it’s her mum - however I just feel like screaming everytime she does this “She’s not my bloody mum so stop fucking telling me all the horrible stuff she says about me and SO because it makes me fucking hate her!!”
JNFSIL pretty much hates JNFMIL- her own mum! - and with good reason to be fair. JNFSIL says that JNFMIL ruined her buying her first house (saying “its too expensive and too far away” and refusing to visit for months) and also ruined her buying her first car (shouting in the middle of the dealership “you stupid girl why are you getting a car on finance, you’re an idiot”) and is ruining her wedding by inviting her own guests to a destination wedding and berating the JNFSIL and the groom for ‘daring’ to have a mini-moon after the wedding. My SO gets dragged into all these arguments and it causes him so much stress.
JNFSIL is the worlds most self-absorbed person I’ve ever met. She thinks she’s stunning (she’s not) and thinks everyone is obsessed with her (they’re not). At FSSIL’s hen do a few weeks ago I actually wrote down all the stuff JNFSIL was saying about herself and it was comedy gold “Xx is so jealous of me” “Xx must look at my instragram and wish she had my life - she could only dream of a life like mine” LMAOOO. Honestly it was so embarrassing I had to go to bed early to get away from her. She is slowly ending up with less and less friends (and is on her way to ending up with no bridesmaids for her upcoming wedding) because of her self-obsessed behaviour but does she think the problem lies with her? Of course not!! She thinks it’s that everyone is just jealous of her.
JNFSIL also stole one of mine and SO future planned wedding songs. In December we were all talking about what music we’d like at our wedding, I mentioned a song and JNFSIL said she’d never heard of it but would look it up. Low and behold, next time I see her at JNFMIL’s house she’s playing it and saying this is going to be one of her wedding songs. I was too gobsmacked to say anything. She’s since been plastering it all over social media trying to turn it into hers and her fiancée song. I tried to play her at her own game - put it on my social media saying how this has been one of mine and SO’s songs for 4 years and how we want to walk back up the isle to it. She had the CHEEK to message me saying “that’s ours” so I messaged back saying “yes I know - I told you about it in December, but never mind we’ll both have to use it” because I didn’t want to cause a scene and my SO didn’t want there to be any drama. She’s getting married next year - I am not currently engaged so she will get to use the song first and then it will look like we copied her.
The situation. I always knew that JNFSIL and JNFMIL were evil bitches who were not to be trusted but I’m really friendly and love having a laugh so can be quite forgetful about how horrible people are and what they might have done wrong to me when I see them and I tend to crack on and make everyone feel comfortable. But I’ve never fully trusted JNFMIL since the lies she told regarding FSSIL’s wedding and I’ve never fully trusted JNFSIL since she stole our wedding song.
The situation has been having a bad impact on my MH since about February time. I was crying and anxious all the time, not wanting to see them, wondering how the hell I was supposed to be pregnant and have kids in the future around these toxic people and my SO wasn’t doing anything about it. In about April time I finally explained to him the toll it was taking on me and said I didn’t want to have any contact with them. He said that this isn’t possible and that I had to have contact with them. Because I was wanting to make life easy for him, I agreed that I would see them but would lessen my involvement with them. I’ve seen them a few times since and every time has been horrible in one way or another (some examples are above). It was also at this time I told him I wanted us to move down to my hometown as I felt vulnerable and unsupported in his town with his bitchy family. He agreed on a trial basis and we set ourselves a target of moving down within 12-18mnths.
Since this time there has been millions of arguments between me and SO about the way that he allows JNFMIL and JNFSIL to treat him/me/us. The whole situation has left me feeling so vulnerable because he doesn’t protect us and I don’t feel that I can protect us without alienating his family which he doesn’t want. When I feel vulnerable this turns to anger - I guess it’s a kind of coping mechanism - and this has been the root cause of millions of arguments between me and SO. On top of an already shit year with Covid, work pressures, SO being made redundant, becoming first-time puppy parents. This has been compounded by me and SO not doing any of the fun things we usually do; 4-5 holidays abroad, festivals, days out, date nights, theatre trips etc. It’s been a crap atmosphere at home since probably March.
The latest is that I went on FSSIL’s hen weekend a few weeks ago with JNFSIL. When I returned, JNFMIL and JNFSIL have tried to make out to my SO that I cheated on him with the boys staying in the apartment below us. This did not happen, another girl and i went down there for 20 mins tops and the other girl could verify nothing happened. I even told SO that I was going down there and why. But JNFMIL and JNFSIL have made it out to be something it wasn’t. My personal belief is that they did this purposely to try and split us up since they don’t want my SO to move to my hometown with me in a year or so. The reason I think this is because the night AFTER I went down to the boys apartment JNFSIL was telling me how much she wished that she had chosen me as her bridesmaid (lmao, honey I literally hate you so thank god you didn’t!) and why would she do that if she thought I’d been downstairs cheating on her brother the night before?!? My SO does believe me that nothing happened thank god.
After this I told SO that I would not be having any future contact with his family. I explained again that I don’t feel supported by them and feel that they’re always looking for the next opportunity to tear us apart or to tear me down. I reminded him that they all hate each other - JNFMIL & JNFSIL & FSSIL, there is old hatred between all of them, I’ve outlined some of it between JNFMIL & JNFSIL above and on the hen do FSSIL told me “I hate JNFMIL, she’s an evil bitch, I tolerate her for my dad (JNFMIL’s husband)”. I explained to SO that I didn’t want to be part of that kind of toxic charade anymore because I don’t have anything like that with my own family and friends. He said that I can’t just decide not to speak to his family anymore. I begged and pleaded with him and he could not see my point of view at all. So I felt I had no option but to end the relationship.
I’ve since been signed off work sick for a week and come back to my hometown where I’m staying with my mum. This has given me the time and space I needed to get my head together and I’ve realised that I don’t want to loose SO just because of his family. I’ve told him this and we’ve had a joint therapy session. However he is of the opinion that it wouldn’t be possible for us to have a relationship in which I don’t see his family. I think it would be possible if we moved to my hometown ASAP (within next 6 months) as I would probably only be missing out on seeing his family 4 or 5 times a year which in the grand scheme of things isn’t that significant and I told him about all the people on this reddit that are NC with their in-laws.
SO has tonight had a solo therapy session and has admitted that he has not been as supportive of us as he could be and says that this is because he is not strong enough to stand up to JNFMIL and JNFSIL. He also said he is still undecided as to where he wants to go from here and said that this is because he doesn’t know if he can be with me without me seeing his family and also because he is worried about all the arguments we’ve had over the last 6 months even though he agrees that most of these were caused by JNFSIL and JNFMIL and the tensions they bring.
Of course JNFSIL and JNFMIL are telling him that he should not get back together with me.
I asked when he thought he would have a decision by and he said Sunday. So I was like yeah I think that’s fair... then we started talking about other stuff and the chat rolled round to a holiday we’re supposed to be going on on Wednesday. We have 2 weeks booked in Cyprus a week in Ayia Napa and a week in Paphos. On one of the days in Paphos, FSSIL is getting married in a villa. Whilst JNFMIL has been badgering us to make sure we’re up at the villa everyday, SO and I agreed that we would be treating it as a normal holiday so would be off doing our own thing most of the time and we have booked our own hotel.
SO is saying that he does not want me to come to Cyprus anymore. I said “hold on so you’re saying that if we get back together on Sunday that we still can’t go to Cyprus together on Wednesday?” (We had already agreed I wouldn’t go to the wedding but the holiday had not been properly discussed). He replied “well I think it’d be a bit awkward with my family” I was like “what the hell! never mind thinking about your family, what about us? Dont you think we might benefit from a holiday together?”
So then he said “well we’d planned to go up to FSSIL’s villa and obviously we wouldn’t be able to” so I reminded him that we’d planned to go the villa on the day of the wedding and maybe one other day out of the week we’re in Paphos and I said he could still go up another day if he wanted to and I would chill by myself at the hotel.
He didn’t agree and said it would be awkward. I was like “I can’t believe that you might happily agree to resume our relationship and then refuse to let me come on our only holiday of the year for fear of making things awkward with your family!” THEN he said “well to be honest I don’t think I’ll be ready to make my decision by Sunday, I want to think about it while I’m in Cyprus”.
He doesn’t get back from Cyprus until 7th October....He’s taking the piss out of me isn’t he? He wants to have his cake and eat it by going and having his holiday with his friends and family and then still have the option of me to come back to doesn’t he? He is never ever going to put me on a par with his family is he?
I told him straight up I would not be waiting until 7th October for a decision and so he reluctantly agreed to have one by Sunday but we never really cleared the Cyprus thing up before we got off the phone.
I’m at a point now where I’m thinking... do I wanna be with someone who wants 4 weeks to decide if they want to be with me or not? Do I wanna be with someone who will continue to prioritise his family’s feelings over mine? Do I want someone who is openly saying “yes my mums a pain in the arse but she’ll never change and I’m not strong enough to stand up to her” ???
Apart from the last 6 months we have had an amazing 7+ years - we have so much in common, have so much fun and I can’t see myself being with anyone else but I don’t wanna be a doormat :( do I tell him to fuck off now? Do I see if he wants to be with me on Sunday and just let the Cyprus thing go? Or do I demand that if he wants to be with me that we do the holiday together (obviously not the wedding day) and risk that if he says no then I’ll have to walk away? I feel like if we get back together and I’ve missed out on a two week holiday through no fault of my own then I’ll always resent him for it anyway because I’ll know that he couldn’t prioritise my feelings above his families feelings/his want for an easy life.
It’s just so sad because none of this would have happened if me or SO had decent boundaries in place in the first place and had stuck up for ourselves against his family but we are people pleasers. EUGH.
UPDATE: thank you all so much for all your feedback and points of view - it’s really helped me to feel validated and also to recognise that I need a man rather than a boy. I’ve told SO that he now needs to make a decision about whether he can respect my boundaries and also prioritise our relationship regardless of his family’s views. I’ve said that the only way he can prove that he’s putting our relationship first is to decide he wants to be with me THEN tell his family we’re back together and tell them that I will not be seeing them because of the way they’ve behaved and that he is supporting me with this. Then for us to go to Cyprus together and tell his family about this as well. Anything less than this I will not accept.
I don’t for one second think that he will agree to any of this because he’s said on the phone he doesn’t feel strong enough. However he is going to consider it over the next 24 hours and if he says ‘no’ as I believe he will then I can walk away with my head held high knowing I tried my best and that he wasn’t man enough to step up for our relationship... and if that’s the case then, as most of you guys have said, I won’t really be loosing out on anything will I!
Thanks again guys x
submitted by myrealnameisdoormat to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]


2020.09.06 20:06 dark1859 so we've had deimos for a little bit now, i have some thoughts on what works and what didn't

So like i said in the title, we've had a little over two weeks to work on our entrati rep now, get a feel for the vaults and see how it ticks, and this is my subjective evaluation on Deimos, broken down by category. there's a TL;dr at the end of each category also if you don't care much for reading the individual components and an overall summary at the bottom.

Resources

Mining - very poor
Mining's ratio's are screwed to hell and back, rare resources like Thaumica almost never spawn naturally in ore veins meaning you'll be forced to rely on requiem towers for the near 200 of it you need to make your mech equipment, entrati weapons, and max syndicate arch gun to just name a few. Where as resources like Bapholite are so common i could literally fund an army to conquer the kuva fortress and rename it "bapholite hell" i get so damn much of this garbage. Gems thankfully seem to not have this issue getting fair quantities of the rarer xenohurst and more common and uncommon varieties. As a whole however, the mined resource pool is very limited which means the drop ratios are fairly screwy, to say nothing of the actual awful process of finding the nodes in infested tissue (spoler it's bad).
Fishing - average
Fishing is average at best, it's a fairly narrow and uncomplicated experience, and while i do not miss the god awful mess of baits that is fortuna/PoE, i do admit i kind of wish there was more varity as to what spawned where, and quantity spawned, especially gluttinox, i swear every single damn mutagen/antigen i want takes it, and daughter also wants it...
General resources - average
General resource wise it's a fairly limited pool, this is good in some regards as it allows for (at long last) easy acquisition of mutagen samples which is the bane of every clan's hema research, bad news is because of such a narrow general loot pool there's really not a lot of "oh hell yes _____" blank representing rare resources like argon or mods. The new mod set is pretty nice but common enough that as a whole, deimos' resources are fairly eh. Not bad, but definitely not like fortuna/edolion where every resource drop is precious for quite awhile.
overall - poor
Resource extraction in deimos is... meh, it's not the worst thing i've ever seen in the world, but it's definitely what got the least time allocated to it. It'd be simple enough to fix, maybe add a couple of unique drops to the npc death loot pool, make it so thaumica exists outside of theoretical mathematics, adjust fish parts given v quantity required, etc and you've got a fairly okay system.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Syndicates

Tokens - mixed
First, i do actually really like the system. I like that it gives me something to spend resources on once i've made all the weapons, gotten my mech, and bought all the blueprint as these are the main source of your rep in deimos. I also like that if you hate conservation (to an extent, see rank costs for the downside) fishing, and mining, mother tokens are abundant enough and actually feel rewarding, doing 1-2 runs of high level bounties feels like i'm actually being paid something worth my time unlike fortuna and plains where my time feels wasted on non steel path bounties.
That being said, token prices are a heavily mixed bag, son tokens are god awful and should have never cleared beta testing (more on that in conservation), Otak's tokens are lousy as well often requiring large quantities of badly balanced resources to buy, and the daughter.... well if she asks for my sporulates one more time i'm feeding her to my panzer is all i have to say to her. Further, the costs of single token packs feels badly weighted for Daughter and Son in particular, often costing almost as much if not more resource wise as 2-3 token packs. In daughters case it's more of a minor inconvenience, in son's it's mildly infuriating but more on that later.
But, Father's tokens and being able to trade lesser tokens into a far greater value token with grandmother, or simply ignore everyone else with mother keeps these from being awful in my opinion.
Product pricing and vendor rewards - good
I wish there was a little more to buy to be honest. The two signature entrati weapons are pricy, but well worth it imo, especially the Trumna which is one of my new favorite weapons and i can't wait for infested kit guns. Mutagen and antigen are fair priced, with none exceeding 5k rep, and being relatively cheap to build. What holds this back from being great however is rank 5 stuff, there really isn't anything to be honest. Same goes for the operator syndicate there really isn't much at rank 3 (five equivalent if you haven't started with them) to keep you coming back as most goods you want unlock at rank 4/2 respectively. But, overall i can't complain, everything i wanted was fairly priced for its output.
Syndicate rank costs - poor
Syndicate rank ups are... bad... but this is nothing new, from debt bonds in fortuna to odd resources that rarely show in the plains, there's not much i can say about this, they've made it better ofc. But as a whole the costs outweigh the benefits, just hit rank 4 and sit there as rank 5 offers nothing worth a seriglass shard.
Overall - mixed
I like where we are going, especially if this will apply to paradox (if that's still on the table). There's a lot of great potential weighed down by a handful of bad designs which is a shame.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bounties

Basic bounties (t1-4) - good
you're probably wondering if skimming why isolation vaults are not included, i wanted to hit them separately is why. Anyways, the basic bounties are good i think. There are about 10 or so different sub missions inside of missions with different final stage objectives tweaking and changing what you can get along the way, it's not the best thing in the world, but it's varied enough that honestly i think it's probably the best of our 3 open worlds. And on the plus side even if you hate the bounties, payment wise there's some really damn good stuff up for grabs like argon scope, which tended to be horded and sold (at least on console) for some pretty stupid prices, as well as plenty of relics, resources, and ofc tokens, which i'll get into more later.
T5 bounties (l50-60) - mixed
All the good from t1-4 applies to t5, the problem is the tokens in t5 kinda suck, paying only a handful more than t40-50 these are not worth doing unless you need something from the t50-60 bounty reward pool. I don't think 40-50 needs to be nerfed also, just this tier brought up a bit.
Steel path bounties - good
I'm a bit of a steel path addict i fully admit. Steel path bounties in free roam however tend to be god awful, barely rewarding you for the time and energy you put in. But the steel path bounties in Deimos feel okay, the reward doesn't feel like crap, and the actual bounty pay (ie the stage rewards) feel pretty on par with the difficulty. It's not something i'll farm relentlessly, but it's a fun diversion from the rest of the path.
overall - good
Unlike fortuna Bounties and PoE bounties, this feels good, there's a nice varity of missions in the bounties, and that variety is big enough that awful objectives like find caches tend to not appear too often (unless you get the find cache as the overall bounty then GG), and they can vary just enough it doesn't get old too fast. So yeah overall not bad, not the best, but it'll certainly fill an afternoon.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Isolation vaults

For the Iso's i've broken it down by phase.
phase 1 - mixed
waiting... god i hate waiting, but it's so easy and inoffensive and honestly it's so short that if we could just shut mother and annoying sidekick cephalon biggy and insano up id have no problems with this phase.
Phase 2 - poor
now this is a phase i think waiting is appropriate fend off infested while the toxicity in the vault drops and i love the concept of this phase. However in practice it's kind of a mess, you either stomp and never let toxicity rise past 30%, or get stomped and battle to keep it at 60% the whole time (depending on group composition/your loadout) and have to wait for the stupid thing to open. Why can't we just use craftable antiserum injectors to speed things up by up to 1 minuet? beats me, seems like a wasted opportunity, and given you're not actually doing anything much beyond camping the door like a squeaker on the energy sword in halo... it's just really... really boring.
phase 3 - good
Killing the mech is probably my favorite part of the bounty, alongside getting to explore and open the hidden rooms/walls of the vaults. I have little to say on it though as it's really straight forward, and takes as long as you need it to/are capable of. If i had a couple of complaints though, the storm shield, not even because it's op just that most randoms are idiots and dont comprehend how rhino's iron skin works and end up making the guardian go super sayan; and when both arms are blown off the damage point is far too small, it's nothing aoe/lakspur cant handle, but annoying and the only thing that keeps me from saying phase 3 is great.
phase 4 - very poor
there's a special circle in video game hell for npcs that move slower than your walking speed and have barely any health and whine constantly about taking hits... we all killed Sticky from little lamplight in fallout 3, and i fully admit in about of irritation i've let him die in my solo runs just out of sheer hatred for escorting loid/otak and having to hear him constantly whine about "oooh the infested hurt" yeah no crap cephilon i can see that as my own health drops every time a rex decides to cockblock my nikana and stun me. And even worse you then have to wait AGAIN for him to slowly waddle back to the vault so you can open it, and he can die and fail the phase on this part as well! The only saving grace of this phase is volt/wisp can speed him up slightly, but he still moves so slow you may as well go watch degenerate warframe animations on a certain cite with a yellow and black icon and do things mama lotus would scold you for while he takes the prerequisite 10 years to get to the start position.
Overall - poor
i love the idea of the isolation vaults, and the rewards, god they're amazing, one of the best rewarding missions i think warframe has ever created. And the mechs? The trio can provide enough difficulty too to give my steel path builds a run for their money and i love it! But... there's so much wrong with the missions (not including actual bugs) that i just cant in good faith call it a good mission.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Conservation

Natural spawns - very good
Natural spawns are "can i dart XYZ without echo lures?" and the answer is yes, everything can be darted without a lure which is absolutely fantastic. any tag for any token you can get at any time (with some luck) and to make things even better rarer varieties spawn more often on the steel path! (at least in my personal experience anyways). This makes gathering wounded animals for pets quite a painless experience, sure you end up with 2000 viziers but hey, that's just free tokens in the longrun.
Tracking - very poor
Deimos has the PoE conservation problem of tracks not highlighting properly in certain terrains making it very easy to lose tracks. On top of it outside of steel path most infested can/will kill your target/force it to flee before you can dart it leading to an overall frustrating experience.
Wildlife spawn variety - very poor
unfortunately here's the other end of the stick of natural spawns/called spawns, deimos takes the PoE approach where without pheromones' the likelihood of seeing the rare/middling variates is.... well i have 300 viziers, 60 pharaoh's and only 20 medjays to give you a rough idea of what we're looking at. And it's wildly inconsistent between species too, where as the PoE/fortuna if you spent 2 hours or so in conservation you'd get a good mix of common, uncommon, and rare, with a heavier weight towards uncommon/common, but with Deimos some species you see nothing but common while others it's almost exclusively the rare subspecies (just ask the community how many damn white velocipods they have bagged). This leads to a very unfun experience as you either waste pheromones' trying to get a single tag (despite many of these creatures supposedly spawning in pairs) or circle the map for hours trying for rare subspecies.
Rewards v time spent - mixed
God son tokens where do i even begin... well if you have a railjack capable of the veil proxima and dont mind reviving companions for tokens, this system is okay as you net a good 10 tokens per unguilded companion. If not prepare for hell on earth as you always need 2 kinds of tags for son tokens, an they're almost always a common/uncommon or common/ rare, or sometimes the ever frustrating rare/rare. Even worse is most single pack tokens cost as much as rare pack tokens! often requiring the ever frustrating common/rare tag combo just to buy one lousy token.
The only saving grace of this god awful barely tested system is the companions, mother margilus above are the companions great, Vulpahpylas are basically unkillable which makes them god for steel path where pets tend to die almost instantly, and predasites are support masters that rival moas in terms of utility, with about the same armor to boot.
overall - very poor
I normally love conservation, it's my favorite way to turn in rep in Poe/Fortuna, and i enjoy buying the floofs to torment my clan with by placing them all over my ship when we go to do railjack. But Deimos' conservation is as a whole, very unrewarding and just all around frustrating. Its only saving grace are the companions but given you have to pay tokens AND reputation to guild them to get any mastery/make them viable past chart it cant save it from being an awful mess.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Requiem pillars

(heads up if you haven't finished the second dream this part will probably make no sense to you)
Investment V. reward - very good
Requiem pillars are by far the best way for late game players to get deimos resources, and i'm okay with that. the randomness means it's by no means better than most activities to gather them naturally (save for mining which we covered earlier), but for the generalist who just needs a little bit of one or two things, or needs something from the other cycle it's a godsend. Plus given the investment required for an amp/arcane capable of farming these effectively it does help balance it out quite nicely.
Functionality - mixed
Pillar functionality is very mixed, Jahu doesn't work at all 90% of the time, sometimes resources just dont spawn when criteria are met. The majority of the time it works but sometimes it doesnt... it's not broken beyond repair or use, but it does need some reworking and bug fixing.
Overall - good
Requiem pillars are a good idea, and i think drop rate wise should be left alone, just some minor tweaks and these will be one of the best parts of deimos.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nechramechs

Acquisition - mixed
Actually getting these abominations of orokin madness is... mixed. You need drops from enemy mechs which only spawn in iso vaults which makes farming painful, and it's not a guarantee (neither are the mods) and then you need a number of very rare resources which can not be sourced from the vault and have to be refined, and further you need rank 3 in the necroloid faction (which isn't terrible but still something to consider) to even assemble your parts. Luckily we can trade parts around now, but it's still a bit of a "ends justify the means" pain in the neck.
usefulness - very good
These things stomp, and now that the xp glitch is fixed they're quite fun to level up, i've been using mine to clear ads in the profit taker fight and honestly it makes that fight a lot more fun than it normally is to turn the corpus raknoids into hybridized confetti. It has fantastic damage and pretty damn good health and armor even without mods.
usability - poor
But, with usefulness comes usability, the range of places you can use them at is... very limited, which is a damn shame as these would be perfect for steel path and sorties. Otherwise though they're fairly clunky, they suffer from a lot of the mobility issues of archwings (clipping, hard time picking up objects, etc) and unfortunately have both their combat dodge and sprint tied to a sprint bar, which makes moving anywhere outside of small zones just painful.
overall - mixed
now i know there's talk of letting us use these anywhere in the future, so if that happens this will probably be a good, but for now nechramechs are a ton of fun, but too much of a time sink to be really useable by anyone who's not routinely sinking profit taker or running steel path open world areas.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Xaku

Abilities - mixed
Xaku has some really interesting abilities, i like the concept, and i like how zaku operates as a hybrid of a number of warframes. The problem, which often rears its ugly head when implemented, is void damage sucks beyond all reason, even with xaku's ability to amplify and remove enemy resistance to void, is it really worth it? For example my umbra with exalted blade is out the box able to the same if not more damage than xaku without wasting energy on another ability to amplify first. Or chroma, who can use the complete wrong element type and still oneshot everything, or really any other warframe can do their job but better. The only real thing xaku has going for its kit is the ability to strip armor which.. yeah it's pretty fantastic if super short range, although i'd say just go with nyx or ember over it as they're more reliable.
passive - poor
It doesn't even work without a sly vulpaphyla, next.
difficulty to acquire v actual usefulness - poor
Xaku is a bit of a pain in the ass to get, it requires multiple mid-high rank faction resources and vault resources, as well as being sourced like revenant, garuda, and gara from bounties which makes farming him pure rng, coupled with the fact you can't even use its void against edolions and the subsequent horror of trying to level (let alone forma) Xaku, and... well lets just say i went back to Valkyr real fast after my first forma experience.
overall - poor
Xaku is an interesting concept with a lot of potential, that as a whole is unfortunately one of the biggest letdowns of the heart. Now there are buffs and patches on the way for xaku to make him more usable so this will probably be out of date soon, but at the time of writing all i can say is, spend your resources on something else, Xaku isn't worth it.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Summary

mixed leaning towards above average (if xaku is not included)
Deimos is a wonderful concept, and has a great many things that could elevate it as one of the best activities in warframe but, is held back by a number of decisions and design choices that as a whole drag down a stellar update. It's not bad per say, but there's a lot that needs improving.
*edit, had to change some stuff in the xaku section, writing for xaku is not something my half awake brain does well.
submitted by dark1859 to Warframe [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 02:04 dralexanderwang HOW I WENT FROM 497 MCAT (4X ATTEMPT), 2.69 UNDERGRAD BCPM AND DATE OF COMPLETION OF OCTOBER TO 4 MD INTERVIEWS AND 2 WL IN 2019 - 2020 CYCLE. THIS IS NOT A SUCCESS STORY, RATHER A TESTAMENT. YOU ARE CAPABLE. YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR NUMBERS. YOUR CHARACTER, WORK ETHIC, AND HEART DEFINE YOU.

Why I am posting this.
This story is different. This is not a success story, rather a testament. I am writing this because for so long I didn’t think I was worthy enough to post about it until I was either a student-doctor or doctor as only then did I actually know “what I was talking about.”
.
However, I have come to find that too often we only share success and accomplishments, but rarely, if ever, do we share the journey. The times we fall short, “fail,” or face “shortcomings.” Everyone loves a success story, and trust me when I say that I wish with every ounce of my being that this was it, but it is not.
.
I am posting this because I know what it is like to be in the darkest of places, compare ourselves to others, think we are not good enough because our metrics are not on par with our counterparts, and/or the demons we face by thinking how could we ever accomplish such a feat without seeing someone like me do it. So I hope this post reaches at least one person who is facing similar battles of where I used to be regardless of your trade.
.
There is nothing more I want in this world than to finally receive the Acceptance Letter that reassures me that everything I have been working towards for the last 10 years (swipe to see where I started, yes physically, but also mentally) is finally here and that I am, in fact, capable despite all the demons I’ve had to face internally and externally.
.
Rather, I am sharing because, despite the accolades or accomplishments, I have begun to fall in love with the journey. No entitlement. No expectations. The true climb that has measured my character more times than I can count.
.
Now, I am eternally grateful to wake up every day healthy and for the opportunity to fight to turn my dreams into reality. So here it is in the slides above.
YOU ARE MORE THAN THE METRICS THAT TRY TO DEFINE US.
First and foremost, for those of you in the current application cycle who are feeling discouraged because you see others around you getting invitations to interview at medical schools you applied to and dreamt of, feel like you’re too late in the cycle, or realizing that your GPA/MCAT score is nowhere near the “medians” for schools and the countless other demons we pose on ourselves — just know that you are capable, it is still early, and you are more than the numbers, that try, but don’t define us.
This is an emotional and grueling process but if I can offer you a beacon of hope last cycle I landed 4 MD interviews despite a sub-par 500 MCAT (4th attempt with a 121 CARS), undergraduate science GPA of 2.69, and date of completion in October (since I had taken MCAT in September). I submitted 25 secondaries the week I got my score because although I wanted nothing more than a perfect score, I was proud as I had left it all on the table. I dove deep to figure out who I am, the physician I aspire to be, and applied to schools that would help ME become the physician and person I NEED to be for the vulnerable and marginalized. Unfortunately, my outcome wasn’t a success story that ended with an “A” per se. But I did end up on 2 WL and continued to apply pressure in my personal and professional experiences that have carried me into this cycle even stronger than before. I don’t see these trials and tribulations of having to re-apply as “failures” or “shortcomings,” rather GROWTH YEARS. I’ve fallen in love with the journey and the climb, not the accolades. Because at the end of the day only those with scar tissue survive the darkest of times. KEEP AT IT! But I wasn’t always like this, so let me tell you more about how I got from where I used to be to where I am now.
My journey started in 2010 but it wasn’t until 2015 that I truly learned about what it took. 2x MCAT (486 and 490)
My journey to wanting to become a physician started 10 years ago. In the summer of 2010, as I was going into my senior year of high school, I stepped foot for the first time on campus outside of my public school system to receive my first exposure to healthcare career options as a Med-Start Scholar. It was here that my local medical school awarded me the privilege to believe that my inconceivable dream of becoming a doctor was possible. Thus, inspired by Med-Start’s gift, it not only laid the foundation of my premedical journey for years to come but an opportunity to share the insight I gained in hopes to create a more meaningful destiny for others and myself and change the bleak realities that afflict us.
However, it wasn't until after I graduated from college in 2015 that I truly started to learn about what it actually takes to get to medical school, one of which was the MCAT. The first time I started to prepare for this exam was in 2014 with a Kaplan course but I didn’t find the course too helpful. It was too general and I needed to focus on the things I was weak in. I didn't even take the MCAT at the time. My first official attempt at the MCAT was Fall 2015. I didn't take any practice tests and the results showed. I scored a 486. I didn’t even know an ounce of what I know now and I wish someone would have stopped me or told me more about how much of a beast this exam was. Being the first person in my entire family to go to college and first to pursue the medical profession, I did not have any mentors or support as we have now with social media. The only test prep company I know about was Kaplan and I don’t think NextStep existed yet (UWorld for MCAT sure didn't). This would have made a world of difference. But regardless, I carried on. I didn’t apply to med school and rather started to take science courses at my local community college as a DIY post-bac and build my clinical experience by volunteering at 3 hospitals simultaneously and working as a pharm tech.
Circa 2016. First SMP Interview.
My second attempt at the MCAT was in 2016. But yet again didn’t take any practice tests. I was now working full time as an MA Mon-Fri from 8a-5pm with hour-long commutes every day and then part-time as a scribe on the weekends. Two 12-hour shifts Saturday and Sunday. I did both of these jobs for ~10 months straight, no days off. It was one of the most challenging times but also rewarding to be at the bedside ranging from private clinic setting, OR, and ER. But all that to say that going into this 2nd MCAT attempt, I told myself reviewing content was good enough, maybe the first attempt was a fluke. Fall 2016, I scored a 490. Devastated. Again, I didn’t apply to medical school but I did apply to a 5-year MD, MS linkage program offered by my state’s medical school for state residents and was fortunate to be one of 30 applicants from a pool of 400ish to interview. It was humbling to finally be allowed to share my journey and aspirations. However, I fell short and didn’t get accepted. So I reflected on my academic, personal, and professional shortcomings, ultimately, weighing my options for post-bac/SMP/or master’s and opted for a research-intensive M.S at my local Med school.
Circa 2017. Master’s Degree, Basic, Translational, and Clinical Research. First AMCAS application cycle (2018-2019) with Dr. Gray and 3rd MCAT.
In early 2017, I started my MS while continuing to work as an ER scribe. Between the graduate coursework, overnight shifts in the ER, and lab bench experiments throughout the day, this was a tough time. But thankfully by the end of 2017, I had completed the courses (19 science credit hours with a 3.50+) and now as I neared 2 years as an ER scribe, I decided to transition into something new. I started 2018, finalizing my lab bench research as part of my thesis while concurrently working in clinical research at my local university hospital.
I preface with this because it was during this time that I finally felt whole enough to shoot my shot and apply to medical school for the first time in the 2018 - 2019 cycle. But if I wanted to do it right for my third MCAT attempt and first application cycle, I knew I had to invest in professional help and hired a NextStep MCAT Tutor as well as had the honor to work with Dr. R. Gray from u/DOCGRAY During this time Dr. Gray pushed me to not sell or tell, rather show. This is the first time that I truly started to be introspective with the culmination of my academic, professional, and personal life experiences that made me into the person I was. I knew that because I did not have the “perfect” grades or MCAT scores to fall back on and get me through the doors of admissions committee members in a pool of 7,000 - 13,000 applicants and into a secondary or interview, I had to use every space available to me on my Primary AMCAS application to share my story from where I started to where I was. And so I did, while concurrently still working, finalizing my lab bench research, and preparing for my third MCAT attempt.
With my Nextstep Tutor - we built a study plan that accounted for both my work schedule at the hospital and lab duties in a 2-3 month summer prep (Sept 2018 Test Date). I put in the work to follow the plan and benchmarks as much as possible but at the end of the day, I wasn’t delivering on the expectations set before me. For example, we met weekly and had a plan for what I needed to do every day, end of the week, etc., but I would only do half, or I wouldn’t fully review my exam or questions. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just could not find the time or energy at the end of a workday coupled with an evening in the research lab to study. It was the last thing of my day and by that time I was very exhausted. But I carried on, I took about 12 practice tests with scores ranging from 490 - 502 but I failed to still understand that it was not about the score nor the number of exams. It was about the quality of review and identifying where you went wrong in the reasoning. Specifically — what is the question asking? Can I answer it before looking at the answer choices? Secondly, which answer choices can I eliminate and why? Thirdly, which is the answer I picked and why is it correct or incorrect. If I got it right, did I get it right because I actually know why it’s right, or did I just get lucky? If I got it wrong, why did I eliminate the right answer and why is my answer the incorrect one. I didn’t know that at the time. My NextStep tutor would tell me these things but it didn’t click.
AMCAS 2018 - 2019 Med School Interview with MCAT 492.
So at the end of our MCAT prep, I decided to still move forward and take it in Sept 2018. I scored a 492. I only went up to 2 points. I was so defeated. I remember the day clearly. It was a Monday morning when my score was released. I spent the following two days defeated and reflecting until I took ownership of it all. At this time, I had only added 3 schools to my AMCAS Primary (my two-state MD schools and another MD out of state) but given the outcome of my score, I decided to not move forward with secondaries. I felt no school would interview me with such a low score. So I closed the figurative chapter of the cycle. However, at the end of that same week in October, I received an email with an invitation to interview in early 2019 for the school out of state that didn’t require a secondary. I couldn’t believe it. I wept.
This was the first time in my life that I was thousands of miles away from home pursuing my dreams. It felt so surreal for Lil ‘ol me to be living such a feeling. Something I would not have imagined to be possible coming as a first-gen Latino from a low-income and single mother household in an area where I was statistically more likely to drop out, let alone become a doctor. It had never been done before. I remember the night before my interview I called my mom, all my aunts and uncles, and my closest friends so that they could live through the experience with me. Show them what this Midwest city was like since I was the first in my entire family to be so far from home. The day of the interview felt like a dream walking on campus so different from what I was accustomed to and surrounded with such inspiring ppl, each of us with our own stories. But I did feel out of place for a bit because of my Lil’ 492 MCAT and seeing everyone’s badge relative to my state school. Nonetheless, I was so humbled and grateful for the privilege to even be there regardless of the outcome. It was what I had been praying for and working towards and there I was. Thereafter, I remember calling my mom after the interview to tell her how it went and how grateful I was for all the sacrifices she made to bring me to this world and moving to an unfamiliar country so that my opportunities were better than what she endured. The fact that my grandparents raised my mother and 8 other siblings in a house made of scrap metal in the ranches of Mexico while sharing a liter of milk between all of them and selling newspapers at the age of 5, and that one day I would come to this world and have the privilege to walk the halls of a world-renowned U.S. medical institution in hopes to join the noble profession of becoming a physician, made my heart so full of gratitude. If this was as far as my journey came, I was fulfilled.
2019 - 2020 AMCAS Application. Solo. 4th MCAT (497). UC-Davis/AAMC Conference.
Fast-FWD, as the 2018 - 2019 cycle neared its end, I got the school’s final decision. Unfortunately, I was not admitted because of the competitiveness of the MCAT scores in the interview pool.
But again, I was eternally grateful to the school because they had given me an opportunity not awarded to many, let alone inconceivable to someone like me. Now, transitioning into the 2019 - 2020 cycle, I needed to do it all alone. I knew that if I took the MCAT a 4th time then I needed to apply all the things I learned, reflecting on to self-study so that only I could keep myself accountable. No one else. Additionally, I also had to make the tough decision to take a step back from some of my responsibilities. Something had to give so that MCAT wasn’t the last task of the day, it needed to be the first.
Thus, I dedicated Summer 2019 to study for my 4th retake on Sept 2019 while revamping my AMCAS application. With a late MCAT, I had decided from the beginning of my prep to only apply to the same 3 schools from 2018-2019. In October 2019, I got my score back - 497. Didn’t increase as much as I wanted but I was damn proud because I had put in so much work. Specifically, I was very proud because during this time I had gone to war with the man in the mirror. I needed to dig deep and remind myself of my “why.” From this, I realized that I no longer wanted to live for the future, rather, I wanted to start to live for the now. For so long I felt I had to wait to become a doctor or student-doctor to do the things I was passionate about but I wasn’t going to limit myself from serving others any longer. Witnessing educational, social, and health inequities for the entirety of my life, I wanted to do what I could with what I had for others regardless of how big or small it was. And so I did, which helped forge me into the person I am today. The culmination of it all led me to envision who I am, who I aspire to be, and the physician I NEED to become. Thus, I was no longer waiting on the future me, accolades, or accomplishments to define me. I was living whole-heartedly in the now and I let that all show in my everyday actions for both others and myself.
Because of this I now had clarity and decided to research and apply to medical schools that I knew would help me get to where I aspire to and NEED to be. I was no longer trying to paint myself for them, rather, I began to choose the schools I knew would help me become that person and future physician. I shifted my mindset and school choice from where I wanted to be to where I NEEDED to be, and as such, I made sure I showcased that in my secondaries and every interaction that followed thereafter.
As a result, I applied to 25 medical schools upon receipt of my score in October and completed all of their secondaries that same week before heading to the UC-Davis Pre-Health and AAMC Minority Student Medical Conferences. Here, I put myself in front of Admissions members for schools I was strongly interested in to put a face to both my application as well as their school. I wanted them to know that despite the numbers on paper, they do not define me because if so, I would have thrown the towel in long ago. From this, I was able to meet inspiring admissions members who also work tirelessly to help break barriers and help shape the future generation of physicians that one day will care for them and their loved ones.
2019 - 2020 AMCAS Application. MCAT 497. 4 MD Interviews. 2 WL.
In November 2019, I got my first invitation to interview for the cycle for Jan 2020. I was re-interviewing at the same place that had previously granted me the privilege. I was determined to go back more prepared than the first time, stronger and better. In December, I received my second interview for Jan 2020 as well. At this point, I had considered a success cycle regardless of the outcome. My heart was full. However, in Jan, as I landed in the city the day before my first interview of the cycle, I took my phone off airplane mode and checked my email. At this point, I had already started to see some rejections but this one was different because I had received a third interview for Feb 2020. Y’all, I cried. Grown ass man tears in my seat. I did not even bother to get off the plane cause I sat there and took it all in. I had been praying for and working towards these opportunities for 4 years strong. But eventually, I had to get off the plane and get ready for my re-interview. This time around I felt even better because I knew myself and left it all on the table with regards to who I was, who I aspire to be, and who I need to become.
I returned home after my interview and a few days later received my 4th interview of the cycle. Now, Y’all know I cried again. But the most surreal thing about it was that this school had rejected me the month before, so I thought maybe it was a glitch. Maybe I was being played by the application system. So I logged in and saw that the interview date was 7 days away. I called admissions and was informed that it was real. The committee had reconsidered me out of a pool of 10,000+ applicants. The gratitude that I had was so overwhelming because I would have never thought that a 4th retaker of the MCAT with a 497 (121 CARS) coupled with a 2.69 BCPM GPA and the very late date of completion of October would lead me to 4 MD interviews, at schools where I was nowhere near their averages, medians, or metrics. I was a whole ass point away. Not 0.1 or 0.3, a whole “1.0+.” But yet here I was. Fighting to make my dreams become a reality. Within the 4-6 weeks of Jan and Feb, I had 4 interviews. I once again got to roam campuses I once dreamt of, meet amazing applicants and mentors/friends who helped me prepare for the interview, and envision the life I one day hope to bring to fruition.
By Mid-March I received the Committee on Admissions decision that I was Waitlisted at 2 of the schools. Yes, there was nothing more that I wanted than the official Acceptance Letter after a long 10-year journey. But the fact is I was so grateful and honored to interview and still be in the consideration as a WL/Alternate. I joked with some of my class friends that I was going to offer to bring my own chair or offer to stand since there were “no more seats.” But regardless, I continue to build on the academic, professional, and personal initiatives that drive me as the type of student-doctor I one day aspire to be. Thus, I sent in 3 Updates/LOI’s by the end of the cycle, hoping, praying, and working towards getting that official “A.” I could not let off the throttle, I was so close. But again, being in love with the journey and my growth and development, I never stopped keeping in contact with the schools that also rejected me. I had a genuine interest in every school I applied to because they would allow me to become the person and physician I NEED to be. In all, I kept in touch with every school while preparing for my Master’s defense, building on other projects/initiatives, revamping my now 2020 - 2021 AMCAS application, and yes, preparing for my 5th MCAT retake, which brings me to why I write this today. Reflection on my shortcomings from the 2019 - 2020 cycle, I knew that two main factors were the date of completion of my application (October) as well as breaking that 500+ MCAT.
2020 - 2021 AMCAS. 5th MCAT Retake and Score Release Yesterday 9/1/2020.
July 1st, 2020 I submitted my 2020 - 2021 AMCAS. Thereafter, I dedicated a solid 6-weeks preparing for my 5th MCAT retake on August 14th with a focus on practice and review coupled with UWorld and Anki. Although my scores don’t support it, I’ve come to understand that the MCAT is not a content exam per se, it is an “application,” exam. How can we use the info we are given to apply it to the situation or question being asked. There is more to it but that is not the purpose of this post, it is to highlight that I worked tirelessly to focus on my biggest weaknesses at first (CARS, C/P) and then solidify my strengths (B/B and P/S). I started with a 493 on BluePrint’s Diagnostic and the highest I scored was ~511 on AAMC Sample. I received my official score yesterday, Sept 1st, and I received a 497, again. Trust me when I say that it did hurt, especially as I saw my CARS stay the same at 121 despite my highest being 126 and mastering 75% of the CARS QPack Vol. 2. But my science increased to a record high with B/B as my highest at 127. This hurt but I am honestly grateful that my overall score did not decrease and that my strong science scores hopefully reaffirm to the admissions committee that the early undergraduate shortcomings that are heavily influenced by BCPM GPA do not define my academic readiness for medical education. I have been working hard for years to excel in my upper-division, DIY post-bac, and graduate courses to defeat the stigma of these early grades as a first-gen biomedical engineering major and pre-med. Additionally, I am also aware that some med schools do super scores (taking the highest of each section from multiple attempts). In all, I am now leaving it to the medical schools I am applying to this cycle to decide if my MCAT supports but not define me in my overall candidacy. If an institution is where you are meant to be, time will show you. In this journey, there are two outcomes, either we fold or they do. And I have yet to do so as I will continue to place my application on their desk.
Currently. YOU ARE CAPABLE. TDLR:
In all, if you have made it to the end of this post, I want to thank you for taking the time to read and hope that it brings some peace in that YOU ARE CAPABLE. METRICS DO NOT DEFINE YOU. YOUR HEART, WORK ETHIC, AND CHARACTER DO. PPL will say that I am an outlier, got lucky, and/or underrepresented in medicine (URM) but for sake of entertaining these ppl, rest assured that even if those things were true, I am nowhere near my peers with regards to the average matriculant GPA/MCAT (~507-510). I share my story in hopes that it serves a testament because along this journey I have met countless amazing and inspiring individuals who too often get discouraged by their metrics, journey, adversity, or lack of mentors or peers who look like us accomplish such a feat. Lastly, I will leave you with this:
Now, in the words of the late John Lewis, let's get into ‘good trouble,’ as we break barriers, trailblaze, and pave the future of medicine that our people desperately need. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me on here or IG: u/dr.alexanderwang. You are not alone, I got you.
submitted by dralexanderwang to premed [link] [comments]


2020.08.26 22:15 a4d9 For those of you struggling with Scoliosis progression/pain and trying to figure out what to do, I've been there. Hopefully, I can help; I'm a 19 year old kid that has spent the past 4 years experimenting and finding new ways to treat my Scoliosis. This is my story, and what I've learned.

Intro:

Bear with me here, I’m trying to condense 4 years of knowledge and experience into a single post, so trust me when I say this is an absurdly massive post; I've hit over double the max characters for a post now that I'm finished, and I'll have to continue this post in several segments in the comments below. Everything is labeled appropriately so you can skip to what you need, but I think this much information is necessary for what I'm trying to do, which I will explain below. I'd also like to go ahead and apologize to all of the people I haven't been able to talk to over the past week- I've been spending all of my writing time on this post. I'll be making my way back through the past 7 days of posts on the subreddit, and I will back to replying to people consistently again.
I have been spending a lot of time the past month or so commenting on individual posts about managing scoliosis, but more specifically on pain and curvature progression management, and there is lots of people asking for pain management and treatment suggestions. I decided rewriting my experiences and linking 5 or 6 different posts with my information and suggestions every single new comment was pretty inefficient and confusing, so I’ve spent 7 very long days putting all this together so everything is all in one place. I’m not going to claim I know everything, and my goal here is not to tell you what to do. You are not going to find some “miracle solution” for pain management here, and I definitely cannot tell you how to cure Scoliosis. Instead, I will explain what I’ve tried over the past 4 years, my approach to pain management and finding solutions, what has and hasn’t worked for me, what could work for you, and finally how I've achieved pain management that allows me to live almost like a normal person.
The goal of this post is to make your Scoliosis journey much faster and easier than mine was. Hopefully, you can use my knowledge and experience shortcut past as much of this frustrating process as possible. I noticed a lot of us on here are offering advice and guidance, but we haven’t really taken the time to share our stories in detail, and exactly how we ended up where we are now. We've lived through the same difficulties a lot of people are facing now, the very same frustrations, and we haven’t explained in extreme detail the steps it took to achieve manageable pain. The same steps many others will have to take. This post may be completely useless and utterly unintelligible, but I see so many people confused, in pain and suffering on this subreddit daily just simply looking for someone to point them in the right direction, and sometimes we just simply don't have time to reply to the extent that is needed. I've made this post in an attempt to try and rectify that. It kills me when I've only got an hour or two to write to each person, and I have to skip over half of the process that got me to where I am now. I can't give you all the answers, but I want to share as much as I can to help as many people as possible, and I think this post is a good way to do that. I think a lot of people feel like they’re alone in this fight because they don't have advice and guidance from someone tangible that they can relate to. Just to know someone they talked to walked the same path they are treading, someone that can really relate to their struggles, and they made it. I know I really needed to hear that 4 years ago.
So, I hope this post doesn’t come off as an arrogant “I know better than you.” That's not what this post is about. The purpose of this post is to put something out there, some form of information that I would've given anything for when I was struggling through this process myself, not only to help the people struggling with this now, but to encourage other people like me to share their stories and how they made it through this. We can break this cycle of helplessness and isolation for the people going through the same difficulties we did right now. But, we have to take the initiative to provide the information we now have that we needed years ago. There’s not enough information out there on how to treat Scoliosis, and not enough people are taking the time to help others going through this difficult process, and I hope we can start to change that.
Even if this post only serves to rule out some suggestions if you’re looking for pain management, and you read through all of this and say “None of this will work for me,” I’m happy, because in the long run, that’s a few suggestions you can cross of the list and start to narrow down your search to something that will work for you. Even if the only value you get from this is “Someone else can relate to this impossible situation I'm dealing with, and he made it,” I’m happy. I would’ve given anything 4 years ago to have any form of information. Any suggestions from people that had been through the same process, to have somewhere to start, or to have known I wasn’t the only one dealing with this. To have known that I wasn’t some crazy and utterly unique puzzle with no solution like my doctors had made me out to be would have been life changing for me.
I will say this many times throughout this post, but I am not a doctor, I am just a normal 19-year-old guy that happened to spend the past 4 years dealing with Scoliosis, like a lot of other people on here. I don’t have a uniquely crazy story that makes my opinion worth more. Almost everyone on this subreddit is just a normal person looking for answers just like you and me. Because of this, take what I say, and what anyone says here with a grain of salt. We do not have some higher form of knowledge that grants us the right to make decisions for you. All we can do is speak from personal experience and share our opinions. Do your own research, and do not let any one person form your opinions for you. Make the best decision that makes sense for you, and not because not some random person on the internet told you so. Your search for answers should not end here on this subreddit with us.
This post will be mostly focusing on treating muscular pain, tension, and spasm pains caused by scoliosis, a couple of curve progression management suggestions, and more specifically aimed toward people that have not had any Scoliosis surgeries. While I believe some of my suggestions would work very well for you if you’re post-surgery, since I haven’t had the surgery myself, I can’t guarantee that any of this stuff will be just as safe for you as it is for me. I wish I had the experience to give specific advice on post-surgery problems as well, but I simply just do not have the knowledge or experience to make an informed opinion or hand out advice on the subject. Use your best judgement, ask your surgeon/doctor questions, and decide what you’re willing to try. There are also other pains caused by Scoliosis related to the bones and pinched nerves, and unfortunately just like post-surgery treatment, I won’t be able to offer much advice for treating that kind of pain. I would suggest looking around the subreddit and try to find some other people with similar problems and see what they have tried- there’s a lot of amazing and helpful people around here that will take the time to talk to you and point you in the right direction, and I’m truly sorry I can’t help you more. As a further disclaimer- The physical differences between males an females may play a roll in your experience and different treatments. I'm in the minority of male people with Scoliosis, so take into account as well.
Again, I’ve tried to provide as much essential information as I can, so if you want it, it’s there. But I’ve also labeled everything appropriately, and I won’t be offended if you skip through everything to only read a paragraph or two. This post is for you, not me, so use this information however you wish.

Why should you care what I have to say?

I don’t know. You’re the one that clicked on the post, and I literally just told you three paragraphs ago all of our opinions are subjective, and I have absolutely no credentials to back this stuff up. Why are you still here humoring me?!
In all seriousness, experience, knowledge, and opinions are worth something, especially when it is hard to find good proven methods on how to manage this stuff. You still have to consider everyone is biased in one way or another, myself included, and our experiences and opinions aren’t going to capture the whole picture on any given subject. Doing your own research and getting information from multiple sources is a vital part of the process when you're trying to find something that will work for you. But, by learning through someone else’s trials and errors, it can help you to shortcut through a lot of the guessing and frustration of this process, and get pointed directly toward stuff that has worked for someone else and find something that might help sooner, or rule out options at a much quicker pace. Fortunately, I’ve tried a pretty wide variety of stuff I can share, compare and discuss, so that will most likely be the biggest benefit of reading this post.
Something I have noticed over the past month is a significant amount of people that deal with Scoliosis find a single thing that helps them manage it, and then stop looking and move on. Once they find a little bit of improvement, they are satisfied, and it’s almost like “there’s nothing more to find.” There is nothing wrong with that mentality if it works for you, but I see that mentality resurfacing all the time on this subreddit when people will ask for pain management options, and people only have a random blurb to share. There’s definitely a lot of amazing people on this subreddit that share extremely valuable and good information, but a lot of the time you’ll get 6 different comments with seemingly random and vague suggestions, and it makes it difficult for the person on the receiving end when they’re trying to decipher these random suggestions and weigh options. There’s nothing wrong with these vague suggestions, and people mean well by them, but for someone that is trying to find something that works for them, somebody randomly saying “Try swimming!” with no little to no context doesn’t help much when you’re trying to compare and weigh options. At least, that’s how it was for me.
Almost having enough pain relief, just doing one thing that helps me get by isn’t good enough for me. I personally find it sad when someone stops short of finding more pain relief, and they're satisfied with just barely making it through the pain on a daily basis. I have to keep experimenting and finding new ways to treat my pain until I can live like a normal person, and I think a lot of other people will have that same motivation if they know it's possible, and can get useful information. I’m hoping this post is more helpful than just random blurbs and vague suggestions; I’ve tried to explain what has/hasn’t worked for me, why it did/didn’t work for me, the attitude and mindset I’ve used to be productive and find pain relief, in a safe and effective way. Again, I’m not a doctor, I don’t have a degree in this stuff, so do your own research and make sure whatever you’re doing is safe for you- don’t put your safety and future decisions solely in the hands of a single random internet guy like me.

My story and experience with Scoliosis;

My Scoliosis was “officially” diagnosed on 10/19/2016 by a scoliosis/orthopedic surgeon when I had this x-ray taken, and I was 15 at the time. Even though that’s when I was officially diagnosed, I had been feeling the pain for a few months before that, and it had started to affect my ability to focus on things and my school work. The day I was diagnosed, I was immediately recommended surgery since I was past the age where a brace would help and my Scoliosis was likely going to keep progressing, and it was scheduled for that December, 12/30/2016. A couple of weeks beforehand, the surgeon had me take some extra X-rays to help him plan out the surgery and get an idea of what he would be working with. Because of these X-rays, he determined that my scoliosis affected me less physically than most (I was able to bend and move more freely), and my scoliosis was “balanced.” In combination of my scoliosis being balanced, and my growth plates being closed which made it unlikely for me to grow much more, he determined that surgery wasn’t necessary, and my scoliosis would likely stop progressing. The surgery was canceled two weeks before the set date, and he sent me off to physical therapy for pain management.
I attended physical therapy for a couple of hours twice a week, for six months. It’s probably important to note the only reason it was realistic for me to go to physical therapy this often in the mornings was because I was homeschooled since third grade- I was lucky enough to have the flexibility to adjust my schedule to fit the circumstances. At first, the physical therapist was confident they could solve my issues. However once insurance decided they weren’t going to cover it anymore around the 6 month mark, the physical therapist admitted that they had never seen a case of Scoliosis as bad as mine, and they couldn’t do anything more for me. The physical therapists had strengthened my core muscles with little results, they were only capable of providing me with extremely temporary pain relief through an E-Stim machine which eventually stopped working, and my pain was only getting worse. I get an appointment with my Scoliosis surgeon to determine what’s next. He admits he doesn’t know what to do for me either- as far as he knows, “Scoliosis doesn’t cause pain,” and he doesn’t have any knowledge or any resources to help me.
After that, my parents and I start looking for different solutions. I begin to regularly visit another physical therapist that has skills with more creative treatment; cupping, taping, the graston technique, and some forms of massage therapy. This is the first time I get good results; my pain is reduced significantly and I’m able to mostly go about my daily activities with friends and focus on school. After about 7 or 8 months, this suddenly stops working and I’m back to square one. During this time, I also had been working on a farm, and the physical labor seemed to help strengthen my back and make the pain easier to manage. Unfortunately, after some awkward events with the people at the farm, I stopped going there about a month after I stopped seeing this physical therapist. With both of my current pain management solutions gone, my pain was getting worse than ever before.
From here, I go looking for Chiropractic solutions. The first I see does not provide any results, the second was a dangerously reckless older man that did cookie-cutter Chiropractic, until I landed on my third Chiropractor. He was running a family-owned Chiropractic clinic with an in-house massage therapist. Together, they became the best pain management I had so far, and it worked consistently.
I visited them once a week for months, and after a particularly productive massage session a few months in, for the first time in nearly 2 years, I had absolutely no tension, and no pain anywhere. I felt like myself for the first time in almost two years, it was perfect bliss, and better than I ever imagined. I slept well for the first time in two years, I was instantly more productive and attentive towards schoolwork. I could not get over how fantastic I felt. I was so happy.
I woke up on the third day after this “miracle” massage, and my pain had started to edge back in. “But this is expected” I told myself. While I was disappointed, I understood it couldn’t last forever, I had to work to maintain this progress. At first it gave me immeasurable confidence that I could actually achieve a pain free life, and I was headed in the right direction to reach that goal.
But the weeks went by and the next “breakthrough” never came, despite our best efforts. Later I would come to realize I needed to put even more effort into maintaining the pain relief than I had achieved briefly, and I hadn’t been strict enough with myself as I should’ve been in order to keep this progress. At the time though, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t achieve the next “breakthrough.” My pain started getting worse again without being able to reach that same miraculous pain relief. Eventually, I regretted ever having those two perfect days. It was like the Scoliosis was taunting me; it gave me a taste of what I was missing, and then took it and locked it away. Those two days gave me hope and motivation to keep trying, a taste of what was to come if I just kept moving forward, but after few weeks and months past, I convinced myself there was no way to maintain that peaceful bliss despite how hard I tried or worked. It had to have been a random fluke that would be impossible to replicate again. Those two days of heaven were the most effective and ingenious way to torture me, taunt me, and drain all my hope and motivation away. The contrast of feeling the “undeniable” proof I was so close to my goal, so close to a pain-free life, and then snapped almost instantly back to my normal reality was too devastating for me. I was lucky I was homeschooled, because for the next two weeks I did nothing but sit at my computer playing games all day to distract myself from the pain, and realization that I hadn’t actually finally found the solution to my pain. Even though my pain was objectively the same as it had been since I started with the massage therapist, it came back with what seemed like renewed strength and stubbornness.
Unfortunately, shortly after this, and a total of 6 months after I had started with my massage therapist and chiropractor, I had to leave home for 4 months to take care of my grandparents, and I was unable to see my Chiropractomassage therapist during that time. Even if I was able to achieve that breakthrough again in the near future despite my uncertainties, all of the progress we made was erased during those 4 months. While I was with my grandparents, I consistently had massages from someone that did “sport” massages. While it helped at first, about two months into my stay with my grandparents, my pain had reverted back, and it was just as bad as almost a year before. I had taken up painting miniatures and started drawing again while at my grandparents and I became obsessed with it, but those activities only made my back pain worse than anything else.
Once I returned, all the progress I had made with my Chiropractor and massage therapist at home was completely lost. Sitting uncomfortably and sleeping on a bed that was bad for me for 4 months, and having helped drive several 32 hour round trips between my house and my grandparent’s did a massive toll on my muscles, and they were tighter and more painful than ever before. I had been set back so drastically my masseuse said I felt like a completely different person, and they had to begin the process of learning how to treat my body all over again. I set up an appointment with a new Scoliosis/Orthopedic specialist for x-rays, because I feared my Scoliosis had started progressing again. After finding my curves to be exactly the same as they were nearly two years prior, my new specialist happily busted into the room, sat down with a massive smile on face while slapping his knees, and told me he had some great news. Confused, I asked what was up, and he then excitedly informed me that "Your Scoliosis isn't the source of your pain!" when I asked what the source was then, he told me he didn't know, and he had no recommendations for me other than Yoga, but it "simply couldn't be the Scoliosis." Once he realized I was unconvinced by his wonderful news, his attitude changed immediately. He then started to strongly suggest that since I was young and otherwise healthy, I must just be over exaggerating my symptoms. He then heavily implied directly to my mother, that I needed to get over it and move on with my life. I was beyond furious and said nothing for the rest of the appointment, but I honestly had never wished something so outrageous was true so badly, it would have made things so much easier.
Despite the specialist's certainty my pain was imaginary, my pain still continued to progress to new heights, and my massage therapist felt the physical representation of that progression. After a few more months, my massage therapist voiced her concerns that she was having a lot of trouble making progress, and she felt like she was beating her head against a wall. For every step forward, there was two steps backward. Part of the problem was because I was attempting to have a normal life and putting my back under strain it wasn’t used to; I was pursuing art and dual enrolling in a nearby community college where I was in class about 8 hours every week, then coming home and painting/drawing/sculpting for a few hours a week. Even though in the grand scheme of things that isn’t much time, it absolutely ruined my back. I was barely able to make it through the classes, let alone the couple of hours I had to spend on projects at home. I loved the classes, but I paid a heavy price for them.
I was so tight and in so much pain all the time that I got very little sleep, I zoned out frequently, and narrowly avoided causing a car accident at 60-70 mph that would’ve killed both myself and many other people because I couldn’t pay attention to the road. In addition to little sleep, I couldn’t just relax and play video games anymore like I had been doing to escape the pain because of the excitement; an intense moment in a game could lead to my muscles suddenly tightening and causing painful tension, which would mean another sleepless night. If I sneezed in any position that wasn’t standing straight up and relaxed, my stomach muscles would tense up and I would feel the effects of it for days afterwards, and my bad allergies influenced lots of sneezing. Anything that would involuntarily stiffen or tighten my muscles- even simple things like laughing or crying too much or too strongly- would leave me in pain from the muscle tension they caused for days, and sometimes weeks afterwards. I essentially couldn’t let myself get too stressed, angry, frustrated, happy, or sad about anything, or the pain that caused my frustrations would only get worse. Nearly every emotion I felt had repercussions, so I had to control my emotions to keep my pain level down. You can imagine this didn’t help my mental health much; being unable to be truly frustrated or cry only made the whole situation even more stressful, frustrating and hopeless. Even after I had finished my college classes this pain and tension continued, and for months I was unable to do the things I loved- painting, drawing, and sculpting- unless I wanted to pay for it for weeks afterwards. This chain of events happened only in the first half of 2019, I was 17, and those 7-8 months were easily the lowest point in my life.
The Chiropractor and massage therapist made extremely slow and very small improvements in this time until the even the slow improvements came to a stop, which stripped away my motivation to continue to be consistent with my at home treatment, like working with my massage balls or yoga. I think my parents saw I was headed down a very dark road, and they were always encouraging me to try more and new things, and to always stay motivated.
Along with my parent’s encouragement, a few things happened at this point; firstly, my masseuse and Chiropractor finally said I needed more help than what they could provide, and recommended a psychosomatic pain specialist. Their best guess is that I had been in pain for so long that when I finally got some relief from it, my brain was so used to it being there it started making it up and causing it, and a psychosomatic pain specialist could help me mentally block the made-up pain. I made excuses and put seeing a therapist off for a while, until a few different things happened. Around here is when I narrowly missed causing that car accident, I had finally bought a Theracane recommended by my masseuse(Explained below in “pain management”), and I had been watching a TV show repeatedly called Avatar: The Last Airbender ever since I had discovered it while at my Grandparents house. The show was my reason to get up in the morning, something to hold onto, and I was repeatedly re-watching it over and over again- especially on the days when all I could do was sit and watch tv- and it gave me enough strength to really start trying to treat my pain again. The near-accident in the car happened around this time and it was a wake up call for me, and for the first time I truly realized how bad my situation really was and how much worse it could get. My parents and Avatar gave me the strength to keep moving forward, and the effectiveness of the Theracane was physical proof there were things I hadn’t tried yet that could work, and I could get better, even if it wasn’t perfect.
My parents were invaluable during this time as always, and they were patient and helped motivate me. As always my father always took the initiative to research new and different forms of treatment, and my mother would give her input as a nurse, which would lead to finding my psychosomatic pain Therapist.
I finally met with a Therapist experienced with psychosomatic pain personally- she had been dealing with a similar kind of pain herself for over 20 years. Even though she was a little quick to jump to my “nerdy” hobbies and interests as possible causes for the different issues I was having, we got along well enough and had some great and productive conversations. Talking to her and having someone explain to me from experience how to deal with psychosomatic pain helped tremendously. It helped me figure out what part of my pain was made-up in my brain, and what was actually real. Funnily enough, it had turned out that Scoliosis Specialist wasn’t entirely wrong about made-up pain, but I had to be properly treated for it instead of being told to get over it. Even though the normal pain was still just as painful, I was able to block out the extra pain my brain was making up, so I actually started to feel better and have some time where I wasn’t in as much pain. I had started to put a lot of effort into being more consistent in working on my back with my massage ball at home, and this in combination with my Chiropractor and massage therapist made for fantastic results and pain relief, comparable to what I was experiencing before I had left for my grandparents house. I was able to pick painting, sculpting, and drawing back up again, and this time I was able to do these activities for hours on end for days in a row, instead of an hour or two a month like I had been doing for over a year. The day I spent 11 hours drawing some fan art of Avatar: The Last Airbender with manageable repercussions, and then continued work on it and draw for 6-8 hours each day for the next two days was a huge accomplishment for me, even though the drawing turned out pretty sub-par. We’re now at the beginning of this year, 2020, and I was 18.
Covid-19 hits earlier this year, and I have to once again deal with not being able to have my Chiropractor and massage therapist help me on a weekly basis because of quarantine. However, unlike when I lived with my grandparents for those 4 months, I had a full arsenal of tools to manage my pain now and the determination to use them to their fullest; I had been introduced to the Theracane and I was more consistent in working with my massage ball, and I had the benefit of knowing what my psychosomatic pain felt like and how to block it out. I’ve worked and invented ways for me to do the things I love while putting the least amount of strain on my back as possible. Being able to paint, draw, and sculpt with minimal pain because of the progress I’ve made has had my spirits at an all-time-high. I did and still do work on my back every night religiously, and I’ve found ways to sleep and sit better than I ever have before. Because of this, I’ve been able to mostly maintain the progress I’ve made, with only minor setbacks that I can usually recover from.
Back in December 2019, before Covid-19 was even in the picture, I had briefly visited a clinic called Scolismart, where I purchased an activity suit from them and since quarantine started, I’ve been walking in it for about an hour every morning, which was seemingly helping with pain management. Scolismart is a whole other discussion entirely, which is why I made a post about it a month ago. To sum that post up briefly for the purposes of this post; Scolismart helped me manage my pain in minor ways, and I’ve added roughly 2 hours of Scolismart exercises to my daily routine, and I’m hoping they’ll reduce how much I’m doing daily at the next checkup in 5 months. While I didn’t notice much pain relief from it at first, the pain journal I kept showed the constant pain I’m in had lowered from roughly a 6-7/10, to a 3-5/10 over the course of the two weeks I was there. The results happened gradually so they were more difficult to notice at first, and I’m now a month out of my two week boot camp and I’m still feeling the benefits of it.
I’ve been in quarantine for roughly 6 months now minus the two weeks at Scolismart Boot Camp(I have to stay Quarantined for longer to keep my immunocompromised father as safe as possible), and it’s the longest period of time where I’ve been solely responsible for my own care. While I’m not drawing for 11 hours every day, I was able to keep up with 3-4 hours of drawing and painting a day for a few months towards the beginning of quarantine. I unfortunately had to slow down because of reasons unrelated to scoliosis or pain, but I plan on starting back up this week(I’ve put it off so I can finish this post up), and I don’t foresee any issues with continuing my 3-4 hours a day of drawing, and hopefully more.
So you have a better idea of what my pain “looks like,” my specific case of Scoliosis gives me muscle pain. This includes but is not limited to; spasms (both non-painful and very painful spasms), muscle tension aka “aching”, cramps/Charlie horses caused by muscle tension, and muscle knots. Right now, even with the pain management solutions I’ve found for myself, I’m still “babysitting” my back daily. Awkwardly picking something up or twisting in a wrong way can cause a cramp pretty easily, and I still have the issues with sneezing, laughing, crying, stress, frustration, ect, but I’m usually capable of showing strong emotions without side effects now. Generally, sitting in anything that isn’t specifically built to be very supportive of your back will cause me pain pretty quickly, and things like reading, writing, painting/drawing anything where you have to look downward pulls the muscles in my back and causes a lot of pain relatively quickly.
To explain how the daily pain feels to me: You know when you've got an itch on your back, and you can't reach it? You can kinda get around it, maybe relieve a little bit of the itch, but you can't completely make it stop itching?
Now imagine you can't describe to another person where exactly this itch is and how to relieve it- it may be underneath a muscle, or tucked somewhere hard to navigate to. Sometimes there's no way to explain to someone how to find the location of itch; you may feel like you know exactly where the itch is, you may feel it on one side of your back, but the cause of the itch may be somewhere else completely.
Now imagine instead of an itch, it's aching muscle pain, which is similar to how your head feels when you've got a head-cold, or tension which is similar to a headache, or a knot that feels like someone is pinching you and causing discomfort...
If that makes any sense, congratulations, you now have a basic understanding of my daily frustration with scoliosis pain!
Don’t get me wrong, I am much better off than I was a year ago; my quality of live has improved immensely, I’m able to do a lot more than I was capable of before, and I’ve learned to endure and manage these issues more effectively and healthily. But, despite these great improvements I still struggle with these issues and other problems like psychosomatic pain and shortness of breath on a daily basis. While others are content with finding only some relief, I will keep experimenting until I can get complete pain relief, or close to it. I strive for those two days of heaven to be my normal life, and these days I’m always making progress towards this goal. Almost perfect isn’t good enough for me.
This post will continue in several segments in the comments below, starting with PART 2 where I will mainly talk about how I choose my practitioners, how I handle information with an inconsistent condition like Scoliosis, and then my recommendations for pain and curvature progression management. In case it's difficult to find or confusing, a direct link to the start of the comment thread is here. Separating the post this way is necessary because of the character limit, but confusing format wise. If the layout is weird or messed up, or it seems like there's a gap of missing information, please let me know. I've double checked everything, but I may have missed something.
submitted by a4d9 to scoliosis [link] [comments]


2020.08.25 08:32 FelixMaster55 Purist Mod Review (in honor of its 2nd anniversary)

Hello, FelixMaster55 here.
I recently played the Purist mod, and wow, it's been two years since its release? Time flying by never ceases to surprise me. In a nutshell, while I had a lot of problems with the writing when it got clumsy, I loved it when it got amazing, and I also loved how it started, how it ended, the CGs, and especially the music. To be more specific, here's my review of Purist, spoilers included.
Starting up the mod brought forth a fantastic intro that got me hooked to see how the rest of the content would play out. It made sense for Monika to be apprehensive about the player's choice to try to create mutual happiness between himself and the Dokis. The many different facial expressions on Monika were a really nice touch as well. After that amazing intro, though, the first part of the mod was less than stellar. There are absolutely zero changes to Act 1 when you're going for Sayori's, Natsuki's, and Yuri's routes. I'm okay with a mod that goes through the Acts from the original DDLC as long as I can spot the differences between the mod and the original, but since I couldn’t do that, it became a press the skip button experience, and that was disengaging to me. There should have at least been an option to skip to choosing which route to start on if Act 1 was going to remain the same.
Now, the routes, starting with Sayori. This route focuses on her depression and how the MC helps her overcome it, one step at a time. The dates between Sayori and the MC felt natural and had plenty of charm to them, and seeing her backstory as to how her altruism led to her depression was quite interesting. But can I just say that the story leapfrogged 4 steps at once when the MC finds the rope and throws it out the window? This was supposed to be a world where Monika couldn't amplify her depression, so I feel like she wouldn't be suicidal right off the bat. If this event was saved for later on down her route, it would have felt a lot less jarring, since Sayori’s depression could worsen to the point where she would start to have suicidal thoughts.
The other big issue I have with this route is the portrayal of the other students in the school. At one point, they steal Sayori’s phone to read her texts and threaten to tell everyone else about her depression. What exactly do they have to gain from doing this? In her backstory, the students had something to gain from using Sayori’s altruism, whether it be dodging responsibility or getting things done for them. Now, the students are not given any particular motive to hate Sayori or the MC, they just do it because “we’re shallow puddles of evil!”, and as such, they weren’t compelling villains. It also bugged me that the other Dokis did not see as much screen time here when compared to the other routes. To be fair, Monika’s “but I didn’t do anything this time” was a really good line on her part. I will praise this route for making the crucial choice at the end less obvious than the next two routes. By doing this, it made me stop and think as to which of the two options would lead to the best outcome, and I liked that. Also, hats off for the CG at the end. Overall, despite its shortcomings, Sayori’s route kept itself well-rounded. It didn’t drag on for too long, and it didn’t feel too lacking in its content.
Natsuki’s route starts off with a slice of life atmosphere, as Natsuki and the MC read manga, go shopping, and watch anime together. When she tries to push the MC away, he ends up confessing to her, and they decide to go to a fancy restaurant. After that, this is where her issues with her dad arise. For the next few days, Natsuki acts really cold to the MC and the other Dokis. Once things escalate to the point where she runs out of the room, the MC eventually discovers her sitting outside of his home, complete with a CG of this scene. This is where I started having problems with this route. As soon as the two go inside, she straight up tells him that she’s taking the bed for herself and that he has to sleep on the couch. I’m sorry, but that is not how someone would react when given a place to stay to get away from an abusive situation at home. That’s not biting the hand that feeds you, that’s straight up chomping down on the wrist and severing the hand from the arm. Whenever the two are at the MC’s home, the relationship between them just feels unpleasant with her constantly shutting him out, making the dialogue hard to get through.
I do like how the other Dokis in the Literature Club get incorporated in this route, and whenever Natsuki and the MC were at a different place for their date, the dialogue was pleasant to read through. Seeing three options for the MC to spit out his water was a funny highlight in particular. The flashbacks were well executed in showing how Natsuki and her dad grew further and further apart from each other. This Dadsuki becomes haunted by guilt over how he treated his daughter, which is a fresh take on his character compared to the strict or one note abusive Dadsukis in other mods. Eventually, Dadsuki confesses everything he did, and one step at a time, he and Natsuki rebuild their relationship. This route is the longest one of the three, and cutting out some lines in the dialogue would have helped in making the route less of a drag at times. I consider Natsuki’s route on par with Sayori’s route in terms of its quality.
Yuri’s route was the one I had the most issues with. In contrast to Natsuki’s drawn out route, Yuri’s route was way too short for its own good. The cruelty of the students is back with a vengeance, starring a nameless senior and his rumors. Why is he such a low-life troll to Yuri and the MC? I don’t know, he just exists. Anyways, every route has the MC miss school and some of the literature club meetings at some point. He gets sick in Sayori’s route, he forgets about school in Natsuki’s route, and in Yuri’s route, he beats up the senior and gets suspended. Okay, since when did the MC have anger management problems? Of all the out of character moments in this mod, this is easily the worst offender of the bunch. Yuri then disappears for a few days after his suspension, only to come back to the MC’s home. Any tension that could have been developed between the two...poof! The senior continues to hog the story with his lies upon lies, and since this route is so short, there’s just not nearly enough time the MC gets to spend with Yuri to take away from the “conflict” of this route. And don’t even get me started on the good/bad ending choice at the end that simply does not need to exist given how obvious the choice is...
Even in my least favorite route of the mod, there were still things I liked, one of which was the CG at the graveyard. The other Dokis contributed a lot more to the story when compared to the other routes, which was nice. And the dates themselves were nice to watch them play out. In the end, however, Yuri’s route left a lot to be desired in its content, conflict, and execution.
The first three routes had moments that were poorly executed, such as the rope incident, Natsuki’s abrasiveness to the MC when they lived together, and basically everything related to the senior. These moments are not present in Monika’s route, which far exceeded my expectations and proved to be one of the best Monika routes I’ve seen in a DDLC mod. All the setup in the intro and after getting the good endings for the other Dokis more than paid off once the final route was unlocked. (By the way, to use the Konami code to open her route early, enter “uuddlrlrba” when prompted to enter your name after seeing the intro. I didn’t realize that’s how the code worked until someone else explained it. This also leads to some hilarious dialogue with Monika and Tabuukilla that’s definitely worth checking out!)
Unlike the previous three routes, Act 1 of Monika’s route is completely rewritten to show the changes in Monika as well as the MC taking an interest in her. It also uses the soundtrack from Purist as opposed to reusing the soundtrack from the base game. This sets up Monika’s struggles in a world where she’s aware that everything’s fake, but she no longer has control over her surroundings. Even more so, it makes revisiting Act 1 much more of a fulfilling experience to see all the changes that take place. From here, the writing never lets up in providing one cool moment after another. The part where she talks about a past memory involving her dressed as a maid and the MC dressed as a butler was hilarious. Monika pointing out that the MC wasn’t programmed to have a response to her statement that the world is a game was quite chilling. The MC tries to find evidence of his past, but even when he can’t, he never loses himself in his goal to make her happy. There were so many details added to this route, from the color changing and sound effects for the fireworks, to the console popping up in the top left corner at certain choices to warn the player that their response may have consequences, to the background of the tower changing its day to night cycle, to the meetings of the Literature Club feeling like normal meetings. The scene where the MC buys a necklace with a green jewel and then gives it to her later on was so, so sweet. I loved her poem at the end where she changes up the lyrics from “Your Reality” to fit in with “My Reality”. I know I’m summarizing my favorite moments from this route, but I felt that all these moments flowed together so well, with nothing that felt particularly off along the way. And when the fog comes in during the last CG to close out this story...I almost shed a tear after seeing the MC finally achieve his goal of making Monika genuinely laugh right before it all ends. The message that happiness is still worth pursuing even if all good things must come to an end is a message that was shown and not just told, making it all the more powerful. Having rewatched that scene for this review, it still makes me have to fight back tears every time. Not many stories have the power to do this to me, but this one was an exception. Fantastic job, Tabuukilla.
One of the best parts about Purist is the original soundtrack composed by Matt Twigg. All of the tracks are great in keeping the tone of the soundtrack from base DDLC while adding a fresh new take on the themes. The only track I didn't like as much as the others was "Dusk" because after the first few times it was used, it got a bit on the repetitive side. My two favorite tracks are the title theme and "Brick by Brick". The former is an optimistic theme that lets you know that in this world, you have the power to set things right. The latter, on the other hand, shows itself once you reach the good ending of a Doki's route, and it blew me away as to how sad it made me feel even after having achieved the goal of mutual happiness, especially on Monika’s route.
Purist is a mod that starts strong, meanders in the middle, picks up for the finale, and goes out with a bittersweet bang. The CGs are great, and the soundtrack is nothing short of awesome. The Monika route is absolutely brilliant, but to get there without the code, you have to play through the other routes first, which aren’t as great. Plus, using the code takes away some of the setup to Monika’s route, which is part of why it’s so outstanding. At this point, all I can say is this: were the other routes designed to be of a lower quality than Monika’s route so that she could ultimately triumph over the player after her powers were taken from her? If so, that means she played us all...
submitted by FelixMaster55 to DDLCMods [link] [comments]


2020.08.23 21:02 A1ways_Curi0us My Story - Bi 27M

I’m just looking really to tell my story and maybe have some discussion. I’m going to talk about the following topics.
-my closeted experimentation with guys -me coming out to some people as bisexual -a CRAZY situation that happened involving my current boyfriend #7 -being in my first gay relationship with my boyfriend #7
**I know this sounds bad but I’m going to refer to my current boyfriend as #7 in this post because he is still mostly in the closet like me. I’m incredibly happy being in a relationship with him.
BACKSTORY- I’m a 27 y/o male and I recently accepted that I am bisexual. I am very masculine, almost to the point where most people would have no idea I am attracted to both genders. I can count on both hands the people that know about my sexual preferences. So far, the people that I’ve come out to have all been caught completely off guard but also have supportive of me. I like race cars, shooting guns, working out, and traveling so you can get an idea of my interests. I work in the male dominated conservative oil/gas industry also. Being anything but straight in that field is looked at in negatively which sucks. My coworkers have no idea about me and probably never will. I hear gay jokes and LGBT hate almost daily. My eventual goal is to get out of this industry and start my own business.
It all started about 7 years ago when I started jerking off to gay porn every now and then. It got me off and turned me on in a different way than what I was used to. I kept it a secret from my past girlfriends. Fast forward, I had been single for about 3 years until I met my current boyfriend #7. Im a very independent person and I was happy being single. I told myself I would only get into a relationship if it occurred naturally and felt right, which it did with him.
Starting this year when Covid-19 came about my curiosity peaked and I actually wanted to try and meet up with a guy to see if I actually liked it. So I downloaded the BRO app (I knew about Grindr but for some reason I convinced myself BRO was a more classy app, I know that sounds dumb) Made my profile as a TOP masculine male. When I first started using the BRO app I really didn’t find a lot of guys attractive in my area. I broadened my search area and ended up messaging a 19 y/o openly gay bottom twink (#1). He told me he was really only looking for a relationship. I was honest with my intentions of only experimentation and that scared him off. Well the next day, he ended up messaging me back asking what exactly I wanted to do. I told him I had no idea what I was doing and I just wanted to hangout and see what happens and that there was no expectations. He agreed to meet up with me at my house. The first time we met up I was very nervous because this was my first time ever messing around with a guy. I felt like I was doing something wrong or illegal lol. Sort of like I was about to loose my virginity again. He came to my house and we sat and talked on the couch and watched TV for a little bit. I started drinking to calm my nerves. After an hour or two of conversation I asked him if he wanted to sit closer to me, which he did. We cuddled and touched each other for a little bit and then I asked if I could try kissing him. Things from there escalated naturally just like they did with my past experiences with girls. The remaining nervousness when away quick and then I got really horny. Mostly because deep down I felt it was taboo. We moved things to my bedroom. That was the first time I ever gave a blowjob and I found out I really enjoyed it. I ended up fucking him. Not going into more detail, I’m not here to write a romance novel. So after that, we cleaned up and he chilled for a little bit and I asked him some questions related to being gay and whatnot before he left. I thanked him for being cool and letting me experience something new. He told me to download Grindr instead because that was more in line with what I was looking for (hookups/experimentation). So I followed his advice and make a down low profile. No profile pic, good bio of what I wanted and I took some new nude pics for DMs. Damn! There were a bunch of guys on Grindr and I liked the structure of the app a lot more. On Grindr I met up with 6 other guys over the course of 3 months. I was very picky. Most people I didn’t respond to and most of them obviously never read my bio because they wouldn’t of messaged me to begin with. I got some wild sexual fantasy requests from guys. I specifically said I didn’t do drugs and I can’t tell you how many offers I got for that (PnP- parTy) Also, I didn’t want to mess around with anyone older than me. Anyway, it was a new experience navigating Grindr and learning the terms people use. Lots of creeps on there btw.
Early May, I was in the process of selling my house and packing so I was super busy and the house was a mess with my mind moving 100mph. Out of those 6 guys I actually tried bottoming for two, at their request, but wasn’t a huge fan of it. It felt different and pretty uncomfortable. But none the less they were all good experiences and none of them were creeps or ended up being weird or stalkerish. All of them looked like their photos. #4 was actually a threesome with two other guys. One of them (#6) developed feelings for me after we had sex for the first time. I found that out later.
So that leads me to my now current boyfriend “#7”. He messaged me late one night when I was a short ways out of town for a week long work related function. Backstory for him, he also identified as a TOP like me and was 21 y/o. He had only dated girls before and had been messing around with guys for a few years. I felt a connection with him quickly on the app for several reasons. 1 - I found him incredibly attractive in his pictures as did he with me. 2 - we work in the same exact industry and have the same exact job at different companies. I can understand everything he tells me about his job. 3 - we have very similar hobbies, interests, views, and personalities 4 - he was and still is in the closet with most people including his family. So I felt secure meeting him because he wouldn’t out me and would respect my discreetness. 5 - he is bisexual also and acts just as masculine as me. Now, when we are out in public we look like two good friends and nobody thinks otherwise. 6 - we are both very chill and love trying new things.
We messaged back and fourth on Grindr for a few days and eventually moved our conversation to Snapchat. I felt more comfortable texting with him than any other guy I had messaged previously. Come to find out, he lives in the same city I was going to be moving to after I sold my house which was wild! I am currently still living in that same area renting a room from my best friend at his house.
1st contact with #7 - after messaging on Snapchat for a few days I asked him if he was free and if we could meet up. He said he could swing by but couldn’t stay long. He lived at home still so he had to come to my house. I ended up cleaning my house more than normal before he got there lol I wanted to impress him. When he got there I was nervous because I wanted things to go good and we had invested quite a bit of time messaging. My first look at him when I opened the door he looked exactly like his pictures which was a huge plus because he is a very attractive guy. My initial reaction was that he was out of my league. I invited him in and I led him straight to my bedroom and sat on my bed and motioned him to sit next to me. Offered him a beer. He sat on my bed and we kept a little distance between each other and just started talking about stuff related to work and being bisexual. He recently told me he didn’t know I was nervous when we first met but I definitely was. He also admitted to me he was nervous the first time we met. Even though he was 5 years younger than me he had been messing around with guys for a lot longer than me which was a little intimidating. At that stage I was going on 3 months of experimenting with guys. So after we talked for about 30 mins or so I managed to ask him if he was a good kisser. His response lit a fire of lust under me. “Why don’t you come find out.” At that moment I got so damn horny for him. I immediately moved closer and we started making out intensely then leading to undressing each other. Since we were both TOPS we ended up blowing each other and jerking off together to finish. It was so incredibly HOT more than any of my previous experiences. After we finished we cleaned up and I asked him if I could send him a friend request on FB and get his phone number. He gave me his full name and I later found out he was nervous about giving me his info but decided to do it anyway. Rightfully so, there are lots of creeps on Grindr. I knew immediately I wanted to see him again after he left. He felt like friend that I’ve know for a while.
After the first time we hooked up, our bromance quickly gained more traction. I invited him to my house for a second time a few days later but this time I asked him to stay the night. He was cool with it and he brought some clothes. That night we cuddled under a blanket on the couch while watching a movie and drinking. It felt amazing holding each other. We got physical towards the end of the movie (don’t remember much of the ending) and then went to the bedroom to have some more fun. He stayed the night and we cuddled each other all night long. He spent the night several more times at my house over the course of 2/3 weeks until my house sold. Each time both of us getting more comfortable with each other. Texting all day long. The bromance flourished and I started to develop feelings for him. This is about the time we started saying Goodnight to each other every night. I had never felt like I wanted to be in a relationship with a guy before until I met him. All of a sudden I started not to care about what people thought about me. He made me happy. The way we stared into each other’s eyes, the passionate kissing, the physical contact and cuddling, and the mental connection I had with him felt so right. We ended up going to our first gay bar together which was a cool experience for both of us. We felt a little awkward and probably didn’t look like we fit but nonetheless it was fun.
Fast forward to me moving into my best friends house which was less than 5 mins from #7. We can call him (buddy) for reference. I rented one of his rooms out. My buddy did not know at this time I was bisexual and I respected his home so me and #7 started meeting up at hotels nearby and getting dinner together. My buddy also as far as I knew at the time was completely straight. He had always talked about girls and even comes off as somewhat of a “player” I had even had sex with a girl in front of him in Las Vegas while he had a girl in his bed. He also works shift work like me so there were several times where we had the house to ourselves.
This is where the CRAZY part starts. One day when my buddy was working nights I invited #7 over to chill with me after we went out and got dinner. This was the first time he had come to see my new living situation. He shows up, I open the door he stepped inside the entry of the house and immediately I can tell he seems a little off. Like he was really weirded out. As we stood in the entry I told him to tell me what’s on his mind and that I could see he was shocked and didn’t know what to do. At that point I was really wondering what was going on. I begged him to tell me what it was. So he did. He told me first that he recognized the canvas picture on the entry wall. To me it was a very common looking home canvas print you could buy at any home decor place. But he denied that and reaffirmed that he had been to this house before. I asked him if he knew my buddy but he said he had been there to meet a guy on Grindr a few months back. In my mind there’s no possible way my buddy would mess around with guys. “NO WAY AT ALL! My buddy is super straight.” So at this point I’m in full blown denial phase. So #7 starts thinking how to prove it to me. The first thing he did was talk about how he forgot his hat in the front room and he started to describe the hat to me. (Grey Carhart hat with a leather patch) keep in mind, he had not previously walked into this room while I was there. I was by him the entire time. So he walks over to the couch and low and behold BOOM the hat he just described is stuffed between the wall and couch. And what do you know, it fits his head perfectly with no adjustment of the strap. It was not visible from where we were standing. Literally his hat. Me still in denial at this point I think he’s messing with me. Maybe #7 saw the hat there somehow and was just really trying to mess with me. So then he says, give me your buddies number. This will be absolute proof. So I did, I gave him my buddies number and sure enough it pulls up an old text Grindr looking hook up conversation. #7 starts to remember his encounter with my buddy. Describes his truck, his physical appearance etc. IM IN SHOCK. My buddy who I thought I knew so well was actually bisexual also and had hooked up with the guy I currently had serious feelings for. Big WTF moment for me. Even #7 thought I was messing with him and maybe I had set all this up like a reality show or something. NOPE. What are the odds. So anyway, #7 had to work the next morning and I told him bye and that I was going to go drink the shock off at a bar with some friends.
When I woke up in the morning I thought I had dreamed all that but quickly realized it was a reality. Not going to lie, it took me a while to understand that. #7 felt horrible and told me he regretted ever hooking up with him. He told me he understood if I didn’t want to see him anymore. But that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted him in my life.
Fast forward to us spending the next 2 months with each other when we could. Hotels, dinners, bars and whatever else we could do with Covid going on. At one point #7 told me he went ahead and deleted Grindr and his other dating apps he used because he was only interested in me. At that point, I still had Grindr but I didn’t get on it very much and If someone did message me I didn’t take it serious. For some reason I didn’t initially take the hint that I should probably also delete mine but a few days later I also got rid of all my dating/hookup apps and told #7. I told him one day when he was with me in my room at my buddies house that I had strong feelings for him and that I cared for him a lot and was incredibly happy. We were basically dating we just didn’t have a label on it or an official talk yet. I told him I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I had never felt more sure about wanting to date someone in my life. We went back and fourth on whats the difference of making it official vs just keeping things the same. To me the label of “dating” puts a true exclusivity to a relationship that way everyone is on the same page. To me it shows commitment makes you more vulnerable. We both agreed to keep communication very open with each other no matter what. To this day I feel like I can talk to him about literally anything and that’s a great feeling. So, it was that night we officially started our relationship. I felt very happy about it, and still do. About three weeks or so after, I had planned us a weekend getaway trip to Austin where we had a private renovated Airstream camper to stay in. We held each other’s hand damn near the entire 3 hour drive there. Didn’t realize how much I liked holding his hand. We had an amazing weekend together. We watched a beautiful sunset, went hiking, ate some good food and just relaxed at the camper. It was the best time I’d ever had with him. It was at this place that I fell in love with him. I think it was due to the consecutive days together and all the cuddling lol. On our way home, we got on the subject of past guys that we talked to and guys that we still talked to but weren’t looking to get with. He got a little jealous and upset because of a guy that I had previously been with still messaging me (the guy that actually had the crush on me #6). I told him he had nothing to worry about which he truly didn’t. My conversations with that guy were minimal and strictly friendly and not at all sexual in nature. I told him if he wanted me to block #6 I would do it no questions asked to make him less worried. #7 had some previous trust issues with past ex girlfriends which I understood. I figured I’d go ahead and be honest with him. I admitted that I was in love with him on the drive back home. It scared me at first because I didn’t know if he felt the same way about me. He also told me that he was in love with me. It was an awesome feeling.
Fast forwarding to current events. I have met 3 of his best friends that are girls and have hung out with them a few times. They know about him being bisexual and they support him as long as he’s happy. For me, I’ve come out so far to 3 of my best friends. Two of them being guys and 1 being a girl. One of the guys is my buddy. He was supportive obviously lol. I have also come out to my mom. I told her about my 5 month relationship with #7. She was supportive of me and told me she just wants me to be happy. Now my dad, that’s an entire different story. Him and that side of the family is very religious and conservative. Not sure how I’m going to go about that one. #7 is about to buy a house to move out of his parents place and I’m planning on living with him. I’m pretty excited about that. I also confronted my buddy about me knowing that he has messed around with my boyfriend #7. The conversation with him went great. He admitted to me he has experimented with guys also and that he is supportive of me and what makes me happy. Me my buddy and #7 recently were actually able to all hangout together in public and it went really well.
submitted by A1ways_Curi0us to comingout [link] [comments]


2020.08.23 11:44 OneSilverRaven Raven Reviews: Huniepop, The Best Example of What a Visual Novel Can Do Wrong.

TL;DR
Huniepop is the perfect storm bad visual novel and the example I point to when someone asks me to explain how to tell a good novel from a bad one at a glance. The experience of playing it is an exercise in frustration for an experienced visual novel reader and a terrible representative for an inexperienced reader. The rest of this review is me picking apart every aspect of the game in detail and arguing why it serves as such a great example despite the fact it does not qualify for the title of a “true” VN.
A WORD ON VISUAL NOVELS
If you were to search for Huniepop on VNDB you would be met with this screen, displaying that the game had once been considered, but was removed at some point after its inclusion. Following the link posted in the notice, you come across this thread which seems to broadly favor the ultimate decision to remove it.1 Another link leads you to this screen, where the database firmly sets guidelines for what may be added to the collection and in no uncertain terms Huniepop fails to meet them. This review is not an argument that Huniepop be considered a visual novel nor is it meant to say anything about VNDB as I'm sure the majority of people reading this (myself included) respect the thorough nature of the site and its authority. What I do intend to do however is use Huniepop as an example in place of a more traditional novel2 because despite not qualifying for the genre it manages to embody every single pitfall a poorly presented novel could fall into.3
Before I explain however it's important to note that Huniepop is a well known game and mainstream in a way that more “traditional” visual novels are not. Meaning that whether or not we like it Huniepop is a representative of the visual novel genre to the mainstream world.
Poll a random gamer about their favorite visual novel and you're likely to get one of three responses. That they have never heard of the genre, that they don’t play dating games, or a minority that will list one of the few popular titles. Dangan Ronpa, Gyakuten Saiban, 999, and Doki Doki Literature Club! are the ones I hear most often.4 Now an astute observer familiar with these titles will immediately notice that they all share a feature with Huniepop and each other that I think is key to understanding their mass appeal, and that is that they all hybridize the visual novel style with another genre of game. Dangan Ronpa and 999 are puzzle solving mystery games with game play dotted between novel sections. Phoenix Wright is a different breed of puzzle game but follows the same format. Doki Doki is the closest to a “traditional” VN but mixes heavily with horror elements and meta game play so the point still stands. Clearly, mainstream audiences more readily adopt VN’s that provide some kind of game play element.5
Because of their popularity this relatively small pool of games is what we have to draw from when talking about how Visual Novels are perceived by people unfamiliar with them. Overwhelmingly to an outside observer this genre would look to be composed of sexualized (Doki Doki, Dangan Ronpa to an extent,) simple (Puzzle games don’t exactly require twitch reflexes, just patience and time,)6 anime art games with a disproportionate amount of romance themes.7 Not a bad description for Huniepop if it was necessary to give it one so short. I think it's a good idea to keep in mind that the western idea of what a VN is typically about was the mindset behind this game's creation. The author of the game has even openly voiced that he does not believe Huniepop should be considered a visual novel at all.8
That being said it’s hard to ignore the parallels. Strip away for a moment the lack of actual text (the NOVEL portion of this visual novel) and you’ll be hard pressed to point out a significant difference between this game and one of the earlier examples.9 Sure the gameplay is different but “puzzle” is a wide genre. The art styles vary but that is true between any two games and even the 999 trilogy went from 2D to 3D between titles and that didn’t disqualify them. Huniepop actually has a few ADVANTAGES over some of these games with a wide variety of outfits for the heroins and a huge amount of CGs dwarfing Doki Doki and 999’s numbers. If you wanted to be purely objective then yes, Huniepop is not a visual novel, but it shares a lot in common with the genre and those similarities are fascinating to look at when judging its quality.
IF WE COULD READ A BOOK IN ONE PAGE
I have always maintained that the most important single feature of a visual novel is the title screen. Writing, which one can argue is more important broadly, can have good and bad moments and be incredibly inconsistent with even the best novels in this genre having individual scenes far below par.10 I can’t recount how many times a good novel has had a protagonist that brought down multiple scenes they were in.11 Art is divided into multiple sub-groups so I think it's unfair to lump every visual aspect together. Backgrounds, sprites, CGs, chibis, if all of these are bad then a novel is unlikely to gain much of a readership but if one or two suffer for the others there is a good chance it can be overlooked. Doki Doki had very simple sprites and backgrounds but made up for it with strong animations and clever use of audience expectations to use their sprites creatively. 999 has downright HIDEOUSLY choppy art in its first installment and subpar character models in later games (as well as almost no CGs in the second game and none in the third)12 but used its assets sparingly and spread out its best looking moments to compensate. Point being, as long as the writing and art isn’t so bad you can hardly look at it and enough of it is of a quality to catch a reader you can get away with focusing on a few points over others when necessary.
Without a doubt though your title screen is one of those points that needs to be top of the priority list. A bland or uninteresting title screen is a red flag larger than the banner on the Kremlin during the October parade. Why? Because it's the first thing you see, it sets the tone for the entire rest of the novel. The old adage “You can’t judge a book by its cover” exists because it is ridiculously simple to take a single look at something and let that first impression color your view of the entire work. Perhaps the saying is correct, but it can't be helped that this first screen sets expectations and a catching or interesting title presentation can make or break a reader's interest in what follows.
Let’s look at an example from one of the greatest western VNs Katawa Shoujo and the subtle way it plays with your expectations.13 Upon booting up the game you see this image. Which is relatively plain. The three features are the central canvas like space, the isolated options in the lower corner, and the game’s symbol in the upper corner. The eye is drawn to the center of the screen where the negative space causes a reader to search for something to latch onto. The option text is simple and uninteresting so the only real object to engage with is the heart. If you had never heard of Katawa Shoujo before starting this game it's easy to see this heart at the edge of all this negative space and take away that symbol as the only feature. This actually primes you for the novel you are about to read because Hisao, the protagonist, is only moments away from a heart attack, which will become the major defining feature you as the reader will see him as until he is fleshed out over the course of the novel's entire length.
Katawa Shoujo then slowly introduces the reader to the idea that the heroines Hisao meets, who he first describes and views as extensions of their disabilities, are not defined by the features they possess but the people that they are. In line with this as you complete more chapters the title screen shows a branching group of pictures stemming from that first title card of act 1. These reminders of your story with each route fill the once negative space with a bouquet of deeper memories. The theme of Katawa Shoujo is ultimately that people are more than the surface level we can see and making judgements on one trait, one object, like the heart in the corner is ignoring that more lies below the surface then being “The blind girl” or “the girl with no arms” or “the guy with arrhythmia.”14
Doki Doki Literature Club also has a great example of a title screen because it hides the horror elements the game is eventually going to spring and the twist that this novel is going to be unconventional in plain sight for a careful observer. The first thing I noticed when first reading this novel and something that a new reader would probably never guess is that there is no “extras” option, which means there is no gallery. Now this isn’t exactly something to be worked up about, I can name dozens of novels that don’t immediately allow access to the game’s extras. But normally the option is left on the title screen grayed out (Katawa Shoujo, Muv-Luv Alternative, Aokana: Four Rythems Across the Blue) not absent entirely. Secondly, the game's name has a tell that will definitely go over the head of someone unversed in Japanese culture, but the O in each Doki are pushed together to form an 8. This is an unlucky number in Japan like 13 would be considered unlucky in America. If you notice that detail you can probably also figure out that Doki Doki, the Japanese sound word for a heartbeat, has a double meaning as both a fluttering heart and a nervous heartbeat. The inclusion of unlucky 8 points the reader’s interpretation to the negative connotation, the game is literally telling you on the first screen “be prepared for unfortunate nerve racking events.” Combine this with the lack of an extras option and you can deduce rather easily that this otherwise cutsie looking VN is going to pull some tricks on you.
Now obviously I don’t expect that everyone who picks up a given novel is going to over analyze the title screen like I do. I doubt most people notice they are making judgments about a novel that early in the experience. But from an author's perspective you have to assume that your reader IS going to be that picky about your game and so they put a lot of effort in to showcase the worth of this highly visual medium right from the start.
Huniepop opts to do a very common style of title called an ensemble shot where all the important characters are on screen in a group. Lots of novels do this from Muv-Luv to Kindred Spirits on the Roof, not uncommon at all, but just like how a careful observer will notice the detail in the Doki Doki logo an experienced novel reader will immediately see a problem in this particular picture. That being the sheer number of people on the screen. In total Huniepop has 9 characters present on the title shot and that is well over the average number for a romance focused game where typically there are only 3-5 routes.15 Now I used Kindred Spirits as an example of another ensemble shot which has an ungodly 16 characters16 but that is the exception rather then the rule as EVERY character in the game is included and Kindred Spirits follows a unique story telling style that doesn't fit cleanly into the normal progression of traditional VNs.
Almost always ensemble shots showcase only the heroines of a novel and cut out any that aren’t romance options. Suki to Suki to de Sankaku Ren'ai actually goes a step further and despite having two characters that are both options for menu voices (something else usually reserved for romanceable heroines only) and two ecchi scenes apiece included only the four main route heroines in their ensemble shot. Muv-Luv also follows this trend with three ensemble shots on its title screens featuring the six main heroins and neglecting the two characters that play critical roles in the story despite the fact they also have one ecchi scene apiece, which hilariously is half as much as five of the heroins and equal to the sixth but that's neither here nor there.17
Just by counting the number of people on screen a reader can infer one of two things is almost certainly true. Either this novel is going to be lengthy, as many as 30 hours minimum and up to 100+ hours if properly paced.18 Or the characters in this novel aren't going to be given nearly enough time to be fleshed out because the novel simply has too many people19 to properly explore them all. Given the remaining details of the title card, the spinning pink background behind the logo and the floating shapes that invoke the same feeling as looking at a box of store brand marshmallow cereal my money would be on the later.
BECAUSE MAGIC IS UNIMPORTANT ENOUGH TO BE USED TO GET YOU LAID
For the sake of argument let's say you either didn’t notice or didn’t care about the pretty big warning sign I just pointed out and decided to start a new game. After selecting a save file and a gender the player is immediately thrown into the games potentially longest string of connected dialogues but for this section I’m only going to focus on the scenes you’re FORCED to do. The story opens with the reader’s character approached by a woman at a bar who berates you for several sentences about your inability to properly socialize while you demonstrate that you have just learned the English language and are having trouble remembering the difference between thank you and good morning.
Without warning you are forced to make several choices in a row that all effectively say the exact same thing and then the woman leaves. The next morning in your bedroom a lingerie model set to appear in Katy Perry's reshoot of California Girls wakes you up and you rightfully tell her that sleep is a gift bestowed by the gods and you are not going to be roused by what is clearly an illusion. Disregarding your valid skepticism the protagonist from the worlds sluttiest magical girl anime takes you on a date.
This brings us to the screen you will be staring at for roughly 70% of the time you play this game, but I’m actually going to skip over it just to finish the tutorial so table that for now. After your game play demonstration the Good Witch of the West’s rebellious daughter returns you to your room, gives you your menu screen and presents you with the only choice that has literally any bearing on your play through. Which place sounds like the best spot to pick up chicks? Now I, as a twenty something man, have attempted at least once to engage with a woman in all of these locations, but something tells me this games targeted demographic of horny high schoolers that strangely like doing puzzles they paid a ten spot for more than using google to find free videos have not. How many people actually chose the park on their first play through?
This brings us to the one and only thing that I can compliment about this game unapologeticly so prepare your angry comments. The introductory scenes for the various characters, while admittedly rushed and simplistic, are generally really good. Some are better than others, but the worst one of the bunch Kyanna still gives you the bare minimum to get a sense for their character and in a better novel that actually cared enough to flesh out these girls this would be a pretty good opening. I like the circular nature where meeting one girl leads to the next and essentially gives us two introductions to each character as we see them interact with one of the other flat pieces of cardboard we’re supposed to pretend are people.
Oh shoot didn’t quite have enough positivity to make it to the end of that paragraph did I?
Yeah these characters are all terrible and exist solely for player gratification. I can boil them down to one word each and I bet you’ll have no trouble guessing which one I’m referring to. In fact let's test that out shall we?
Asian, Tsundere, Shy, Cougar, MILF, Black, Nerd, schoolgirl, Neko, Alien, Slut, and dominatrix.
Think you got 'em all? Of course you did because as far as the game is concerned these single words are all these characters are. In a way this game is disturbingly meta because the protagonist treats these people in a way that seems almost clinically designed to mirror how you the player were always going to treat them.20 You ask superficial questions about them (Age, weight, height) and then answer those questions when prompted. No, actually, you have the OPTION to ask superficial questions about them because talking to the heroines is literally optional, there is a steam achievement for completing the game without ever doing it once. You have the OPTION to buy them things, from the insultingly basic preferred items that literally just cater to whatever fetish the character was made to fill to general food items and alcohol that force them to talk to you more and romance easier. And of course you have the OPTION, but are really forced to take them on dates.
But I’m still not ready to talk about the dates yet so let's switch topics.
HOW TO FAIL AT AESTHETIC DESIGN
Let's talk about the music. There are twenty three tracks in this game and all of them are forgettable garbage. One of those tracks is the opening theme and if you ever played this game with headphones you know EXACTLY what the opening notes of that song sound like because it was the last thing you heard before going deaf for three hours. For anyone who hasn’t had their hearing destroyed follow this link and you’ll see what I’m talking about, they set this theme about three times as loud as it should have been and what makes it worse is they put it over that off putting title screen to make this game as unappealing as possible! Of the twenty two remaining tracks two of those only play in your character's bedroom during and after the romance game. That leaves twenty tracks of music, not an bad amount. So when do those play? Well you might get a clue by looking at the titles, with such riveting names as Dagwood Park, University Campus, Fitness Club, and my personal favorite Hot Springs, because Onsen was apparently too complicated a word.
They all just pertain to the location they’re named after. No variety, no variation, and each time you return to the location they loop from the beginning so I hope you enjoy the first thirty seconds or so of these two and a half minute tracks because that's the part you’re going to hear.
You know what was one of my favorite parts of Katawa Shoujo? Something I always remembered even years after I read the story. The two rattles at the beginning of Kenji’s theme Out of the Loop. Kenji is insane by the literal definition, he has undiagnosed paranoia and is going to kill someone if not properly medicated21 but I was never upset to see him because this song loop always made me chuckle. The game is self aware enough to tell you Kenji is clearly wrong about everything he says by using his own theme to show the motif. He’s out of the loop, disconnected, thoughts rattle around his brain but nothing worth knowing. Now Kenji is actually one of the more interesting characters in Katawa Shoujo and much deeper then his introduction might lead you to believe but that's a topic for another day. What I wanted to illustrate is that music in a visual novel is one of the most important details you need to get right in order to have a good play experience for your reader.
Authors of films, TV shows and VNs don’t give characters their own themes because it's just tradition and saves time when you can copy paste someone's theme over every scene they’re in. They do it because music is an ingrained and easy to access part of human culture and can have a huge variety of effects when we hear it. Everyone knows what a “wild west” song sounds like. Everyone knows what jazz, and classical, and eastern music sounds like and if you don’t think you do you actually do but just can’t think of an example. I can play just five seconds of organ music and everyone who can hear it will immediately start thinking about vampires and cheesy cartoons about Gothic horror. When you are planning your musical accompaniment for a visual novel it is imperative you understand what you are trying to SAY with your choices and where they play. When I’m in the forest with the shy girl I should not be hearing the same music as when I’m in the forest with the obnoxious party girl. Going to a club with Cougar should not be the same as going with MILF because the atmosphere of the scene is completely different. I should not be thinking “I am at Lusty’s Nightclub with girl X.” I should be thinking “I am at a club with this girl who is _.” But when the music is always the same no matter what girl I bring it makes the place feel static and lifeless and the heroins uninteresting.
Another problem with Huniepop is the terrible UI which just bogs down the whole game. Granted, everything is straightforward and easy to understand, but the damn thing takes up three quarters of the screen! Now maybe you’re a speed reader and don’t care much for background art and fine details and if so i guess you can skip to the end of this section this complaint isn’t for you but for everyone else everything about this UI is chunky in the worst possible way. Of the six options on the screen at any given time the only two that REALLY need to be there are “talk” and “go on date” and the rest are just shortcuts to your menu. Now I'm not opposed to shortcuts, far from it, I love them, but that's what key binding is for. All you do by forcing these options on the screen is cater to the lowest common denominator of players and give the game a claustrophobic feel. It makes me wonder why you even bothered making the backgrounds at all if you were so ashamed of them you just had to shield as much as possible from view after the static sprite slides into place and we get half a second to look at the art. That is when the entire screen isn’t taken up by the glorified pachinko board which I’m still avoiding but I’ll get to it don't rush me next topic!
A SILENT CHARACTER TRAGEDY
So if I’m being honest everything I've said so far is kind of superficial. So the title screen isn’t great and the intro was hilariously rushed with unfunny jokes and the music is lame and the UI is chunky. Big deal, why do I care enough to talk about it? Well the truth of the matter is that Huniepop commits a cardinal sin that I think more people need to be cognizant of, and when I first realized why this game had always felt kind of off in my mind, I knew I had to say something. It’s not revolutionary to say Huniepop is a bad VN, or even a bad game. But those arguments have come to overshadow a bigger issue, one that affects people in the real world every day. This game at its core is fundamentally dismissive of the fact that your character is taking advantage of these girls and ultimately abandons them.
Now I know what that sounds like, I can already hear people calling me out as an SJW and laughing at the fact that I even brought this up in the first place. Visual Novels aren't exactly known as pillars for social equality and far more often than not the mistreatment of women isn’t even a thought that enters the head of the author or reader. These novels are after all works of fiction, and contain scenarios that could (hopefully) never take place in real life. But I’m not talking about every visual novel. As far as i’m concerned art is something that should never be censored regardless of its subject matter with even and perhaps especially the most despicable and depraved acts being showcased. As vile and terrible as it may be to commit sexual and physical crimes in reality a book is nothing more than a book, and it is up to the individual reading it to process the morality of its contents.
I don’t care if the other lessons that can be learned from this game go completely ignored or if everything else I've said here gets forgotten. If you take one thing away from this now eight page and climbing review, take this sentence. If you never sat down and thought about what is going to happen after you put down Huniepop for the last time to the girls in the story, then Huniepops message to you was the disgusting idea that it was a fun game to deceive twelve people into sleeping with you through lies, manipulation, and sometimes debatable force. Let's break it down.
Aiko is a gambling addict who at least dislikes her job and giggles when you give her Japanese objects playfully calling you “so racist.” Admittedly she is probably the one least affected by your actions and I don’t have a bunch to say about her but you are definitely not a healthy choice for her to date or have sex with or whatever you want to call your relationship because you’re not solving any of the issues she’s dealing with, you just make her laugh and look cute.
Audrey is a drug addict who is failing her classes, abuses others, and at best has a tenuous circle of friends who all call her a bitch behind her back. When you take her virginity she tries to open up to you but falls back on her aggressive personality because she can’t force herself to be vulnerable like that. She’s self destructive, lonely, and on a life path to a terrible future.
Beli is a shy girl with body image issues and given the fact her two interactions when you meet her are with older women probably finds it difficult to relate to her peers. She’s easily pressured, a lightweight, and it is going to absolutely break her heart when you reveal to her you’re seeing other people. More than anyone else in this roster she thinks the two of you are going steady and it is simply deceitful to pretend that's what's happening and lie to her face.
Jessie is a single mom who turned to porn to support her daughter and earned her daughters ire instead of her love. She hooks up with random men, like you, because it’s what she knows how to do. She’s a chain smoker, and probably also an alcoholic. Now unlike Aiko where her gambling addiction is literally debilitating and Audrey who is a serious hard core drug user Jessie isn’t that bad. Any one of these vices isn’t enough to mention, but all together it shows she has incredibly self destructive behavior. Again, not as bad as Audrey, but if she truly wanted Tiffany to forgive her and rekindle their relationship don’t you think she would have stopped smoking and doing the porn shoots? I don’t think she’s still going because she wants to, but because she can’t stop herself.
Kyanna is a single mother who you drag out to clubs and outings, keeping her away from her child, and reintroduce to alcohol knowing she has a history of substance abuse at parties. Now unlike some of the other girls Kyanna is going to be just fine when you leave, she’s got herself together and a good stable life, but you are absolutely not a good influence on her and only going to cause problems for her and her child.
Lola… alright you got me Lola is probably going to do okay. But pretty much every single dialogue option you have with her is a straight up lie unless you’re asking for her measurements.
Nikki is an introvert who at first pushes you away but eventually warms up to you to the point she poses sexually on her bed just to get your attention. The pleading nature of that text makes me shiver as this girl who complains about her small chest to you THE NIGHT YOU’RE ABOUT TO HAVE SEX is trying her hardest to get you to like her. She wants you to see her sexually so badly she throws her caution aside and goes all out just to have you cheat on her with her abusive friend that drug her to a club against her will.
Tiffany is the saddest story for me because she is on the exact same path as her mother and doesn't even know it. She’s hypersexualized, choosing to wear a fetishistic schoolgirl outfit, sending you panty shots she pretends her friend took without her knowledge, calling you a perv as she sends you nudes, just all kinds of stuff she hates her mother for. As far as we know she has no contact with her father so she’s basically going solo through college and here you come, lying to her face when she asks you if you’re seeing other people. Too afraid to ask you to go steady, too lonely to dump you when you can’t be faithful. I can only imagine what she’ll say when she finds out who you’re cheating on her with…
Celeste is literally an outsider to your planet and I will never be convinced your relationship with her isn’t rape. Her species experiences heat, she doesn't know your mating rituals, and she's literally a prisoner on Earth. This is rape. Point blank, no arguments, you rape her, I don’t give a damn if she’s smiling.
Kyu is a nymphomaniac and is definitely going to lose her job at some point. She’s got the whole gambit honestly with body dysmorphia, drug addiction, porn addiction, an abrasive sarcastic personality brought on by attachment issues and to top it all off she knows she’s in a video game about dating girls for sex so that can’t possibly be fun. Hell I’d turn to drugs too at that point.
Momo is a child. She’s literally 6, younger if we convert that to cat years. She has the mind of a child, she talks like a child, she's a child. This is pedophilia. Not even Loli just straight up pedophilia.
Venus is the literal god of love and seducing her is a feat of unimaginable consequences. I literally can not even begin to fathom what it would do to the world but I can tell you one thing. The fact that she was not always the god of love means somone else had that position before her and I can’t think of a better way to lose your job then to be reported for having sex with a minor, which is absolutely what you are to her being 2% her age.
Do I think the author intended any of these things to be taken this seriously? No of course not, but I think that's kind of the point. I don’t think ANYONE is taking this seriously because this game is a bad clone of bejeweled. And to be honest I’m not that upset about it either, at least not in this specific game, but I think it's worth thinking about because how many other visual novels have you played where you didn’t bother to think about what came next for the characters? Games that took themselves far more seriously than this one? If you’re reading this and I've somehow struck a chord with you maybe you should consider thinking back on some of the stories you’ve read and asking yourself to analyze them a little deeper. Or not, because that's hard and no fun.
Alright fine let's get the damn bubble pop out of the way.
NO, I AM NOT GOING TO REFER TO IT AS CANDY CRUSH
The main focus of Huniepop is on courting girls through seducing them with bejeweled. You play bejeweled to do this. It’s bejeweled.22
What am I supposed to say about it? This is a game 50 something moms play before they get their kids from tap recital. This game is literally one step up in complexity from PONG. Yeah I know there's Alpha mode23 and it gets harder and you have to use date gifts and alcohol and and and-
Yeah I don’t care.
I’ll admit the number of mechanics makes it more interesting then vanilla bejeweled because at least you have to kind of think around what each girl responds to and the passion mechanic is nice I guess but once you have everything unlocked it's really just a matter of picking one strategy that works and brute forcing your way forward. I appreciate that there isn’t a time limit because I like to play games planning several moves ahead, but that all goes out the window for the bedroom scenes which are awkward at best and distractedly off putting at worst.
You know what really gets me though? Why bother censoring this game. If little Timmy gets on dads steam account and buys a porn game for ten bucks little Timmy can learn to google the porn hub compilation of the sex scenes. It's different when the novel is otherwise child friendly like If my Heart Had Wings, still stupid but at least understandable, but we all know why people are playing this game and its not for bejeweled! So why bother? Why even go through the dance? They didn’t even patch out the scenes; you just have to rename the file and everything unlocks. Literally, look it up.
Anyway I guess that's all I have to say about it. For something that takes up so much of the game it certainly isn’t much to talk about.
It’s just fucking bejeweled.
WHY THIS GAME IS WORTH TALKING ABOUT
So at this point i’m eleven pages exactly into this review and god knows how many footnotes but I wanted to quickly summarize my thoughts before putting this review to bed. Obviously a reader can not be expected to have access to all the information about a novel before reading it, and most of my criticisms about Huniepop require that someone have at least started the game to notice them. Usually by that point you’ve already invested your time and money into acquiring the novel and its quality is unimportant. But even if they have your money I hope that referencing the things Huniepop so catastrophically failed at lets you figure out you’ve got a bad experience coming in time for a refund or at least lets you get out before wasting too much time.
I know I said at the top of this review that Huniepop is not a visual novel and I still believe that. But I can’t say there is no possible version of this game that I wouldn’t consider making the grade. If the developers had focused less on mass appeal and made the story longer. If there had been more effort put into the presentation. If they had just given the girls one or two more sprites each and replaced the dialogue options with structured conversation there could have been a real hidden gem here. I want to leave on that note. Imagine what this game could have been if they had spent a few months altering things about the flaws I pointed out. Maybe this game would have made it on the exceptions list.
If you have 10 dollars you really hate looking at and want to set a bar for yourself at the low point of what a visual novel can be then give Huniepop a try. Everyone else, just stay in bed.
FOOTNOTES
  1. This thread is actually genuinely hilarious because a user named Usagi goes on an absolute RANT about Huniepop not making the cut. I honestly recommend it to anyone in need of a laugh this is GOLD.
  2. Traditional as in standard formatting but also in general genre expectation.
  3. Or at least the ones I care about the most.
  4. Obviously this list isn't exclusive and my sample size is highly biased toward western gamers but you get what I mean.
  5. For the purpose of this review i'm going to ignore the fact that making choices is definitely a game play element because 99% of a traditional visual novel is non-interactive but VNs are absolutely still games I will not dispute that.
  6. Again this is a generalization if you're some kind of quick draw Sudoku solver don't fill the comment section with a rant about fast paced puzzle games you're hobby is valid calm down.
  7. This might be because the mainstream often confuses dating simulators with visual novels (which honestly I can't blame them for their is a LOT of crossover) but nonetheless it IS something the genre is known for and participates in.
  8. Originally I intended to provide a link to a tweet from the creator supporting this but it has since been deleted so unfortunately I can not. I pinky promise i'm right though so you have to trust me.
  9. Ya know, except that those novels are actually GOOD.
  10. Why Kindred Spirits needed to tell the story of Tsurogermine running from her teacher from TWO perspectives i'll never understand. I literally just saw it from Yuna's perspective and she has more information then you I don't need to know why you said GAH instead of AH.
  11. Takeru from Muv-Luv Extra anyone? Honestly couldn't stand that selfish prick till halfway through Unlimited and he didn't win me over till Alternative.
  12. If you want to get really technical the second game in the trilogy had a lot of CGs that just showed the posed character models but I hardly think that counts. Its not something worth arguing about but I personally don't count them.
  13. That isn't a controversial statement is it? I mean it doesn't exactly have a bunch of competition.
  14. If I ever feel brave enough I'll do a full review of that game to really delve into the themes but some great reference videos can be found on YouTube if you're curious.
  15. This is just in my experience and doesn't include "joke" or "bad end" routes. Numbers may vary but this is a good standard estimate.
  16. Kindred Spirits actually does a pretty good job of dividing those characters into groups and presenting them as units rather then individuals which helps to mitigate that number but still 16 is HUGE for a visual novel even harem games don't usually have that many.
  17. Yes, I am aware that Mikoto is not a valid romance option in Extra and saying that Muv-Luv has three title screens is kind of misleading but that isn't the point of this review and honestly not a huge deal.
  18. This estimation of time is taken from average novel lengths and my personal time to read them, it's only an estimation and not to be taken as a statement of fact.
  19. Especially when we count the unlockable characters.
  20. Namely, as disposable.
  21. Let me know if you got the reference, I'm curious.
  22. A game that can be found for FREE I might add.
  23. No joke their are half a dozen Steam guides on how to best beat Alpha mode and apparently it goes all the way up to lvl 100 which is INSANE! Who would play that much Huniepop that is like hours of work!
submitted by OneSilverRaven to visualnovels [link] [comments]


2020.08.23 06:41 A1ways_Curi0us First Post - New Bi Male - My Story

This is my 1st post to reddit and forewarning, it’s LONG. I’m just looking really to tell my story and maybe have some discussion. I’m going to talk about the following topics.
-my closeted experimentation with guys -me coming out to some people as bisexual -a CRAZY situation that happened involving my current boyfriend #7 -being in my first gay relationship with my boyfriend #7
**I know this sounds bad but I’m going to refer to my current boyfriend as #7 in this post because he is still mostly in the closet like me. I’m incredibly happy being in a relationship with him.
BACKSTORY- I’m a 27 y/o male and I recently accepted that I am bisexual. I am very masculine, almost to the point where most people would have no idea I am attracted to both genders. I can count on both hands the people that know about my sexual preferences. So far, the people that I’ve come out to have all been caught completely off guard but also have supportive of me. I like race cars, shooting guns, working out, and traveling so you can get an idea of my interests. I work in the male dominated conservative oil/gas industry also. Being anything but straight in that field is looked at in negatively which sucks. My coworkers have no idea about me and probably never will. I hear gay jokes and LGBT hate almost daily. My eventual goal is to get out of this industry and start my own business.
It all started about 7 years ago when I started jerking off to gay porn every now and then. It got me off and turned me on in a different way than what I was used to. I kept it a secret from my past girlfriends. Fast forward, I had been single for about 3 years until I met my current boyfriend #7. Im a very independent person and I was happy being single. I told myself I would only get into a relationship if it occurred naturally and felt right, which it did with him.
Starting this year when Covid-19 came about my curiosity peaked and I actually wanted to try and meet up with a guy to see if I actually liked it. So I downloaded the BRO app (I knew about Grindr but for some reason I convinced myself BRO was a more classy app, I know that sounds dumb) Made my profile as a TOP masculine male. When I first started using the BRO app I really didn’t find a lot of guys attractive in my area. I broadened my search area and ended up messaging a 19 y/o openly gay bottom twink (#1). He told me he was really only looking for a relationship. I was honest with my intentions of only experimentation and that scared him off. Well the next day, he ended up messaging me back asking what exactly I wanted to do. I told him I had no idea what I was doing and I just wanted to hangout and see what happens and that there was no expectations. He agreed to meet up with me at my house. The first time we met up I was very nervous because this was my first time ever messing around with a guy. I felt like I was doing something wrong or illegal lol. Sort of like I was about to loose my virginity again. He came to my house and we sat and talked on the couch and watched TV for a little bit. I started drinking to calm my nerves. After an hour or two of conversation I asked him if he wanted to sit closer to me, which he did. We cuddled and touched each other for a little bit and then I asked if I could try kissing him. Things from there escalated naturally just like they did with my past experiences with girls. The remaining nervousness when away quick and then I got really horny. Mostly because deep down I felt it was taboo. We moved things to my bedroom. That was the first time I ever gave a blowjob and I found out I really enjoyed it. I ended up fucking him. Not going into more detail, I’m not here to write a romance novel. So after that, we cleaned up and he chilled for a little bit and I asked him some questions related to being gay and whatnot before he left. I thanked him for being cool and letting me experience something new. He told me to download Grindr instead because that was more in line with what I was looking for (hookups/experimentation). So I followed his advice and make a down low profile. No profile pic, good bio of what I wanted and I took some new nude pics for DMs. Damn! There were a bunch of guys on Grindr and I liked the structure of the app a lot more. On Grindr I met up with 6 other guys over the course of 3 months. I was very picky. Most people I didn’t respond to and most of them obviously never read my bio because they wouldn’t of messaged me to begin with. I got some wild sexual fantasy requests from guys. I specifically said I didn’t do drugs and I can’t tell you how many offers I got for that (PnP- parTy) Also, I didn’t want to mess around with anyone older than me. Anyway, it was a new experience navigating Grindr and learning the terms people use. Lots of creeps on there btw.
Early May, I was in the process of selling my house and packing so I was super busy and the house was a mess with my mind moving 100mph. Out of those 6 guys I actually tried bottoming for two, at their request, but wasn’t a huge fan of it. It felt different and pretty uncomfortable. But none the less they were all good experiences and none of them were creeps or ended up being weird or stalkerish. All of them looked like their photos. #4 was actually a threesome with two other guys. One of them (#6) developed feelings for me after we had sex for the first time. I found that out later.
So that leads me to my now current boyfriend “#7”. He messaged me late one night when I was a short ways out of town for a week long work related function. Backstory for him, he also identified as a TOP like me and was 21 y/o. He had only dated girls before and had been messing around with guys for a few years. I felt a connection with him quickly on the app for several reasons. 1 - I found him incredibly attractive in his pictures as did he with me. 2 - we work in the same exact industry and have the same exact job at different companies. I can understand everything he tells me about his job. 3 - we have very similar hobbies, interests, views, and personalities 4 - he was and still is in the closet with most people including his family. So I felt secure meeting him because he wouldn’t out me and would respect my discreetness. 5 - he is bisexual also and acts just as masculine as me. Now, when we are out in public we look like two good friends and nobody thinks otherwise. 6 - we are both very chill and love trying new things.
We messaged back and fourth on Grindr for a few days and eventually moved our conversation to Snapchat. I felt more comfortable texting with him than any other guy I had messaged previously. Come to find out, he lives in the same city I was going to be moving to after I sold my house which was wild! I am currently still living in that same area renting a room from my best friend at his house.
1st contact with #7 - after messaging on Snapchat for a few days I asked him if he was free and if we could meet up. He said he could swing by but couldn’t stay long. He lived at home still so he had to come to my house. I ended up cleaning my house more than normal before he got there lol I wanted to impress him. When he got there I was nervous because I wanted things to go good and we had invested quite a bit of time messaging. My first look at him when I opened the door he looked exactly like his pictures which was a huge plus because he is a very attractive guy. My initial reaction was that he was out of my league. I invited him in and I led him straight to my bedroom and sat on my bed and motioned him to sit next to me. Offered him a beer. He sat on my bed and we kept a little distance between each other and just started talking about stuff related to work and being bisexual. He recently told me he didn’t know I was nervous when we first met but I definitely was. He also admitted to me he was nervous the first time we met. Even though he was 5 years younger than me he had been messing around with guys for a lot longer than me which was a little intimidating. At that stage I was going on 3 months of experimenting with guys. So after we talked for about 30 mins or so I managed to ask him if he was a good kisser. His response lit a fire of lust under me. “Why don’t you come find out.” At that moment I got so damn horny for him. I immediately moved closer and we started making out intensely then leading to undressing each other. Since we were both TOPS we ended up blowing each other and jerking off together to finish. It was so incredibly HOT more than any of my previous experiences. After we finished we cleaned up and I asked him if I could send him a friend request on FB and get his phone number. He gave me his full name and I later found out he was nervous about giving me his info but decided to do it anyway. Rightfully so, there are lots of creeps on Grindr. I knew immediately I wanted to see him again after he left. He felt like friend that I’ve know for a while.
After the first time we hooked up, our bromance quickly gained more traction. I invited him to my house for a second time a few days later but this time I asked him to stay the night. He was cool with it and he brought some clothes. That night we cuddled under a blanket on the couch while watching a movie and drinking. It felt amazing holding each other. We got physical towards the end of the movie (don’t remember much of the ending) and then went to the bedroom to have some more fun. He stayed the night and we cuddled each other all night long. He spent the night several more times at my house over the course of 2/3 weeks until my house sold. Each time both of us getting more comfortable with each other. Texting all day long. The bromance flourished and I started to develop feelings for him. This is about the time we started saying Goodnight to each other every night. I had never felt like I wanted to be in a relationship with a guy before until I met him. All of a sudden I started not to care about what people thought about me. He made me happy. The way we stared into each other’s eyes, the passionate kissing, the physical contact and cuddling, and the mental connection I had with him felt so right. We ended up going to our first gay bar together which was a cool experience for both of us. We felt a little awkward and probably didn’t look like we fit but nonetheless it was fun.
Fast forward to me moving into my best friends house which was less than 5 mins from #7. We can call him (buddy) for reference. I rented one of his rooms out. My buddy did not know at this time I was bisexual and I respected his home so me and #7 started meeting up at hotels nearby and getting dinner together. My buddy also as far as I knew at the time was completely straight. He had always talked about girls and even comes off as somewhat of a “player” I had even had sex with a girl in front of him in Las Vegas while he had a girl in his bed. He also works shift work like me so there were several times where we had the house to ourselves.
This is where the CRAZY part starts. One day when my buddy was working nights I invited #7 over to chill with me after we went out and got dinner. This was the first time he had come to see my new living situation. He shows up, I open the door he stepped inside the entry of the house and immediately I can tell he seems a little off. Like he was really weirded out. As we stood in the entry I told him to tell me what’s on his mind and that I could see he was shocked and didn’t know what to do. At that point I was really wondering what was going on. I begged him to tell me what it was. So he did. He told me first that he recognized the canvas picture on the entry wall. To me it was a very common looking home canvas print you could buy at any home decor place. But he denied that and reaffirmed that he had been to this house before. I asked him if he knew my buddy but he said he had been there to meet a guy on Grindr a few months back. In my mind there’s no possible way my buddy would mess around with guys. “NO WAY AT ALL! My buddy is super straight.” So at this point I’m in full blown denial phase. So #7 starts thinking how to prove it to me. The first thing he did was talk about how he forgot his hat in the front room and he started to describe the hat to me. (Grey Carhart hat with a leather patch) keep in mind, he had not previously walked into this room while I was there. I was by him the entire time. So he walks over to the couch and low and behold BOOM the hat he just described is stuffed between the wall and couch. And what do you know, it fits his head perfectly with no adjustment of the strap. It was not visible from where we were standing. Literally his hat. Me still in denial at this point I think he’s messing with me. Maybe #7 saw the hat there somehow and was just really trying to mess with me. So then he says, give me your buddies number. This will be absolute proof. So I did, I gave him my buddies number and sure enough it pulls up an old text Grindr looking hook up conversation. #7 starts to remember who exactly he was. Describes his truck, his physical appearance etc. IM IN SHOCK. My buddy who I thought I knew so well was actually bisexual also and had hooked up with the guy I currently had serious feelings for. Big WTF moment for me. Even #7 thought I was messing with him and maybe I had set all this up like a reality show or something. NOPE. What are the odds. So anyway, #7 had to work the next morning and I told him bye and that I was going to go drink the shock off at a bar with some friends.
When I woke up in the morning I thought I had dreamed all that but quickly realized it was a reality. Not going to lie, it took me a while to understand that. #7 felt horrible and told me he regretted ever hooking up with him. He told me he understood if I didn’t want to see him anymore. But that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted him in my life.
Fast forward to us spending the next 2 months with each other when we could. Hotels, dinners, bars and whatever else we could do with Covid going on. At one point #7 told me he went ahead and deleted Grindr and his other dating apps he used because he was only interested in me. At that point, I still had Grindr but I didn’t get on it very much and If someone did message me I didn’t take it serious. For some reason I didn’t initially take the hint that I should probably also delete mine but a few days later I also got rid of all my dating/hookup apps and told #7. I told him one day when he was with me in my room at my buddies house that I had strong feelings for him and that I cared for him a lot and was incredibly happy. We were basically dating we just didn’t have a label on it or an official talk yet. I told him I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I had never felt more sure about wanting to date someone in my life. We went back and fourth on whats the difference of making it official vs just keeping things the same. To me the label of “dating” puts a true exclusivity to a relationship that way everyone is on the same page. To me it shows commitment makes you more venerable. We both agreed to keep communication very open with each other no matter what. To this day I feel like I can talk to him about literally anything and that’s a great feeling. So, it was that night we officially started our relationship. I felt very happy about it, and still do. About three weeks or so after, I had planned us a weekend getaway trip to Austin where we had a private renovated Airstream camper to stay in. We held each other’s hand damn near the entire 3 hour drive there. Didn’t realize how much I liked holding his hand. We had an amazing weekend together. We watched a beautiful sunset, went hiking, ate some good food and just relaxed at the camper. It was the best time I’d ever had with him. It was at this place that I fell in love with him. I think it was due to the consecutive days together and all the cuddling lol. On our way home, we got on the subject of past guys that we talked to and guys that we still talked to but weren’t looking to get with. He got a little jealous and upset because of a guy that I had previously been with still messaging me (the guy that actually had the crush on me #6). I told him he had nothing to worry about which he truly didn’t. My conversations with that guy were minimal and strictly friendly and not at all sexual in nature. I told him if he wanted me to block #6 I would do it no questions asked to make him less worried. #7 had some previous trust issues with past ex girlfriends which I understood. I figured I’d go ahead and be honest with him. I admitted that I was in love with him on the drive back home. It scared me at first because I didn’t know if he felt the same way about me. He also told me that he was in love with me. It was an awesome feeling.
Fast forwarding to current events. I have met 3 of his best friends that are girls and have hung out with them a few times. They know about him being bisexual and they support him as long as he’s happy. For me, I’ve come out so far to 3 of my best friends. Two of them being guys and 1 being a girl. One of the guys is my buddy. He was supportive obviously lol. I have also come out to my mom. I told her about my 5 month relationship with #7. She was supportive of me and told me she just wants me to be happy. Now my dad, that’s an entire different story. Him and that side of the family is very religious and conservative. Not sure how I’m going to go about that one. #7 is about to buy a house to move out of his parents place and I’m planning on living with him. I’m pretty excited about that. I also confronted my buddy about me knowing that he has messed around with my boyfriend #7. The conversation with him went great. He admitted to me he has experimented with guys also and that he is supportive of me and what makes me happy. Me my buddy and #7 recently were actually able to all hangout together in public and it went really well.
submitted by A1ways_Curi0us to lgbt [link] [comments]


2020.08.23 06:26 A1ways_Curi0us FIRST POST - New Bisexual 27M - MY STORY

This is my 1st post to reddit and forewarning, it’s LONG. I’m just looking really to tell my story and maybe have some discussion. I’m going to talk about the following topics.
-my closeted experimentation with guys -me coming out to some people as bisexual -a CRAZY situation that happened involving my current boyfriend #7 -being in my first gay relationship with my boyfriend #7
**I know this sounds bad but I’m going to refer to my current boyfriend as #7 in this post because he is still mostly in the closet like me. I’m incredibly happy being in a relationship with him.
BACKSTORY- I’m a 27 y/o male and I recently accepted that I am bisexual. I am very masculine, almost to the point where most people would have no idea I am attracted to both genders. I can count on both hands the people that know about my sexual preferences. So far, the people that I’ve come out to have all been caught completely off guard but also have supportive of me. I like race cars, shooting guns, working out, and traveling so you can get an idea of my interests. I work in the male dominated conservative oil/gas industry also. Being anything but straight in that field is looked at in negatively which sucks. My coworkers have no idea about me and probably never will. I hear gay jokes and LGBT hate almost daily. My eventual goal is to get out of this industry and start my own business.
It all started about 7 years ago when I started jerking off to gay porn every now and then. It got me off and turned me on in a different way than what I was used to. I kept it a secret from my past girlfriends. Fast forward, I had been single for about 3 years until I met my current boyfriend #7. Im a very independent person and I was happy being single. I told myself I would only get into a relationship if it occurred naturally and felt right, which it did with him.
Starting this year when Covid-19 came about my curiosity peaked and I actually wanted to try and meet up with a guy to see if I actually liked it. So I downloaded the BRO app (I knew about Grindr but for some reason I convinced myself BRO was a more classy app, I know that sounds dumb) Made my profile as a TOP masculine male. When I first started using the BRO app I really didn’t find a lot of guys attractive in my area. I broadened my search area and ended up messaging a 19 y/o openly gay bottom twink (#1). He told me he was really only looking for a relationship. I was honest with my intentions of only experimentation and that scared him off. Well the next day, he ended up messaging me back asking what exactly I wanted to do. I told him I had no idea what I was doing and I just wanted to hangout and see what happens and that there was no expectations. He agreed to meet up with me at my house. The first time we met up I was very nervous because this was my first time ever messing around with a guy. I felt like I was doing something wrong or illegal lol. Sort of like I was about to loose my virginity again. He came to my house and we sat and talked on the couch and watched TV for a little bit. I started drinking to calm my nerves. After an hour or two of conversation I asked him if he wanted to sit closer to me, which he did. We cuddled and touched each other for a little bit and then I asked if I could try kissing him. Things from there escalated naturally just like they did with my past experiences with girls. The remaining nervousness when away quick and then I got really horny. Mostly because deep down I felt it was taboo. We moved things to my bedroom. That was the first time I ever gave a blowjob and I found out I really enjoyed it. I ended up fucking him. Not going into more detail, I’m not here to write a romance novel. So after that, we cleaned up and he chilled for a little bit and I asked him some questions related to being gay and whatnot before he left. I thanked him for being cool and letting me experience something new. He told me to download Grindr instead because that was more in line with what I was looking for (hookups/experimentation). So I followed his advice and make a down low profile. No profile pic, good bio of what I wanted and I took some new nude pics for DMs. Damn! There were a bunch of guys on Grindr and I liked the structure of the app a lot more. On Grindr I met up with 6 other guys over the course of 3 months. I was very picky. Most people I didn’t respond to and most of them obviously never read my bio because they wouldn’t of messaged me to begin with. I got some wild sexual fantasy requests from guys. I specifically said I didn’t do drugs and I can’t tell you how many offers I got for that (PnP- parTy) Also, I didn’t want to mess around with anyone older than me. Anyway, it was a new experience navigating Grindr and learning the terms people use. Lots of creeps on there btw.
Early May, I was in the process of selling my house and packing so I was super busy and the house was a mess with my mind moving 100mph. Out of those 6 guys I actually tried bottoming for two, at their request, but wasn’t a huge fan of it. It felt different and pretty uncomfortable. But none the less they were all good experiences and none of them were creeps or ended up being weird or stalkerish. All of them looked like their photos. #4 was actually a threesome with two other guys. One of them (#6) developed feelings for me after we had sex for the first time. I found that out later.
So that leads me to my now current boyfriend “#7”. He messaged me late one night when I was a short ways out of town for a week long work related function. Backstory for him, he also identified as a TOP like me and was 21 y/o. He had only dated girls before and had been messing around with guys for a few years. I felt a connection with him quickly on the app for several reasons. 1 - I found him incredibly attractive in his pictures as did he with me. 2 - we work in the same exact industry and have the same exact job at different companies. I can understand everything he tells me about his job. 3 - we have very similar hobbies, interests, views, and personalities 4 - he was and still is in the closet with most people including his family. So I felt secure meeting him because he wouldn’t out me and would respect my discreetness. 5 - he is bisexual also and acts just as masculine as me. Now, when we are out in public we look like two good friends and nobody thinks otherwise. 6 - we are both very chill and love trying new things.
We messaged back and fourth on Grindr for a few days and eventually moved our conversation to Snapchat. I felt more comfortable texting with him than any other guy I had messaged previously. Come to find out, he lives in the same city I was going to be moving to after I sold my house which was wild! I am currently still living in that same area renting a room from my best friend at his house.
1st contact with #7 - after messaging on Snapchat for a few days I asked him if he was free and if we could meet up. He said he could swing by but couldn’t stay long. He lived at home still so he had to come to my house. I ended up cleaning my house more than normal before he got there lol I wanted to impress him. When he got there I was nervous because I wanted things to go good and we had invested quite a bit of time messaging. My first look at him when I opened the door he looked exactly like his pictures which was a huge plus because he is a very attractive guy. My initial reaction was that he was out of my league. I invited him in and I led him straight to my bedroom and sat on my bed and motioned him to sit next to me. Offered him a beer. He sat on my bed and we kept a little distance between each other and just started talking about stuff related to work and being bisexual. He recently told me he didn’t know I was nervous when we first met but I definitely was. He also admitted to me he was nervous the first time we met. Even though he was 5 years younger than me he had been messing around with guys for a lot longer than me which was a little intimidating. At that stage I was going on 3 months of experimenting with guys. So after we talked for about 30 mins or so I managed to ask him if he was a good kisser. His response lit a fire of lust under me. “Why don’t you come find out.” At that moment I got so damn horny for him. I immediately moved closer and we started making out intensely then leading to undressing each other. Since we were both TOPS we ended up blowing each other and jerking off together to finish. It was so incredibly HOT more than any of my previous experiences. After we finished we cleaned up and I asked him if I could send him a friend request on FB and get his phone number. He gave me his full name and I later found out he was nervous about giving me his info but decided to do it anyway. Rightfully so, there are lots of creeps on Grindr. I knew immediately I wanted to see him again after he left. He felt like friend that I’ve know for a while.
After the first time we hooked up, our bromance quickly gained more traction. I invited him to my house for a second time a few days later but this time I asked him to stay the night. He was cool with it and he brought some clothes. That night we cuddled under a blanket on the couch while watching a movie and drinking. It felt amazing holding each other. We got physical towards the end of the movie (don’t remember much of the ending) and then went to the bedroom to have some more fun. He stayed the night and we cuddled each other all night long. He spent the night several more times at my house over the course of 2/3 weeks until my house sold. Each time both of us getting more comfortable with each other. Texting all day long. The bromance flourished and I started to develop feelings for him. This is about the time we started saying Goodnight to each other every night. I had never felt like I wanted to be in a relationship with a guy before until I met him. All of a sudden I started not to care about what people thought about me. He made me happy. The way we stared into each other’s eyes, the passionate kissing, the physical contact and cuddling, and the mental connection I had with him felt so right. We ended up going to our first gay bar together which was a cool experience for both of us. We felt a little awkward and probably didn’t look like we fit but nonetheless it was fun.
Fast forward to me moving into my best friends house which was less than 5 mins from #7. We can call him (buddy) for reference. I rented one of his rooms out. My buddy did not know at this time I was bisexual and I respected his home so me and #7 started meeting up at hotels nearby and getting dinner together. My buddy also as far as I knew at the time was completely straight. He had always talked about girls and even comes off as somewhat of a “player” I had even had sex with a girl in front of him in Las Vegas while he had a girl in his bed. He also works shift work like me so there were several times where we had the house to ourselves.
This is where the CRAZY part starts. One day when my buddy was working nights I invited #7 over to chill with me after we went out and got dinner. This was the first time he had come to see my new living situation. He shows up, I open the door he stepped inside the entry of the house and immediately I can tell he seems a little off. Like he was really weirded out. As we stood in the entry I told him to tell me what’s on his mind and that I could see he was shocked and didn’t know what to do. At that point I was really wondering what was going on. I begged him to tell me what it was. So he did. He told me first that he recognized the canvas picture on the entry wall. To me it was a very common looking home canvas print you could buy at any home decor place. But he denied that and reaffirmed that he had been to this house before. I asked him if he knew my buddy but he said he had been there to meet a guy on Grindr a few months back. In my mind there’s no possible way my buddy would mess around with guys. “NO WAY AT ALL! My buddy is super straight.” So at this point I’m in full blown denial phase. So #7 starts thinking how to prove it to me. The first thing he did was talk about how he forgot his hat in the front room and he started to describe the hat to me. (Grey Carhart hat with a leather patch) keep in mind, he had not previously walked into this room while I was there. I was by him the entire time. So he walks over to the couch and low and behold BOOM the hat he just described is stuffed between the wall and couch. And what do you know, it fits his head perfectly with no adjustment of the strap. It was not visible from where we were standing. Literally his hat. Me still in denial at this point I think he’s messing with me. Maybe #7 saw the hat there somehow and was just really trying to mess with me. So then he says, give me your buddies number. This will be absolute proof. So I did, I gave him my buddies number and sure enough it pulls up an old text Grindr looking hook up conversation. #7 starts to remember who exactly he was. Describes his truck, his physical appearance etc. IM IN SHOCK. My buddy who I thought I knew so well was actually bisexual also and had hooked up with the guy I currently had serious feelings for. Big WTF moment for me. Even #7 thought I was messing with him and maybe I had set all this up like a reality show or something. NOPE. What are the odds. So anyway, #7 had to work the next morning and I told him bye and that I was going to go drink the shock off at a bar with some friends.
When I woke up in the morning I thought I had dreamed all that but quickly realized it was a reality. Not going to lie, it took me a while to understand that. #7 felt horrible and told me he regretted ever hooking up with him. He told me he understood if I didn’t want to see him anymore. But that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted him in my life.
Fast forward to us spending the next 2 months with each other when we could. Hotels, dinners, bars and whatever else we could do with Covid going on. At one point #7 told me he went ahead and deleted Grindr and his other dating apps he used because he was only interested in me. At that point, I still had Grindr but I didn’t get on it very much and If someone did message me I didn’t take it serious. For some reason I didn’t initially take the hint that I should probably also delete mine but a few days later I also got rid of all my dating/hookup apps and told #7. I told him one day when he was with me in my room at my buddies house that I had strong feelings for him and that I cared for him a lot and was incredibly happy. We were basically dating we just didn’t have a label on it or an official talk yet. I told him I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I had never felt more sure about wanting to date someone in my life. We went back and fourth on whats the difference of making it official vs just keeping things the same. To me the label of “dating” puts a true exclusivity to a relationship that way everyone is on the same page. To me it shows commitment makes you more venerable. We both agreed to keep communication very open with each other no matter what. To this day I feel like I can talk to him about literally anything and that’s a great feeling. So, it was that night we officially started our relationship. I felt very happy about it, and still do. About three weeks or so after, I had planned us a weekend getaway trip to Austin where we had a private renovated Airstream camper to stay in. We held each other’s hand damn near the entire 3 hour drive there. Didn’t realize how much I liked holding his hand. We had an amazing weekend together. We watched a beautiful sunset, went hiking, ate some good food and just relaxed at the camper. It was the best time I’d ever had with him. It was at this place that I fell in love with him. I think it was due to the consecutive days together and all the cuddling lol. On our way home, we got on the subject of past guys that we talked to and guys that we still talked to but weren’t looking to get with. He got a little jealous and upset because of a guy that I had previously been with still messaging me (the guy that actually had the crush on me #6). I told him he had nothing to worry about which he truly didn’t. My conversations with that guy were minimal and strictly friendly and not at all sexual in nature. I told him if he wanted me to block #6 I would do it no questions asked to make him less worried. #7 had some previous trust issues with past ex girlfriends which I understood. I figured I’d go ahead and be honest with him. I admitted that I was in love with him on the drive back home. It scared me at first because I didn’t know if he felt the same way about me. He also told me that he was in love with me. It was an awesome feeling.
Fast forwarding to current events. I have met 3 of his best friends that are girls and have hung out with them a few times. They know about him being bisexual and they support him as long as he’s happy. For me, I’ve come out so far to 3 of my best friends. Two of them being guys and 1 being a girl. One of the guys is my buddy. He was supportive obviously lol. I have also come out to my mom. I told her about my 5 month relationship with #7. She was supportive of me and told me she just wants me to be happy. Now my dad, that’s an entire different story. Him and that side of the family is very religious and conservative. Not sure how I’m going to go about that one. #7 is about to buy a house to move out of his parents place and I’m planning on living with him. I’m pretty excited about that. I also confronted my buddy about me knowing that he has messed around with my boyfriend #7. The conversation with him went great. He admitted to me he has experimented with guys also and that he is supportive of me and what makes me happy. Me my buddy and #7 recently were actually able to all hangout together in public and it went really well.
submitted by A1ways_Curi0us to bisexual [link] [comments]


2020.08.21 21:32 Gho5tWr1ter I (25M) am not able to be in a relationship and I am scared whether, I'll be the same in future.

Hey there guys, been a lurker since joining reddit and I think it's time I muster my courage for this post. Also English isn't my mother tongue, kindly ignore my mistakes and bear with me, if the grammar isn't on par.
So, let's start with my childhood days, only son, no siblings and my parents aren't at home all the time. It was (still is) a hard world and the two of them had to work, to meet the ends and education. I haven't been the brightest ball in the class and as a fact I had to have extra attention for this. Mom had zero patience since she's the one who had been working from dawn till night and she didn't have the patience to handle me. So, she gets mad and starts thrashing me, gets verbally abusive too (totally legal in my country). My father has a lethargic attitude. Never took intrest in studies and only cared about his own freedom, so he was chill with me and I liked him, initially.
Shortly, let's just say I was brought in a bipolar household. Why am I saying this? It'll pop up later.
So now, back at 14, I had a hard time at high school. I was, say like an oddball. I was literally doing some wierd and crazy shit, that made people cringe. Talk like an idiot acted as a goofball. All for the purpose of attention. What I lacked from my parents, I wanted to get from the people at school. Well, that back fired and all was fine till the age of 16.
16, I started to feel the attraction to the opposite sex. I was getting attention now as a studious boy. But still, the clowning never stopped. I fell for a girl at my high school and had some kind of electrifying attraction. So, I tried showing my studying skills and all but heck she was into athletes and let's say I'm a medium body type. She straight down rejected me and I didn't intend to pursue her (since her mom was a cop!). As a result, my grades tanked, by the end of high school, age 17 going 18, I cleared the exams, all but my grades were poor as shit.
Fast forward to 19, College, took a degree that I didn't like but I had to, so I was focused on clearing and getting my degree. By this time, I wasn't clowning around. My profile of being studious, rose among my colleagues and I helped them and then she came. She was as a beauty, but she was not the same department as mine, so I found out a mutual subject we had, faked the knowledge of how really she scored that subject that my department had her results as an exemplary. I mean, she fell for it and started laughing!
My heart sunk and I my heartbeat was faster! I could hear despite being louder in the open. Never had I, the great virgin made a girl laugh my whole life! Then we exchanged numbers, started chatting, sometimes our call went on for hours and hours. My days were really boring but with her, I felt like I could live once more (actually I attempted suicide twice after my high school grades).
Then it went on for two years, everything was fine, her house was nearby our university and I'd walk with her to her home and I'd walk back to the uni back to board the bus for home. It went smooth, but there were problems like she was Muslim, and our conversation was starting to saturate. I made mistakes that were pretty shitty, like sending some memes, some pictures of my own liking (which I think is pretty cringe and gives me nightmares).
So altogether, before I could confess, some idiot blurted out, that I had feelings for her and she started arguing with me, eventually leading to friendzone. I couldn't bear the thought and I acted tough, like I never had interest in her, as if we were only good friends, but come on, that was pure white lie, man. That day was the starting of me crying after 13 years.
I never cried because I thought it was weak, whenever my mother struck me I tried to contain my tears, despite the pain, it flowed like a waterfall. We live in an apartment and it kind is my maternal family heirloom. So my cousin's would make fun of me, howling like I do whenever I was being physically abused and aunt psychologically excludes me when it's study time for her child, but includes the neighbour's child to those sessions. My father and mother frequently fought over this issue. Too much trauma, man.
So after crying all my heart, I vowed never to fall in love again. And I started to concentrate on my studies and it was hard and the person who I thought was a great friend proved he had a traitorous persona, I got stuck, started over thinking, eventually, welcome depression. After that was a full on mope, severed online world, consider myself an average ugly guy, started cutting myself. But all this time, I never lost my sight in education. I was determined to lose my mental and physical health to get that degree. Faced more problems on my final year, had a meltdown. Attempted suicide twice while being in college. Luckily, my colleagues and friends stopped me from killing myself.
They still ask as a humour, that I'm still alive. It was that bad, and I was worried about getting a job. My degree was good but still it was hard to get a job and I did. It's hard but now I did.
Now this is my problem, my lethargic father had rekindled his friends from schooldays and their sons/daughters are well settled, de pursuing masters and some working in first world countries. So, my once ignorant father is now rigourous to get me masters.
I have talked to mother about my childhood days and I saw the pain of her life through my eyes and I won't blame her for the things she did to me. It was tough love but love nonetheless.
I'm insecure about everything in my life and I don't know what to do about them.
I'm scared to talk to any girl online, besides I don't get many right swipes lol! Hence I uninstalled the dating apps and accepted my fate as a loser.
But I want to feel love. I know there are people who truly love, I realised that after 13 years.
Is there really no hope for me to get in a relationship?
Am I toxic?
I tried to forgive myself but I couldn't. Is there a way o can get over this?
Am I destined to be cringy?
People keep saying me I'm smart looking, good looking but I am unable to accept it, is this because of my insecurities?
I'm sorry to bore you with such a crappy life story of mine.
submitted by Gho5tWr1ter to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.08.06 12:56 Beautiful-Cricket-46 [Advice] DDay Yesterday, haven't confronted him. Where do I even begin?

Hi everyone..I can't believe I'm here. I'm a 33f married to a 34m for 8 months, been together about 5 years total, lived together for almost 4.
We have had what I thought was a really happy, pleasant, relatively untroubled relationship until today. The best relationship either of us had ever been in! All our goals were similar and we agreed on nearly all things (not wanting any kids, living a simple life to save $ and do whatever we want as we grow, both of us recovering from various family trauma and leaning on one another for support etc).
Well yesterday morning I needed to use my work ipad that I lend my husband since I really only use for certain meetings. I opened it and his email was left open and well, I snooped. I'm human. I didn't have any strong suspicions before but every now and then I wondered if he was using say insta or snapchat to talk with other women, he always denied it when I (mostly jokingly to be non threatening, I guess) brought it up. He normally would shy his phone away but also never asked me about mine, he isn't a jealous guy, blah blah, and I shrugged it off thinking I just need to trust more.
I saw he had an email recently signing up for OnlyFans (assuming to follow someone, not have his own channel) so it piqued my interest. That was the least of my worries.
Wow. When I looked through, I was not expecting to find years worth of emails from potential and completed craigslist hookups (dating back to before we were engaged but living together in 2017 until March of this year, all in various pockets of time, not consistently every week or something), 41 back and forth emails from a woman he said he loved (3 mos before we got married! They talk about me like I'm standing in the way of them!). Offering to come over to some woman on craigslist's house to try and IMPREGNATE HER, citing "well my so (me) doesn't want kids but I'm suddenly feeling the urge" All of these had dick pics involved and pictures of US that he cropped me out of that he'd send to randos looking for mutual suckoffs or glory holes, barebacking, and that he wasn't "afraid of a little blood" in one of the emails...what the fuck! Most of them happened while I was on business trips or trips with my friends- he never had a passport and I'd go on my own, which was also NEVER a problem! Trust me I asked every time!
All the while, my husband has never once mentioned being bi, gay, curious, or even kinky. He's repeatedly said he is straight. Not once has it been a topic of conversation because we were on the same page. I'm not a super adventurous person sexually but he never complained, he never suggested anything, and I didn't think anything was wrong aside from awkward dry spells we'd have but then would resolve. We've been in one a few months now and I was afraid to breach the topic. We're bad communicators and way worse than I imagined.
I'm sick to my stomach thinking of what I've been exposed to and I've already gone to get a comprehensive std test. I've taken 250+ pictures and a few videos that I have saved to use to confront/ divorce him. I don't think there's coming back from this, this is the ultimate breach of trust. I'm talking with a lawyer later today and told only my bff and also my manager at work so he knows why I'll be in and out and probably not working to par for a while.
I'm so lost and I'm trying to be logical, but I have cried a bit. He can tell something is off and I've chalked it up to the heat, feeling sickish (I had a COVID scare a few weeks ago), and just the overwhelming stress of being a human in the world right now, he is worried for me and acts very much like he cares and loves me but now I know he has this double life he dabbles in a few times a year. I still feel he loves me but I know that doesn't necessarily matter when he keeps trawling for sex secretly from time to time, whether he goes through with it or not.
We have a house together and a pet. He helped pay for the down payment some while we were engaged but I'm the offical owner. I pay most of the bills (I make significantly more than he does) and he pays me not-too-consistently "as much as he can" for utility and mortgage. We don't have a joint account, never got around to making one since getting married because our system worked- who knows what secrets he's hiding there. Our pet who we both adore was adopted, has been insured for, fed by, and paid for mostly by me. I'm worried that we will be fighting harshly over money and our pet.
I hate the thought of being alone in the house (for general safety and loneliness) but I don't want to live with him much longer if this is what his life is like in secret and I'm not sure I can work through this. I don't know what to do everyone. I'm so upset and haven't confronted him and I'm scared. Please help me, any advice or words of encouragement are welcome. Thanks.
submitted by Beautiful-Cricket-46 to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]


2020.08.05 19:13 thr0waway9870887 "Not in the Top 10" - a question on "jokes" vs "sensitivity"

My husband (39M) and I (32F) have had a lot of issues and a lot of ups and downs. We were in couples therapy last summer, things were getting better, and then were supposed to go back in January but haven't.
My relationship feels emotionally abusive, but when I try to point out troubling behavior or words, I'm "too sensitive" or "always need XYZ" or anything else that is defensive, dismissive, or deflective.
Example: over the weekend we were visiting my family. He and I had a disagreement about a TV show he hasn't even seen. I said, how can you make a decision without even seeing it? He said, I already know not to watch it because I have taste.
Apparently this is where I "set myself up," because I said, "I mean, obviously not!" to which he replied, "that's right, I have no taste because I married you."
My mother was appalled. My sister gasped. My sister's friend was like - did you really just say that?
And then he said he was "joking." Everything is always "joking."
My mom pulled me aside the next day to say that was not ok behavior and why didn't I stand up for myself? Well, this is how he is, I guess. I was too shocked and didn't want to cause a scene in front of everyone. My sister said she apparently may have said something to my husband about his words too, but I don't think she got anywhere.
I confronted him about it on our way home, and he gave me his standard non-apology: "I'm sorry that you...." I tried 3 or 4 times to get an honest apology out of him, to explain why his words hurt, and it was all "dude, it was a joke. lighten up."
My sister and I talked about this last night, and she thinks I did set myself up, that this is just our relationship, and I did take this too seriously. But this is part of a larger pattern. Like, it's okay for him to drink alcohol but not me. It's like, I'm not allowed to be sad or in a bad mood because I'm "pissy" and "taking it out on him," but when he's upset, yelling at inanimate objects and slamming cabinet doors he's just "blowing off steam."
Last fall, he admitted he's not attracted to me anymore because of the weight I've gained (which has partially been due to my depression over the state of our relationship). I was like, what's the point of this then? And he replies that he still loves me. When trying to ask him about why he said such a nasty comment to me, I also asked him over the weekend why we hadn't had sex in 5 months and his reaction was to have sex.
Last night, we were talking about a friend of a friend who works at place X and he said he dated a girl there who actually died very young of a heart attack. She was overweight, but enthusiastic and "probably the best lay he'd ever had." I said, "um, wow, okay, great thing to say to your wife." He continued, "she was so enthusiastic. You aren't enthusiastic at all. You're happy with missionary and don't even like to experiment. You're not even in the top 10. You're like a dead fish." I was like, WTF MAN?!
Then he started attacking me that I'm mad because I "always" have to be the best, and what is he supposed to do, lie to soothe my ego? He apologized for the "dead fish" comment, but nothing else. He claims he's being "honest," but I argued that he's being "hurtful," which he countered is because I'm "too sensitive." Yes, I know this is straight out of the gaslighting handbook, especially because he flipped it back to "you know that blow jobs are important to me and you never give me blow jobs!" Because, to him, that means letting him come in my mouth, which grosses me out, which apparently reinforces my "Puritan" and "prudish" attitude towards sex. But why should I do that, I said back, do something I don't want to do, when he pays me no attention? I am cooking for him, cleaning the bathroom, getting up early with the cat, but he doesn't cook for me, or say "hey, let's watch this show together" or anything - just complain. He says that's false, that he does stuff for me and "thanks me all the time," but the most I can remember is him doing is ordering me things to keep me out of his way, while his way of saying "thank you" is to say my meals are "delicious."
I'm in individual therapy. I was ready to walk out in January, but agreed to keep trying as long as we went back to couples, and it was up to him to schedule it. He hasn't made the call. Then COVID hit and I felt stuck. Despite COVID, things between us had been improving a bit in the pandemic, but now I feel we are back to square one.
Whenever I try to express myself, or complain, or point out that something he's said or done offended me, the whole world gets ripped out from underneath me and suddenly it's all the ways I'm terrible, messy, not up to par. Part of me recognizes it as emotional manipulation and blackmail, but my self-esteem has also been so steamrolled at this point, I can't recognize myself. I feel trapped by the pandemic. What am I supposed to do? Kidnap the cat and leave in the middle of a pandemic?
I was raised to be "nice" and "give people the benefit of the doubt." I was bullied as a child and now have a fear of abandonment and pissing people off. And part of me is stuck in a sunk-cost fallacy. I feel that to leave would ruin both of our lives. And whenever I have threatened to leave, or said I can't do this anymore, he makes promises and adjusts his behavior enough to rope me back in. It's blackmail for the promise of a better future.
I don't trust myself or my opinions anymore. He can argue his way out of a paper bag, and I'm too tired to fight. Is this normal? Am I blowing this out of proportion, especially the sex comments? Does he know what he is doing, behaving like this on purpose so he can get his own way? Am I enabling it? How can I fix it? Can I even?
submitted by thr0waway9870887 to Marriage [link] [comments]


2020.08.05 18:06 daprice82 Wrestling Observer Rewind ★ Jul. 22, 2002

Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
PREVIOUSLY:
1-7-2002 1-14-2002 1-21-2002 1-28-2002
2-4-2002 2-11-2002 2-18-2002 2-25-2002
3-4-2002 3-11-2002 3-18-2002 3-25-2002
4-1-2002 4-8-2002 4-15-2002 4-22-2002
4-29-2002 5-6-2002 5-13-2002 5-20-2002
5-27-2002 6-3-2002 6-10-2002 6-17-2002
6-24-2002 7-1-2002 7-8-2002 7-15-2002
  • WWE hit the reset button again with a new storyline assigning general managers to each brand, and it featured the shocking debut of Eric Bischoff. The new storyline will have Bischoff as the heel GM of Raw, while Stephanie McMahon will be the babyface GM of Smackdown, while Vince McMahon will take more of a backseat role and reduce his TV presence. Of course, just 5 weeks ago, Vince panicked and blew up the existing "feuding GMs" storyline between himself and Ric Flair, so now we're re-starting it with new people I guess. It feels like a last-ditch effort to save the brand extension, which has been an utter flop since day one, with no effort to differentiate the shows and only resulting in diluting the talent and falling ratings.
  • Bischoff and McMahon struck a secret deal about 10 days prior to his debut. Bischoff had talks with WWE last year about coming in during the original Invasion angle, except they only wanted him to do a one-off match with Vince for the PPV (which Vince would obviously have won), but Bischoff turned down that offer. But this time, they agreed to a more long-term deal. Bischoff didn't know he was going to debut on Raw until just a day or two prior, when Vince called him and told him to be there. The whole thing was kept secret and almost no one other than Vince himself knew about it. This is believed to be a unique contract, in which it's a short-term deal with the option to renew it for longer-term if the angle gets over. His only role is as a television character, it's strictly a performance contract. Bischoff is not going to be a part of management or creative.
  • When Bischoff walked across the screen in the backstage segment, almost everyone in the company was just as shocked as the viewers at home. Bischoff's debut saw him come out and hug Vince, which Dave thinks about is the dumbest possible way to introduce him. Sure, the Invasion angle is over but WCW's corpse isn't completely cold yet. It's only been a year or so. There is probably still plenty of money to be made in Bischoff as an outsider trying to destroy Vince McMahon and the WWE. But as always, that would involve Vince allowing himself or WWE to look vulnerable against an "outsider" and his utter refusal to do that is a big part of what tanked the Invasion. But that's par for the course. Bischoff cut a promo, giving the fake "WWE version" of the Monday Night Wars history (Dave points out multiple inaccuracies that WWE still clings on today, such as claiming they stole Hulk Hogan from WWF. Of course, Hulk had been in NJPW and hadn't worked for WWF for nearly a year at the time WCW signed him. Things like that.). Dave thinks it became one of those promos full of old stuff or inside references where so much of it is about things that the average fan doesn't know or care about. Dave thinks most of this audience in 2002 isn't familiar with Alundra Blayze, they don't know Raw used to be taped instead of live, and they don't care about 83-week TV ratings streaks (Dave also notes that Bischoff said 84 on this show, which is incorrect). And once again, it became one of those promos talking about how much WWE sucks lately, which is something you don't want to keep pointing out to the fans who are still watching because you just make them feel dumb for supporting something that even the people producing it knows sucks. Shit like that is partly what drove off WCW fans. Bischoff also gloated about almost putting WWE out of business, and to the many guys in the locker room who remember that vividly, it wasn't a joke or a storyline. Those are guys who really were fighting for their job against a guy who really was trying to put them out of business. Bischoff has tremendous heat from the locker room, with a lot of people who worked for him in WCW or who resent him from the WWE side....they don't want Bischoff there.
WATCH: Eric Bischoff debuts in on WWE Raw - 2002
  • This angle was going to take place regardless, but it's thought that the injury to Kevin Nash may have moved things up a couple of weeks because Vince once again panicked when his plans went down in flames. Nash had surgery last week. Because of the location of the tear, it's not quite as serious as the tear Triple H suffered last year. But Nash is also 10 years older. However, he has vowed to return, noting he doesn't want his career to end like that. With his age and his track record of injuries (this is his 22nd surgery, dating back to his collegiate basketball days), Dave isn't sure how much Nash will be able to offer if/when he returns next year. Also, while nobody wanted Nash to get hurt, the mood in the locker room was said to be much happier this week without him around, as the whole Nash/X-Pac/Shawn/Triple H group isn't very well liked these days (the more things change...)
  • Speaking of X-Pac, a weird situation with him this week led to him being suspended by WWE. The day of the Raw when Nash tore his quad, X-Pac missed his flight to the show. Why? Well, he was hospitalized earlier that day in Minneapolis. Again, you ask, why? No idea. Sounds like X-Pac sure would like to know also. He called WWE saying he was in the emergency room and had no idea how he got there. He left the ER and made new travel arrangements and he got to Raw 90 minutes before the show started. And then he went out there that night and worked his match (and Dave says looked more impressive than he had in a long time). However, after the match, he still couldn't explain to WWE officials how or why he was in the hospital earlier that day and so they were naturally suspicious. As a result, X-Pac has been suspended and removed from all upcoming bookings until they get a medical report on what the deal is. Dave says X-Pac has been acting out of control for weeks now and it's been well-documented (threatening to quit if match finishes weren't changed week after week). The feeling backstage was that as long as Nash was around to go to bat for him, he was basically protected, but no longer. With Hall fired, Nash out for probably a year, X-Pac suspended, and Hogan a babyface, the feeling within the company is that the NWO angle is dead. Shawn Michaels is still expected to appear at upcoming house shows and Raws in some new role, since much of the advertising for those shows was based around him appearing, but this is probably the end of the road for the NWO. (This kinda flew under the radar, but yeah, X-Pac never wrestled another match in WWE. The match where Nash tore his quad remains to this day the last time X-Pac ever worked a match in a WWE ring. He gets released soon after this and we all know in retrospect that he was dealing with some drug issues throughout this time).
  • Dave provides some details on Vince Russo's first (and only) creative meeting when he was briefly rehired by WWE last month. Russo apparently proposed a Raw vs. Smackdown feud that would eventually lead to reviving one of them as WCW and reigniting the WCW vs. WWE war. This time, they would have Eric Bischoff leading the WCW side, while Russo suggested Mick Foley as the leader of the WWE side. It was pretty much made clear to Russo during the meeting that if they were to do a Raw vs. Smackdown angle, it would be Stephanie in charge of the WWE side, not Foley, and sure enough, that's what is expected to happen (but without the whole WCW-revival part). Russo's idea was pretty much a combination of the 2001 Invasion angle and the 2000 WCW Bischoff/Russo angle. Dave notes that Russo wanted to essentially start from scratch again, strip everyone of their belts the way they did in 2000, and bring in Bret Hart and Goldberg to be involved as well.
  • A big recap of UFC's debut show in England, which featured rising star Frank Mir getting beat in what should have been an upset, but word is Mir didn't take the fight seriously and barely trained. As a result, he got murked in the first round. Also, while in England, some people in Tito Ortiz's camp got into a big drunken bar brawl with fellow fighter Lee Murray. Chuck Liddell was somewhere involved too. Anyway, long story short, some people tell the story that Murray knocked Ortiz out. Ortiz denies it (to this day, this is a famous MMA story and both men tell different versions, so depending on who you believe I guess).
  • TNA's 4th show ended with a strong angle that actually got them some national publicity. It involved Tennessee Titans players Frank Miller and Zach Piller hopping the rail and attacking Jeff Jarrett and some other wrestlers, resulting in a big brawl to end the show. So how much of it was real or shoot? Well, Russo is involved, so who knows. The official story is that Jarrett and Piller were supposed to shove each other from across the rail, but that's it. From NFL sources, Dave has actually heard the same thing. It was supposed to stop at a shoving confrontation, and then Malice would come pull Jarrett away. That was the story as Russo allegedly wrote it. But reportedly, Piller had been drinking and he ended up hopping the rail and straight up overpowered Jarrett like it was nothing and took him down. Whether this was a shoot or a work is still unknown, but it ended up getting them coverage on SportsCenter and Dave says it's possible it was a work that only a few people were in on. If it was a work, nobody else was in on it. Ron Harris, who works backstage, almost rushed to the ring to save Jarrett and Malice (who wasn't supposed to touch the football players) got involved and broke it up quickly. After the show, the players were backstage laughing and joking with Jarrett and Miller has been openly telling people it was all planned and they were told to make it look as real as possible, but it's still unknown if jumping the rail and tackling Jarrett was part of the plan or not. Several other Titans players were at ringside with them and saw it unfold, but mostly didn't get involved. So now after the publicity, TNA is trying to see if they can make a match out of this. Either way, it's starting to feel like an elaborate work that none of the rest of the roster was clued in on, which is exactly the kind of shit Russo used to do constantly in WCW that soured morale among the locker room, and for this to happen on Russo's first night in, with an angle he wrote, sure feels a little familiar.
WATCH: Tennessee Titans/TNA brawl
  • Puerto Rico's IWA had its most successful show in company history, drawing more than 11,000 fans (without a single WWE name on the card) to see the payoff of an angle with Savio Vega fighting for control of the company. WHO SAID SAVIO AIN'T A DRAW?!
  • On the other side of things, WWC has postponed its anniversary show from August to September in order to give themselves more time to build up big angles and storylines. Seems like something they probably should have been planning earlier? IWA has become the dominant promotion in Puerto Rico and WWC felt they didn't have the build-up necessary to do a big-money show right now. Especially after this IWA show did such big business, anything less would be an embarrassment.
  • Bischoff's debut on Raw was a pretty big hit. How big, you ask? During Bischoff's in-ring promo after his debut, Raw added nearly 1.1 million new viewers from the previous segment. Meaning that as soon as Bischoff walked across the screen backstage, tons of wrestling fans started calling their friends telling them, "Holy shit, Eric Bischoff is on Raw, turn it on!" The bad news is that as soon as Bischoff's promo was over, a lot of them tuned right back out, leading to a huge drop-off for the rest of the show. On the flip side, this week's Smackdown, featuring the heavily-hyped return of The Rock ended up being the 7th lowest rated episode of the show in history (4th if you don't count holidays). Rock's not a draw, bet he won't even be in the business in a couple more years.
  • Kenta Kobashi is finally back in the ring, wrestling undercard prelim tag matches for NOAH. Even though he's in tags and doing limited in-ring work, his knees are said to be already killing him and one of them totally locked up on him after one of his recent matches. But he still hasn't missed any dates.
  • NJPW announced that Kensuke Sasaki will face Pancrase star Minoru Suzuki at the Tokyo Dome in October. This match was actually planned for the big Tokyo Dome show back in May, but negotiations fell apart because Pancrase didn't like the idea of Suzuki doing a worked pro-wrestling match. Suzuki started his career in NJPW back in 1988 and was being groomed to be a big star for the company, but he quit and joined UWF because he preferred to work shoot-style matches. In 1993, he and a few other guys all started Pancrase, which he's been doing ever since. These days, Suzuki's days of fighting for them at a top level are over and he usually only competes against nobodies or in catch wrestling (grappling and submission only, no striking). Anyway, for those curious, this didn't happen. Not sure why yet, I haven't gotten that far, but Suzuki doesn't return to NJPW until 2003.
  • Goldberg is said to be leaning very much against going to WWE anytime soon and is instead eyeing his options of working big shows in Japan. He's contemplating an offer to make an appearance at Toryumon's show in Tokyo in September, but only an appearance. He doesn't plan to wrestle until later in the year (don't think the Toryumon appearance happens, but he does end up working a few matches in Japan here soon).
  • Bret Hart is still hoping to make his scheduled appearance for Jacques Rougeau's upcoming indie show in Montreal. If you recall, Rougeau's big show there last year drew over 11,000 fans and he's got himself another big stadium to fill this year and Bret was expected to be the biggest draw. Whether he'll be healthy enough to make the show, following his recent stroke, remains to be seen but he's determined to try. As of this week, Hart is able to lift his left arm over his head. Just a week ago, he couldn't move it at all. His grip strength is also coming back and he's able to walk short distances. His vocal cords were also damaged but have started strengthening again and he's able to talk again (though he can't cut a wrestling promo yet, Dave says, so he might not be doing much other than coming out and waving to the crowd if he does make it). He's still having some vision problems also, but not too bad all things considered.
  • Dave says that "no matter what you may hear," a lot of people involved in TNA behind the scenes are very unhappy about Vince Russo being brought in. He also says that a lot of people associate Russo and Ed Ferrara together, but they actually had a major falling out awhile back and hadn't been on speaking terms until now. When it became clear Russo was coming back, Ferrara reached out to Russo and the two sides made up. He goes on record saying for sure that neither Mike Tenay or Bill Behrens are happy about Russo's arrival, among others, but says everyone is being professional.
  • Notes from TNA Weekly PPV: Crowd of about 1,500, only about half paid. Dave says it was easily the best of the 4 shows they've had so far. About 85% of it was written and booked by Jerry Jarrett and the original writing team before Russo was hired, but Russo did make some changes. Dave says some people are beginning to get tired of Don West on commentary already and he definitely brings a ton of enthusiasm (but nothing else, Dave adds) to the table. During the Ken Shamrock vs. Omori match, the crowd was distracted by one of the cage dancers near the entrance who was apparently showing her ass to the crowd. Former WCW wrestler Crowbar (real name Chris Ford) worked a tag match under the name Tempest and Dave notes that when Ford worked a try-out match for WWE awhile back, he also signed over the name Crowbar to them when he did (guessing Dave is mistaken about this. He never used the name Crowbar in TNA, but he's been using it everywhere else ever since for the last 18 years). Brian Christopher is now going by his real name, Brian Lawler, and cut a promo on Jerry Lawler about being a bad father. It got a lot of heat but now they've made fans want to see a match that they can't deliver. K-Krush faced NASCAR driver Hermie Sadler and got DQ'd. Dave says Krush was absolutely awesome here, actually carrying Sadler to a watchable match. Sadler was awful of course, but the Gayda/Stratus match from Raw was light years worse, so hey, who cares? TNA tried to bring in Hermie's more famous older brother Elliott Sadler, but that fell through because Elliott has some type of affiliation with WWE, though Dave isn't sure what (I did the research and apparently Elliott drove a Summerslam-themed car during a race around this time, so I assume that's it).
  • More notes from TNA Weekly PPV, since this recap is huge and big, unbroken paragraphs suck: Mark and Jay Brisco worked a brief match until Malice ran in and destroyed everyone (Dave says this was a Russo addition to the show. Dave also says the Briscos will be great some day and notes that on this show, the announcers lied and said both of them are 18, when in fact, Mark Brisco is still 17 and therefore not even allowed to wrestle in many commission states). Former porn star and ECW valet Jasmine St. Claire debuted and gave Jeremy Borash a lap dance, took off her underwear, and was about to strip nude until a big angle stopped it. And yes, in case it wasn't obvious, this was another Russo addition. AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn are the tag team champions and ended up in a big brawl backstage. If you've been paying attention to the show the last 2 weeks, you would have recognized that they were doing a slow build with these two partners having friction, but Russo convinced Jarrett to hurry up and pull the trigger on the split, so here we are. Dave thinks this had no impact at all because it felt completely rushed, the story hadn't progressed far enough yet for these two to already be coming to blows. Another interview with the Dupps saying "shit" repeatedly was, yes, another Russo addition. Try not to cut yourself on all this edginess. Shamrock vs. NOAH star Takao Omori ended in a no contest because of politics. Shamrock was supposed to win clean, but then NOAH decided they didn't want Omori to do a job, so this is what we got. Dave thinks TNA should have said screw them then and just not used Omori because it's not like TNA's fanbase knows who the fuck he is anyway. Omori was said to have been spaced out all day beforehand and looked bad in the match. Crowd didn't care and they pumped in a ton of fake crowd noise for it. Jeff Jarrett ran in and took everyone out with chair shots, including "NWA rep" Harley Race, who ate a brutal unprotected chair shot to the head from Jeff and Dave thinks that's not good for anyone's brain, especially a guy pushing 60. Race was there basically to help Omori since Harley's small promotion in St. Louis has a relationship with NOAH. And finally, the 6-man X-Division #1 contenders match was excellent. Dave thinks WWE really missed the boat on Jerry Lynn and K-Krush. He admits Lynn probably couldn't have ever been a top guy in WWE or anything, but he makes everybody he wrestles look like a million bucks and guys like that are priceless to have on your roster. They also pumped a bunch of crowd noise in for this match, and at one point, the fake crowd noise loop stopped and there was a moment where it went from a loud roaring crowd to dead silence in a blink. Also, a fight in the stands distracted the crowd near the end. But great match otherwise. Show ended with the Titans players angle.
  • In other news, The Shane Twins have been working as the masked penis wrestlers The Johnsons in TNA but the penis aspect of it has been played down to almost nothing. Upcoming plans were for the team to unmask and revert back to the Shane Twins, but when Russo came aboard, that plan got scrapped and they will remain The Johnsons for now. Because dammit, Russo will get to make penis jokes on TV or he's going to die trying.
  • Many of the key names in TNA (Shamrock, AJ Styles, Jerry Lynn, Mike Tenay, among others) have now signed 1-year contracts. Scott Hall was rumored to have also signed a 1-year deal, but Hall is telling people it's not true and he's only committed for 4 more dates. Low-Ki is signed through the end of the year.
  • At the recent K-1 vs. PRIDE show, there was a huge upset when PRIDE fighter Quinton Jackson knocked out Cyril Abidi, one of the top kickboxers in the world. The "plan" was for Abidi to win and then go on to a bigger money match with Don Frye, but that's what happens when you try to plan things around a shoot.
  • And I'm sorry, I know this ain't an MMA recap, but this is too good: at the UFC press conference for the UK show this week, Dana White showed up with a bag filled with $250,000 in cash and challenged UK boxing promoter Frank Warren to put up any fighter in his stable and White would find a UFC fighter of the same weight to fight him, winner takes all the money. If you recall, Warren made some statements a few weeks back calling UFC fighters unskilled steroid freaks and claiming that his boxers could beat any of them in a real fight. So Dana showed up with a whole bag of cash, doing Dana things.
  • Notes from Raw: Vince came out to the NWO music and said that's the last time we'll ever hear it and that the NWO is dead, so as expected, that's it for that gimmick. Tommy Dreamer is back to his old ECW gimmick and is already 1000x more over than the jobber-eating-gross-stuff gimmick WWE gave him. There was a Coach/Booker T segment backstage which is when Eric Bischoff walked through the shot, leaving everybody with their mouths hanging open, and then his promo. Another hype video for Rey Mysterio debuting on Smackdown next week. Former WCW wrestler and recent developmental guy Johnny The Bull made his Raw debut winning the hardcore title, and Dave is baffled how he got the call up because he's one of the worst guys they have in developmental and is nowhere near ready. But it's all about how he looks. Undertaker & Lesnar beat RVD & Flair in the main event and afterward, Lesnar turned on Undertaker in a good angle, though Dave doesn't have high hopes for the inevitable match.
WATCH: Rey Mysterio debut vignette
  • Notes from Smackdown: it was a pretty bad show and for a pretty surprising reason. It was all built around Rock and he was awful. Rather than trying to sell a PPV, he came off like he was trying too hard to be a funny, "cool" guy and became a parody of himself. Dave is a huge Rock fan and thinks it was painful. He did a big in-ring promo segment with rapper Busta Rhymes that was just an elaborate plug for his new Halloween: Resurrection movie ("coming out in July?" Dave asks incredulously and, right, wtf?). Even Rock using Angle's own ankle lock against him at the end of the show looked hilariously fake and Dave has no interest in the Rock/Angle match at Vengeance after this show. Edge & Hogan defending the tag titles was a super heated match and Dave can't understand it. The live crowds are still nuclear hot for Hogan, but it's not translating at all into TV ratings or ticket sales. But man, the people who do buy tickets sure do love him. They seem to be slow-burning a Randy Orton heel turn. The Nidia segment at the buffet was great and Dave thinks they may have stumbled across a pretty great gimmick with her.
WATCH: The Rock & Busta Rhymes Smackdown segment
  • The crew got a little backstage pep talk before Raw this week, mostly given by the agents (John Laurinaitis, Arn Anderson, and Fit Finlay) as well as Triple H. In particular, Triple H talked about there being too many people in the locker room who think they deserve a push ahead of the newer guys because they've been there longer. He said too many guys are sitting back waiting for someone to give them a push rather than breaking out from the pack and earning the push. He said he got over on his own when management was trying to hold him down after the MSG curtain call incident. Said too many guys are being lazy, playing cards and playing video games backstage rather than watching the matches and learning. He said just because you've had a few good matches on TV doesn't mean you know how to work or deserve a push, and also said everyone needs to work harder at house shows because attendance is down and it was guys like him who worked hard to re-build the company the last time business was down. Needless to say, for a locker room full of people who feel like they bust their asses only to get their legs cut off and hit a glass ceiling (often at the hands of the same guy giving the speech), this went over just about as well as you'd expect with the rest of the locker room. Not that anything Triple H said is wrong. Dave agrees with most of it. But considering who the messenger was, it was not well-received.
  • Lots of backstage talk about last week's Bradshaw/Trish Stratus vs. Chris Nowinski/Jackie Gayda match, which was among the worst matches anyone has seen in years. Fit Finlay is the usual trainer and agent for the women and usually goes over their matches and spots with them, but in this case, Sgt. Slaughter put together this match. Gayda missed a few spots early in the match and seemed to panic and it all fell apart from there. Backstage, she was fully aware of how bad it was and was said to be extremely upset. There's been talk of sending her down to OVW for more training, but she'll probably still be on TV because she's fresh off winning Tough Enough.
  • Steve Austin hasn't had any contact with anyone in WWE except for Jack Lanza, who was the agent Austin often worked with for his matches. All that's known now is Austin told Lanza he's still training hard and Lanza felt like he's getting antsy sitting at home and may be ready to return already (I think he's got bigger problems at home). But Austin and Vince still have not spoken and there's still a lot of bad feelings there.
  • In light of recent events, Dave digs up the transcript from an old Prodigy online chat from 1996, in which Eric Bischoff was asked if he would ever work for Vince McMahon. His response: "I would rather chew off my fingers."
  • Writer Brian Gewertz reportedly has some heat over Raw's declining ratings. The problem is, no matter who it is (Gewertz, Heyman, Russo, or even Stephanie), the final approval for everything you see on television comes down to Vince McMahon. He deserves the credit when it's good and the blame when it's bad, end of story. It's a common occurrence for Vince to rip up a script and tell the writers to come up with something new, so any bad segment that makes it to TV is on him, and resulting in lots of last minute changes. Some people are even blaming Gewertz for Kevin Nash's recent injury because Gewertz wrote the match into the script the day of the show, so Nash wasn't even aware he was going to be wrestling until a couple hours before they went on the air and I guess he didn't have time to properly stretch and get ready, and ended up tearing his quad 10 seconds in. Same thing with Cena's debut, that was a day-of decision, and luckily Cena was already on the road with the crew working dark matches, so he was available. But again, Dave says you can't blame Gewertz for either of those things because, once again, it's Vince who is constantly changing his mind and forcing last minute rewrites and whatnot every week. How is Gewertz or any other writer supposed to build long-term stories under those conditions? (Man, this sure feels familiar)
  • Latest on DDP, he and wife Kimberly are planning on moving from Atlanta to Los Angeles to try their hand at acting careers. They've both saved a lot of money from their years in wrestling and can afford to take a chance on this kind of thing I guess. (DDP has done a handful of acting roles, mostly in the mid-00s, but obviously nothing of note. And Kimberly Page did a few movies, including a starring role with DDP in a movie called The Scam Artist that I can't find anywhere, and of course, her most famous role as "chick who's tit fell out" in The 40 Year Old Virgin).
  • Randy Orton suffered a concussion in a house show match with Batista. Orton was trying to sell a clothesline by flying in the air and taking a big flat back bump, but hit his head on the mat coming down and was knocked unconscious. He should be back in a week or so though, because it's not like concussions are serious injuries or anything. EMT's helped him out of the ring and he walked to the back under his own power but he was knocked clean the fuck out for a bit there.
  • This week's episode of WWE Confidential featured Big Show and Bradshaw playing a game of HORSE with the winner "getting a shot to sexually harass Linda Miles." So obviously they're out of ideas for this show. (Yeah JBL is on some full-blown Jerry Lawler shit with Miles here).
WATCH: JBL perving on Linda Miles for 5 minutes under the guise of playing basketball
  • John Cena is still finishing up in OVW and working the upcoming big Six Flags show in Louisville. Despite being a big babyface on TV, he's still a heel in OVW and is playing a gimmick where his main roster success is going to his head.
  • The New York Daily News ran a story on the "Sex, Lies & Headlocks" book that is coming out soon about Vince McMahon and noted several revelations in the book, such as Vince being paranoid about his office being bugged in 1993 prior to the steroid trial and how he wouldn't sit or talk near windows because he thought the FBI was listening in. It also talked about how Vince gave a job interview to Matt Lauer to host the WBF Bodystars show but didn't think Lauer had the right look, among other things. When asked for comment, WWE responded "No one in WWE has any interest in reading it. No one cares to." Dave says that's 2002 carny talk for, "Can you get us an advance copy?"
NEXT WEDNESDAY: Raw appears to turn a corner (lol no), WWE making major cutbacks and severing developmental ties, TNA also making major budget cuts, WWE Vengeance fallout, and more...
submitted by daprice82 to SquaredCircle [link] [comments]


2020.08.02 01:43 ex0tica YSL Croc Cassandra and YSL Monogram Matelasse Envelope Wallet from Orange Couch/Judun Factory (TS Anna)

Hey, it’s me, ya girl! I’m back with another review!
I must confess, quarantine post-breakup shopping is absolutely no joke and retail therapy is the only thing that gives me dopamine these days. I’m weird in the sense that I’m very slightly OCD about the dumbest of things.. such as grouping a bunch of brands together on one review and not being super detailed. It’s just me and I’m trying to change okaaay? And thus, as uncomfortable as this makes me, I’ll be grouping these two items together and ya’ll better not lose steam after the first item and completely neglect reading my second item 😂 (As I’m guilty of doing, which is why I hate looong groupings)
Anyways, akin to a dragon sitting on top of her horde and telling you about her treasures, I’ll be pumping out these reviews like I’m trying to get me some welfare checks. Too far? Too far. Reelin’ in it. (Side note: I totally have a distant cousin that does this and it’s *eats popcorn a story for another time).

Ya Nosy

Disclosure: When I heard that Anna was having a sale for 🍊 Couch/Judun, I hopped onto it with the quickness because I was in the market for some Saint Laurent bags! I received 15% off the bag and 10% off the wallet! Why the discrepancy? No idea. Hindsight, I should have bought more now that the sale is over 😢
Seller: TS Anna
Contact: WhatsApp +86 189 1648 7535
Payment Info:
YSL Croc Cassandra: 1580¥ or $225.43 USD
YSL Monogram Matelasse Large Flap Wallet: 650¥ or $92.74 USD
Shipping: 400¥ or $57.07 USD for full packaging, which I DID NOT RECEIVE. More on that later 🙄
Okay, so officially, this is what Anna sent me for the price breakdown: 1580¥ x 0.85 (15% off) + 650¥ - 65¥ (10% off) + 400¥ (shipping) = 2328¥ or $332.15 USD
I have no idea why the wallet was 10% off instead of 15% and I didn’t ask.
Payment Method: Transferwise! Took 30 minutes and they took out $10.87 in fee’s so I paid $343.16 USD (She got an extra $0.95 because I was too lazy to keep going down in cents for it to be exact)
Price of Shipping and Carrier: As mentioned, 400¥ or $57.07 USD for “full packaging.” It was DHL to FedEx.
Order Timeline:

What You’re Really Here For.. PICTURES!

PSP’S OF BOTH ITEMS
MY PICS - YSL Cassandra

EDIT: THE CLASP WORKS!

View it here! I’ll explain below
MY PICS - YSL Monogram Wallet
MOD SHOTS - I’m 5’0 and 120 pounds * My skirt is wrinkled. Sue me.
FACTORY PHOTO’S - Cassandra
FACTORY PHOTO’S - Monogram Flap Wallet
AUTH - Cassandra
AUTH - Cassandra Pt. 2
AUTH - Monogram Flap Wallet

Quality

YSL Cassandra - 9.75/10

PRO’S
CON’S
UPDATE: THE CLASP IS NO LONGER AN ISSUE!
Here’s the video
In order for it to close easily, the bag has to be “full.” When there’s nothing in the bag but my phone, I have an issue with it closing but today, I put a few other items in and it closes like a dream! YES! I AM SO HAPPY ❤️ I think it’s because when the bag isn’t full, if you push down the closing mechanism, the bag sinks in and doesn’t align correctly so you have to manually close it. This was the best thing ever to discover because it was the only thing that bothered me. I’ve updated the rating (:

YSL Large Flap Wallet - 10/10

Let me cut to the chase, there are no con’s so here are the pro’s
PRO’S

Accuracy

YSL Cassandra 9.75/10

PRO’S
CON’S
UPDATE: I was able to easily fix the screws! It was literally a 1 minute fix! I just used a flathead screw driver to re-align them correctly! The video of me fixing it is - HERE. The rating as been appropriately updated ❤️

YSL Large Flap Wallet 10/10

PRO’S
CON’S

Satisfaction 100/10

I am SHOOK about the quality of both of these items. I mean, I got them on sale for starters! I wasn’t expecting much and was completely blown away. The Cassandra is just so beautiful! It’s such an eye catching bag, with the way it catches light and the gold hardware. I’m a bit sad about how it doesn’t close easily but it’s so cute that I can begrudgingly overlook that. I’ve updated the rating because I figured out how to get it to work! The bag just has to be full so the clasp falls on it easier. I’m super happy now! I ended up liking this bag more than I thought I would, as it’s so comfortable to wear and the size is perfect. Also, did Anna accidentally send me an auth YSL Monogram Matelasse Envelope Wallet (btw, there’s so many different names for this thing and it was a struggle to decide which one to call it)?! I feel like a broken record but the leather on the wallet truly is SO INCREDIBLE. I just want to rub my unworthy face all over it. It’s insane how soft and shiny it is, even without being conditioned! I love this wallet so much! One thing I didn’t consider though is how freaking big it is. It’s HUGE. It doesn’t fit into a lot of my smaller bags and definitely does not fit into the Cassandra. Just like the auth, it’s width is around 7.5 inches/19.05 cm and the height is 4 inches/10.16 cm.

Seller a Communication 6/10

This is a tough one to write because I honestly always like to look at the brighter side of things but I feel so cheated.
Screenshots of convo
I paid extra ($57.07 USD for two items) for my items to get shipped with full packaging but they ended up arriving in only dust bags. One of the dust bags can’t even close at all because the string was unattached when I got it. Thankfully, nothing was squished. Instead of refunding me, she told me that she’ll just send the packaging I wanted the next time I order.. Why do I have a gut feeling that even if I buy from her again, she won’t remember to give them to me? I’ve heard lately that people are having issues with Anna and some believe it’s because she has a few people working her accounts. I think this may be the case? I don’t know. It just left a bad taste in my mouth.
Besides that, she or whoever is managing her Whats App is very easy to talk to. She/that person responds very quick and is efficient. Seems very nice.
submitted by ex0tica to RepLadies [link] [comments]


2020.07.25 12:55 Mungathu Current life status

Love life: none Women friends: 0 Genuine bonds: 0 Friends: 0 Any friends: 0 Acquaintance: some, from the previous work; occasional beer every now and then but that's all; in terms of any deeper connection, close to nothing;
Job: none; worked as web dev for 2 years; then worked at a warehouse for 6 months; Money: enough for next month's rent but that's it
Fun: sometimes, sometimes quite ok but there's so, so, so much missing
Exercise: fairly consistent, haaard, haaaaaaard and fun workouts, very fit, 9/10 Diet: 8/10, excellent, safe for occasional sweets
Trajectory: clear sense in general, very unclear specifics Destination: clear sense in general, somewhat clear but not certain specifics Overall progress trajectory: very uncertain, the relationships thing appears like an enormously hard-to-approach struggle that's very tricky and elusive for me to resolve
Sense of fulfillment:






* * *
Subjectively, love life, women and friends status is non-negotiably unacceptable and long-term intolerable, a complete waste of life;
reading stories, seeing or hearing or just noticing how people form cool relationships, have all these awesome and fun experiences, live and interact with others frequently, having fun adventures and all that stuff, it feels like something was vacuuming out my internals;
I can't stomach how I'm fucking 29 years old and in this position in life where I have 0 love life, no women, 0 friends, 0 relationships whatsoever, where my youth and all of these wonderful associated experiences were completely missed by me and, despite having changed so much, learned so much, developed so much (especially socially), I'm still in this position;
repeated attempts to solve the relationships status end up in nothing, I consistently fail to take the right action to truly set realistic course in terms of solving that problem;
I can't fucking comprehend how is it that I failed to solve this problem, how is it that somebody like me, who was so insanely hard working, so driven, so fucking enthusiastic about everything, so completely and utterly engaged, so passionate and energetic, someone who's spent so much energy and time and hard, hard, haaaaard efforts on fixing that problem, is still in the position where all the love life, relationships, friendships stuff, life, passes by, like water between the fingers;

I could solve the problem of securing a high end, awesome job.
I could solve the problem of how to actually learn web development from scratch, 0 prior experience, on my own, 0 tutors, 0 bootcamps, nothing except online & free or very cheap stuff/books, to secure that fucking job.
I could solve the problem of how to actually accomplish the above, despite living in a house that had such toxic atmosphere which I hated so fucking very much.
I could solve the problem, before that, of how to study well, how to write a very solid master's thesis, how to prepare and absolutely nail the final exam, to finish my master's degree in economics and university.
I could solve the problem of how to properly strategize, endure and essentially shawshank-redemption my way out of that house, rent something suitable and start living on my own, whilst also working insane hours in the first months of getting the dream job in web dev.
I could solve the problem of living on my own with absolutely no help or mentoring on anything about it or anything related from anybody whatsoever, since I didn't even see how someone would have any problems with it, it was very simple.

I could solve the problem of learning how to get myself out there and talk with people, despite initially feeling very awkward about it due to extreme lack of experience in that area. Over time, I learned how to just relax and how conversations happen naturally. I learned social skills to a really decent degree and saw myself warmly welcomed to social scenarios such as going for a smoke, dinner, bar every now and then, a party every now and then.
I could solve the problem of how to start learning how to talk to girls, whilst working the web dev job; how to go out and take small steps, approach, did over 100 approaches over the course of a month at one point even; until I derailed myself very heavily off from that trajectory due to very poor preparation, naive expectations and insufficient resilience (100 rejections in a row, with 10+ phone numbers that all ended with nothing, I was not prepared to handle that, I increasingly experienced extremes of bewildered self-hatred, self-disgust and hopelessness that went to levels of physical pain).
I could solve the problem of how not to get bogged down by depressive moods here and there and keep going strong in web dev.

Until I couldn't for much longer.
Where, after a few months of deteriorating, and ultimately, comically failing performance, I had to quit. Did so on very friendly terms and all was, as usual, so fucking friendly, appreciative and nice because I was, by all means, well-respected in the place I worked at. I was also dying inside. None of it, none of it constituted any deeper non-work relationships.
Sure we'd go to a bar every now and then but I felt close to no one. Most of these people had their own friends. Their wives, their best friends, their own parties, their own whole fucking life. To them it was just extra, oh a nice party here or there, some gym together, go drink some beers every now and then, just some standard socializing.
I also had a huge crush on this pretty girl that worked there first 3-4 months when I got in. It didn't help that I botched it and nothing came out of it. It didn't help that similar thing happened with another awesome women who joined a few months before I left, except I wasn't heartbroken, I was just resigned by then. We were flirting, there was chemistry but I botched it as well. She didn't choose me. She chose another dude who was just so much more comfortable with women and socializing in general, and given all these fucking accumulated failures and utter fucking null and void that was my love life, even despite my efforts and some progress, flood gates of apathy and resigned despair cracked a bit.

The last few months of my job as web developer, there was already quite a lot of apathy and resignation. It was a ridiculous and absurd reality to face. I would finish a giant fucking project. A large set of app features that dealt with payments and multiple currencies, that had to be in an old framework, that had a ton of stuff that was quite beyond my level. That I wasn't sure if I could handle.
When I finally did - instead of enjoyment, happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment, joy, I wanted to fucking kill myself. My thoughts were, "awesome, let me walk out of the window to celebrate that, yaaaaaaaaay!!!". Or "great, now that I've worked on something for so long and succeeded, I can share everything about it with the empty fucking room to which I come back after work, awesome! that's just great!!! WOW!!!!!!!" Or "so I succeeded at this giant task and now I don't fucking have one person to tell them about it, not to mention, celebrate...wow, isn't that fucking amazing? wow..."

I felt burning alive inside, like there was an empty hole inside that was sucking my guts out.

This all made no sense.
Life makes no sense when you have no one and I'm not talking about interactions-deprivation. I'm talking about the lack of meaningful and genuine connections and relationships in your life. You can have some interactions, even daily. They can even be with cool, honest people. That helps to some degree, sure. But ultimately, I felt completely pointless. This was just totally nonsensical.
With experiences like that, I no longer had the burning motivation to do amazingly well at my job. I felt such hatred. Deep, visceral, encompassing self-hatred and disdain. I couldn't understand what the fuck happened. When I've set out on the journey to become web developer, this isn't what I imagined my life would look like after succeeding in that quest.
Nothing to do with web dev itself. It was a cool and awesome job. It really was. The people were cool, too. Having worked 6 months in a warehouse, recently, I can totally appreciate how cool those people are. Even more so, given that I'd recently went out to have some beers with them.

I didn't imagine I would be so alone. Again, nothing to do with web dev. I had no fucking idea it would come to be such an impossible struggle to overcome my complete lack of love life, of meaningful relations, of friends.
It seemed to me that if I was able to actually become a web developer, if I was able to learn all this and actually secure a real job and work in this industry, then I'm set. I have a job that's both cool and respectable, I do what I like doing, I earn money, I do something with my life, relationships would happen naturally.
Except they didn't.
Not only naturally but then, with great efforts, they still didn't.
None did.
All that time. None. Zero. Fucking. Zero. No relationships.
Work. Empty room. Work. Empty room. Work. Empty room. Add some beer every now and then, sometimes weeks, sometimes months. Work. Empty room. Work. Empty room. Work. Empty room. What the fuck?

Of course, empty room wasn't empty, I just mean I was by myself. It also meant starcraft or league or chess or something that interested me, with cool music, so that helped to soothe the effect a bit. However, obviously, that scenario was absurd.
I could NOT, no-fucking-matter-what-in-the-fucking-fuck would I try or not try, do or not do, consider or not consider, figure out how to solve the problem of complete lack of fulfillment and complete lack whatsoever of love life and any genuine connections and relationships in my life.
This drove me to states that were complete misery.
I can't fucking comprehend what in the fucking fuck is fucking wrong with the pathetic piece of fucking worthless shit that is me, that for so long, can't fucking make friends, can't find at least somewhat acceptable forms of loving relations, have some cool social circle and life going on.

It's not that I cannot explain it at all or it's incomprehensible.
Pervasively toxic, draining, negative emotional atmosphere at home for 26 years, check (many people have that check mark, nothing special there). Divorced parent who remained divorced & single for all those 26 years and still is, check. Very heavy and toxic, negative conditioning from the early childhood, from a parent whom I love dearly & am grateful to but who was perpetually alone and in some emotional disarray and chronic unhappiness, check. Repeated draining, toxic, negative interactions with said parent and fighting the battles to minimize those over time, even when working full time in web dev, living on my own, with good $, check. Not going out, check. Accumulated momentum and habit of extreme, continued solitude, check. Repeated failures of greatly motivated attempts, involving great effort and work input, to fix that scenario, check.
There are more factors and it's not like it doesn't make sense. It's not a riddle that makes no sense. It's just a riddle I'm struggling so fucking hard with and that I've failed to solve for all this time. That's some time. 29 years. That's a lot of years.

Years that passed by and are, like empty slots, not filled with living.
Not filled with all the experiences, all the loves, all the fun, all the journeys, all the parties, all the adventures, all the companionship, all the sharing, all the belonging, all the relationships, all the sense of community, of belonging, of having people who understand you, who are on your wavelengths, all the petty and non-petty dramas and joys of all of it, that virtually all my peers, have filled them with to the brim - or at least somewhat.
At this point, I don't know what the fuck to do. It's another fucking lonely friday. I'm on my way to 29th no-party New Year's Eve. My last birthday was the shittiest day ever but even more shitty than the ones before. Nobody even knew about it and I didn't tell anyone because it would just be awkward and forced, and fuck that, that's even worse. Just as the year before that. Which was the same as the year before that, and the prior years were exactly like that, too. Same as my 18th birthday. Same as all the fucking birthdays.

It wasn't supposed to be like that.
When I was grinding for a year straight, insane hours, lonely 10-12 hour day, after lonely 10-12 hour day, after lonely 10-12 hour day, to learn web development from scratch, I had a vision in mind. This vision was of me being a web developer, being a successful, respected individual who had his life together. Who had a real job, awesome job, lived on his own, had solid financial resources and had his life together.
All of that happened, more or less.
I "made it". I got into internship, succeeded massively, got hired on contract after a month of insane (and awesome, I liked it) grind, got a raise after 2-3 months and continued to do well (until I didn't, of course, which was about 2 years after I started working commercially).
The relationships n e v e r came.
Love life never happened. Cool and fun experiences never happened. Sense of being close to someone never happened. Dating never happened. Women never happened. Not even women friends, no, nothing. Friends never happened. Nothing happened. In terms of actual, meaningful, real connections and relationships, abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING, N O T H I N G, BIG FUCKING NOTHING HAPPENED.
Quite literally nothing changed in this area of my life. My social skills, ability to relax and carry myself naturally, with some style and dignity, and healthy confidence, and ability to just express myself and have fun in conversations, all of these improved drastically. I did have interactions. I did go out for a beer, gym etc. every now and then.

And yet, none of it had anything to do with forming any kind of genuine connection with anybody. Fun and joke around, talk some stories, have a good time when going for a smoke or occasional beer, sure. And that was okay, better than nothing. But actually being close to anybody, no, it had nothing to do with it. All these people already had their basket of bonding needs and wants and desires and dreams, filled.
To them, as I learned over time, it was no big deal at all, just being social and making time at work more enjoyable. That's often the case at work. It was naive of me to think that relationships and bonds and love and friendships would just naturally arise at work. That's not what happened, at all. Granted, that's just common sense, more or less.

It wasn't to me. To me, that was the only source of anything social whatsoever and I naively believed that I'd be fine in the end, achievements, career, being extremely good, in the end I'd find the bonds, the friends, the loves, the relationships, the experiences, all that truly matters in life.
I would be in a position to make it happen anyway, since I'd have the respect, the reputation, the money and I'd be able to make more time for it down the line. Instead, I found myself in a position of battling repeated, intensifying onslaught of a sense of depressed, desolate emptiness, pointlessness, complete lack of fulfillment and losing joy in even the things that previously gave me joy, failing to see any real way forward, failing see any real meaning in my vision, completely failing to see for what reason would I even want to succeed with fucking anything if I'm still just as alone and isolated as I was before that.
What's the fucking point of fucking anything whatsoever if I remain desolately trapped in whatever it is that's causing me to fail to have any real love, any experiences, any romance, any dating at least even, any experiences, even every now and then, to stay stuck and unable to establish any genuine connections, any real relationships, to have any genuine bonds with anybody?

To be clear, I don't have a victim mindset about this.
No, it's not someone's fault. No, it's not my upbringing. No, it's not this or that happened and that's why. No, it's my fucking fault and I don't mean that as a judgement. The solution to that problem is something that's my responsibility and if I won't solve it, if I don't figure out what I need to figure out and get the help I need, then that's that. Success or failure, the outcome will be mine to bear so there's no one to blame.

It's just that I don't know how to solve it. I don't know how to get the help I need to solve it.
I've failed to solve it for 29 years.
And it's soul-crushingly depressing at times.
Am I closer to getting on the path of solving it than I was before? Yes. But I don't know how to fucking solve it. Or how to get the kind of help, with the kind of quality and authenticity, that I need. For one, all this time, I have failed to solve that problem. I'm as alone as I was. It seems to take so much time. Two, I don't know what's what, when it comes to this issue. It's a real struggle to identify what's what, it's confusing. Third, I don't know how to set a course that would ensure high chances of solving it in the long term. Fourth, and this big, by this point I honestly feel very heavy with it all. At some point, these giant doors to the reservoir of apathy and resignation opened a bit, and then opened a bit more. Some amount of resigned apathy did flow in. I don't always feel apathetic but it does occur from time to time.
Last few months of my web dev job, I did force myself, with drive, discipline and willpower, to give it my absolute all and restore my job performance and get the job back on track. Then I could decide the next steps. That seemed like a reasonable course of action.
What ended up happening, I would notice myself staring at the code, cursor blinking, and it was as if my brain would refuse to work on that. I'd take a breather, refresh myself, buckle up and try harder. But that would last for some minutes or half an hour but soon, I'd be back to square one. It's as if I was getting the message, "no". "Nope." "You're mistaken, you can stare at this cursor all day, it will not force me to work on this". And I would stare and my brain would not work on this.
Not that I was daydreaming or allowing my focus to just slip, no, it was a weird experience. I'd have my timer for time-boxed work period. The minimum of 8 hours. I'd find myself unable to think about the problem at hand, when looking at code. I'd switch tab to the work time and watch seconds passing by, minutes passing by.
I'd mutter "what the fuck is happening, what the fuck am I doing, what is fucking wrong with me" to myself, as I stared at my self-set work timer.
It was as if a crane on mental resources pipeline was turned to off. I would find myself struggling with even the most basic things, something I wouldn't struggle much even prior to having ~2 years of commercial experience.

At this point, now, I'm feeling huge amounts of resistance to the idea of putting extreme and intense volumes of work to solve issues, where before, it failed. Certainly not for as long as I'm still fucking deprived and devoid of any connection, any real relations. That kind of feels like the most certain kind of a "NO", absolutely not, not even a consideration, I feel like I'd just fucking implode inside or go straight to killing myself.
I also detest the idea of someone having pity over that stuff. Call it insecurity, okay. Few things would make you feel inferior or inadequate as effectively as someone pitying your solitude or trying to "oh, poor thing" you. I'm not inferior, I just have a problem that I don't know how to solve.

And I want to solve that problem, not agonize or cry about it. It's just that it's a very fucking hard, tricky, elusive, absurd, ridiculous, extremely difficult to even approach, kind of a problem for me to solve. It feels extremely depressing and hopeless to me, often, and it doesn't help that I have to keep battling and figuring my way out of that, repeatedly, too.

You can seek help. I did.
Professional help is mostly unreliable unless you're able to find the rightly qualified person. I wish it wasn't. I tried it. I wish it was reliable. Psychologist's job is to be able to find the issue with your way of thinking and perceiving, and help you fix it. Essentially, like a mechanic who could, with all the proper precautions and care to not damage anything in the process, investigate the issue, identify what it really is with sufficient accuracy and precision, and then offer a path of safe tests and fixes that culminate in a lasting solution.
If a car mechanic happens to be sub-par, it's not the end of the world. Well, if you come with a very expensive car, it's a bigger deal then. You wouldn't want to go to any mechanic or even an okay mechanic. They could fuck it up and then what? And what if it's your very own mind and thinking processes?
When you open areas of pain, of deep seated, long-term, unresolved, visceral pain, one misstep - one bad suggestion - one faulty question - one wrong assumption - one wrong expression - one slightly inaccurate message - one nuance in the wrong place - can mis-align, de-synchronize, further entangle and fuck you, more than you can imagine.
Vast majority of people working in this industry is not even present to the responsibility they bear. It's really comical at times. A circus. Unless you're the one in need of help they're trying to learn to give, then it's not so funny anymore.

Not their fault, it's more a representation of the industry. I don't blame them or the industry, it's just something that's relatively new and needs more time to properly mature.
And I don't blame them but I also will not be fucked by it.
Some people in this industry, quite a few in fact, are like someone who brings a hammer set to examine and fix hardware such as CPU and graphic card. And their way diagnosing problems is more like a set of labelled boxes that say from which side should they swing the hammer.

Sir, you have this and this (already swung the hammer), this and this is needed (another swing of the hammer). At what is a very delicate, vast, richly textured and layered thing - person's thinking processes.
The common practices contain so much vagueness, generality and category shuffling, you can go to a few respected psychologists and get opposite conclusions. And sometimes the conclusions are very fierce, "obvious" convictions, which is just...indescribably inadequate. It's like a poor joke relative to meeting real competency requirements for ensuring safe, accurate, precise, well-tested and well-adjusted, well-calibrated solution procedure.
It's a very tricky, hard job that requires great insight, skillful care and precision to perform well. It requires a ton of proper preparation and characteristics that are often missing.
Not all, not always, I don't really mean to berate any of these people or even the industry as a whole. It's not their fault, it's a new industry and it needs time to properly mature. Actually, I'm glad and grateful they're there.
Either way, I'll still try finding a psychologist, when I'll be able to afford one.

For now, the plan is that I have to figure out a way that ensures real, continuous progress in genuine, cool, mutually sincere and fun relationships. Nothing else can even begin to begin getting off the ground until that condition is satisfied, which makes this scenario very tricky.
I don't know what the fuck to do, in real terms, to actually see myself on track in the near future. Say a month from now, I don't fucking know what to do to see myself having made actual, real progress instead of another giant spurt of great effort, dedication, planning, doing, action and work, routine, getting after it, that culminates in some pleasant conversations here and there, if that, and nothing more, and leaves me in essentially the same fucking spot that I'm in now. I'm quite wary of the possibility that I'd reach levels of hopelessness where I'd just kill myself on the spot if I were to go through that again.
submitted by Mungathu to loneliness [link] [comments]


2020.07.12 09:04 ProfessorLuu [OG + REMAKE SPOILERS] FF7 Remake Part 2 Chapters Breakdown Predictions

For starters, I love the original game and I love the Remake. Both definitely has its flaws, but it’s still remain one of my favorite game of all time. Despite the view of the majority, I quite like the ending and am optimistic with what the removal of Whispers has for us in future parts. For the sake of time for fans all around the world, I hope this Remake saga of FF7 would be a trilogy, but I would not mind if they turn this game into a four parter, for the sake of polishing each POIs. The possibilities are endless, and I would like to share what I hope to expect chapter-by-chapter in FF7R part 2.
If they plan on making this amazing remake a four-parter, Nibelheim is a safe call. However, if they want to make this a trilogy, I would like it to end in the City of the Ancients/Forgotten City. Because they have defeated the Whispers, I hope the following parts will not be tied down with the original plot as much and I could imagine all of the twists and turns, as well as the parts of the original that they could spread out or cut down for the sake of pacing.
As a side note, the summons I wish they add in the second part would be Ramuh, Titan, Neo Bahamut, and Odin. Because Ifrit and Shiva was the fire and ice summon in Part 1, let’s add some Earth, Lightning, and Wind this time around. Let’s save Alexander, Phoenix, Knights of the Round, and Bahamut Zero for last (assuming it’s a trilogy).
Here’s my chapter breakdown prediction for if Square Enix intends to turn the remake into a trilogy:
Ch. 1: The story begins with Cloud explaining his past to the party, as we can assume they have settled down in the inn in Kalm. They could expand more on the people within Nibelheim, making it more vibrant and lively so that there would be more emotional impact when it gets destroyed. Optimistically, we are able to control Sephiroth as we make our way to Mt. Nibel and we see how he turned insane from discovering his past. I would love it if Square was able to make our One Winged Angel a temporary playable character, along with Cloud, at least in the beginning of the game.
Ch. 2: I’m hoping they merge the Chocobo farm and Kalm, so that we are able to quickly obtain a Chocobo for each party and pass by the Midgar Zolom into the Mythril Mine. I can imagine them adding a Chocobo mini game, similar to the motorcycle mini game, with the boss being the Midgar Zolom, similar to Roche. Eventually, we have reached and explored the Mythril Mine and met with Elena and the Turks, with her being the boss of this chapter.
Ch. 3: Upon exiting the Mythril Mine, we must cross the forests until reached Juon Harbor. Square Enix can pad this part like how they did with the Sewers or Ghost Train Graveyard in the first part of the Remake. This will be the perfect place to include Yuffie into our party. Yuffie could be our boss this chapter, with her agility on par with Rufus in Remake Part 1.
Ch. 4: The party arrives at Juon Harbour. Pretty straight forward. The main boss of this chapter will be that sea monster we encountered when rescuing Priscilla. Square can milk the minigames and side quests in this chapter, with each side quests provided by either Tifa, Yuffie, Barret, or Aerith to build affection values for the upcoming Golden Saucer date.
Ch. 5: The crew must board the Cargo Ship and fight the first Jenova illusion that Sephiroth summons on the ship. Pretty linear here.
Ch. 6: The crew arrives at Costa Del Sol and attempts to acquire a buggy. I know the buggy is acquired later on in the game, but I assumed this game will not be as open world as the original, so the need for a buggy to traverse the land is needed. Costa Del Sol could be milked, but my creative thinker-box cannot find a way. I don’t see any purpose for this place other than that part where you have to talk to Hojo. The original was a goofy game with serious parts, but the remake overall feels like a serious game with goofy parts, so I think this scene could be deleted.
Ch. 7: After the buggy, the party stumbled and struggled on their path to Mt. Corel. We have Barrett past explained. Again, because we are in another town, side quests and minigames are milkable. Once we are done with that, we make our way to the Golden Saucer.
Ch. 9: Behold, the Golden Saucer! Easily milkable place for side quests and minigames. Perhaps, chances to increase affection points for those you will go on the date with during your second visit. Perhaps, we could make Battle Square a place where we can level up and acquire our Level 3 Limit Break. Upon entering, you got in touch with Cait Smith and he gets to join your party. After finishing the side quests, you get thrown in the prison because of the mass murder of Shinra soldiers within the amusement park.
Ch. 10: You are in prison and must find Barrett among the convicts. Barrett talks about Dyne and, to make a long story short, we gonna beat Dyne in a 1v1 (hopefully, as epic as Rufus vs Cloud in part 1). After that, you gotta do the Chocobo racing, which has the same controls as the Ch. 2 minigame.
Ch. 11: You have escaped prison! After reacquiring your buggy, the party passes by Gongaga Village where the party search the broken reactor and that cutscene with Scarlet will occur. Because Hell House was a boss in the first part, I am interested in seeing how they make our Triceratops tank into a boss here. Cloud has his mental breakdown again about Zack when they entered Gongaga Village. Also, fuck frogs! Possibly another cutscenes after Zack survived his ordeal.
Ch. 12: The party arrives at Cosmo Canyon. After Bungehagen explains to the party about the origin of Avalanche and the important of the Lifestream through an amazing rendition of his VR observatory, Square can definitely milk this part for side quests.
Ch. 13: Red XIII and the party ventures into the Gid Cave and discovers the truth about his father. The Gid Ghost will most likely be the main boss of this chapter. Again, pretty linear here.
Ch. 14: The party reaches Nibelheim. They find it eerie in the original, but the Remake could make it spookier in HD. The boss could be one of those monsters we randomly encountered within the mansion in the original. Afterwards, we can spot our edgy Vincent Valentine and convince him to join our party.
Ch. 15: The party reaches and explores Mt. Nibel. Hell, Sephiroth could appear again and fuck our day up with another Jenova creature as the main boss of this chapter, why not? Endless possibilities!
Ch. 16: We have reached Rocket Town. We found Shera and Cid and have them explained why the hell there’s a leaning rocket in the town. Cid will probably not be playable until the next part due to time. We can milk more side quests for affection points for the upcoming Golden Saucer date, until we have to beat Palmer as our main boss of this chapter and escaped on our Tiny Bronco.
Ch. 17: Oh boy. News flash! We gotta go back to the Golden Saucer because that rat bastard Dio has that gosh darn Keystone for the Temple of the Ancients. Well, let’s flex our fighting skill in this new rendition of Corneo Colosseum called the Battle Square, grab that Keystone, and take that shit to the Temple of the Ancients. (Fuck Tonberries!)Oh wait, the tram’s not working, so I guess it’s time for DATE NIGHT! To make this chapter more romantic, let’s have Cloud and his date see the fireworks together and embrace one another. Depending on who it is, I really want Cloud to learn how to hug, assuming Tifa Resolution in Ch. 14 of FF7R part 1 was non-canon (A kiss scene would be nice, but the man has got a lot to learn. Give him time to emotionally grow! Also, although a kiss scene would appeal to the ship war between Tifa and Aerith, Cloud x Barrett would be an incredible sight. I find it hilarious if they make us watch it as a trophy like in the original game, although I’m not sure if Japan is that progressive yet.)
Ch. 18: Right when the date was over, that motherfucker Cait Smith started the Benny Hill chase around the Golden Saucer and yeeted the Keystone to the Turks. Chasing them overseas, we have arrived at the Temple of the Ancients where we learned about the Black Materia and Sephiroth’s true plan. After Cait Smith pulls his magic card and condenses the Temple into the Black Materia, Sephiroth arrives and does his Jedi Mind Trick on Cloud. The boss this chapter would be the Devil’s Gate.
Ch. 19: Yo, let’s go find Aerith and head to the Bone Village. With that minigame to find the Lunar Harp and wake the Sleeping Forest, this chapter is pretty linear and simple. Think of it as the calm before the storm.
Ch. 20: Hey, we are at the Forgotten City. There’s Aerith praying for Holy, but wait, does she get stabbed by Sephiroth? Who knows? We killed the plot armor Whispers, so shit can differ from the original FF7. Aerith will or will not die. Maybe Cloud will die, playing the hero he always wanted to be, and we will find and play him again in the next part when Ultimate Weapon sucks our party into the Lifestream. Maybe the member who you have accumulated the most affection value and went on a date with at the Golden Saucer will die (death flag scenario). We need that shock factor from Square. Either way, after someone dies, we get to fight our main antagonist Sephiroth again as our main final boss and the game ends Avengers: Infinity War style with someone disappearing into the Lifestream.
I left each chapter pretty vague and open-ended for the sake of speculations. I am aware that there are 18 chapters in the first part of FF7R, but like I said, there will be parts I’m expecting Square could trim down for the sake of pacing. I don’t work at Square, so again, the possibilities are endless in terms of gameplay, pacing, and direction of the plot. Like many people, I was both excited and terrified of what Square has to offer after the ending of FF7R part 1. I pray to the gods they do not Kingdom Hearts or Nomura’d the story. Next to Super Mario Galaxy, this is one of my favorite games of all time and I cannot wait for what’s in store for us. Feel free to share your thoughts about my predictions or share some of your own for each chapter.
submitted by ProfessorLuu to FFVIIRemake [link] [comments]


2020.07.12 03:28 altymcalterton My last letter

The time is 1am and I feel like just writing out my current life situation A lil info: My name is Dylan I am 6ft 4 and 105kg(quite unhealthy) I have been dealt the shitty card of schizophrenia, depression, insomnia (all medicated but still a serious battle) and possible BPD but more checks by CAMHS are being done I have 0 irl and one internet friend who barely talks to me and family wise everyone is either dead, abusive or disowned me. I still commonly self harm, have attempted suicide and most of the time just want to disappear.
Now a bit of info on what got me here: My entire life has essentially been a repeating cycle of finally being comfortable, emotionally dropkicked, climb back up to being stable enough to function and then getting body slammed back into the recesses of depression. This cycle still turns today
Up untill I was 5 id spend all my spare time with my nan because she was simply amazing, I still cherish every little trinket of hers I own. One day out of nowhere I get the bomb dropped on me that she died (lost the battle to breast cancer) and for someone reason I'm yet to figure, the entire family thought blaming me would fix everything saying things like how if I'd let her rest more she'd still be here of or if I was never born she wouldn't of got cancer in the first place which as you can imagine fucked me up big time
Then we come to school. Oh boy I spent pretty much every day getting bullied the shit out of. No friends at all, I'm pretty sure even the teachers were cheering when I was getting my teeth kicked in. Despite this id just take because I believed my nan was watching and all I wanted was to make her proud ( she was strict Christian so I made sure to abide as closely as possible). Fortunately I was lucky enough to have the ability to pick up new things quickly so even without putting to much effort into school i managed to keep in the top end of the class. I think it was around yr5/6 when I started to depend more and more on imaginary friends because all the real people hated me and I think it was this dependence on the imaginary that let my psychosis affect me so bad. By the time highschool came I was seeing full blown devils incarnations everywhere I looked however my parents being the responsible and loving people they were said I should stop making things up.
My home life was hell on earth X10, we live in a run down area of England which is notorious for the gang activity here (drugs, stabbings, beatings, you name it) meaning our house itself was already shitty. We combine that with mentally unwell parents and sprinkle a bit of poverty and you create the perfect recipe for someone young to decide that spending times with these gangs was my best choice. By highschool(yr 8+) I'd witnessed some stabbings and beatings but never par took(for now as we'll see later). I mainly either took drugs and dealt them. I've had a few bad run ins with some people but luckily I was never too bad off
Then we get to year 10. This is when the DID started to go fucking sicko mode. I developed alternate personalities because life was just treating me well too harsh for me to handle. The unfortunate side affect of this was the creation of a personality I call "Arthur". The TL:DR is he's a straight up fucking psychopath, like in every sense of the word. He enjoys mentally torturing me whenever he can, he'll never miss an opportunity to get physical with someone but worst of all and the reason for an alt was he has actually killed someone. This isn't a joke This isn't a haha funny, look at me edgy, serial killer UwU This is the truth From what he told me it was he simply just pushed someone over the edge of a bridge (a high one obviously) and the guy either died from the fall or drowning. The death was ruled as suicide. This completely tore me apart. Imagine waking up one day to find out you're a murderer. Do you think could cope? I couldn't. I immediately took as many pill as I could find in the house, I didn't care what they were I just wanted to die. However it didn't work. After that I tried various other things, slit wrists, carbon monoxide even fucking alcohol poisoning but no matter what I just couldn't die So I go on living, a broken shell of a human but hey I'm still alive. Year 11 comes around and I meet this one guy, our personalities click and we instantly become best friends and spend every awake moment talking, playing, studying anything and for once I was actually happy. I couldn't believe that I actually had a friend and I started to look up to see a bright sky again. My grades are becoming As, I'm commonly smiling, I actually have a friend like wtf is this magical shit. Then, everything gets even better. Riding on my new found happiness I decided to finally ask out my first proper crush. She said yes. We went on a date. We hit it off. Bam, just like that I now have friends, a girlfriend and a bright looking future(I even managed to lose my virginity, which I didn't I'd ever do). I apply to my architectural engineering course for college, get told the requirements ect. GCSEs come around. I spend all my time with either my best friend or girlfriend studying. Results day is here and I'm hopeful that I've at least passed everything. Nope, I GOT STRAIGHT FUCKIN As. I literally cried.
College starts, it's not too bad, don't make any friends I just stick with my others. I'm keeping my grades up ect. Now the focal point of when shit hit the fan. My girlfriend moved college because she found a better course. I don't worry because we spend every waking minute with eachother, I know she's loyal and besides we've already planned out our future. I mean, I've even started designing our house in the Canadian woods, we're made for eachother.
I. Was. Wrong.
After a week of her being there she found another guy, admitted I was nothing more than a sex toy to her, accused me of rape, made any friends I had believe her side of the story and the baited me into thinking she did love me, only to shatter what hope I had again.
I was now, mentally fucked and not taking medication, friendless, SOless and trapped in a home with abusive parents. The cycle of self harm and suicide attempts started again but I either failed or pussied out every time Now the whole covid thing is taking over my life and honestly I just don't want to be on this planet anymore.
While I suppose I'm technically not committing suicide, after tonight my plan is to fade into non existence and let one of the other personalities that reside in my brain take over permanently, so this is formal good bye My life was shit at every turn but honestly, I wouldn't change anything and at least now I get to see my nan
submitted by altymcalterton to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]


2020.07.10 17:04 GrayOctobers [REVIEW] Louis Vuitton Pochette Felicie mono from TS Heidi/Orange Couch factory + WIMB!

Disclosure: I received no discounts or incentives from Heidi in return for this review.
Hey y’all! I mostly lurk here and silently upvote all your incredible posts, but I decided to finally introduce myself with a review of my first ever rep bag: the LV mono Pochette Felicie. This lil cutie is from Orange Couch factory via TS Heidi’s group buy from earlier this year. This is obviously my first time writing a review and I hope it’s helpful for some of you despite my less than stellar QC abilities. (There was an attempt!)

Prologue/ramble you probably don’t care about:
I discovered RL the way many of you did, I was in the market for my first authentic purse and was researching reviews. I came across this place and ~angels singing~ my mind was BLOWN.
I picked the Felicie as my first rep because I originally considered buying it authentic and can actually afford the authentic. I’m at the start of my career in a blue collar city, none of my friends or family own anything designer and I think it would look just a liiiiitle bit weird to people if I suddenly emerged from quarantine with a Chanel CF… no matter how badly I want it.
However, this was around the time in March when LV decided to raise their prices in the middle of a global pandemic while simultaneously never having shit in stock on their website. I was so turned off and annoyed that I was like oh efffff this i’m not spending $1,130 on this tiny canvas purse. I had already been lurking on this sub and with Heidi’s group buy happening, I knew it was the perfect time to take the plunge on a rep.

The good stuff that you're actually here for:

D E T A I L S

T I M E L I N E

P H O T O S

Q U A L I T Y - 9/10

A C C U R A C Y - 9/10

S A T I S F A C T I O N - 10/10

What can I say? I have no complaints. What I love most about this purse is that it’s versatile af. I had originally considered getting a Favorite, which is similar, but seems more casual and less versatile. The Felicie matches most of my wardrobe and I can wear it any time, any season. I love that it has an envelope style flap (I’m a sucker for those) and I can dress it up or down. I can wear it crossbody, I can double up the chains to wear it as a shoulder bag, I can remove the chains and use it as a clutch. I even saw someone wear it as a fanny pack! The Felicie is a multi-talented queen!!!
I’m pretty petite and don’t carry a lot on me when I’m out and about, so I’m not a fan of big bags. If you carry around more stuff and have lots of essentials, this probably won’t be the purse for you. Although I think it fits way more than you’d think and seems more roomy than a traditional WOC. Plus the two little SLGs are a nice deal. I don’t use the card slot insert but it’s cool to have I guess? I don't use the pouch inside this bag because it takes up too much space, but I do use it on overnight trips and it would also work well inside a tote bag or backpack!

S E L L E R - 10/10

This was my first rep and it was such a breeze because of Heidi.
Newbies take note: If you’re intimidated by the whole TS thing (I definitely was!) Heidi is pretty easy. I love that she has an organized website I can browse with tons of products and lists the prices with shipping included and what Factory they come from. You don’t need WeChat to talk to her. I don’t have WeChat because dear god I do not have the energy to try and get verified rn, but she’s pretty responsive on WhatsApp and I’ve basically never had to wait more than 24 hours for a reply. She communicates perfectly fine in English, she accepts PayPal. I mean, what more can a girl ask for?
Based on some other reviews I've seen here, I probably could've bought this bag for a lil cheaper somewhere else, but for my first rep and my first time reaching out to a TS, I wanted to make it as easy as possible for myself for peace of mind and was willing to pay for that. Between Heidi's group buy/her website/responsiveness on WhatsApp/paypal, it was worth it to me! I definitely will continue to buy from Heidi in the future, however I'd probably branch out to a different TS next time if I specifically wanted another LV bag :)
submitted by GrayOctobers to RepLadies [link] [comments]


2020.07.03 09:29 SayingAndUnsaying Le Bon Motte

In the face of so many recent high profile self-immolations, I thought it might be a good time to do some musing about what this place is and what it’s good for. Apologies in advance for the rambling and the terrible organization; I pretty much always end up writing these things when I really ought to be doing something else, and wanted to put it up ASAP, so as the saying goes I didn’t have time to write a shorter post.
Our sub has an interesting history. On the one hand, we clearly exist specifically because reddit’s SSC community needed a place where we were free to speak openly about politics (and, TBH, Voldemort). On the other hand, our mission statement is ostensibly to be
a place for people who want to move past shady thinking and test their ideas in a court of people who don't all share the same biases.
I don’t think either of those really captures us. But I do think we’ve reached a point where our past is at odds with our present and, inshallah, our future.
The Practical Motte
Granted, we discuss the culture war a lot. But then you have stuff like
I could go on listing these for quite some time, (1) (2) (3) (4), etc., seriously just go look at the all-time top posts.
Is it any wonder that, when I found myself at loose ends in Hawaii, I thought “Man, I have got to tell the Motte about this!”? Though maybe that’s not a great example, because it sort of fits in with our origin story, whereas the point I’m trying to make with the others is that they don’t. And they don’t fit in with our mission statement, either. Yet they are somehow absolutely integral to what this place is.
I’ve been re-reading Neal Stephenson’s Baroque Cycle and can’t help but draw some parallels between the Motte and the Royal Society. Or perhaps some sort of enlightenment-era alchemical Hermetic order might be a better model. We’re intentionally hard to find. We shroud our identities in secret and meet underground to exchange knowledge which is either abstruse, but in which we have a shared interest, or else is outright forbidden. We put forth papers/effortposts for group consideration, analysis, and dissection. And we take great pains to avoid being outed as members of the brotherhood, because -- as on-the-nose as it is -- we have good reason to fear being burned as witches, and even talk about it in those terms.
Vitally, we have a shared (and now concealed!) esoteric literature in common, and I was amused to see Scott call it exactly that shortly after I’d started thinking of it as such. This means we enjoy a lot of shared understandings that don’t need to be constantly relitigated, such as memetic darwinism, political cynicism, and disillusionment with the Academy.
In a world where we almost can’t have real discussions with anyone else due to the sheer inferential gulf between us, we can have them here, with each other.
And we’re just dying to do so, for roughly the same reason that /atheism is a thing. Certainly we’re prone to bringing up certain red- and blackpills more often than is perhaps strictly appropriate. How can we not? We live our lives surrounded by people who are evidently insane, biting our lips, trying to smile and nod and just get through the day without going mad ourselves. So, yeah, sometimes I just need to scream, e.g., MEN AND WOMEN HAVE DIFFERENT REPRODUCTIVE INCENTIVES, so I come here and, pretty soon, a suitable opportunity usually presents itself. When the only thing stuck in your head is a burning need to blurt out what you truly think, it’s amazing how relevant any given conversation can seem. Hammer, nail, etc.
In some sense, then, we are necessarily a de-facto support group. It’s extremely common for me to hear about some news item all day, then cruise over to the Motte in the hope that someone else has already been galvanized into setting the record straight. Just for the sheer relief of dysphoria it brings me to see the matter presented in an informed, thoughtful, sane manner.
The Moderate Motte
We exist in a precarious balance between /SlateStarCodex on one side and /CultureWarRoundup on the other. Below us yawns the abyss of wider reddit beyond which the fell glow of general social media can be perceived flickering dimly in the darkness.
Seriously, have you ever been to reddit? I get so used to this lovely walled garden we’ve built that trying to read any thread on the front page usually results in me pulling one of these. Upon viewing Kathy Newman’s infamous interview with Jordan Peterson, my first thought was, “My God, this is the experience of years of trying to talk to people online distilled into a half-hour conversation.”
The difference is charity. There is an appalling lack of it pretty much everywhere. And this is not just tolerated, but encouraged and amplified! Go look at any other forum discussing why their outgroup says and does the things they do. At the horrific motivations they impute unto each other.
If there’s one thing we should strive not to be, it’s that. And, yes, this requires that we remain militantly on-guard against outgroup-bashing, or even outgroup-denigrating. The line between critical analysis and disparagement can be a fine one, but it absolutely must be walked if we don’t want to turn into /CWR, or if we want to maintain even any hope of diversity of thought.
The privilege we have of interacting in a space where we can pretty much trust that the people with whom we’re arguing will take the time to try to make sure they understand what we’re saying, and take care not to put words in our mouths, is quite simply priceless. And when it’s gone, I expect that it’s gone for good.
Meanwhile /SSC, once the mother country, has felt more and more like a foreign land to me with each passing month. I remember one occasion when I was about to jump into a conversation there when it hit me that I couldn’t even be forthright about my perspective on trans issues, because in that milieu it would be seen as backwards and assholeish and is explicitly proscribed at any rate. Importantly, the conversation in question had nothing to do with trans issues, and I had no intention of bringing them up, but just the realization, the sheer culture shock, stayed me. At one point /SSC was unquestionably my primary ingroup; these days it feels much more like an outgroup. It is no place for our societas eruditorum to conduct our affairs.
The Probative Motte
Another thing which unites us here is a nearly-pathological thirst for intellectual integrity, especially within our own heads. We are driven crazy by inconsistency, yet intelligent enough that we can’t help but find it everywhere. We have this maddening urge to pop the bubbles of wrong ideas even if they, and the people espousing them, are on ‘our side’. As TracingWoodgrains once put it,
We're a bunch of cranky contrarians (meta-contrarians? probably) who can't help but prod at everything whether it's a good idea or not.
We can’t rest easy maintaining beliefs that we know might not be true, that we sense we might discard if only we could encounter someone capable of engaging us, someone perhaps more informed than we are. But anyone as afflicted by this condition as the representative Motte user knows that such people are damned near impossible to find.
Now, the Motte is a precious and probably irreplaceable resource for doing exactly this. Less than it was before we lost most of our lefties, and /SSC would unquestionably be the better forum for this purpose if it hadn’t been so hamstrung -- but we don’t have /SSC any more, and the Motte is still pretty good for it.
This is where our mission statement ought to come in. We are almost uniquely suited to be a testing ground for ideas, among exactly the sort of people we’d want for the job. But we aren’t that, because we’re not built to be. Hate to say it, but look, we cannot expect to become the net’s premier platform for refining one’s beliefs when we have intentionally structured our community around the one thing universally acknowledged to be the mind-killer. To be blunt, we are suffering from an overreliance upon political discussion.
(The evaporation of many non-grey viewpoints is a problem for obvious reasons. Much has been written about it and I don’t have anything new to add, so I’ll let it pass with only a mention for the time being. But it is important enough that it does demand the mention.)
Also, I don’t know about you, but I can go days without noticing a new top-level post outside the thread, because we all know that the thread is where the action is to be had. I’ve seen good posts get more or less starved to death, where I’m sure that if they’d been erroneously posted in the thread there would have been some fantastic discussion. My only thought is that perhaps we could have a parallel non-CW thread such that there’s a comparable, if inevitably lesser, flow of new content. Standalone top-level topics miss a lot of eyeballs, but if they’re all in one place, maybe not. This is also one of the most glaring issues which would need to be addressed on any potential future platform.
What I’d like to see is an intentional culture of putting forth things we believe but are less-sure about, with the explicit understanding that we’re admitting we suspect we might be wrong. These could range from small-scale to sprawlingly open-ended. I’m working on what I hope might serve as a prototype. Working title is “Power: What is it? Who has it? What do they want?” Because, if I’m being honest with myself, it’s pretty clear that my existing mental framework on the matter is egregiously out of touch with reality. I’d like to be able to post this tomorrow; we’ll see how that goes.
But other suitable questions might be “I’ve been operating under the impression that Roe v. Wade is responsible for a big decline in violent crime; is that position supported by the evidence?” or “Is Democracy just an illusion?” or “I’m planning on homeschooling my child -- is that a mistake?”
The point is to bring our weaknesses out into the open and work to correct them. This will also go a long way toward making new blood comfortable enough to contribute.
See, one drawback of our extraordinarily-gifted contributor base is that a lot of people are too afraid to join in the project. I have been contacted by something like five lurkers who have all said that they don’t feel smart enough to contribute, even at the level of replies.
In some sense this is understandable. A selection effect is created by virtue of people mostly only responding to topics on which they’re comparatively competent; to an observer, it must seem as though we are all frighteningly well-informed about everything. To all such people reading this: I promise, we’re really not. It’s an unrealistic standard that no one could hope to meet. Just jump in. My first several posts were pretty sub-par. One learns by doing. So do!
Summary and Suggestions
All maps are wrong; some maps are useful. I contend that all current maps of the Motte are woefully inadequate and that we need to completely reframe what we’re doing and why, if we’re to have any hope of keeping it alive. Therefore, I propose the following:
The Motte is an esoteric society and must be understood as such. Within that we have three major imperatives (in no particular order):
  1. Incentivize the continued production of high-effort, high-quality submissions.
  2. Lean into our role as social club and emotional support for those dealing with the burden of verboten understanding.
  3. Serve as a crucible for refining our members’ thinking.
These things must be actively pursued, and everything else must flow from them.
As to #1, we’re doing okay, though I think we could be doing a lot better. But we’ve almost entirely failed on #3, and up to this point the second half of #2 has actually been regarded as a bad thing! Most conspicuously highlighted by the tragic exit of Qualia_of_Mercy. In retrospect, we as a community, the Motte as an institution, and I in particular failed him, and have failed many others. If you’re reading this, buddy, please forgive me. I was so fixated on #1 that I couldn’t even see #2 as a valid goal, let alone one that might at times supercede #1.
As to pursuing these things, let’s take them in numerical order.
Incentivizing quality content is really hard to do on reddit. Maybe we’ll end up somewhere else where contributors actually get some sort of perks for their contributions, but I’m not about to hold my breath for that. Instead, I want to start up a patreon and outright commission people to write good stuff. I can fund this myself if need be -- there’s no chance of actually paying people what I assume market rates are for top-shelf prose and analysis -- but it’d be cool if others chipped in. Perhaps a project for this weekend. Seriously, what is this place worth to you? If it vanished, how much would you pay to get it back? That's how I'm looking at it, anyway. [EDIT: I didn't spend nearly enough time elaborating on this; see here.]
Sometimes I expect to approach people and ask if they’re interested in formally expanding upon certain topics to which I’ve seen them allude; e.g. 2cimarafa’s passing remark about her low regard for the Constitution. But maybe we could also offer (small) cash prizes for especially good stuff that turns up in the wild, as it were.
Esoteric societies sometimes have journals. I think we should start putting out quarterly publications. I already find myself thinking stuff like “Boy, I can’t wait to see KulakRevolt’s next column.” These would also showcase what we have going on and perhaps serve as a draw for valuable newcomers, now that SSC no longer exists as a suitable attractofilter.
Also, to be frank, we need to rethink our stance on consensus-building. Not in the general case, necessarily, but we should be encouraging people to make strong arguments in long-form format, perhaps collaboratively, with an eye to being able to cite them as we have previously done with Scott’s work. The Motte has put out some really cool stuff, but how often do we -- or anyone else -- link to it as foundational material for our conversations? Where is our Meditations on Moloch? Our Neoreaction FAQ? I know that the people here are capable of turning out such things. It’s high time that we start making our own meaningful contributions to the esoteric literature, such that rat and pararat communities across the interwebs know and fear respect us, and incorporate our work into the canon.
Finally, as we bleed into imperative #2 (social club, emotional support), it’s just clear that we need different codes of conduct for different spaces. Qualia_of_Mercy should have had a place to rend his clothes and gnash his teeth. Yes, that sort of thing should be kept out of the more formal operations, but he put it where he did because he had nowhere else to put it.
To some degree we’re doing really well with the social club aspect. The Wellness Wednesday and Friday Fun threads are exactly the sort of thing we need, and the mods and contributors do a fantastic job of running them (shoutout in particular to j9461701!). In that capacity, the main adjustment to be made is just one of attitude. Let’s see this place for what it is and embrace it. And, maybe, a general/offtopic/informal thread is called for, but once again we run smack into the limitations of reddit.
Now, as for imperative #3 (i.e. what the sidebar says we are), I think we pretty much need to admit that we’re starting from square one and this is going to have to be built from the ground up. And, yes, the culture war thread is a problem. I don’t think we can just get rid of it, and anyway it’s too valuable to jettison, but it poses a direct obstacle to this whole notion of testing our ideas in an intellectually diverse environment. Yet again reddit rears its head. We can’t de-emphasize the thread, or even comparably-emphasize other threads, because of the hard limit of two stickies.
Well, what we can do is institute something like ‘Turnabout Tuesday’ where instead of arguing for our positions we argue against them. This is really intellectually healthy anyway, and might serve as a good opportunity to invite progressives into our project. “Hey, tomorrow I’m planning on ripping Western CivilizationChristianityThe Nuclear Family a new one, care to lend me a hand?” Now, that will get the ball rolling on testing our ideas. And of course everyone will be free to criticize those arguments, too. Or perhaps we might have a weekly event where user-submitted, mod-approved propositions are debated with participants randomly assigned to either side. There’s really a lot of potential in #3, and IMO the sooner we put something like this into motion, the better.
In closing, the last few weeks have served as an opportunity to do a lot of soul searching regarding this community and my relationship thereto. What is it to me, really? A bunch of pretentious internet degenerates circlejerking about social justice? And yet I keep finding phrases like ‘the light here kindled must not go out’ running through my head. As I take stock of the situation, weirdly enough, it occurs to me that somehow what I am is a patriot.
submitted by SayingAndUnsaying to TheMotte [link] [comments]


2020.07.01 23:55 jackstories "Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year"-Pete Wentz......My Second Year Teaching...Enjoy!

I hope you all enjoy! Remember, feel free to private message me with any questions or blog information!

Ahhhhh.......year 2.....definitely the most interesting year I've taught to date for many reasons. The general aura of this class of students is one to be remembered for years to come. Whether they be the behavioral issues, the "going down the wrong path" moments; my leave of absence and my return from absence; it was a wild ride. Going into year 2 I had a new understanding of what it meant to be a classroom teacher. I was finally (somewhat) used to the style of teaching that was expected of me and I was coming down from a trip to New Zealand that last June. My confidence level had risen compared to last year and I was as ready as I'd ever be to start year 2. I will be splitting up Year 2 into 2 separate parts since this is a rather long piece. Part A will consist of events throughout the year and generally how the year went as a whole. Part B will consist of funny stories and what I learned from this year, moving into year 3.

Part A

The first day, I'll never forget it, was a very cloudy day. My high school English teachers would be proud that I now recognize this as a foreshadowing to how this year was probably going to turn out. I was gathering my students on the front field of the school (we collect students by their 7th period (last period) on the first day of school), when I can already start to see the stories that this group is going to let me take part in. We're finally in the building and in my classroom. This is my second year in the "dungeon" (the basement), where cell service doesn't exist and strange creatures live in the visible pipes beneath the floor. As I begin to go through the day 1 shenanigans, one of my students, we'll call him Randy, decided to lay sprawled out on the floor at every little thing that inconvenienced him from me going over what the year will look like. I already knew that this child was going to be an adventure in itself. Throughout the year Randy got in all sorts of trouble. But I'll get to that later. Fast forward through the first few months of school and things are going as expected for a second year teacher. I attempted to try to shift from my old ways of not having procedures and routines set up, to now trying to instill them from the start of the school year. I started out great!!! But then slowly.....slowly things started unraveling and I was losing control of my students. I was still on the fence about how to handle classroom disruptions. Part of me just didn't want to interact with their parents. I was scared of saying the wrong thing, or accidentally cursing, or just getting in an argument with them. I am MUCH better at parental contact present day, which is KEY for a successful school year. Looking back Im now able to notice where my anxieties and OCD started to affect me professionally. I was still trying to be "the cool teacher" (a little less than last year though). I was convinced that if the kids didn't like me, then they wouldn't listen to me. I was afraid to be "boring". I didn't want my students to have the mentality of "abandon hope, all ye who enter here" I wanted "Mr. Wilton's class, he's always got some cool things to talk about." My methodology of teaching math was different from what they expected me to do. As mentioned prior, I'm used to "I do, we do, you do", not the constructivist view I was trying to learn. While one of my favorite things as a teacher is relating the content to my life or real life, I believe because the students in our school are so spread out when it comes to level of mastery, a normal constructivist approach cannot be implemented successfully. I stand by that notion to this day. My teaching team for the past 2 years was awesome and my mentor teacher from year was so helpful. The only issue is that she is an intimidating woman. She is so good at her job and does things her own way, it was hard to develop my own way of teaching my first and second year. I was still copying the lesson plans that she was creating and still miming what she did with her classes. This made it hard for me to develop my own strategies, lessons and classroom. I didn't discover my own teaching independence until year 3. It's been my goal since day one to relate to my students. Kids love to know every little detail about their teachers lives. To this day I still give them those opportunities to learn about me because they need a reference. They need someone they know will listen to them if they need it. The first thing that happened in November was snowmageddon. Some staff (including myself) and students had to sleep over at the school. I was in the gym with roughly 15 male students, buying movies on Amazon to watch while the kids eventually fell asleep. Our school handled the situation very well. We were able to get the students food, warmth and safety and thats what matters most in a situation like that. Flash forward to late December. Freezing cold, all I was doing was holding on for dear life before the holiday break. I needed to come back with a plan. Could I do it? I wasn't so sure that I could..... Then "it" happened. I spoke to this "it" in a previous post, but I must repeat some of it for the purpose of this story. Before I get to "it", I was still VERY nervous and scared to talk at our math department and PLC meetings. 1. Because I was still "the new guy" and 2. everyone on the math department had a higher level of mathematical understanding than myself. I was definitely more confident in year 2 than year 1. Our math department likes to share lessons between each other to make the work load easier for us. Well..................I f\*\*\*ed mine up. I was in a bind to get it finished and my mind wasn't completely into school in early December. My anxieties were creeping up, but I didn't know they were my enemy at the time. I was still green in regards to my mental health. A colleague of mine sent me an angry email, deservedly so. The email basically said that I f\*\*\*ed up my lesson and that she had to recreate things and add certain items so that she could properly implement it to the students. Now I'll be honest, if you know me you know that I read into things WAY too deeply; but her email was not sent with any sort of advice or how to do better next time. It was sent with anger. That is NOT me overthinking. But if this was an honest assessment of her email present day.....can you imagine how I took it the first go around? I was convinced that she hated me.......I was convinced that ALL of the math teachers hated me and they all KNEW I wasn't as mathematically savvy as they were.........I was convinced ALL of the teachers in the school now hated me.......this was the honest truth. Not only was I dealing with this email, but my kids were out of control. Because I was so screwed up from that email, I lost sight and momentum with ANY sort of classroom management strategies I had in place. I attempted to hold it together, while noticing maybe half of my students in each class were completing the work. I would have "talks" with my classes every other day. The classic "Get it together, blah, blah" paired with "I know it's not all of you, some of you are doing your work blah blah" but my lectures fell short. Want to know why they fell short? Because I hadn't been that teacher in September. My kids knew that they would still get away with things at the end of the day, because of how they met me in September. THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO HAVE CLASSROOM PROCEDURES AND MANAGEMENT NAILED DOWN ON DAY 1!! My 7th period class was literally an ensemble cast of actors and actresses that were written in to fight each other to the death. These personalities clashed daily. It was the loudest I had ever yelled at a class. Some of them got it....some of them will never get it....I had the most immature student I'll probably ever have. This lad was bright and could really shine in school. But he didn't...but why didn't he? He was too concerned about being the most mature one in the room in an immature way. This same student's mother called the school the following September and asked why her son wasn't in honors math.....my supervisor asked me why I didn't recommend him. I was honest....."he's too immature. Theres no guilty feeling coming from me. This child cannot handle an honors course due to immaturity. I do not feel comfortable recommending this kid because of the amount of work he missed due to goofing off. Is he smart? Yeah. Could he handle the work? Definitely. But at the end of the day I wont give this kid a chance because he simply doesn't deserve it." Something then happened with Randy. I walked into school one morning to see Randy in the principals office and thought "now what". The principal had this aura of anger like I'd never seen. We made eye contact and my anxiety went straight into overdrive. I found out later that day that Randy had threatened a female classmate. When I say threatened, I mean THREATENED. I don't feel comfortable putting what was said in this piece. Of course I find out that this occurred in MY class at the end of the previous day. Did I hear this occur? Nope, but apparently things were said. My anxiety SKYROCKETED and I was now convinced that I was getting fired because I didn't report this matter (that I didn't even know had happened). Randy is a troubled child that needed mediation outside of a public school. His behavior and cognition were not on par with that of an average 6th grader. I tried to help this child to the best of my ability, but my lectures unfortunately fell short. I truly hope he gets the help he needs. Now, I had my second observation, which was done by my principal in late December RIGHT before holiday break (kind of an asshole move on his part). I shit the bed......... There I said it. I shit the damn bed, when it came to this observation. My principal tore into me during our post conference like he had never done before. His main concerns were my mathematical capabilities (rightly so) and my capabilities in regards to classroom management (again rightly so). He actually told me that "I'm not the only one who has brought up your classroom management skills. Other teachers in this building have said to me"please do not give me any of Jack's classes to cover."" He also mentioned that we've discussed this issue before (which we did truthfully), and that this is something I should have had a grasp on in September (which was true). This hit me right in the chest and knocked the wind out of me. That was the nail in the coffin. I was broken. I came in the next few days to teach but I couldn't. I gave these kids worksheets and couldn't help them because I was so focused on possibly getting fired for everything going on. Winter break was miserable. My initial plan was to reinvent my teaching strategies and come back stronger than ever....but it didn't happen. I wanted to prove to everyone that I could do it.....but it didn't happen.......nothing happened. Something was starting to brew inside me but I couldn't pin point it. I came back to school and just didn't want to teach. I sat at my desk the next few weeks while my students worked. If they had questions they needed to come up to ask me. If they needed more examples I didn't give it to them. I wasn't teaching. I wasn't earning my pay or giving my kids the education they deserved..... Then my birthday hits in mid January and it was all downhill from there (catalyst, you insist to pull me down....sorry, song popped into my head haha). "It" happened.......My brain imploded. All of these thoughts and worries and anxieties teamed up and transformed into this monster named depression. I was no longer alive. I was a skeleton. I called my principal and informed him that I could not longer work at this time. I told him EVERYTHING. If you think about it, all I have done so far is talk shit about my principal.....let me tell you he handled my situation with the upmost respect and I will be forever grateful to him for that. Present day, he is truthfully someone I greatly admire. I will get more to that in year 3. 
I'm not going to get into too much detail about my 2.5 months away from the classroom. You can read up on that in my other posts. But that was it. I was out of teaching for 2.5 months. While out, I contemplated with my therapist about possibly switching careers into guidance counseling. I was going to quit my job as a teacher and became a substitute or paraprofessional and go back to school to get my masters. This was a definite for the first month and a half of being out. My parents had my back and understood what was going on, but they really didn't want me to quit my current job (rightly advised). In the last half month I was out, I decided to stick it out for the remainder of the school year and apply to get my masters while teaching. The district would pay for a small percentage of the credits I would take. During my absence I only told my 2 male colleagues what was going on and they were both very supportive as well as my parents. My teaching team sent me a card and some cookies, which was very thoughtful. I missed them very much. They made the hard days lighter, especially my two male colleagues on my teaching team. Believe it or not, I missed my students as well. The first thing I learned about this year came during my grand return to school. It was a mystery to the teachers as to why I was out. Only the principal and my two male colleagues knew. Present day if someone asks me what happened Im honest about it. The day I returned was a day I will never forget. I got to school and my teaching team was thrilled to see me. Hugs all around! (Drinks if it was allowed!) I was sitting in my room and the bell had rung. The first student I saw was a student we'll call Alex. This kid was one of my favorites from this year and I will NEVER forget the look on his face when he looked up and saw me. It was the most genuine reaction I'd ever seen. He didn't know what to do haha. Part of him wanted to hug me the other part was just in utter shock. Once he said hello he bolted outside and yelled "MR. JACK'S BACK!!!". About 10 students flooded into my room and I was greeted with many hugs and welcome backs. I had so many butterflies in my stomach. It felt so amazing to be so loved. I'll never forget that feeling. Throughout the day my students would line up outside of my room and when I opened the door to let them in I was met with a concert of "MR. JACK!!". The kids told me stories of what I missed. Apparently, I missed a lot. I missed a fight in my 7th period class (which didn't surprise me one bit). The two students who fought put their animosity aside to welcome me back. The day consisted of all of the rumors that these 6th graders spread about me (WHAT a treat). They came up with everything from "We heard you got hit by a car and died!" to "We thought you had brain cancer because you're bald!" Kids are f***ing hysterical. Upon my return I had to trial a new program that we would be using come the fall. I was thrilled because this trial used the style of teaching that I was used to, while still incorporating some discovery components as well. This gave me such a relief going into the summer and my third year. I was able to dive head first into this new program and study it because it was something that I wanted to be well versed in. I wanted to make sure I knew my stuff and was confident in what I was teaching next year. THAT was my main goal. Year 3 was a big year in regards to getting rehired. I needed to change my ways and give everything I had to year 3's students, because they deserve to have an awesome math teacher who knows his stuff. I knew I could be a successful 6th grade math teacher and year 3 was my time to shine. I learned that day that students really do come to care for their teachers. Some of them don't have parental role models. You're that role model for them.These kids missed me and I missed them. My anxieties calmed down once I returned. I had one more observation to get through, which I did have, and it went okay. The teacher that took over my classes admitted that my 7th period was an anomaly. I promise you that no matter how veteran of a teacher you are, you would not be able to handle my 7th period class. You could have the best practices on classroom management, but you will not tame them. But, I will admit, I did care for them, and missed them. The school year ended with my Annual Performance Review and the principal and I discussed that I would be rehired for the next year. We talked openly about what had happened and it was a very productive and professional conversation. We had an actual discussion, as opposed to me just hearing about what my faults were. I took down my areas for improvement and created a table that I use to this day. The table lists "objectives for the current school year", "ongoing objectives that are currently met", and "objectives that were met from the previous year". This list helps me see my accomplishments as well as areas that I need to improve on. This year really taught me that criticism is meant to build you and make you better. That table is a constant reminder that I'm not perfect, but I've matured and accomplished so much in my first 2 years as a teacher. I made sure my principal knew how appreciative I was for how my absence was handled. He'll never admit it, but I truly believe what had happened to me may have given him a reminder, and made him a bit more compassionate towards me. That is not me blowing my own horn, but it was like he remembered that we are people too and so is he.

Part B

 I must include a few anecdotes about the humorous things that were occurring throughout my second year of teaching. I will also mention things that I learned. Despite all of the bad things that happened, there were plenty of good things that happened as well. I started to have more one on one conversations with my students who were performing poorly. I pride myself in being able to motivate kids in a one on one setting. I can reach them much better and I can be so sincere to the point of my own eyes start welling up with water. At the end of the day, I know that these kids can do whatever they set their minds to, as long as they put the effort in. Throughout this year I had kids crying over grades, dealing with things outside of school and home life situations. Helping kids outside of my subject area my is one of my favorite parts of teaching. It's much different to students when conversations about these things happen with a teacher as opposed to a counselor or administrator. Part of that reason is that the students know its the counselors job to help them and they know that its the teachers job to......well....teach them. When teachers are there for them outside of the duties of teaching, it hits them differently. Theres a sense of realism and connectedness. But before I get into that, let's get into some comedy from this year. I want to talk about a student we'll call Jerome. Jerome is one of my favorite students of all time. At the end of the day, teachers do play favorites. As subconscious as it might be, it's inevitable. This kid pissed me off to no end, but he had something inside of him that told me he would be successful as long as he stayed on the right path. I saw it in him and I let a lot of things slide with him. Simply because I know he meant no harm in anything he did. Two things that stand out when I think of this lad are as follows: 
submitted by jackstories to FirstYearTeacher [link] [comments]


2020.06.24 04:27 Angel466 [Bob the hobo] A Celestial Wars Spin-Off Part 0077

PART SEVENTY-SEVEN
An hour after chasing Lucas out of the hospital, Daniel and Susan were back at One Police Plaza, adding Lucas’ theory to the clear board. The two had then stood back and admired the twenty-eight-year old’s deductive reasoning under pressure. “If this is what he can do when his home life is falling apart around him, imagine what he could do with a clear head?” Daniel asked, to which Susan growled and nodded.
“We’ll see how he handles the full investigation. One day as a consultant to save his own hide doesn’t make for a career behind a gold shield.”
“Who do you think he pissed off?”
Susan looked at him quizzically.
“Seriously. A guy with instincts this good still walking a beat? Someone up his food chain is dirty at him.”
“Either that, or he likes being a beat cop.”
That was also a possibility. Daniel had met a lot of good cops over the years that were happy to deal with the public and avoid the grind that made up their side of the job. Some beat cops could go their whole career and not see a murder victim, and sleep better at night for it. But something told him Lucas wasn’t one of them. Someone was cock-blocking that boy’s career. For the sake of whoever that was, their reasons had better be sound, because Daniel planned on finding out. If there was a good reason, he needed to know about it before recommending he take the detective’s exam. Otherwise, the NYPD was wasting a damned fine asset.
The clock on the wall showed it was nearly midday, which meant he and Suzie Q had been on their feet working this case for the better part of thirty hours. That didn’t mean a whole lot to him, but a long time ago he learned to be mindful of the twenty-four-hour mark around his colleagues. “Do I have to walk you to your car too, Suzie Q?”
Susan flipped her middle finger at him and he chuckled, fisting his hands in the small of his back and arching backwards to stretch out his spine. Another not so subtle hint for his partner which she chose to ignore. “Fine, have it your way,” he said, making his way to the bathroom. “I’m not your mother, but I will ride your ass for a month if you fall asleep at your desk again.” With a cheeky grin over his shoulder on his way to the bathroom, he added, “I might even shave your head this time.”
It took everything he had not to burst out laughing at the filthy look shot him. “You know I wear a gun, right?”
“Mine’s bigger.”
“I’m a better shot.”
That was also true, but to be expected of someone who started her career in S.W.A.T. “Be right back,” he said and left the room.
When he returned a few minutes later, Susan was looking over a folded note with a frown of annoyance. “What’s that?” he asked, wondering if it was somehow connected to the case.
Susan’s frown deepened. “What I can only hope is someone being funny, though when it comes to our country’s educational standards these days, I can’t be sure. The desk sergeant brought it up.” She folded it back up and held it out to him between two fingers. “It’s for you.”
He felt his eyebrow arch even as he took the note and unfolded it.
“Twelve simple words and they can’t even spell pride right,” she said, giving it a dismissive wave and refocusing on the clear board.
Daniel’s eyes widened and he unfolded the note.
MEET ME FOR COFFEE ACROSS THE ROAD. IT’S A MATTER OF PRYDE.
“I’m going to take this,” he said, grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair.
“Seriously?” Susan asked, but Daniel was already heading towards the door.
“It’s personal. I’ll be back in a bit.”
After taking the elevator down to the ground floor and making his way through the foyer, Daniel went to the nearest eatery (not quite across the road) and went inside the small bagel and grill joint, his eyes sweeping through those present.
One towards the back of the shop saw him and smiled, rising to his feet.
“Well, god-damn,” Daniel said, coming forward with a beaming grin of his own. His hand went out, and the second he and Angus clasped wrists, it was a blur as to who pulled who into the back-slapping embrace first. “When the hell did you get back, Angus?”
“About a week ago,” Angus replied, as the two pulled apart. “Can I buy you a coffee?”
Daniel snorted. “Pretty sure I can afford my own damn coffee, although I ought to kick your ass for making me think this was about…” Realising he was about to blurt shop in front of humans, Daniel shook his head and slid into the seat opposite Angus’. “You know what? Forget it. I’m glad to see you, man.”
Angus sighed right before he reclaimed his seat, putting Daniel on notice that not all was as it seemed.
“What’s going on, buddy?” he asked, his voice shifting to suspicion.
“Poppa thinks I’ve been out on the front lines too long. Maybe he’s right.” He glanced at the counter and back at Daniel. “You sure I can’t talk you into a cup of coffee? We need to speak in private, and you always complain about how cold it gets in the rings.”
The rings. Their code for the Rings of Saturn. Still an easy two steps away for the likes of them, but guaranteed not to have any humans listening in.
Daniel didn’t like this at all. “Quite sure,” he said, mentally preparing himself for the cold bite of space.
Angus finished his own drink and rose again, dropping a twenty dollar note on the table. “Suit yourself,” he said, then flicked his head towards the back door. Daniel rose and followed him down the skinny hallway.
Before they reached the door at the other end, they were both floating in space, surrounded by fast-moving asteroids that avoided them both. Literally. Rocks that surged in their direction suddenly shifted five feet to either side of them as if shoved, only to return to their position once they were passed them. The joy of being in the company of the pryde member.
Shivering against the cold that he refused to mention on principle, Daniel turned to watch the sight, for it never got old. Nor did it happen to him. Not while he wore his family ring. This was a rare treat…
…which made Daniel even more suspicious. “What are you buttering me up for?” he asked, turning back to his friend. Communication despite the vacuum of space was no different from existing out here, and both of them were capable of that.
“I screwed up,” Angus replied. “And it is about what you thought.”
“What?”
“When I got back, I took a simple assignment to avoid being at the Prydelands.”
Daniel had a horrible feeling he knew where this was going but hoped, and maybe even prayed he was wrong.
“On the border, things are black and white. If I see something wrong, I fix it, and then it’s not wrong anymore.”
Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Please, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t say it… Daniel mentally pleaded.
“I was in charge of Sam’s protection.”
“DAMMIT, ANGUS!” Daniel roared, wanting more than anything one for of the asteroids to come close enough that he could hurl it at his friend’s face. “What the fuck were you thinking?” A pryde war commander up against a dozen or so humans? That wasn’t even on par with an elephant dealing with a dozen ants clustered around a grain of sugar! A black hole suddenly tearing apart an inhabited galaxy had probably ended fewer lives than Angus overall! “You’re killing me here!”
“I know, pal, and I take…”
“Take your proclamations about responsibility and shove them up your griffin ass!” Daniel snarled, allowing his teeth to shift into rows of needle-fine fangs and his hands to become covered in three-inch claws and spikes.
Angus automatically took a half step back and swivelled side on in a defensive pose. But he never shifted into his natural battle form and straightened just as quickly, lowering his hands to his side. “Do what you will, Daniel,” he said, rolling his open palms towards his friend in surrender. “I’m willing to turn myself over to the human authorities. I’m willing to stand here and take your blows until you feel you have appeased your human brethren. If you don’t want to stop until you kill me, that’s an option too. Just tell me what you want me to do, Daniel, to make this right.”
“I want you to go back in time and stop yourself from doing this!” Daniel’s eyes ignited into balls of bright red flame and he charged at Angus, pushing him hard enough to send the true gryps war commander flying. Angus did nothing to protect himself as he bounced off several asteroids before bringing himself to a halt. He simply stopped, straightened, and walked back to where he started.
“Keep going,” he said not attempting to heal the minor scrapes and scratches he’d accumulated thus far. “If you want to do this and then hand me over to the authorities, you can do that too.”
“You didn’t do this alone! You’re good, but you’re not that fast! Who else helped you?”
Angus shook his head. “Your pound of flesh begins and ends with me. The others would never have acted if they hadn’t seen my actions first. I’m their war commander. They follow my lead. Always.”
“The law doesn’t work that way.”
“And the pryde doesn’t answer to your law. Poppa has left it to me to make this right with you. You. I don't care about the humans. This is about you and me. If you want me to spend a few centuries in prison for taking out the trash amongst your father’s people, I can do that.”
“But if I do that, you won’t be maintaining the border that keeps the whole realm safe.”
Angus nodded in agreement. “Even I can’t be in two places at once.”
Daniel was torn, right down the middle. His human side demanded that Angus pay for his crimes. That he spends the required number of years behind bars, reflecting on his wrongdoing. At least, that was the supposed point of incarceration. Many saw it as a revenge thing. Sort of a ‘take that’, but that wasn’t how it started.
While his other side knew what would happen to everything if the war commander wasn’t where he needed to be. There was every chance the front lines could make their stand without him. Most of the feral prydes had been cleaned out in all directions, but it wouldn’t take long for those further out to fill the space and come back to test Earlafaol’s borders once more. And that’s when Angus would be needed. On the front lines. Coordinating the attacks against the interlopers.
There was a reason Angus avoided the recalls that brought so many of the pryde back to the Prydelands. People would die if he wasn’t where he needed to be. Good people. And sending him to prison was a token appeasement anyway. Nothing would ever make Angus regret his choices. He couldn’t afford to second guess himself like that. He would do his time to make Daniel happy and walk away with no fucks to give.
“How the fuck did this happen?” Daniel snapped, deciding he might as well learn all the facts.
“After Mason’s attack, I thought I could circumvent any action against Sam if I went to talk to them. Emphasis on ‘talk’. It had been my plan to give them … incentive to leave Sam alone. Buy his safety and maybe add a few threats of my own if necessary. The rest of the roommates were not our concern. Only Llyr and his son. They were the ones who went straight to violence, and when they tried to jump me at nine to one, I lost my temper.”
“Bullshit! You never lose your temper. EVER!”
“First time for everything. As poppa said, perhaps I’ve been on the front lines too long. Because if I saw this shit happening out there …” he paused and shook his head, leaving that best unsaid.
“Humans aren’t all warriors, Angus. You can’t hold them all up to that level of expectation.”
“They attacked me. It was self-defence.”
“FUCK OFF!” Daniel exploded, to which Angus hitched a shoulder.
“Yeah, that was poppa’s reaction too. But they did attack me first, so technically, that covers it.”
Daniel stormed in tight circles, wanting something to break. “Who helped you with the slavers?”
“No one. I did those ones myself.”
“Bullshit. You can’t have gotten to all of them at once.”
“I can when I amalgamate the paralytic effect of the tarantula wasp with the range of a spitting cobra and the contact properties of a poison dart frog.”
“You incapacitated them all with a spit poison, and THEN did that to them?!”
Angus’ smile grew strained. “I’m not winning myself any brownie points here, am I?”
“NO!” Daniel stomped around some more. “So you sewed their fucking mouths shut! Then what? Waited for the poison to wear off so you could hear them groan as you proceeded to crush them?”
“I didn’t need to hear them to know how much they were hurting, Daniel. I’ve been a master of combat for a really long time.”
“Then why?”
“Because I heard the humans had evolved their methods of poison identification significantly, and I wanted to make sure they had no trace of anything in their systems when they were discovered.”
That was actually significant. If Angus was the only one who caused physical harm, the others that followed his lead could only be done for assault and imprisonment at best. That was so far down his priority list that it wasn’t even on it. Suzie Q might have a different opinion, but locking up abusers without harming them for the law to deal with was for him, on par with a citizen’s arrest.
“I really hate you right now,” Daniel said, glaring daggers at the war commander.
“I know. For now, I’ll still be maintaining my duty to Sam and Llyr and keeping them safe. When you decide what you want me to do, let me know.” He turned and was about to leave when he paused and turned back. “You’ll never make me sorry,” he said.
“I know,” Daniel answered, and then Angus was gone, leaving Daniel to float amongst the fast-moving asteroids. Two quick steps put him back in his apartment on Fifth Avenue, where he dropped into his couch before the roaring fire and bowed his head into his hands. “That’s the fucking problem.”
* * *

PART SEVENTY-EIGHT

Author's note: (( Here is the WP I did last night involving my favourite character! Enjoy!))
((All comments welcome))
For more of my work including previous parts or WPs: Angel466
For those who want to read from the beginning: Part One
FULL INDEX OF BOB THE HOBO TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!
submitted by Angel466 to redditserials [link] [comments]


2020.06.15 17:48 ClassToTheMax I (23M) think I was with an abusive narcissist (23F)...

I (23M) broke up with my now ex (23F) last week after her crushing my heart. We met freshman year of college and hit it off, I think mostly because it was a pretty girl interested in me that would listen to me. The relationship escalated almost immediately, we were having tons of sex, which was awesome because she was drop dead gorgeous, and spending lots of time together. We get to next year and she moves into the sorority house and is constantly sad and wanting to come over to my apartment, which I agree to. She gradually is basically living with me and completely dependent on me for everything, driving her places, picking her up from bars downtown because she was afraid of ubers alone (which I do understand). However, it would always be that when she went out without me, she would get incredibly drunk and put me into panic attacks trying to make sure she was ok. Multiple occurrences of me studying late before an exam and then getting a text from her asking to get picked up and having to stop, go drive downtown, track her drunk ass down, and get her home safe, which resulted in a lot of sub-par grades and general exhaustion. But at the very least, she was full of affection and appreciation for the most part and seemed proud to be with me. A year later and my engineering classes are requiring me to study most of every day and the little time I did have I tried to spend time with her, but I was so tired I just didn’t have the energy to be enthusiastic all the time and felt guilty for going out drinking when I felt I needed to focus on school and being healthy. We had tons of arguments over why I was not invited to dinner groups in my fraternity as much and the answer was always that I wasn’t doing enough etc. I would explain that I would rather have dinner with her alone, but she didn’t really appreciate that sentiment. She gradually starts focusing on pleasing other people more and more socially. She would go out drinking and stop responding to my texts, and if we were out together, she would stop talking to me and talk to whoever was giving her attention at that time and forget I exist. Several instances of her asking to get picked up from bars then not responding to me and me having to search through tons of bars to find her talking to some random man. Lots of apologies next day, but it would happen again later. If I was with her while she was hammered, she would run away from me or yell at me in public. When I tried to bring it up before she would go out, she would get angry with me or laugh it off, claiming it only happened once when it was really every time. One winter break, she straight up stopped responding to me for a month and then dumped me when she got back into town, claiming she needed more and how the thought I wasn’t enough for her. I pleaded to make things work and she explained that she would go on dates with me but that we could talk to other people, which I stupidly agreed to. She had recently decided she was going to apply for law school, which I think boosted her ego (she never got in). I did everything to help her with her apps but learned she had gone on a date with some other guy. Months of this shit and we are finally fully together again, but she does not post any pictures of me or talk about me publicly with people. Over the last year she has been giving me the bare minimum affection and hitting me with constant criticism and it has seemed like sex was transactional. I would tell her she was the only one for me and she would say nothing. I once told her I was sometime insecure that she might just keep me around until something better comes along and she didn’t deny it, she just said she was sorry I felt that way. She would constantly be talking to her guy friends over snap when we were together but would take a hot minute to respond to me. I kept trying to make plans with her, like let’s go kayaking or on a hike, and she would say no then rip on me for not planning better later on. When I would try to make plans in advance, she'd always say "maybe" and avoid making any commitment, but if it was something with her new work friends, she'd make the plans weeks in advance and not mention anything of it. She’d talk about other people like they were perfect like oh Michael is so amazing blah blah blah, then she’d give me nothing but criticism like “you should get out in the sun more you look pail”. Constantly finding problems with everything I do for her and correcting me like she knows better, kept me on eggshells feeling like I was being watched and judged all the time. She would constantly be trying to control my interactions with people, sitting next to me while I was on the phone and trying to tell me what to say, and when we were at social gatherings, she would pull me into a private room and chew me out over not being outgoing enough and that I should smile when we left the room so people didn't think we had a fight. She would also accuse me of saying bad things about her to people as if that were why people didn't like her, which I never once did. Zero appreciation for cooking nearly every meal and helping her with everything she asked. Last week she told me that I wasn’t fun and that she didn’t enjoy spending time with me and that she needed more from me. I cried the rest of that day. She never said anything about that conversation. Three days later I told her that she clearly doesn’t like me and that I’m not going to be in a relationship with someone who harbors so much resentment for me. She got mad at me for just wanting to “throw in the towel” like I was a quitter. I told her that she constantly treats other people better than me and that it has destroyed my self-esteem and that I clearly don’t bring any positive to her life from how she talks to me and that she shouldn’t be in a relationship with me. I wrote her mom a letter thanking them for everything they’ve done for me and apologizing for hurting their daughter, which her mom texted me saying she was crying when she read it and how much they love me and will always be there for me. I sent my ex a letter as well saying how much I loved her and that it’s been nice watching her grow into confidence and that she will be successful in life and that I hope she finds what she’s looking for, but zero contact from her since. I feel like I was dating a narcissist because she could never own up to her mistakes and never cared about my needs and that I might have been emotionally abused from all the gaslighting and criticism, but I am so conflicted in my head it’s killing me.
submitted by ClassToTheMax to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


Straight Talk: At What Point Should Women Do the Work?  STEVE HARVEY Straight Talk on Internet Dating (How to Find Love Online ... MEN LOVE TRANS WOMEN GET OVER IT! Straight Talk: Marry for Love or Money?  STEVE HARVEY ... Bishop Gene Robinson on God Believes in Love: Straight ... I Keep Being Attracted to Gay Men (or Lesbian Women) - EFT Love Talk Q&A Show Straight Talk on Sex, Marriage and Relationships. - YouTube Steve Harvey Straight Talk No Chaser  Dating Advice For ... Straight Talk: Tough Love or Sugar Coat? - YouTube Straight Talk: Is Fighting Healthy in a Relationship ...

40 Truly Emotional Love Messages To Delight Your Lover

  1. Straight Talk: At What Point Should Women Do the Work? STEVE HARVEY
  2. Straight Talk on Internet Dating (How to Find Love Online ...
  3. MEN LOVE TRANS WOMEN GET OVER IT!
  4. Straight Talk: Marry for Love or Money? STEVE HARVEY ...
  5. Bishop Gene Robinson on God Believes in Love: Straight ...
  6. I Keep Being Attracted to Gay Men (or Lesbian Women) - EFT Love Talk Q&A Show
  7. Straight Talk on Sex, Marriage and Relationships. - YouTube
  8. Steve Harvey Straight Talk No Chaser Dating Advice For ...
  9. Straight Talk: Tough Love or Sugar Coat? - YouTube
  10. Straight Talk: Is Fighting Healthy in a Relationship ...

The 3 Phases of Dating - Making Sense of the Madness! - EFT Love Talk Q&A Show ... (The Deep Answer) - EFT Love Talk Q&A Show - Duration: 10:38. Stefan Gonick EFT Practitioner 570 views. Gene Robinson on his book God Believes in Love: Straight Talk About Gay Marriage http://www.randomhouse.com/book/215718/god-believes-in-love-by-gene-robinson... LIKE COMMENT & SUBSCRIBE ♡ Social Media Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat: @sonnislove Business Email [email protected] In this time sensitive video—applying to October 2020—I'm promoting a group coaching program I'm doing on how to find love online. If you are watching this a... A recent study showed women do more than double the amount of unpaid labor. But if they’re just better at a task, at what point should they just do it? Steve’s Straight Talk panel doesn’t ... Is fighting healthy in a relationship? It's time for some #StraightTalk with Kimberly Caldwell-Harvey, Tamar Braxton, and Kim Gravel! SUBSCRIBE to get the la... http://www.DatingWomenBlog.com Keeping It Real. Comedian Steve Harvey turn relationship guru explains why men and women cannot be just friends in his lates... At what point is it necessary to tell your kids they’re just not talented at something? The Straight Talk panel tells it like it is. SUBSCRIBE to get the lat... When you’re ready to settle down, is it more important to focus on financial stability or just good old love? SUBSCRIBE to get the latest from #STEVETVShow: ... Subscribe to my channel: http://bit.ly/kingsleypstyoutube We're committed to raising victorious people by schooling and training them through the word of fai...