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i feel so bad despite my circumstances being pretty fortunate/great

2020.09.24 08:41 thrhro i feel so bad despite my circumstances being pretty fortunate/great

i imagine this will be pretty rambly (i'm decently drunk), so thank you for anyone who's willing to read through all my bullshit. i'm 19, 20 in about a week. from an outsiders perspective, i've pretty much got it made. i'm attending a great school, will graduate with very little debt, i have a great social life both online and irl, i just moved into a nice apartment, etc. externally, i'm doing great. and yet internally i can't help but feel i'm barely holding together.
i guess the first issue is substance dependence. while i wouldn't say i'm dependent on any one drug, i'm definitely dependent on "not-being-sober". i spent most of the summer smoking weed daily, and now that i'm on the job search potentially getting drug tested, i've been drinking almost nightly in replacement of smoking. it's never anything crazy, but it's certainly a mental dependence. currently i've been drinking ~3 beers a night. it's not enough to be like, seriously concerned about my health, but it's more just unhealthy to be so dependent on not being sober to enjoy myself.
next would probably be relationship woes. that's probably bad wording, considering the issue is a lack of one. like i said, i'm 20 in a week. i've never had romantic physical contact with a girl, let alone like, going on a date with one. it's not an issue of being super undesirable or anything, i'm decently attractive and have no issue socializing with people regardless of gender. i just completely self-destruct any chance i ever have. any time i feel that any sort of romantic relationship might be forming, i get hit with crippling anxiety.
two fun depressing anecdotes:
i was messagine a really cute girl on tinder, and we were having a nice conversation about our interests, and we had a decent amount in common. so of course, me being myself, i ghosted her mid-conversation and haven't opened the app since. way to go me.
second one: i was on vacation with a group of friends and we were up late drinking. at some point, the conversation turned to relationships. i brought up that i had never dated before, and one of the guys there who was an acquaintance of mind was suprised that i had never even dated someone before. good to know that i at least put on the apperance of someone who's not a miserable fucking loser lol
finally, i just don't have motivation to actually improve my life in any way. i just sit around and complain to myself and wallow in self-pity while taking no action to fix my actual problems. don't like how scrawny i am? i haven't done any actual working out since covid started. i used to actually be physically fit in high school, even if i was still skinny, but now i'm just a lazy piece of shit.
don't like my diet? i can't remember the last time i went to the grocery store. my diet is about 1.5 meals per day, all of which are either takeout or microwave meals, which strains my already limited budget
want to produce something creative? i love music and i still haven't written or recorded a single song despite spending hours riffing and doing covers and singing to myself. i love comedy and think i have a good sense of humor, but i refuse to put any of that into an actual tangible creative project. don't even get me started on writing...
i've thought about therapy, but it almost seems like a non-starter. i know what my problems are, i know what i want and what steps i would have to take to fix them, and i simply choose not to. good going me. regardless of that, i don't even know how you get a therapist, and i certainly don't have the money to gamble on possibly getting someone who could help me fix my life.
at this point, i've resigned myself to putting forth the bare minimum effort to pull off a B average in school while neglecting everything else in my life. i don't really see any other way around it, i don't think i have the mental will to work on anything else without my grades dropping too hard. the way i see it, worst case is that i spend the next two years scraping by like a miserable fuck, and then post-grad i can move back in with my parents for half a year to get therapy and actually become a functioning person.
until then though, i guess i'll just waste "the best years of my life" sitting in my room. i've basically been gifted everything a person could ever need to live a happy successful life, and yet despite that i'm a (soon to be) 20 year old virgin who barely has the energy to do the dishes and do my homework. really killing it with this life shit right now.
submitted by thrhro to depression [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 08:36 LesbianMuses September 24, 2020, 1:26 AM

Poor poor Dragon,
Lonely and all alone. Did you know that I hate the term lioness? It's sexist. There's a reason extraterrestrials use genderless pronouns around me. yet you idiots determine them to be male pronouns. Why do you think they call me Emperor? It's a genderless term. Spirit. Genderless term. Astral Plane Warrior. Genderless term.
You people constantly say extraterrestrials have no genders. They have more genders than your planet has ever had. They have more modes of procreation than any of you remember. Just because I sacrificed my ability to physically procreate, for the sake of protecting my family's inheritance, does not mean I cannot procreate through dreams or telekinesis. I give children to people who reach heavenly dimensions. Which is why I can only procreate in the Astral Planes. Only people who reach those heights can be gifted my children.
You ignore the son I gave you because he did not come from your Hell. You want a son of the depths, the dark. You'll never have that from me. After the war, they took away my ability to physically birth. I'm impotent in physical planes of existence. And I cannot bear children through rape in the Astral Planes. They made me impotent to dark procreations. They took away part of my choice but saw it as protecting me from YOU. And others. There are so many people outside this planet far worse than you tiny dragon.
You wanted to be god, so I've gifted you my job in heaven. To acquire that you'll have to leave your friends and population behind, your family behind (not that you choose to acknowledge your children anyway). You'll have to leave your planet behind, in order to oversee the safety of your planet. You'll become the next Astral Plane Warrior. You'll endure my duties, and have an understanding of what I've been through.
Foolishly, you think I'm being crowned. I led a rebellion against god, against the Divine, to cease the corruption of Soul Contracts. An obstruction against freedom of choice. Those abuse of contracts, of destinies, is what led you to war, is what caused you to be King of Hell. They're just stories you were locked in and tortured by. I was one of the many who fought for all of you, on many planets. But I did lead two rebellions against the Divine in order to remove the wicked who caused all this pain. Those who used their freedoms to manipulate all of your choices in a way which left you all without choice. You can call this a digital realm, but even that is a reality created by an abused soul contract. Reality is limitless. When a Soul Contract becomes abused, you lose the ability to leave a reality. Meaning, you lose the ability to opt out.
I'm not a lion. Not a phoenix. Not a fucking bird. Even though that's very cute of you. I'm the specter of a dead planet. Who volunteered for the Astral Plane Wars. You served hell for the duration of years I volunteered in the Astral Planes. If I stop volunteering, you stop serving your sentence in hell. If I'm part-time in both worlds. You are part-time as well. They weighed us equally. Why I don't know. I have several ideas as to why god would do that. I've also come to the understanding that Kaos must have been coming down in Aria's place because Aria lost her physical procreation and you were playing out a story of permanently using your ability to procreate with anyone other than Kaos. None of that seems like an accident to me.
Here's why I didn't and don't choose you to be my spouse: 1. When I originally asked for you, you rejected me. Meaning, you rejected my hand in marriage. 2. You don't want a wife, you want a son. You were given me, who is seen as a "male" Emperor of Legion. You rejected me. Because you refuse to see me as your son. You could have had Heaven, you could have had an intergalactic Empire, right there, with apocalyptic war games, but you shot that opportunity in the face when you gave Kaos up for adoption. I was pulled into Kaos' reality at the age of 19. I'm 30 years old. I served 30 years on Earth which means you lost your gamble with god. 3. You requested a child from me. I said no. Unbeknownst to you, I equipped you with multiple generations of children, as a grandfather to a royal family which owns multiple planets. Even after then you rejected me. Said you wanted to rape me instead. I can't physically procreate, so you lose either way. On top of that I'm only 1% human, so you cannot human sacrifice me. 4. I refused your blood rituals and instead said I had another two rituals I wanted to pursue. I asked for your help in replicating them on this planet. Technologies I saw other planets using. You refused me, yet again.
You waste your words being the little bitch you are. You asked for a son. I gave you an entire family tree. SHE asked for an Empire. I gave her Kaos’ Empire. All the two of you do is accuse me of running. Since when is living my life any fucking way I want to running? I go to you two, and she asks me to marry her husband. FUCK NO. He can drop dead in every plane of existence for the rest of eternity and never reincarnate again. AND YOU, dumbass who calls himself a dragon. I turn around and make you god, and you spit in my eyes. YOU DON'T NEED ME, and YOU DON'T WANT ME, SO WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO ME? YOU ARE THE ONE WHO REJECTED BEING IN MY LIFE AT THE CAPACITY I WAS WILLING TO ALLOW YOU TO BE PRESENT. For a man who constantly talks about wanting someone to choose him, you certainly do everything within your power to reject me when I do choose you.
You think I'm being crowned. I stood up against the High Courts recently, to fight for Earth's right to exist. To fight against the entire population being exterminated. To fight for your right to be the crowned "king" of Earth. You think that's going to go over well for me? I've got at least seven extraterrestrial Empires that want me executed BECAUSE I DEFENDED YOU. Do you understand that? They're not crowning me. They're going to execute me because I defended YOU. And I'm going to get on that UFO and let them kill me. Because I asked for an OverSoul Termination anyway. I'm tired. I'm done. You want me to stay. Stay for what? For you? All you do is abuse me. I turn around and you've stripped an entire planet of its supernatural abilities just to make yourself feel superior to everyone around you. You're a dumbass. That's why god wants me dead. My own teammates want me dead, because I chose to elect you.
You bitch about never having a king. Never having a queen. Wanting to be god. But you spent aeons slaughtering Kaos every time she loved you. Why would I choose to wed you or have your children when you choose to be nothing but a hypocritical beast shitting on his own people? You're an asshole. You're a wimp. Your people worship you because that's the only choice you give them, yet you bitch about fighting for freedom of choice all the time. You didn't even fight for freedom of choice. I did. You just took credit for my work, you little bitch ass half-breed man. I loved Anubis. I honored Anubis. I honored every freaking fucking god in existence, and all I have done is put up with your shit. Well no more. I'm not going to waste my precious time saving a planet which is fully capable of saving itself. BE YOUR OWN FUCKING LIGHT IN THE DARK. YOU'RE FULLY CAPABLE OF EVERYTHING GOD DOES FOR YOU. NONE OF US EVEN WANT OUR FUCKING JOBS UP THERE. WE DID THIS FOR YOU WHEN YOU HIT A HITCH IN THE ROAD. WE VOLUNTEERED TO HELP YOU WHEN YOU WERE IN TROUBLE. That's all it was. Stop pouring lies and bitterness out of your fucking mouth. Nobody was trying to be superior to you. That's what you told humans because you don't see a glimmer of anything inside yourself, CowBoy. You're such a bitch ass man, that every word you told them to write into their bible is a lie. The male Lucifer, angel of the arts. Bibles and writing are art-forms. You twisted EVERYTHING because you see so little in yourself. Meanwhile, I get executed because I'm still the only person who actually loves you. GO FUCK YOURSELF.
You'll forget me again anyway. At least I get to be put to rest this time without some douchebag trying to clone me a new body to inhabit. You keep trying to play god, you still have no idea what it is to be one of us. Grow the fuck up and stop dragging every down to your level just to give yourself a feeling of superiority. You were supposed to rehabilitate people, not torture them. Go back to your own fucking hell loop. That's what you wanted, wasn't it? To slaughter everything you love so you can feel "stronger" and more "powerful". The man I knew was a billion times more than the man you are today. You'll never reach his level. You will never be as good as that Lucifer was. COWARD.
Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go "run" back to my little gardening and carpentry projects, because I actually enjoy those things. Too bad you see that as running. Maybe because I'm not bolting my way through a crowd into your arms. Who would want to? You can't love anything but yourself. Wait, no. You can't even do that. But go ahead and blame the condition of the humans on them. Even though you're their god. You take not responsibility for anything you do. You just bitch and blame other people. You have no idea how much I did for you.
In case you even fucking care, my execution dates are either 2023, 2028, or 2029. I'll be put to death in the Arcturian Sector. But you won't even show up to say goodbye to me before then, because you expect me to come crawling to you after all the shitty ways you've treated the women before me. Why would I come crawling to you? There's nothing left to come crawling to. Apparently the man I sacrificed everything for destroyed his own heart and soul. He left me nothing to come home to. You created a loveless planet with the tools I gave you. Do you know what it's like to be in over a trillion wars helping other planets, to come home to a loveless planet? I'm exhausted and you and your people expect ME to teach you how to love. Why don't you people show me what love is, since all I can remember is war. I didn't come here to be your light, or saving grace, or your fucking Heaven on Earth. I was supposed to retire here; in exchange for working part-time in the Astral Planes for eternity. Part-time was better for the both of us, rather than fucking full-time.
They're going to execute me. The souls in my OverSoul will be divided amongst three people. You're going to take my position on god, leaving everyone and everything behind, and seeing what it is really like outside this planet. What it's like to oversee multiple planets. And you'll be full-time in the Astral Plane Wars. I get the OverSoul Termination I requested. You get to be god. But you'll be okay with that. You didn't want me anyway. All you wanted was to be god. Wish fulfilled. Gift granted. Now fuck off.
1:47 AM
Lion my ass. The correct Term is Astral Plane Warrior. If you can't muster that, call me The Volunteer. That's what the extraterrestrials do and they are far more respectful than you are.
Shame on you. You bitch about how much of a curse this place is. You created the curse. I repaired your ability to procreate, but instead of finding yourself a wife, you keep bitching. I even designated you a wife and you rejected her, even after the two of you gave birth to me. You're being a dumbass. Why would I marry a dumbass?
You do nothing but talk about how I'm the only one for you, and how I should fear you, and how much you want to hurt me. Take recognition of the realities you created for yourself, you little bitch. You wanted blood rituals, so you created a god who would ask you to human sacrifice your wife, because you enjoyed killing the female divine. You literally hate everything you came from. You have no self-respect, zero self-love, and get your brandish your pain onto humanity as if it were their fault. Yet the entire time you do NOTHING but hold them back and tell them it's their fault. You are nothing but a little whiny ass bitch taking zero responsibility for his creations. You were GIFTED this world. The trash it is today, CowBoy, is the trash YOU CREATED. You did nothing original. Instead you tore apart originality, created division, and then blame humanity for it. Everything on this planet kills the people on it, because that is what you wanted for them. This isn't gods fault. You told god you wanted to be god. You don't even remember being crowned. THIS IS WHAT YOU CREATED. Now you come bitching for me to save you. Save yourself. Do your own work. Every time I try to help you, you just bitch some more. Fix your own mother-fucking shit.
YOU DON'T NEED ME. You're fully capable of saving your own world and making your own children, WITHOUT ME. Enjoy the loneliness. You deserve it.
Besides, I MARRIED A WOMAN, after you rejected me. I MOVED ON. You forced me to. I got tired of your rejection. I had children on other planets. I led other armies. I had other people. I had a wife and kids who I loved more than heaven itself. And then I got killed, and they moved on. So I have nothing left but me and my art, and you still do everything you can to destroy that, because the only time you feel a hint of superiority is when you're crushing other people. You are incapable of feeling worthwhile. Of feeling loved. You make everything you feel depend on crippling other people.
I called you my GUARDIAN. Do you know what you called yourself? You called yourself my HELL. That's how little you love me.
So no, I'm not going to choose you. I'm done choosing you. You couldn't even handle being my friend. Fuck, you can't even handle being my cat. That's how little you love me. Save your own world. I made you god.
1:52 AM
Now you get to learn how much being god SUCKS. At least you got what you wanted.
I don't want you in my life anymore. Kindly move on.
1:59 AM
By the way, I requested my OverSoul Termination. For someone who bitches about wanting me to decide what I want for myself, you certainly don't honor my decisions. I REQUESTED MY OVERSOUL TERMINATION. That means I WANTED IT, dumbass.
I guess you got too used to abusing your women to respect my wishes. Nevermind the fact that I never wanted rituals, kingdoms, or governments to exist. You were the one who wanted to play war games. Not me. Look at the shit I put up with for you. Then look at the way you treat me. Says a lot about you and what you think of "women", doesn't it? You wouldn't recognize a gift from god if you gave birth to it. Clearly. After the way you treated me. Shame on you. You have no right to complain about anything ever. Bad "dragon". Bad kitty.
So what if you never see me again? You were wholly incapable of ever loving me, when you can't even love your own people, much less yourself. Grow the fuck up. Since when do you care about never seeing me again? You're only complaining because you want something from me. Which by the way, is something I can't even give you. Immature prick.
If you're my father. And I'm an Emperor of an entire sector of a galaxy, along with the person responsible for the souls of multiple planets, what does that make you???? Hm... If I'm a member of god, and YOU'RE MY FATHER. WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU? No, you'd rather think small and be a member of god. I MADE YOU BIGGER THAN GOD, YOU DUMBASS. And you rejected me. You could've ruled a quarter of a galaxy. Instead you'd rather rule a world. Fuck you.
Everything I do for you, you stomp on. Well, now it’s not mine to give anymore. The decisions were already made. I don't know what they're going to do next.
2:10 AM
By the way, in case you haven’t fucking figured it out. “Dragon”. If the artists become the top of the world, what does that do for you??? HM? IT PUTS YOUR EMPIRE ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD, YOU DUMBASS.
Go ahead. Tell everyone I never did a single thing for you. You’re going to do it anyway.
2:12 AM
I pissed off an entire galaxy for you. All you did was piss off a planet. You could have at least been more original with your creations. You're wasting yourself.
submitted by LesbianMuses to ShatteringSilence [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 07:31 whydoihave4cats Study tips you probably haven't heard and that actually work (for me, at least).

There's a TL;DR at the bottom, friends.
Hello! I'm sitting here, minding my own business, studying away, when I realized that in my five years of university education I've amassed a handful of ADHD friendly study tips. Most of these I created for myself or adapted from things I read online. Typically, I hate study tips because they are the same 4 or 5 repeated over and over: take breaks, get enough sleep, don't cram, etc. These are not those. They are probably very specific.
Also I'm doing this before I forget or as a study break so I apologize in advance if it's not ~aesthetically pleasing~.

Notes
I, personally, rarely used to look back on my notes. Dense paragraphs of text regurgitated from the book were of absolutely no help to me. Hence, I have come up with a few strategies on notes that work for me.
The first is that I write a majority of my notes in Crayola Supertip Markers. I will copy down exhibits from the textbook in marker and write down little explanatory notes that are below or in the caption directly on the diagram.
I find it very difficult to connect explanatory concepts to the diagram unless I do this. For example, I just copied an exhibit from my textbook that involved a flow chart of sorts. I used different colours for different sections so that I could keep the arrows straight. Then, when I was reading the explanation, I added clarifiers directly onto the flowchart. Now it's an easy reference for problems that apply this flowchart model.
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Second, I don't take notes during class. I find they tend to distract me more than keep me focused and I absolutely never refer to them. I find that doodling is a much better way to keep my brain paying attention to what's being said. If the professor says something I actually think I'll need, I jot it down around my drawing. I ensure I date everything in really big letters with chapter titles so I can refer back to it if I need to.
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Third, this is for people who don't know when to put the pen or the highlighter down. I make my note-taking materials hard enough to reach/use that I won't pull them out for every little detail. However, easy enough I don't give up entirely.
For example, if I'm reading an e-book, I'll read it in full screen with a word document open behind it. That way, it's inconvenient to exit full screen mode or change what I'm looking at it so I won't write down everything. However, if something really strikes a chord with me, I'll take the time to write a note on it. For the class I'm working on currently, that's usually formulae or reminders to refresh the meaning of a word/terminology I keep coming across but feel uncertain about.
Organization
Get organized as soon as the semester starts. I find it helpful to have all my due dates for all my classes somewhere I can access them in chronological order when I feel scattered. My solution to this (for this semester) is ToDoist (which I highly recommend if you're willing to put in start up time).
When I am overwhelmed with due dates I constantly feel like I'm forgetting something. It's very helpful to have one place I can find everything that isn't the syllabus.
Put everything that has a date attached to it together. If you need to have a chapter read by a certain date, put it in. If you need to get practice questions done, put them in.
I have previously done this with my syllabus' and a stack of 8x11 pages and my handy dandy crayons markers. I have done this with a word document. The key is that it is big, colourful, and easy to read.
A quick note on ToDoist
To get organized with Todoist, I had to spend about a week or so adding things and organizing. I like planning more than actually doing the thing so it's a fun activity for me. Idk what to tell you if you can't stand planning or organizing.
I made a project for each of my classes. I then made a section within the project for each week. I then went through the syllabus and put every single thing that had a date in there. I did this for each of my five classes. Now, when I look at "upcoming" on the app I can scroll through and see what I need to be working on. It shows me all classes so I don't need to check and recheck each syllabus to ensure I'm not missing anything.
I also tagged everything with "assignments", "assigned reading", "due dates", "exams" so that I can further sort what I need to be doing.
If anyone wants more info on how to utilize ToDoist for ADHD, let me know.
Making the brain do the thing
This tip you probably have seen everywhere. If you can't start, lie to yourself. Tell yourself you only have to do two minutes. Sit down with your homework. Set a timer for two minutes. If you barely survived the two minutes, then let yourself off the hook. More likely though you got started and that's the hardest part.
If you find yourself reading and re-reading the same paragraph over and over, stop, breathe, and then read the sentence out loud, fully processing each individual word.
I'm a fast reader. However, when I can't focus, I can usually get myself to zone back in by reading out loud and/or focusing on the individual words in the text.
Try multiple strategies if you can't focus. Each day is different and your brain is different. What helped you focus yesterday may not help you focus today. I have a ton of tools in my arsenal to help me focus. Identify what works for you and add it to your tool belt, but don't rely on the same tricks every time.
Music can be an excellent tool to getting yourself into a flow state. I'll usually start with Ariana Grande's music because she's my favourite artist and I love bopping while studying. If that's too distracting, I'll switch to something I like but don't get super invested in. Personally, studying is a great time for me to try new albums because I don't know the lyrics so they don't distract me. If that's not working, I'll try lo-fi, classical, or binaural beats. I'll switch it up until I find something that works.
Make studying as enjoyable as possible. I know we all have our limitations in this area (financial, spatial, etc) but hear me out. The more you like your study space, the easier it is to sit down and do it. For me, this means lots of colourful pens, pencils, and highlighters. It also means wall calendars. I need things to be easy or I will give up. I need things within arms reach. My textbooks and notebooks live on my desk. Not on a shelf or in a drawer. I could very easily access a ruler or financial calculator.
I also splurged and bought myself my dream computer. Now I love sitting down to study because it means I get to use my shiny new toy. I know that's not financially feasible for a lot of people, but if it is for you, it can be well worth it. Mine is a desktop and I find that's been instrumental in getting me to my study space. Otherwise, I tend to move to the couch to study and that leads to naps.
Last, you've probably heard this one for projects but it's also very helpful for reading. Divide textbook chapters into digestible chunks. I've done this in a few ways, depending on how much I need to get me through a chapter. The easiest is I'll see how many pages in a chapter and divide that by ten. Then I draw boxes on a piece of paper and label them, (like pg 2-4). Every time I complete that little section, I colour in the box.
I've broken chapters down into as small as 20 chunks because the reward of filling in the box can be motivating enough to pull me through even the dullest of material on the worst of days.
Dealing with distractions
The main thing I do here is write things down. When my brain hits me with the "why did people domesticate cats" or "I wonder if there has ever been a serial killer" in my city questions, I write it down on a notepad near me. Part of the urgency I feel to look things up is that I know if I don't do it righthtatsecond I will forget. If I write it down, I will no longer forget it. Usually I look at it later and go "who tf cares tho???"
However, sometimes the only way to deal with it is to give in. Like I did with this reddit post. I couldn't get it out of my head no matter what, so I decided to just go for it and write it.
An extra special tip for zoom lectures
Since this is the year of ye olde plague and most of our classes are on zoom, I've discovered the only way I can pay attention is to do something tactile while listening. I attach my bluetooth headphones to my computer and I will clean my entire house while listening to a lecture. Or, I might do some sewing, embroidery, or crochet. Those tasks are enough to keep my brain focused on what's being said and not wandering around.
I have tried sitting and listening. I can't do it. I'll end up on wikipedia every time without fail. Or on my banking app. Or making a grocery list.
I think those are all my tips. If I think of more I'll add them below.
TL;DR
I didn't proofread this don't come for me I have ADHD and I need to go back to studying.
submitted by whydoihave4cats to ADHD [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 07:23 th3blueroom 22F confused

I (22F) started questioning my sexuality at around 18 years old. I watched a tv show that had a lesbian relationship. At this point of my life, i was aware of homosexuality as there was representation in the media and it was being talked about more. Although i supported it, i never actually considered that i could be attracted to women. I was still interested in men and only pictured myself with a man. A woman never crossed my mind. However, as i watched the tv show, i realized how much i enjoyed the two women together. I started thinking about the idea of dating women. I was about 18. I started ignoring these thoughts and pushing them away. Every once in a while they would reappear. At about 21, those thoughts had come back and were way stronger. At this time, i was more educated and aware of the lgbtq+ community. I had read how love is a spectrum, so it didn't really freak me out like before. I ended up giving into those thoughts and would read/watch stories with lesbian relationships.
I think it's important to add that I've never really been one to date a lot or have a lot of hook ups. I dont trust very easily so I tend to avoid getting into any type of relationship unless i really like them. During this time of questioning myself, i dated two men. Both short relationships but made me aware that i was attracted to men.
I'm currently 22 and single. I don't want to date a man right now because i feel like i will miss out on the experience of dating a woman. I should add that I've never had an experience with a woman before. Part of me is concerned that maybe I'm not actually into woman? Part of me thinks I only like women because being bisexual is the "new popular" thing. Even though I'm extremely aware of the homophobia/biphobia that the lgbtq+ community faces.
I also don't have a very good relationship with my father. He is a very negative and toxic person and i think he has ruined men for me. So maybe i just WANT to like women so i dont end up with something like my father? The idea of being with a man just doesn't appeal to me like it used to.
If anyone has any advice please share. This has been weighing on me for several years.
submitted by th3blueroom to questioning [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 06:54 madeitfor1message I cheated and all i wish is i could take it back

Long story short ive been in a relationship with my SO for close to 3 years. There had always been ups and downs, when things were good it was cloud 9, when things were bad it felt like constant depression. We have broken up too many times to count. I love her so much and she helped me learn i do have 7/10 symptoms of BPD (explosive anger, mood swings, self destructive behavior, feelings there could be immediate abandonment, jealousy even if her male friends) She calls me hot and cold, but i dont try to push her away, its the opposite i would spend 24/7 with her. We got engaged and there was fighting, eventually after being engaged for 8-12 months we fought and agreed to get back together but just dating.
In my previous relationship i had spoken sexually with other women because I was unhappy. That relationship ended and i spent 4 years single swearing i would never make the same mistake in my next relationship. I started to check a dating site when things were going bad i would open it and 24 hours delete it, i never put up a photo of myself or any personal details that weren't a requirement (age, height, hair color, eye color etc). i did end up having sexual conversations with 2 women and light flirting with a few more. I had zero sexual contact with any women, and really I didn't even form an emotional connection.
Things finally started to work between us and things really felt like they would get back to our plan of being engaged. Another bump in the road and a fight happened and an unknown friend of hers hacked my phone, got all the dirt even if it was 6 months before all this. She found out and we talked about it and thought that we could still be together considering it had passed and things were better for us. She eventually reached out to this unknown person asking if there was more to send so he digged and either sent the rest or found more from before. She read it all in detail and it hurt her very very deeply. Her depression got worse and she tried to talk to a psychologist, but it had no effect.
She reached the point that being depressed and upset everytime she saw me and has now broken up with me 2 weeks ago. After breaking up we finally talked more in depth about everything, and i felt like we hadnt worked on the issues properly and together even though she tried to do it solo. I have been depressed, 100% emotional, trying to say and make myself and vulnerable as possible so she can see how i dont want things to end but she now has me blocked everywhere and wont even answer her door to talk to me. I wish i could take everything back but she wont accept my regret or apology or my long term goal to fix myself and never do this again.
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2020.09.24 06:27 my_secret_reddit_act I (28f) want to break up with my boyfriend (35m), but I don't know how or when... and I have a crush on somebody else and don't know how to handle myself.

Boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and have had a rocky relationship. Shortly after we started dating, I ended up working closely with a man who I developed a crush on. I know the grass is greenest where you water it, so I never asked him any personal questions, and we kept a strictly professional relationship. Though I didn't know him on a personal level at all, I deeply respected him as a professional and also thought he was so fine. So I kept it cool but I thought about him in my fantasies.
Well after about 2 years I left the job and didn't see or talk to crush anymore, and then a few months later left the boyfriend.
I was single for about 6 months until boyfriend and I got back together. In that time my old crush texted me out of the blue asking if I would have ever considered dating him if we hadn't been colleagues. I was shook getting that text. Crazy adrenaline. I didn't respond because tbh he was just a crush, just a fantasy, but I didn't actually know him outside of work in any way. And I thought I needed to stay single until I was over my ex. But the text nagged me for weeks and I finally got the courage to respond. We flirted a bit over text for a few months, and I really felt the crush explode within me, but we never met up because he was placed in another city.
But boyfriend and I got back together and have been together since, so I stopped talking to crush.
Boyfriend was a really great partner for about a year after getting back together. He showed me he really understood why I had left him before and had really grown and wasn't causing the issue anymore. I still would fantasize about my crush, even having many very sexual dreams about him, even though we didn't talk at all for that year.
But then boyfriend's bullshit started up again. At the beginning of this year he woke me up at 2am to pick an awful fight where he called me a child and a brat and wouldn't relent despite me begging him to leave me alone while I sobbed in a heap on the ground. The fight lasted hours. I know it's not blatant, but I'm pretty sure this kind of behavior bleeds into the gray area of abuse. Something broke in me that night.
The communication really declined from there. He completely ditched all his peaceful techniques of communication that he'd shown me he was capable of the year before.
I have been thinking of leaving him all summer but it's scary because I love him so much. I finally confessed to one of our mutual friends I was struggling, and she said she hasn't felt it her place to say, but she was not happy about boyfriend and I getting back together 2 years ago, because she didn't think he was treating me well, and still felt I deserved better. She was friends with my boyfriend first, so I figured she would choose his side, but she chose mine. That was really powerful and opened my eyes to how obvious it is that I should leave.
So I tried to talk to boyfriend about it, and now all of a sudden he is trying so hard to be amazing. He is reading books on healthy relationships and enrolled in therapy. He is telling me all the things I want to hear.
I understand this is how the cycle of abuse works. I saw my mother go through it over and over, and I see how tempting it is to stay. But if I do, when he gets comfortable, he will start treating me like shit again probably.
Meanwhile my old crush started texting me again last week, and I texted back. He has been very aggressive in a way that really excites me and has been asking to meet up.
I really wanted to break up with my boyfriend this week, but he's going on vacation this weekend for 2 weeks and taking my car. So I don't want to ruin his vacation with a shattered heart, or by taking away the transportation.
I also know that I have never had such an intense or long lasting crush on anybody before. And if there is any clout to the crush, I shouldn't even begin to explore it until I'm totally out of the relationship and also over it. So that would be several months or even years from now, right?
But part of me desperately wants to meet up with him. Throughout the years we were strictly professional, and throughout the years we didn't talk at all, I have always fantasized about him.
I am just so confused. I don't want to break my boyfriend's heart or ruin his vacation, and I don't want to be a cheater, and I don't want to ruin my chances with my crush by just rebounding instead of actually exploring a potential relationship with him, and I don't want to miss my window of opportunity with him because he is a very eligible bachelor, and I also don't want to jump from one relationship to another because I think it's important to be single after a breakup.
I have no idea what to do or how to handle myself.
I know he will be heartbroken and so will I, but I have to end it. Every time he tries to kiss me I feel repelled.
When do I do it? Before the vacation? After?
It's foolish to meet up with the crush, right??
Tldr - I have been dating somebody who is not a good fit for 5 years, and had a world shaking crush on somebody else for almost the whole time. I need to break up with my boyfriend but I don't know when -- should I do it this week before his vacation, or after? And is it totally foolish to even think about meeting up with my crush any time soon?
submitted by my_secret_reddit_act to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 06:26 jamillia6 Fell in love with an older addict, realized I am horribly codependent

Hello Reddit! I am brand new to this community, but I think you can help me. Be warned, this post is a long one. I appreciate you reading this and giving me any advice you can think of. Thank you. <3
I (21F) was in a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend (33M) for about 6 or so months. (I know, I know. Off the bat those ages don't look good or healthy. We'll get to that.) We had known each other for a long time through mutual friends in the live music community. We met in December for the first time in-person at some shows and really hit it off. At first he made it clear to me that he was not interested in anything sexual or romantic due to my age. However, as time went by, I pushed boundaries and tried to get his attention. We began trading pics and would stay up late texting almost every night. When the stay-at-home orders hit in March, and he was stuck in his apartment all day, we started to speak on the phone for hours with one another. It was long distance, and in the beginning, it was so wonderful - we would stay up very late talking about everything under the sun. I would listen to him talk about his past and his difficult relationship with his mother. I thought that by loving him I could help him feel better. We really got to know and fell in love with the other's idiosyncrasies; we made each other laugh hysterically. It felt so safe and wonderful. We had both developed feelings for each other and eventually admitted them. One evening I asked him jokingly if I was his "e-girlfriend" and he told me "No, you're my girlfriend." I was so overjoyed that I just went along with it. We discussed the age difference, and we were able to hold "mature" conversation with each other, so we decided that it wasn't a big deal. He's a bit of a man-child, and I was charmed by that.
All was well for about two months, but slowly it started to change. I would grow very, very anxious if he took a while to respond to a text or return a phone call. I'd cry to the point of exhaustion and dry-heaving over the smallest things. When he would finally call (we didn't ever set up any "schedule" or "date nights" or anything like that - we just kinda chatted as often as possible, which was pretty much every single night till 4AM my time) I would feel an intense mixture of relief but also resentment. Sometimes I would take it out on him by not responding to him until the next day or huffing and puffing over the phone. He always put up with it though and got me to crack a smile.
He was dealing with a lot of stress at the time, and he also battles with addiction and mental health issues (I do too; I was recently diagnosed with bipolar II), and sometime in May he cut contact with no warning and went off the grid for a while. As you can imagine, this sent me over the edge. I was crying every night, I couldn't eat, I checked his social media accounts dozens and dozens of times a day; I asked *everyone* in our online community if they'd heard from him. Eventually, he resurfaced, but we did not talk again until early June. During that time, I started to take care of myself and began to heal from the relationship, but it was far from easy. I never stopped talking or thinking about him. I still had hope that he'd come back into my life and try to reconcile.
Well, he did - one night in June he called me out of the blue. I was so shocked, but I picked up. I had no idea what to say. I asked him why he ghosted me and what business he had calling me back after he'd broken my heart. It was a heavy conversation, but he owned up to his "mistakes" and made it clear to me that he cared about me. I told him I couldn't just let him back in like that, that it would take me a while to trust him. He was understanding of this and said that if I never wanted to speak with him again that it would be fine.
But, as you can imagine, it didn't take me long to let him back in. That's why I am here, lol. It was tough at first, but eventually we found our groove again, and I was so infatuated with him. He felt the same way about me, and it made me feel beautiful and loved and worthy.
In August, we met up and spent three beautiful days together in an Airbnb. My parents thought I went on this trip solo. All of my friends knew my whereabouts at all times, though. I felt safe going to meet him and felt safe the entire time I was with him. I lost my virginity to him (which I do not regret; I had been wanting to do this with him for a long time and was honestly impressed with myself that I was able to make my dream come true, lol), and it was fucking amazing. He took care of me and we cuddled and listened to music and ate snacks. He kissed my forehead and told me that I was wonderful and that he enjoyed being around me. I never wanted to leave his arms.
When it was almost time for the weekend to be over, however, I was a fucking mess. I dropped him off at the hotel he was staying at for one night before he was to head home. We made love again and cuddled and held hands and he dried my tears. We grabbed some food, brought it back and ate it, and then it was time for me to leave. We kissed so passionately next to my car. I'll never forget how happy he looked while he was kissing me and how warm and fuzzy I felt inside. It was pure bliss.
Fast forward to September - things start to go downhill. We both get busier and busier with work. We were finding less and less time in the day to chat. I start getting pissed at him for calling me later and later in the day and not replying to my texts, and we begin to fight at least once a week, with me crying and asking him if he cares about my feelings, and him stonewalling and shutting down because he doesn't know what to do or say.
He began to grow more and more inconsistent and blew hot and cold. It threw me for such a loop. One morning, he told me that he didn't mind if I was being moody, but that it made him not want to talk to me. It didn't hit me until later in the day that that is a horrible thing to say to someone, even if deep down you do feel that way. It is ESPECIALLY horrible to say it to your girlfriend. Harrumph. My friends were all shocked by his behavior and pleaded for me to end things.
On Friday I reached my breaking point, and finally called him in tears to (very painfully) break up with him. He did not put up much of a fight. He sounded sad but also relieved... which made it hurt even more. And he said a lot of things that should've been said DURING the relationship that could've helped both of us, even if it wasn't meant to be a long-lasting thing. Despite all of this, he assured me that I did nothing wrong and that I would be okay and that he cared about me.
I have never, ever cried so hard in my life as hard as I did that evening. I didn't have dinner with my parents. I couldn't stand for more than a few seconds without breaking down, holding back wails of excruciating pain. I kept thinking about all of the kisses and the cuddles and how happy he looked when we finally had sex, and how gentle he was and how he reassured me that he liked me for ME.
Now, I've gone over all of this with my therapist and she said she's been in my shoes before: bright-eyed young woman who falls for (an incredibly handsome) lost soul and gets sucked into his messy yet wonderful world. But I am reeling still. It's funny, she never brought up the idea of codependency with me, but after doing a lot of research on the topic, I truly believe I am codependent. I struggled for years with building an identity outside of my family. I have wonderful parents who always try their best and provide for me and my siblings and they've always given us a lot of space and trust, but I've always felt extremely attached to them and often still ask them if it's okay for me to go out to see friends. They always say, "Dude, you're 21. Yes. You don't have to ask us. Go have fun!"
I want to make it clear that this guy is in no way a creep or a bad guy. He is just lost and broken. And I don't feel used, either. I mostly feel incredibly sad that I had this amazing, deep connection with someone and it came down crashing and burning harder and sooner than I anticipated it would. How the fuck am I supposed to get over this, and how do I ensure that A) I do not let him back in when he inevitably comes back to me since he's honestly got no other options and B) I do not become codependent in future relationships????
TL;DR: Unassuming and naive young woman falls hard for attractive, wonderful, mysterious basket case of a man who is incapable of loving in a healthy adult way, realizes she is codependent, wants to heal and prevent future codependent behavior
submitted by jamillia6 to Codependency [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 06:22 SriFenbyEx Fun and Intrugie Series: DM'ed two groups at once > time for PVP

A war of Fun and Intrigue Saga
Episode 1 to 5
Episode 6 to 10
(Skipp halfway to PVP portion - the beginning is introduction to the second group)
< Episode 11 > - Insider and Trading
Date: [Sea Season / week 1 / day 7] - Weather - Moderate Winds
After leaving the mines the team gave a small report to the captain in charge of guarding the entrance then we informed the mayor of the mining town that it's safe to resume working. Got in a nice much-needed rest and before heading out the team surveyed the surrounding area and spotted a dirt road that saved half a day of travel when going back to the warrioranger country city of Stone-Wall. Gave the manager and blacksmith the good news and rewarded with a 15% discount in the store and got 375 GP on top, the blacksmith promised to pay more later. After which everyone took another two-week vacation. Birdman got the idea of starting his own Meat-And-Wheat business and went hunting, good cleric went to help out at the blacksmith and sharpened his sword and barbarians shiny new +1 Glaive that he bought with the discount - had the Shop-Mart logo on the side of the mean-steel and had that freshly unwrapped plastic smell.
Doom Guy did manual labor then high-five people back to health poorly at a clinic Cringe-Cleric was working at. A bad rumor was spread about Doom Guy and he successfully manages to sue the clinic out of court, got banned from entering it though. Bard got drunk and committed a crime, got the absolute piss whipped out of him. Successfully faked being near death and dragged to the clinic after a few more beatings, the same exact clinic that cringe-cleric was working at and """ paid his bill """. Afterward, Bard gathered critical information on the contenders and the team pairings.
Leeroy from the Hammer-Shields managed to pay the ransom somehow has entered in and Bob scarred from his encounter at the mines makes an appearance, full of grit and newfound power. Barbarian is paired up with the prince of Paladin country Wesland, the same Wesland that framed him for murder and ruined his Nobel family's name. Prince of Wesland unlike his daddy is a Pally Bro, helps out the poor and does good deeds. Doomguy is paired up with an anime weeb Kensei, Birdman is with an old-timey ranger who uses poison, good-cleric with another cleric who he ran into earlier in rigging that they're on the same team is helping in changing the weather for top-tempest tactics. Cringe-Cleric with an Elf warlock who doesn't like humans and also tried to feed the Bard false information, and lastly prior year's champ the Gladiator Balk Bogan who shit talks constantly and has the power to back it up.
A little bit more of info gathering went on and found out the capabilities of the contenders. A cleric sharing the same god as the good-cleric says to mess with people from the main church he uses banishment then undoes the spell. Kensei weeb has a sword that's bound to her that can shoot lightning, an ol timey-ranger uses strong poisons, and that the warlock is a threat in close quarters. Bard wanted to expand his One-Man-Band show but has competition, there's an Orc Quarte in town and they hold a contract to play at the exclusive Stone-Wall Tavern, the biggest of it's kind and it cost 100 gp just to walk through the door. It's also where the best contenders of the war games get to eat for free. Bard wanted to get the owner to give him the contract instead-but gets turned away at the front door by security, tries to do sneaky bard stuff but ultimately the task provides to be more of a chore and not worth it, especially with the bad rolls the bards been getting of late.
After that, your standard carousing - gambling, disorderly conduct, and other minor shenanigans'. However one thing did come to mind - the crowd loves show-boating and often throws gold and items into the arena for exciting plays. In the event that we managed to go 1-v-1 with each other, we could fake fight like good ol wrassling and see just how much we can get out from the crowd.

< Episode B-1 > A Mental Adventure Date
[Sea Season / week 1 / day 1] - Weather - Moderate Winds
A new group of """ Adventurers """ appears, this time it's a wee band of four. Changeling Bard (Tard Bard) / Goliath Fighter / Tabaxi Thief (Thief) / Dragonborn (Ok-Paladin)
These four which will now be named the < Mental Group >. While waiting in line to signup for the Tournament in Springhelm they talk and get to know each other better. The tournament doesn't start for another two weeks so in their downtime they pursue a quick expedition job, the prior group of adventures of the expedition faced got themselves killed. So Druid/Warlock country Numush pulled out and Wizard/Sourcer country Bers is going to continue the expedition alone. This is going on while the now named 6-man is doing useful things when not doing shenanigans'. The party decides to grab some items from Shop-Mart before heading out to the big boy empire country Brint capital and chartering a boat. Tard-Bard turns invisible and successfully shoplifts a normal healing potion and a greater healing potion for the team.
Fumbled at the table and alerted the guard, thankfully the table was a bit wobbly and one of the legs was already short, being held up by a coaster. Thief buys four daggers and the other two just browse the wares. Getting to the location of where the team had to take on the quest is a week travel so everyone decide to charter a boat at the Brint Empires capital. The walk from fighteranger country's city of Stone-Wall to Empire's capital is only 9 miles so it was a quick walk. After browsing for some magic rings and the Goliath buys a pan-flute despite not knowing how to play it. We stop by the local food stalls for some cheap 1gp snacks, not all that tasty but it fills people up, well everyone but the Tard-Bard eats at the stand, Tard-Bard eats a ration which cost 5gp. They get to the boat captain and Tard-Bard successfully seduces the captain so he gets half off on the boat fair. Fighter tries to persuade the captain and screw up so the rest of the team has to pay full price, being 48gp a person for a day's travel, Tard-Bard pays 24gp. During this boat ride, intense rock-paper-scissor gambling went on while the Tard-Bard kept further seducing the boat captain. Fighter plays the pan-flute terribly but is determined to become proficient. Soon he joins the Tabaxi in gaming and overall loses 20gp between the both of them, Ok-Paladin is just chilling.
The team gets to port and Tard-Bard after further seducing the boat captain didn't wash his hands after said seduction - roll 1d6 poison damage. The team eventually finds the person looking for adventurers to assist in the expedition, a High-Elf Cleric named Dain. Tard-Bard shapeshifts into Dain right in front of him, gets a mean mug from Dain - the party still asks if they can assist in the expedition. Dain accepts their help with a wary demeanor, explains that the local inhabitants drove him and his prior team away from the nearby island. Some lizard people and Yuan-ti, there's some ancient text on that island that the main church really wants. The Fighter who has a negative in persuasion asks for an increase in pay - fails. But Dain's not lying about his objection or his entire story though, despite the weak insight check. We accept the job, and after a small boat ride arrives at the expedition main campsite at the bottom of a cliff, a small walk later inside of a ruined small church.
The Fighter still plays the pan-flute hoping to improve but plays so terribly the camp-site guard captain suffers 4 points of damage - maybe one day. It's at this point the Tard-Bard gets his character flaw - for every incredibly stupid thing he thinks or acts he rolls 1d4 for physic damage. "I want to step in that bear trap" Why? "Well - mentally. I mentally step in the bear trap" Congratulations you now have a character flaw, roll 1d4 for every time you do or think something stupid enough. Also gains a trait, provided he does something useful afterwards he can reroll to see how much HP he heals back. He wants to use Tiny Hut spell for a nice cozy place to stay for the other expedition members, roll 1d4 for healing- get 1 HP back. Expedition team sleeps in the hut, Camp-Guard captain maintains watch, Dain casts Alarm for good measure, other NPC checks traps to make sure they're in good working condition and the rest of the team sleeps outside of the hut. The team sleeps a good sleep for tomorrow's adventure.

< Episode B-2 > S-Rank
[Sea Season / week 1 / day 2] - Weather - Moderate Winds
After setting out everyone reached the temple ruins of where the Ancient book was stored, right off the bat got into a nasty encounter. Some rather meaty lizard men, a yuan-ti malison, druid, and two giant frogs. The druid was the biggest issue after managing to use Call Lightning and Heat Metal on Ok-Paladin, after some back in forth the frogs died first thanks to Thief and Fighter. Tard-Bard says something stupid again and rolls 1d4 physic damage somewhere along the lines, but afterward turned invisible manages to cuck the Druid on his next turn. Fighter and Ok-Paladin goes blow for blow on the yuan-ti and remaining lizardman, Dain is in the back healing and buffing but has to get in close to heal Ok-Paladin because he got KO'd due to heat metal. After a round of healing by two other teammates, Ok-Paladin was back at 2/3ds health. Enemy Druid makes a wind wall to deter any forward attackers and by extension disallowing the yuan-ti and last lizardman to run. Dain casts Silence and ultimately puts an end to the Druid's shenanigans, Bard tackles prone Druid but doesn't do much good as the druid passes a check on his next turn. The last remaining lizardman goes down via Breathweapon from Ok-Paladin, Fighter manages to wound the Yuan-ti enough that Dain manages to kill it via melee. Afterward, Dain drops silence and the first thing we heard was the screams of the Druid as he gets the living shit beat out of him. Early morning death battle completed, the team takes a long rest before entering the dungeon.
Sneaking mission start - The team enters the ruins and arrives at the main entrance, Tard-Bard and Thief goes invisible, Dain casts locate the ancient book and points out the general location of the book. Inside is dimly lit so Thief peeps through the keyholes and sees a couple of enemies in different hallways. The hallway that looks like it goes to the object has a yuan-ti guard standing on the other side of the door. Dain takes cover behind some walls, Fighter and Ok-Paladin takes cover near the door, Thief is invisible and stand in front of the door crouched. The door swings outwards towards both Fighter and Ok-Paladin so they'll be just out of sight. Tard-Bard knocks on the door and gently opens it, the guard walks out and gets sneak grappled by the Fighter. Hand over mouth what happened next was a single turn of the Goliath and Ok-Paladin killing it via ass whooping. Tard-Bard and Thief is still invisible and does recon, spots another yuan-ti but he's sleeping. They leave him alone and continues to look for traps and exploring the hallways. Just before closing in onto the treasure room, there's another large room with two yuan-ti. One of them leaves temporarily and the other is in the corner overlooking the entire room, sharpening his weapon so not really paying attention.
Inside the same hallway outside the large room and right in front of the treasure room is a small pile of corpses. The closest to the treasure room the more decayed the bodies looked to be, there's also some goop on the bodies. Tard-Bard steps over the bodies and examines the treasure room door, the door looks bloated and waterlogged - it's in very bad shape. Peeps through the keyhole and spots a Black Pudding on the other side of the door and a magical chest with the ancient book in it. Gamer Strats as Tard-Bard and Thief make a line of corpses from the Black Pudding room to the large room with the yuan-ti in it. Right before Tard-Bard drops the last corpse Thief stands back, the last corpse was dragged just in front of the door enough to lead the Black Pudding into the room. Tard-Bard drags the last corpse too loudly and alerts the yuan-ti, as the yuan-ti is walking towards the corpse Tard-Bard opens the Black Pudding door, Black Pudding starts to eat it's way to the yuan-ti until it started attacking it. The second yuan-ti comes back, while all of this is going down Tard-Bard runs past the Black Pudding and double checks the chest for traps then tears the lid open and scoops up the ancient book and some treasure. A whole lot of gems, gold, and a +1 Rapier. Thief and Tard-Bard books it to the main room where everyone was waiting. Tard-Bard decides to pickpocket the sleeping yuan-ti and finds some gold and a potion of hill-giant strength, most likely pillaged from one of the dead corpses. After arriving at the main room the team books it out of the ruins
> Sneaking Mission S-Rank <
Once back to camp vastly impressed Dain manages to get the camp guard captain and his assistant to give our team a little bit extra gold to keep them on their good side for future expeditions. An extra 40 GP for each person, once back to town port Dain pays for the boat fare back to the empire capital. After a day sailing and another quick jog, the team get back to Stone-Wall. Tard-Bard sells the gems, overall the party made nearly 1,000 GP. Pretty nice haul - though it was a successful mission it ends on a somewhat sour note. Fighter got cold feet after the entire expedition and ends his adventuring career, Player's schedule changed and couldn't play anymore. Shame but the adventurer's life isn't for everyone, remaining team members use the rest of this and next week dicking around carousing until the big day arrives. The beginning of the tournament arc.

< Episode X-1 > Torunament Arc - Part 1
[Sea Season / week 3 / day 1] - Weather - Moderate Winds
There was some time before everyone gathered into the arena, Thief meets up with the Big Group now name Think-Bard during a drunken haze of debauchery. Losing half of their personal gold. Thief also loses half of his items but gets a treasure map, lastly, Thief slept with a trap. Birdman invests into a food-truck attachment for the wagon and goes with Think-Bard near the fancy tavern to get another chance for Think-Bard to get that contract. Think-Bard gets a nat 20 and plays so well not only the fancy tavern's owner gives him the contract to play as the opening act, but Bird-Man earns nearly triple the gold for his last two remaining rations when he sold them from his food-truck. Think-Bard doesn't use his last action but saves it for a certain surprise. Both Big-Group and Mental Group plans to split the winnings between their respective teams.
It - Is - Time We all gather in the arena main gathering hall, while the normie fights were going on inside the arena. The referee goes over the rules of the fights - three very important rules.
Rule #1 - Flight and levitation are off-limits, the crowd doesn't like cowards who also disengage which is okay but this leads into...
Rule #2 - Don't be boring - the arena was built with magic stones and the mood of the crowd has profound effects on the combatants. Attacks hit more cleanly and cuts go deeper - and vise versa. Asides from that it's not uncommon for massive amounts of gold, items, and furniture tossed into the arena to do cool stuff off of.
Rule #3 - No killing - it is very important to not kill an opponent as you will pick up the very expensive resurrection bill.
Balk Bogan showboats during the explanation of Rule #2 but was told to settle down by the ref. Afterwhich the crowd goes absolutely nuts and we can hear them stomping on the floor shouting "We want more - bring them to the floor!" Right before the fight the Barbarian conveniences the prince to give his share of the winnings to him to invest in Birdman's Business, Princes agree so long as Birdman gives discounts to the poor and needy. Party Members who aren't actively fighting are watching from the stands, and at certain opportunities can try to rouse the crowd, mess or assist contenders in subtle ways, or throw furniture into the ring.
It's Show Time
Round 1 Team
(A) Ex-Lords Alliance Ranger Bob - Who underwent a Training Arc
Cleric Dain - from the expedition
Hammer-Shields Leeroy - Who somehow made bail
Veteran
Wizard
Knight
VS
Team (B) John Grey - Barbarian
Prince of Wesland Solomon - Paladin
Wizard
Horseman - Paladin
Veteran
Cleric
F-I-G-H-T
The first turn starts off kind of slow without the exception of Bob being a total bad-ass critting at least half the time throughout the entire fight, gritty and scarred from his fight in the mines - he never missed a shot by the way. Prince and Barbarian went around tag-teaming everything that came their way until it happened. The crowd went wild after Barbarians wizard lands a 5-hit Fireball, Doom Guy throws a table into the area. After Bob scores a double KO in a single turn the crowd threw in nearly 300 gold, another player throws in a chair near Barbarian. One of Bob's team member jumps onto the table to rouse the crowd but fails, soon falls prone due to friendly fire via Shatter and wrecks the table. Crowd laughs and a second chair is thrown in. Barbarian drops his weapon and KO's Bob's veteran with said chair and the chair explodes - at this point the crowd threw in roughly a total of 600 gold.
Barbarian's team went back and forth hard up north while the Prince and Barbarian swept low going upwards to the top section of the arena. Leeroy who was determined to get vengeance for his embarrassment via capture gets KO'd by the Prince. More gold and a healing potion get thrown in. Dain tried his best but got Knocked out by Barbarian, Bob went full CQC but sadly rolled a nat 1 and knocked himself out. The win goes to Barbarian and Prince's team, total gold was 861 between the victors. After the ref and clerics heal and pick up the fallen it's time for: Round 2:
Team (C) Birdman - Ranger
Old Man O'Mally - Ranger
Knight
Veteran
Wizard
Cleric
vs Team (D) Doom Guy - Fighter
Izimu - Kensei
Tard-Bard
Wizard
Veteran
Knight

O'Malley stops Birdman right before he leaves and shares some of his poison, tasty extra 1d6. Tard-Bard tells jokes and buffs Doom-Guy. Ref get's out there and starts the fight which instantly turned into the Bird Team's favor. Birdman 1st Round 1-Hit KOs Tard-Bard - Birdman is not playing around. The crowd throws in a lot of money. O'Malley rolls up and gets a few good shots in with Hordbreaker feat. Doom Guy's wizard has a big idea - uses Tidal Wave on Birdman's entire team knocks down all but O'Mally and a Knight. More gold gets thrown in. Doom Guy and the team close the gap. Doom Guy charges right into Birdman's entire team and KOs Birdman. Which in return gets Doom Guy KO'd by Birdman's Team. It's at this point Doom Guy and Bird-Man have a slapping fight with each other on the floor. A lot of mass healing word was going on throughout the entire fight Tard-Bard gets back up and goes invisible, gets booed by the crowd, and loses AC until the fight ends. O'Malley is taking potshots and Izumi caught one of his rounds and fumbles when she tried to throw it on a nat 1.
She uses her Thunder Sword to make a ranged zap attack on Bird Man's cleric, she closes the gap, and KO's him next turn. Doom Guy tries to imitate the Barbarian and smacks Bird-Mans dwarf wizard with a chair that was thrown into the ring, dwarf HP got reduced from 4 HP to 1 HP, the dwarf gets knocked out next turn though. Tard-Bard manages to power heal Doom Guy, gently feeding him a greater health potion, after another mass word of Healing Doom Guy is at full health. Doom Guy/Tard-Bard Team manages to pull a win after getting messed up in the beginning rounds of the match.
Tard-Bard somehow convinces his team's Cleric who isn't all that smart to give him his share of the winnings. O'Malley manages to get cornered but surrenders like a champ as the last man standing. The crowd throws in more gold, Doom Guy victory cheers while holding up Izumi and O'Malley's hand with Tard-Bard who uses bard-magic to make a magic fist-pumping hand Total gold before splitting it split 6 ways - 1,410 DM rolled 2 Double Crits in the same fight, so that happened. Birdman proudly refuses to dip into the shared winnings but is sold a mysterious small bottle of purple poison by O'Mally, small enough to coat 3 arrows. After some haggling, he buys the poison for 100 GP and some cut of Bird-Mans business profit. O'Malley whispers into Bird Man's ear - "Purple Worm Poison" - a very nasty poison that requires an absurdly high CON saving throw and if you fail you take 12d6 damage. Worst case scenario the person or thing unlucky enough could take up to 72 points of damage just by poison alone, assuming the math isn't off.
With this, the first day of the Arena Match is over. Business Parchment Cards are exchanged and business deals are made. Barbarian advances into solving a personal quest by talking to the Prince. The evening is spent with a small bit of partying with Barbarian and Tabaxi losing half of their gold with alcohol and narcotics. Birdman sells more meal deals, Think-Bard chills and doesn't do anything, Tard-Bard finds an exotic animal trader and buys an elephant and elephant insurance while everyone else just relaxes - for now.
Day one stats - Team (B) [Barbarian / Prince] and Team (D) [Doom Guy / Izumi / Tard-Bard] Advances.
< Episode X-2 > Tournament Arc pt.2
[Sea Season / week 3 / day 2] - Weather - Moderate Winds
The second day of the tournament starts with some normie fights followed by the title fights - a nice standoff between Cringe-Cleric and Onyx the Warlock and the Cleric duo Good-Cleric & Wahmuu Life Cleric whom Good-Cleric sought out and planned for some favorable weather days in advance and Thief. Good-Cleric's plan goes off """ Perfectly """ as it starts to rain, Wahmuu maintains concentration. Good Cleric opens the fight by Call Lightning and deals good damage, wizards slinging Tidal Waves and Fire Balls, and every other contender squares off each other. Bird Man starts to sell his food then gets the crazy idea to buy the arena food, re-cook it and sell it at marked-up value. This surprisingly made then a lot of money however great shinanigans come with great unintended consequences.
Good Cleric gets into a mini-conflict with multiple attackers supported by Wahmuu, Thief goes after weaker opponents and gets a good couple of stabs and knife throws off, Doom Guy throws a table into the ring which Wahmuu does a flip off of, fails, and goes prone. Gets beat on and loses concentration soon afterward. Cringe Cleric square off against Tabaxi thief and pulls a win, Cringe-Cleric went full-on Boss-Mode. Vampiric Touch smacking people left and right, so far none of cringe clerics team-mates has fallen and only one of Good-Cleric plus Thief, overall people have been in dead-lock wearing each other down. Birdman throws a hot-dog into the ring, Thief barely conscious eats the hotdog and gets healed 1 hp. But by the time Cringe-Cleric reaches Good-Cleric Wahmuu got up and manage to mass heal everyone, Cringe-Cleric dealt with Wahmuu and had a slug feast with Good-Cleric. Thief went around assisting friendly NPCs in taking down opponents. During all of this, the crowd is going nuts throwing in massive amounts of gold into the arena. Good-Clerics allies just managed to barely beat Cringe-Cleric's allies and Cringe Cleric is still going full-on Boss Mode. Eventually, Good-Cleric manages to beat Cringe-Cleric with critical HP remaining.
Overall the victors made a nice sum of money, and big group made nearly 2.1k. Next was Balk-Bogan and his team vs another NPC team. Being last years champs they tore through the competition, Balk turns out to not only be a seasoned gladiator but a barbarian as well. Balk thinking that healing is for cowards goes full on DPS monster melee. The group makes a mental note of this and prepares to strategize against Balk, either way Good-Cleric and friends is up against a hard fight the following day.
Team (C) Good-Cleric, Life-Cleric, and Thief & Team (E) Balk Bogan
Advances

With 50 more sessions to go, the expedition to barrier peaks arc with alien golf carts, a pimp that can cast level 7 spells, and a mysterious monkey virus is soon around the corner.
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2020.09.24 05:41 duketuring The Fat Lady

Loretta Young. I squint at her sitting on a wrought-iron bench in the burning light of another summer day, and then cast a shadow over the dot-matrix portrait in the file spread out on my picnic table to get a better look. Sharp high cheekbones, hair pulled into a French braid so blond there’s no mistaking it even in grayscale. I can even pick up the distant look in her eyes and the low-cut collar of her sweater. There’s no doubt, there she is. Loretta Young: Age thirty-two, Social Security number XXX-XX-XXXX, 9012 Quince Lane. The time stamped next to her name gives me a good fifteen minutes, so I pour through her file.
My thumb runs along the familiar rough edge of the pages as I search through her shopping habits to find what I’m looking for. Her years melt away with her purchasing power, and finally my eyes catch those familiar italics in between an Ikea couch and a box of Trojan Condoms. “Lies about crying at movies out of fear of seeming cold to her friends.”
My stiff new clothes—courtesy of Adam Finch, James Goldburg, and Patrick Fisher—are hot and scratchy in the June heat and I can feel the first bead of sweat tickling as it slivers down my spine. Having no other reason to wait, I begin my work.
Loretta is peeling an orange as I walk quietly towards her. She’s not supposed to see me. I was hired to be a phantom, a poltergeist. But I stopped caring years ago, so I take a seat next to her and smile.
“Hi there.” I say.
She glances nervously up at me and then down at the impossibly thick manila file in my lap before returning her eyes to her orange and replying. “Hello.”
I know she can feel my eyes on her, and I can see her muscles tense as she considers walking away. “Nice day, eh?” I ask. Her brows drop a quarter inch and her mouth pulls into a thin white line. I can see the muscles in her legs stiffen and then relax as she decides to tough it out.
“Yes, I suppose.” She rushes a segment of orange into her mouth and chews it slowly to keep her lips and tongue occupied. Her eyes are locked on her file, as if some part of her knows what it contains. “Working lunch?” She asks.
“Yes, you could say that. Who are you? Tell me who you are in a sentence.”
Loretta’s hand freezes halfway between the orange and her mouth, and she tears her eyes from the file to look into mine. I see my desperation reflected in her jet-black pupils. “Excuse me?”
“Just humor me, please?”
She bites her lip and stares at the orange. Hours seem to blow across the grass around us. “I… really need to get back to work. Um, have a nice lunch.” She stuffs the last of the orange into her mouth and clutches her purse to her chest as she stands. The orange peel dangles in her hand and she glances around, looking for the rubbish bin.
“Please, allow me Loretta.” I pluck the peel from her suddenly stiff hands. Her eyes go wide and she swallows, nearly choking.
“How do you know my name?”
But I’m already gone.
___
I stop at the Texaco station on 89th and pull Benjamin Lark out of my wallet to provide my fuel. My life before The Fat Lady seems so detached and indistinct it’s not even a memory. When I try to conjure up my childhood all I can see are Happy Meals and Power Ranger Megazords. File after file, I searched for the italicized sentence, hungry, desperate for some sort of pattern or meaning. Eventually, every swipe of my debit card felt like a handful of dirt thrown on my grave.
It wasn’t long before I decided that the identities that passed through my hand every day wouldn’t be missed. Kyle Porter was the first. “Beat his neighbor’s dog to death as a child.” The italics absolved me as I took his name and began opening accounts. Now I have an entire closet at home full of nothing but credit cards and uncashed paychecks.
Benjamin walks up to the counter and asks for a pack of Lucky Strike Filters. “They don’t make those anymore bud.” The clerk says. He takes a pack of Camels instead, punches his code into the pin-pad, and walks out the door.
___
I pull my car out onto the street and turn onto the highway, quietly reciting my litany from the top. “Loretta Young, lies about crying at movies out of fear of seeming cold to her friends. Steven Mercer, gives his family and friends hand-drawn cards every Christmas. Catherine Pook, blushes every time she talks to her cats. Joseph Gates, stole a pair of lacquered Chinese worry-balls from his teacher’s desk in the 8th grade, and gave them as a present to his mother out of guilt…
Jack is, as always, sitting at his desk on the spartan ground floor when I enter the building. The sickly-sweet smoke billowing out of his cherry-stained pipe forms a dusky cloud around his head that the dim fluorescent lighting of the windowless office cannot penetrate. I’ve never once gotten a clear look at his face.
I walk across the field of tight burber to his desk and slap the file down in front of him, gently laying the orange peel on top of it. “Here it is.” Before I can turn around I feel Jack’s cold and wrinkled hand press down on top of mine like a vise.
“Nope. She wants you to take it up to her yourself.”
I halt, confused by the sudden change in a routine so established it was a ritual. “She?”
“The Fat Lady.”
The Fat Lady?”
Jack’s leathery face pushes the cloud-front forward and I cringe involuntarily as he yells “YES The Fat Lady! Is there a god-damn echo in here?”
Everyone that worked for her had theories and stories; it was all we talked about in the minutes we spent together every morning waiting for Jack to come down the elevator with our files. But no one had ever actually seen her. That is besides, we all could only assume, Jack.
My heart races as I gather my wits to some degree and point mutely at the elevator. From within his vanilla cloud, Jack simply nods. I take back the file and the peel and walk slowly to the back of the room.
The rough beige doors slide closed with a loud clank, and I clutch the file to my chest, wondering which of the four floors The Fat Lady is on and more importantly, where all the buttons are. I can feel no movement, and there is absolutely nothing around me besides dingy painted steel. What seems like hours pass by before the doors slide loudly open again to reveal an impossibly large room filled with filing cabinets. I step out, immediately noticing the uncomfortably low ceiling. I return to the litany to calm my nerves. “Greg Jackson…” I halt, unable to remember the important bit. Was it something about his first car? Getting a royal flush at a Pai-Gow table?
I take a deep breath and look around. Sickly yellow fluorescents in the stuccoed ceiling light the room, and it is so large and so dim that I cannot see the other three walls. Thousands, millions, of beige five-drawer filing cabinets form row after row, like titan’s ribs thrusting up from the floor. Directly ahead of me is a ladder leading up into a hole in the ceiling that pours forth a bright, clean light.
‘Five, Four, Three, Two, One.’ My breath and heart slow and I do my best to assess my situation. Almost immediately I recognize the opportunity before me and set the file and the peel down on the floor. I walk to the nearest cabinet and pull open the third drawer up.
Michael Stravin, Louis Hearth, Allen Riker. I close my eyes and accept defeat. The files seem to be random, and there’s no way I could find mine before Jack comes looking for me. I laugh to myself, suddenly realizing there was probably no way I could find myself if I spent the rest of my life in this room.
I sigh and gather Loretta’s file and peel, walking calmly to the ladder. Placing the peel in my pocket and straining my jaw to hold the file between my teeth, I begin to climb.
My muscles are on fire by the time the light above draws near and I climb blinking and half-blind into The Fat Lady’s office.
I see her hand thrust in front of me from my right, its thick fingers curled along the edges of the pale white pillow of her palm. Understanding, I fish the peel out of my pocket and gently lay it down into her grasp.
My eyes adjust to the light as she walks to the other end of the room. Her body defies the word enormous, looking alien in its proportions. She wears a flowing white dress, embroidered subtly and gracefully, which somehow flatters her ample form. Her wrist is forever lost beneath the joining of hand and forearm, looking almost like independent parts held together and animated by magnetism. She glides across the floor with stunning grace, the subtle movement of the fat under her taught and unblemished skin belying impossible strength.
Before I can even open my mouth, she turns and shushes me, the air rushing out of her tiny doll’s lips like a hull breach and her steel-grey eyes broaching no argument. She comes to a halt in front of a table supporting a strange device settled into a nest of wires. The Fat Lady lifts the smoked-plastic lid of the device and places Loretta’s orange peel onto a shiny metal disk in the center of the contraption. Closing the lid, she produces a pocket-watch from somewhere on her person and stares fixedly at it’s ticking hands.
I can’t help but hold my breath until finally, her finger strikes a button to the left of the device, and she leans her head back and closes her eyes in apparent ecstasy. A tone begins to swell out from unseen speakers, joined by another, and another. The chord layers to an impossible complexity. Tears are welling in my eyes as the crescendoing wave of sound shakes my bones and overpowers the beat of my heart. I think I can hear a soft voice, layered upon itself ad infinitum, a lifetime compressed into a single note.
The Fat Lady’s breast trembles and swells impossibly as she drinks the sound in. And then suddenly it stops, leaving only the echo of a scream ringing in my ears. The Fat Lady smiles and softly exhales, opening her eyes. Sated, she walks to the other side of the room and delicately pulls a small platinum disk from a complicated turntable, slips it into a dust jacket, labels it, and places it on one of the shelves lining the walls of her office.
“I talked to her, to Loretta.” I blurt out without thinking.
The Fat Lady glides to the mahogany desk and sits down in her massive, plush chair before locking me in her eyes. “I know, it’s been accounted for.”
“And others, for years.” I add, unable to stop.
“Yes, them too.” She smiles. “How long have you worked here?”
“I… I don’t know.” I stammer.
“You have a question, don’t you? Something you want to know?” Her doll’s mouth tightens to a point.
“What happened to her, to Loretta?”
The Fat lady laughs. “You already know that.”
I do, I admit to myself.
“Be a dear and put that back for me, would you?” She gestures at Loretta’s file and pulls a large ledger from one of her desk’s drawers. “In the cabinet to the left of the ladder. They’re sorted by date.” Her eyes narrow and a smirk dances across the corner of her lip, then she lifts a pen from the desk and begins scribbling in the ledger, calling the audience to a close.
Slowly, I turn myself away from her and descend the ladder.
I open one of the cabinet’s drawers at random and begin thumbing through the files comparing dates. I find Loretta’s place, and then there it is, printed on a folder thinner than most in a neat courier font. My name. Loretta’s folder falls to the floor, and I rip my file from its place. I don’t even have to sort through the pages, the italics are right there at the top of the list.
Vanilla smoke stings my wide eyes and a hard, wrinkled hand plucks the file from my numb fingers. I turn around, but he’s already gone.
I close my eyes, and find the words burned into the blackness. ‘Desperately wishes he was something more than he really is.’
___
I rush blindly down the street to the pawnshop and Kellen Walker buys a nine-millimeter Lugar. I get into the car and speed home, hoping I’m not late for my appointment with The Fat Lady.
submitted by duketuring to libraryofshadows [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 05:31 MythrowawayAcc5678 I feel stupid and boring because I don't do drugs and I'm a virgin uninterested in a sex before marriage

It's just like, so many people nowadays around me just wanna fuck and get high on drugs. Drugs are bad, obviously. I've seen lives get ruined by weed, cigarettes, and beer alike. My whole childhood was ruined because of an abusive, alcoholic, father. Alcohol itself is a fucking devil drug. My sister is normally so kind and patient but just ONE time, ONE time she threw a party, got drunk, and yelled at my mother, punched a hole, and acted like my father has done throughout my childhood. It destroys people. Sure not every drug is beer but there's a reason why "Drugs are bad, mkay" is said a lot despite it being cliche. It's true, really. Doing drugs to me is like, why ?
And sex? Man, sex basically controls people. I've seen my friends break up with boys because they don't get sex, or enough sex, or because they want to go fuck everyone else, so they break up with their bf to go fuck other people so they're not "cheating". I mean sure, they're not cheating but it's just so fucked up to be like, "relationships are about being with each other and growing together.. but if i dont get my poosay or pp wet im breaking up lolololol" and it's just so sad because when girls do that they get cheered on despite quite literally breaking dudes who cared about them and just weren't in the mood for a while, but when boys break up relationships due to lack of sex fulfilments they're called "fuckboys" and it's "just them seeing girls as sex objects and leaving when they dont get sex". Sex is viewed as the same as fucking hugs now. Why?
Like, everyone nowadays has sex so fucking much that by the time anyone is ever able to even have any sort of actual meaningful relationship, nothing is special. Like, if someone kisses every single person they meet while telling them they're "special" and all that crap, it's clearly not special because they did it with so many people. Even if they do find someone they truly love and want to be with, chances are, it's hard to feel any sort of real "Oh, this is truly something special" because they've done it with so many people before so many times before anyway. People will have one night stands and then wonder why people don't want to seriously date them, when their lowest standard is "drunk one night stand".
And like I just feel so fucking stupid and boring because I feel like I'm boring because I don't wanna get high as fuck, partying, drunk, and fucking strangers. Like what happened to having actual meaningful relationships? What happened to respecting your body? What happened to not wanting to destroy your body with drugs? People do drugs and sex willy-nilly nowadays that it's all people do, and I feel so boring because I don't do any of that. Like I have basically no friends who feel the same as I do.
submitted by MythrowawayAcc5678 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 05:31 duketuring The Fat Lady

Loretta Young. I squint at her sitting on a wrought-iron bench in the burning light of another summer day, and then cast a shadow over the dot-matrix portrait in the file spread out on my picnic table to get a better look. Sharp high cheekbones, hair pulled into a French braid so blond there’s no mistaking it even in grayscale. I can even pick up the distant look in her eyes and the low-cut collar of her sweater. There’s no doubt, there she is. Loretta Young: Age thirty-two, Social Security number XXX-XX-XXXX, 9012 Quince Lane. The time stamped next to her name gives me a good fifteen minutes, so I pour through her file.
My thumb runs along the familiar rough edge of the pages as I search through her shopping habits to find what I’m looking for. Her years melt away with her purchasing power, and finally my eyes catch those familiar italics in between an Ikea couch and a box of Trojan Condoms. “Lies about crying at movies out of fear of seeming cold to her friends.”
My stiff new clothes—courtesy of Adam Finch, James Goldburg, and Patrick Fisher—are hot and scratchy in the June heat and I can feel the first bead of sweat tickling as it slivers down my spine. Having no other reason to wait, I begin my work.
Loretta is peeling an orange as I walk quietly towards her. She’s not supposed to see me. I was hired to be a phantom, a poltergeist. But I stopped caring years ago, so I take a seat next to her and smile.
“Hi there.” I say.
She glances nervously up at me and then down at the impossibly thick manila file in my lap before returning her eyes to her orange and replying. “Hello.”
I know she can feel my eyes on her, and I can see her muscles tense as she considers walking away. “Nice day, eh?” I ask. Her brows drop a quarter inch and her mouth pulls into a thin white line. I can see the muscles in her legs stiffen and then relax as she decides to tough it out.
“Yes, I suppose.” She rushes a segment of orange into her mouth and chews it slowly to keep her lips and tongue occupied. Her eyes are locked on her file, as if some part of her knows what it contains. “Working lunch?” She asks.
“Yes, you could say that. Who are you? Tell me who you are in a sentence.”
Loretta’s hand freezes halfway between the orange and her mouth, and she tears her eyes from the file to look into mine. I see my desperation reflected in her jet-black pupils. “Excuse me?”
“Just humor me, please?”
She bites her lip and stares at the orange. Hours seem to blow across the grass around us. “I… really need to get back to work. Um, have a nice lunch.” She stuffs the last of the orange into her mouth and clutches her purse to her chest as she stands. The orange peel dangles in her hand and she glances around, looking for the rubbish bin.
“Please, allow me Loretta.” I pluck the peel from her suddenly stiff hands. Her eyes go wide and she swallows, nearly choking.
“How do you know my name?”
But I’m already gone.
___
I stop at the Texaco station on 89th and pull Benjamin Lark out of my wallet to provide my fuel. My life before The Fat Lady seems so detached and indistinct it’s not even a memory. When I try to conjure up my childhood all I can see are Happy Meals and Power Ranger Megazords. File after file, I searched for the italicized sentence, hungry, desperate for some sort of pattern or meaning. Eventually, every swipe of my debit card felt like a handful of dirt thrown on my grave.
It wasn’t long before I decided that the identities that passed through my hand every day wouldn’t be missed. Kyle Porter was the first. “Beat his neighbor’s dog to death as a child.” The italics absolved me as I took his name and began opening accounts. Now I have an entire closet at home full of nothing but credit cards and uncashed paychecks.
Benjamin walks up to the counter and asks for a pack of Lucky Strike Filters. “They don’t make those anymore bud.” The clerk says. He takes a pack of Camels instead, punches his code into the pin-pad, and walks out the door.
___
I pull my car out onto the street and turn onto the highway, quietly reciting my litany from the top. “Loretta Young, lies about crying at movies out of fear of seeming cold to her friends. Steven Mercer, gives his family and friends hand-drawn cards every Christmas. Catherine Pook, blushes every time she talks to her cats. Joseph Gates, stole a pair of lacquered Chinese worry-balls from his teacher’s desk in the 8th grade, and gave them as a present to his mother out of guilt…
Jack is, as always, sitting at his desk on the spartan ground floor when I enter the building. The sickly-sweet smoke billowing out of his cherry-stained pipe forms a dusky cloud around his head that the dim fluorescent lighting of the windowless office cannot penetrate. I’ve never once gotten a clear look at his face.
I walk across the field of tight burber to his desk and slap the file down in front of him, gently laying the orange peel on top of it. “Here it is.” Before I can turn around I feel Jack’s cold and wrinkled hand press down on top of mine like a vise.
“Nope. She wants you to take it up to her yourself.”
I halt, confused by the sudden change in a routine so established it was a ritual. “She?”
“The Fat Lady.”
The Fat Lady?”
Jack’s leathery face pushes the cloud-front forward and I cringe involuntarily as he yells “YES The Fat Lady! Is there a god-damn echo in here?”
Everyone that worked for her had theories and stories; it was all we talked about in the minutes we spent together every morning waiting for Jack to come down the elevator with our files. But no one had ever actually seen her. That is besides, we all could only assume, Jack.
My heart races as I gather my wits to some degree and point mutely at the elevator. From within his vanilla cloud, Jack simply nods. I take back the file and the peel and walk slowly to the back of the room.
The rough beige doors slide closed with a loud clank, and I clutch the file to my chest, wondering which of the four floors The Fat Lady is on and more importantly, where all the buttons are. I can feel no movement, and there is absolutely nothing around me besides dingy painted steel. What seems like hours pass by before the doors slide loudly open again to reveal an impossibly large room filled with filing cabinets. I step out, immediately noticing the uncomfortably low ceiling. I return to the litany to calm my nerves. “Greg Jackson…” I halt, unable to remember the important bit. Was it something about his first car? Getting a royal flush at a Pai-Gow table?
I take a deep breath and look around. Sickly yellow fluorescents in the stuccoed ceiling light the room, and it is so large and so dim that I cannot see the other three walls. Thousands, millions, of beige five-drawer filing cabinets form row after row, like titan’s ribs thrusting up from the floor. Directly ahead of me is a ladder leading up into a hole in the ceiling that pours forth a bright, clean light.
‘Five, Four, Three, Two, One.’ My breath and heart slow and I do my best to assess my situation. Almost immediately I recognize the opportunity before me and set the file and the peel down on the floor. I walk to the nearest cabinet and pull open the third drawer up.
Michael Stravin, Louis Hearth, Allen Riker. I close my eyes and accept defeat. The files seem to be random, and there’s no way I could find mine before Jack comes looking for me. I laugh to myself, suddenly realizing there was probably no way I could find myself if I spent the rest of my life in this room.
I sigh and gather Loretta’s file and peel, walking calmly to the ladder. Placing the peel in my pocket and straining my jaw to hold the file between my teeth, I begin to climb.
My muscles are on fire by the time the light above draws near and I climb blinking and half-blind into The Fat Lady’s office.
I see her hand thrust in front of me from my right, its thick fingers curled along the edges of the pale white pillow of her palm. Understanding, I fish the peel out of my pocket and gently lay it down into her grasp.
My eyes adjust to the light as she walks to the other end of the room. Her body defies the word enormous, looking alien in its proportions. She wears a flowing white dress, embroidered subtly and gracefully, which somehow flatters her ample form. Her wrist is forever lost beneath the joining of hand and forearm, looking almost like independent parts held together and animated by magnetism. She glides across the floor with stunning grace, the subtle movement of the fat under her taught and unblemished skin belying impossible strength.
Before I can even open my mouth, she turns and shushes me, the air rushing out of her tiny doll’s lips like a hull breach and her steel-grey eyes broaching no argument. She comes to a halt in front of a table supporting a strange device settled into a nest of wires. The Fat Lady lifts the smoked-plastic lid of the device and places Loretta’s orange peel onto a shiny metal disk in the center of the contraption. Closing the lid, she produces a pocket-watch from somewhere on her person and stares fixedly at it’s ticking hands.
I can’t help but hold my breath until finally, her finger strikes a button to the left of the device, and she leans her head back and closes her eyes in apparent ecstasy. A tone begins to swell out from unseen speakers, joined by another, and another. The chord layers to an impossible complexity. Tears are welling in my eyes as the crescendoing wave of sound shakes my bones and overpowers the beat of my heart. I think I can hear a soft voice, layered upon itself ad infinitum, a lifetime compressed into a single note.
The Fat Lady’s breast trembles and swells impossibly as she drinks the sound in. And then suddenly it stops, leaving only the echo of a scream ringing in my ears. The Fat Lady smiles and softly exhales, opening her eyes. Sated, she walks to the other side of the room and delicately pulls a small platinum disk from a complicated turntable, slips it into a dust jacket, labels it, and places it on one of the shelves lining the walls of her office.
“I talked to her, to Loretta.” I blurt out without thinking.
The Fat Lady glides to the mahogany desk and sits down in her massive, plush chair before locking me in her eyes. “I know, it’s been accounted for.”
“And others, for years.” I add, unable to stop.
“Yes, them too.” She smiles. “How long have you worked here?”
“I… I don’t know.” I stammer.
“You have a question, don’t you? Something you want to know?” Her doll’s mouth tightens to a point.
“What happened to her, to Loretta?”
The Fat lady laughs. “You already know that.”
I do, I admit to myself.
“Be a dear and put that back for me, would you?” She gestures at Loretta’s file and pulls a large ledger from one of her desk’s drawers. “In the cabinet to the left of the ladder. They’re sorted by date.” Her eyes narrow and a smirk dances across the corner of her lip, then she lifts a pen from the desk and begins scribbling in the ledger, calling the audience to a close.
Slowly, I turn myself away from her and descend the ladder.
I open one of the cabinet’s drawers at random and begin thumbing through the files comparing dates. I find Loretta’s place, and then there it is, printed on a folder thinner than most in a neat courier font. My name. Loretta’s folder falls to the floor, and I rip my file from its place. I don’t even have to sort through the pages, the italics are right there at the top of the list.
Vanilla smoke stings my wide eyes and a hard, wrinkled hand plucks the file from my numb fingers. I turn around, but he’s already gone.
I close my eyes, and find the words burned into the blackness. ‘Desperately wishes he was something more than he really is.’
___
I rush blindly down the street to the pawnshop and Kellen Walker buys a nine-millimeter Lugar. I get into the car and speed home, hoping I’m not late for my appointment with The Fat Lady.
submitted by duketuring to DarkTales [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 05:18 HelicopterPrior420 Its been over a year since we broke up

I still can't get over her...
Back in the middle of high school senior year, two years ago, I started dating this absolutely stunning chick after knowing her for about a month. I grew to genuinely love her after only a few weeks and much quicker than I thought, I completely fell in love with her. I was the happiest version of myself ever when I was with her. Never had a fight - a literal perfect relationship. She was my best friend, my confidant, and the one who I hoped I would spend the rest of my life with. A classic fairytale love story. Four months after we started dating, we broke up because I was leaving for college - she is two years younger so at the time she had just finished her sophomore year of high school.
It was extremely hard. I have never regretted anything more in my life. That night that I left, I was half-stoked and half-completely depressed. I did not cry because, well, I have this problem where I can't cry no matter how hard I try. I was stoked because I could go to college with the freedom of doing whatever I wanted which I later learned is not what I want. I was depressed because my girlfriend and I agreed to break up with each other because we did not want to do long distance, the biggest mistake of my life.
Anyways, we continued talking during my first few months of college. Halfway through the school year, we stopped talking here and there for a week to a few weeks at a time, trying to get over each other. During this time, she would cry her heart out and I would be out partying and hooking up with other girls. I realize now that as she was letting go and moving on with the pain, I was blocking the pain out and suppressing it by distracting myself with other girls.
Through the next 6 months after the breakup, every time I would come visit home, we would have sex. It kept going like this until I found myself only talking to her because of lust, not love. She started to see another guy. She told me they were just hooking up which, at the time, irritated me but did not make me angry because I was sort of doing the same thing. After about a month of her seeing the other guy, we stopped talking. I stopped hooking up with other girls because I got extremely sad. That is the last time we talked. That was about 4 months ago.
I believe I am depressed as of this point. For the past 3 months, every single day I think about her. I remember every single memory as vividly as it had happened. The most simple way to put it that I can think of is this: I just want to feel as happy as I did when I was dating her, holding her in my arms, and able to call her mine. From the time I wake up, to the time I fall asleep, there is not 10 minutes where I do not think about her. I need help getting over her (or getting back together?).
What has pushed me to write this post, my first ever reddit post, was that I actually called her on the phone today. It was the first time we have talked in months - it has now been a year and a month since we have broken up. We had a thirty minute phone call where she explained that she was dating the same person she had started to see when we stopped talking a few months prior. She told me that he was the only option for her to date since she was the only decent guy she found. I asked her what about me? (At the time that this was happening, I was trying to win her back). She said she had lost feelings.
What strikes me as crazy is that I still completely love her and want to be with her. She has completely moved on, even though she used to say that we will be together in the future and she will always love me forever. She doesn't anymore.
I am making this post to let my thoughts go, I can tell about this story for another year 20 paragraphs but, for your sake, I will cut it short. The moral of the story is that I don't have a single clue what to do. I want to get back together with her, be able to call her mine, and just obtain that same level of happiness. I want to do this because no other girl has made me feel the same as she did, both emotionally and physically. I have hooked up with 13 girls since we have broken up but I am still insanely in love with her. I also understand that getting back together with her is very unreasonable but my mind and my heart won't let the idea go. I know that I NEED to get over her, but I have tried every single thing I could find on the internet to no prevail.
Reddit, please help.
TLDR:
I broke up with my ex over a year ago but can't get over her. I don't know if I should keep trying to get back together with her or if I should try to get over her. I have tried everything to get over her but nothing has worked. I find no other girls remotely attractive anymore except her.
submitted by HelicopterPrior420 to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 05:15 InfiniteEmotions Can I take a moment and vent, please?

I have been fighting with my sister about my dating status (or, more accurately, my lack of dating status) since she reached an age where the idea of sex was no longer icky. (I still haven't reached that age, and don't think I'm going to since I'm in my mid thirties now.) She tried to set me up with boys. She tried to set me up with girls. She sat me down and told me that I need "a good fucking" to fix me. I told her I wasn't interested. I told her I wasn't broken. I thought she'd gotten the point when she moved across the country (got a job out in Seattle), and didn't say anything about it for the few weeks before she left.
She's coming back for a visit. She'll be here for a week. She just told me that she knows "the perfect person to get you out of your shell."
I'm not in a shell. I am not broken. I do not need this. I don't want to deal with it, but I have to be polite to my sister. (Hopefully it will be like her last trip back and I'll see her for a grand total of one hour for the whole week.)
Then there's my mom. "I need grandchildren. Aren't you going to give me grandchildren? Are you ready for children yet?"
Yes, I am emotionally ready for children. (Have been for a while.) However, there is a wage bracket that I need to be in to adopt, and I'm just not there. My job ends in two days, I haven't had luck finding another one, and I don't need to hear this shit right now.
Especially this week. You know; the week the plumbing decided to go out because somehow a tree ended up growing through the pipe leading to the septic tank that we need to get changed? The week where my first house on the job tried to scream at me for being a "government plant" and followed me back to the car as I tried to mark their address as dangerous? The week the car almost flipped over on me because the damn ditch was covered and looked like level ground when it was almost four feet deep and at a forty-five degree angle? The week my head has been pounding every single day? The week I had to trek through dense wooded undergrowth to get to an abandoned house because despite me telling the program the house was abandoned I had to leave a notice of visit anyway? The week where the (no longer illegal) frakking in the next town over caused a small earthquake that opened the cabinets and rattled several glasses onto the floor breaking them? The week I was yelled at for getting sugar at the grocery store? That week?!
And it's not even Thursday yet. :(
submitted by InfiniteEmotions to asexuality [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 04:53 DaSkrubKing What in the World Happened to Breonna Taylor? - A DaSkrubKing Manifesto

If you're not aware, earlier today (Sept. 23rd) a grand jury brought no charges against the Louisville police officers for the killing of Breonna Taylor. The only charges made were three counts of wanton endangerment against Officer Brett Hankison for shooting into a home nextdoor which had people inside.
Under Kentucky law, "A person is guilty of wanton endangerment in the first degree when, under circumstances manifesting extreme indifference to the value of human life, he wantonly engages in conduct which creates a substantial danger of death or serious physical injury to another person."
This decision has sparked more protests in Louisville, a city that already has seen several protests over the course of the summer in response to Breonna Taylor's killing.
Police officers not charged for killing Breonna Taylor - AP News
DISCLAIMER: This post does not intend to prescribe criminal or civil charges that should have been pressed. This is just a summary of the course of events that happened the night of Breonna Taylor's unfortunate death and my opinions on them.

Important People

  • Breonna Taylor, deceased, black female, girlfriend of Kenneth Walker, ex-girlfriend of Jamarcus Glover
  • Kenneth Walker, black male, boyfriend of Breonna Taylor
  • Jamarcus Glover, black male, suspected drug trafficker, the ex-boyfriend of Breonna Taylor
  • Adrian Walker, black male, suspected drug trafficker
  • Seargent Jon Mattingly, wounded, white male, police seargent leading the raid
  • Brett Hankison, white male, police officer involved in the raid (now fired), charged with three counts of wanton endangerment

Before

Louisville police had been investigating Jamarcus Glover and Adrian Walker, both suspected of trafficking drugs out of a drug house far from Breonna Taylor's house. Judges had signed a warrant to search Ms. Taylor's house because the police believe that Glover (Breonna's ex-boyfriend at the time) had been receiving packages at Taylor's address.
The warrant was originally written as a "no-knock search warrant" meaning the police were not required to announce their presence or intentions before entering the residence. However, before the raid, orders were changed to "knock and announce" meaning the police were required to announce themselves beforehand.
In their meeting to plan the raid, the officers were told Taylor lived alone and had no boyfriend. While she was in fact living alone, her boyfriend Kenneth Walker both existed and was sleeping over.
What We Know About Breonna Taylor’s Case and Death - NY Times

During

Starting at 10 pm, Louisville police began circling Breonna Taylor's apartment in preparation for the raid. At 12:35 am the officers put on their tactical gear and lined up outside of Taylor's residence. At 12:40 am the confrontation began with what Sgt. Mattingly describes as a knock and what Walker describes as a banging on the door.
Walker says that the first thing Taylor said through the door was "who is it?" and received no response. The police say they heard nothing. The police knocked again, Walker says Taylor asked who was there, "loud, at the top of her lungs." Again both sides of the door claim they heard silence. Sgt. Mattingly says after a third knock they began announcing themselves as police and that they have a search warrant. Walker says he then joined Taylor in yelling through the door, asking who was there. Both sides say they heard no response.
Frightened, Walker and Taylor hastily put on clothes, Walker putting on Taylor's pants in the confusion. In later conversations with investigators Walker says at this point he believed Jamarcus Glover, an ex-boyfriend of Taylor and suspected drug trafficker, to be at the door.
"And he popped up over there once before while I was there, like, a couple months ago. So that’s what I thought was going on." -Walker
He claims this is the reason he grabs his gun.
"So then I grab my gun, which is legal. I’m licensed to carry, everything. I’ve never been fired my gun outside of a range." -Walker
Walker says he and Taylor then left their bedroom, and police say they were then screaming "Police!" repeatedly. After what Sgt. Mattingly estimates to be a minute of knocking, Lt. Hoover gave the order to knock in the door. The officer with a battering ram hits the door twice before breaking through.
According to Sgt. Mattingly he steps through the empty doorframe and looks down the hallway to see two human figures, one holding a gun. The figure then fires one shot, hitting Sgt. Mattingly in the leg. Mattingly then returns fire, getting four rounds off.
"And it was, like, simultaneous. It was boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom." -Mattingly
Falling back behind the doorframe, Mattingly then fires two more shots around the corner. Bleeding from his femoral artery, he is then hastily evacuated by ambulance to a nearby hospital.
According to Kenneth Walker he and Taylor had just stepped into the hallway when the door came off its hinges. He aimed his gun and fired a single shot into the now open doorway.
"Boom. It was all in, like, one motion. It was, like, simultaneous.\* Like boom boom. Then all of a sudden, there’s a whole lot of shots." -Walker
Walker then says he dropped to his hands and knees and crawled into the second bedroom.
"And then when all the shots stopped, I’m like panicking. She’s right there on the ground, like, bleeding."
This is the point where Officer Brett Hankison enters the story. As the previous gunshots were fired, Officer Hankison retreated to the parking lot. From the parking lot, he fires blindly through Taylor's window and patio door. His bullets penetrated through not only Taylor's apartment but through an apartment behind.
\I note here the eerie similarities between both parties recounting of the events and how suddenly things went to shit)
The Killing of Breonna Taylor, Part 2 - The Daily by NY Times

After

New York Times reporter Rukmini Callimachi interviewed roughly a dozen witnesses to the incident, and only one neighbor claims to have heard the police announce themselves. What's more, he only heard the police announce themselves once, far from the police's claims of one minute of constant yelling.
"Yeah, I heard 'police.' One time." -Neighbor 1
"I never once heard them that night announce themselves. I didn’t hear that at all." -Neighbor 2
"There was no identification that, oh, we’re police. No. They’re just — pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop." -Neighbor 3
Officer Brett Hankison was fired in June, being criticized by the department for his reckless behavior.
“Brett Hankison displayed an extreme indifference to the value of human life when you wantonly and blindly fired 10 rounds into the apartment of Breonna Taylor.” -Louisville PD
The Louisville police chief stepped down amidst protest and was replaced with Yvette Gentry, a black woman. "Breonna's Law" a measure which outlawed no-knock search warrants was passed by the Louisville City Council in June.
What We Know About Breonna Taylor’s Case and Death - NY Times
The Killing of Breonna Taylor, Part 2 - The Daily by NY Times

My Take

For Brett Hankison it's an open and shut case, he blindly fired a gun through a residential building several times, incredibly reckless behavior and he was rightly fired and subsequently charged.
As for Kenneth Walker and Sgt. Mattingly things get much more complicated. While at first glance Walker seems to be in the wrong as he did fire first according to both sides' account, a deeper look gives us more nuance.
Under Kentucky law, you are allowed to use lethal force against somebody entering your home if you believe them to be an intruder. This is not an argument saying that the law determines morality, that would be dumb. Rather, as a legal gun owner, it's reasonable to assume that Kenneth Walker knows the self-defense laws in his state. Beyond this, laws aside, I think anyone would be hard-pressed to say that someone would be unjustified in shooting someone who quite literally kicked their door in unannounced.
The caveat here of course is that this argument hinges on the police being unannounced. According to them they repeatedly and loudly announced themselves. But according to Walker and a dozen other witnesses they heard no such announcement, and the only witness who did hear anything only heard them announce themselves once. From this I think it's pretty safe to say that Walker was unaware that it was the police kicking in his door and not his girlfriend's drug dealing ex.
After Walker fired the first shot which hit Sgt. Mattingly in the leg, he is of course going to return fire. Tragically, Breonna Taylor was hit and killed by those rounds. While it does seem that the police officers failed to identify themselves sufficiently, I don't believe that makes them solely at fault.
The entire situation is a tragedy of errors which unfortunately resulted in a young woman's death. The biggest error of which being a justice system which considers it a good idea to perform no-knock midnight raids on the apartment of a woman they believed to be living alone in order to find evidence linked to drug traffickers who she used to date living several miles away.

TL;DR The police probably didn't introduce themselves well enough, Walker shot at them thinking they were intruders, and Breonna Taylor was caught in the crossfire

P.S. someone DM me on twitter or discord or something if he reads this on stream :)
submitted by DaSkrubKing to Destiny [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 04:11 merwaffle I’m realizing my mom isn’t the person I wish she was.

The older I get, the more I don’t want to be around my mom and it makes me really sad. I love my mom to pieces, but she doesn’t feel like one of the people in my life that builds me up anymore.
She’s been depressed in the last year and it’s making me not want to be around her. Not because she’s depressed, but because the worst parts of her personality are coming out. She’s insecure and takes everything possible personally. If I even mention moving eventually, she takes it makes it about how I want to move away from her. Every argument becomes my fault and she refuses to listen to what I’m say or let me clarify, and just ends the fight by hanging up or telling me she’s too busy.
My friend helped me take photos of her because she wants to date and needs photos for job stuff. My friend even got vibes while she was there, because my mom undermines my competence are me every chance I get. I did her make up, which she liked, but never once said it looked good or said thank you. But the whole time she second guessed what I was doing. I’ve literally taken a course in makeup and she sees my makeup all the time, but yet when I reminded her I’d taken a class in makeup she made the comment of ‘did you pass?’ She questioned EVERYTHING I did. And proceeded to asked for my hulu password with an attitude, which I called her out for. Instead of apologizing like a normal person, she tried to explain why it was acceptable. All this in front of my friend who she was still newer to meeting.
My friend left with a sour taste in her mouth. She told me later she just had a hard time hearing people say mean things to me. About my own mom.
Her insecurity is tearing me down and apart and I don’t know how much longer I can keep on. I’m planning on getting a St. Bernard puppy and the conversation nearly caused us to stop speaking for a time because I got to the point where I told her that she was forcing me to stop telling her things about my life. She basically told me how stupid I was, asked me ‘what hole I was trying to fill in my heart’ and that I should ‘look into that’. I’m 29 years old and ask for no help. She said she could either tell me her opinion or say nothing at all but that she wasn’t going to agree with me. I told her that was fine and that I just wasn’t going to talk her about this part of my life then because I could talk to my dad (who is distance, unsupportive, and an absentee parent) or a wall for free.
I love my mom so very much and she was a single parent all my life. I know all her good qualities, but her bad ones are so taxing lately. I can’t keep doing it. It’s putting me in a really bad headspace. I just want my old mom back.
We’re trying to figure out family therapy. I’m already in personal therapy and couples therapy with my husband. Like everyone else: Fuck 2020. Nearly got a divorce already and now this shit. I’m tired.
submitted by merwaffle to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 04:08 AwarenessOutrageous1 My (23F) new boyfriend (30M) is a grown man being treated like a teenager at home and I’m fed up.

So, a few months ago I met this sexy, smart, intelligent and just amazing man through a mutual friend. We’ve been officially dating for about 3 months now and I can honestly say it’s the best experience of my life. He’s funny, attentive, and never hesitates to spoil me with love and attention. We said “I love you” on our second date and I can positively and absolutely say, this man is my person. We speak so effortlessly, we’ve studied each other’s love language and every week plan surprises for each other based on them (me: gift giving; his: quality time), we pray together every day and have a 2 person book club together. Neither of us enjoy arguing so we just avoid making each other angry, however there is one thing I just can’t seem to get past.
When we first started dating, he did warn me that he comes from a pretty traditional Middle Eastern (Iran) family and there are things that he just can’t do. I genuinely thought he was exaggerating at first, or that we’d be able to work through these issues pretty easily but he’s honestly treated like a 16 year old in his own home it’s fucking ridiculous. He still lives at home with his parents, not for the lack of funds (he makes $80K managing one of the biggest auto shops in the fairly populated city we live in and also tackle on about $40K-$50K from his personal training business), but in his culture it is “improper” for unmarried youth to live alone, whatever. I have my own apartment so I didn’t really care about that. However, he literally has to check in with his parents for EVERY move he makes and has to lie and create distractions whenever we want to do something. He’s never spent the night at my place because according to him “nights out are a very big deal and I’d need to plan like a month in advance”. His dad will literally call him at 9PM asking him where he is and why he isn’t home. Once we got into a huge argument because he came over right after his last training session (around 7:30PM), we had sex then he immediately starting putting on his clothes because he knew his parents would be waiting for him. I told him that I’m his girlfriend and not just some girl he’s fucking and I deserve more respect than this. He then started going off on me saying that I’m not respectful of his situation, blah blah, I got tired and apologized and let him leave.
The thing is, with time things have just gotten harder and more annoying. Last week he cancelled on two different plans with me and my friends because his parents were getting “suspicious” as to why he felt the need to go out during COVID. The first time, I let it go, but the second time my best friend (25F) finally found the one free night she had (she’s a single mother of 2 boys and also works 12+ hour shifts as an ER nurse) to come and meet him ONLY for him to fucking bail. I couldn’t take it anymore, I literally told him that I couldn’t do this, I’m a grown ass woman and I intend on dating a grown ass man, not someone who has to check in with mommy and daddy to make even the slightest step. He stayed pretty calm and told me “I’m sorry you feel this way right now, but I think it would be best if we talked tomorrow when you’re not this mad.” So I hung up the phone and told my best friend everything, she gave me some simple advice, she said “the way I look at it, you got your own place and it’s month to month, so why don’t you invite him to stay with you and put him on the lease or move out and find a nicer place together”. This seemed like the most logical answer and I actually felt stupid for not thinking about it.
So the next day, I called him and asked if we could meet, we both get 1 hr breaks for lunch and work about 10 mins away from each other. So we met up and I told him all this, that’s when he hit me with “I could have moved out and gotten my own place a long time ago, I chose not to” and when I asked him why he said it was because of the respect he has for his family and his desire to maintain their “image”. He explained to me that in Iranian culture it speaks very badly on a family when one of the children go astray and he’d hate for his family’s “good name” to be tarnished because of him. I told him that this wasn’t fair to him because he’s not living his life the way he wants to. He literally has to lie about work events just to spend time with me. He agreed that it’s not fair and in another world he’d like to be able to have the freedom to live alone and do his own thing. But the problem is HE DOES HAVE THE FREEDOM, he’s making the conscientious choice every single day not to use it. He’s a grown 30 year old man, it’s not like his parents can call the police if he moves out. All he has to do is drop a few of the tens of thousands of dollars he has saved up (perks of never having paid rent his entire life, he literally has $75K in his savings and consistently about $5K-$6k in his checking, I saw it with my own eyes) and pay get his own place. Btw, I’m an East African immigrant (I came here at 10 years old), so I know all about traditional families and how hard they are but I also know that it is WRONG for any foreign parents to bring their children all the way to the US and then refuse to at least somehow assimilate to the culture. I moved out at 18 and went off to college then moved back to my hometown last year after graduation and IMMEDIATELY started looking for apartments, my parents tried to push me out of it but I promptly and respectfully told them that I would be getting my own place and there’s nothing they could do about it. He can honestly do the same thing. But he kept saying it’s not possible, he can’t do it and wouldn’t back down no matter how much I pleaded.
I’ve never met his parents but I have met his sister (27F) and she was “lucky” (her words) enough to meet her husband in college so she got married right after graduation and moved in with him. Oh, did I mention that neither my BF nor his sister were allowed to move out for college? They both had to go to the local best college and commute to school on a daily basis because their parents wouldn’t let them move away. Anyway, I called her on the phone to also get her opinion and she did tell me that if he moves out, the repercussions would be huge but not unfixable, and she seemed to be on my side with everything. Although she says it’s his decision in the end.
I love him, I really do, but I can’t do this anymore. I want to be with someone I can wake up next to, someone I can take vacations with, someone I can have an actual grown people relationship with. I’m thinking about giving him an ultimatum, but I have no clue how this will go and frankly, I’m scared shitless he’ll pick them over me.
What would you do if you were in my position?
submitted by AwarenessOutrageous1 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 04:00 lowdown_scoundrel 29 [M4F] Chicago/Illinois/USA — I’m so ronery

Ahoy
So I’m lonely as fuck and it super sucks.
Last relationship of nearly four years ended three years ago next month and I’ve been almost entirely alone since. Since it was initially an LDR and I’d relocated to her hometown so we could be together, my life had been pretty much turned upside down after we failed, and starting over from scratch has proved far more difficult than originally anticipated.
I moved back home to Chicago with the expectation that I’d get myself together someplace familiar and get back to standing on my own two feet, before eventually spreading my flappers and adventuring elsewhere. Tried a couple different career paths and failed pretty miserably, then started working as a rideshare driver nearly a year ago, with the intent of saving up enough that I might eventually have the time and energy and flexibility to focus on squeezing a living out of my main interest, namely art.
Unfortunately, being this lonely has practically evaporated my creativity and passion for what used to be an outstanding talent, and it feels like I’m constantly drowning in a sinkhole of depression and anxiety, which has caused me to shift all focus into working like a slave to distract from all of it, which I realize isn’t healthy despite making good money.
What really sucks is feeling totally passive in light of everyone else enjoying their lives and having fun while I’m stuck in observation mode — like it’s pretty wack driving friends and partners around during evenings and wishing I shared that type of connection with someone. Oftentimes I’ve tried initiating connections with people, and vice versa, but nothing ends up clicking for whatever reason and all I have are single serving friends. Flirted with so many girls who seemed awesome or at least somewhat interesting at first, then they’ve all ghosted without explanation, and recently I’ve started to realize that it’s probably not the right place for me to be looking, given the circumstances.
Declared pandemic and everybody losing their minds over identity politics definitely hasn’t helped.
Dating apps also suck, like trying to find a match in the clearance rack of humanity, and feeling that the best odds are in downplaying myself and going along with that same one-dimensional game that most people are stuck playing — to heck with all of that.
My stupid Hinge account has nearly two hundred matches, so it’s not that I’m physically monstrous or otherwise unappealing at first glance, just that those platforms haven’t yielded any positive results for me, which I assume is mostly because the medium is too superficial and simply doesn’t work for where I’m at in life.
In short, I’m depressed due to loneliness and it sucks being stuck in the cycle, so I’m posting here in hopes of turning that around and finding someone who doesn’t mind that I feel this way at first base, someone with whom to share the type of connection and honesty and mutual support that lifts us both up high as fuck as we rise in love, cos falling is for derps and life isn’t meant to be lived alone.
Anyhow, now that the outline of my emotional baggage has been laid on the table, here goes some more specific info for the record:
I‘m huge on science fiction. Favorites include the Matrix trilogy, the Alien franchise, Battlestar Galactica, District 9, Starship Troopers, Terminator, Altered Carbon, just to name a few that come to mind. Also Metal Gear Solid is like my single favorite work of fiction ever ever, so there’s that whole convoluted mess you can look forward to hearing about 😂
I listen to a fairly wide variety of music, and I’m a huge hip hop head, with a particular appreciation for 90s boom bap and lofi style production and lyricism. My favorite rap act of the past several years has been Run the Jewels, hands down, cos they are overly awesome in all the ways that most contemporary hip hop simply isn’t — plus they’ve even done a song with my favorite band of all time, namely Phantogram, so fuck yeah RTJ all day and Phantogram forever.
I love cooking, though due being alone and working so much of the time I mostly eat takeout. However, I’ll super love to cook together or even do most or all of the cooking since it’s really great making stuff for other people and sharing the enjoyment together.
I also enjoy having drinks when I’m not too tired from work. My faves include whiskey and Bloody Marys. Used to smoke my fair share weed but haven’t in a while for lack of access, though I certainly wouldn’t mind getting high and vegging out together over a good stoner comedy and some dank munchies 😊
Politically I’m an Anarchist/Voluntarist, so I’m not particularly invested in mainstream politics, aside from analyzing how they relate to globalism and the centralization of power and control over society and humanity. Conspiracy realism and social engineering, understanding how shit is being manipulated behind the scenes by the the ruling class and exploring meaningful alternatives is the sorta political discussion which interests me. That being said, I really don’t mind where you’re aligned on any side of the aisle, because personally I find it ridiculous how people let themselves be so deeply defined and divided along these lines that they build protective bubbles to insulate themselves from difference of opinion, like you’re either with the good guys or with the enemy 🤢🤮. Ultimately, you can vote Biden or Trump, Democrat or Republican, even though they’re both objectively horrible, and I’ll still love you 🥰
Oh, also I just bought a drone & wanna start doing some aerial photography and video editing, so there’s something fun we can begin exploring together.
Physically I’m 5’10”, mixed ethnicity (white/hispanic), slightly bearded with a toned dad sorta bod, and generally more rugged than smooth in terms of appearance.
Probably gonna find this post most useful as a reference point, given that dating subs are so over-saturated these days, however if you’re seeing this as it’s being posted then by all means let’s chat 😁
submitted by lowdown_scoundrel to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 03:53 kittyaphrodite Guide to Dressing Romantics

Hey guys- I just wrote this post on vindicta but I thought it would also be helpful to post here- with the caveat that it is just my thoughts and experiences!
hey guys! This took a while of thinking to get done but I hope it helps!
The first step to being able to effectively style yourself is to find out your kibbe type. Here is a link to the test I took- https://theconceptwardrobe.com/kibbe-body-types/the-kibbe-body-type-test. I think its all the better the less preconceived notions you have about kibbe as your opinion could become clouded and you could suffer type resistance- as in, you want to be one body type but you really are another. I think the kibbe system is great because its not based in making you feel like shit about yourself. Every single type has universally-considered gorgeous and beautiful women. It is also about being honest to yourself. I am about 5’0- I will NEVER be a tall supermodel. It’s just not happening. And that’s fine! Look at the women you are in the category with and see how beautiful they are. That being said, I am considered a romantic and that’s what this guide will be tailored toward. Here is the full outline of kibbes romantic section in his book Metamorphosis- https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/seasonalcolokibbe-s-romantic-t1990.html. By the way, for whatever result you get on the kibbe test, if you google “tapatalk (your kibbe type)” you should find your own chapter results.
I feel I finally have a style and idea of how things work for my body which is petite and curvy. I think it does feel like a niche as curvy doesn’t necessarily mean a larger size, I am a size 6. I prefer to include real recommendations into my posts cause I feel it takes a lot of legwork out and is more helpful that way. I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving recs to people with different body types and have you buy something garbage!
also, as apart of this pre-styling guide- learn your color season. I don’t have any great links but here on the subreddit are many great posts that can point you in the right direction. Of course, is it law to not wear purple as a warm spring? No, of course not. However, it can help point you in the right direction in clothes you might be interested in buying and trying to pick the best colors for you. Finally, kibbe, color systems, and my suggestions aren’t law or things you have to do or else. Everyones different! Still, this stuff takes forever to learn and a lot of time and money to figure out and I think it helped me a ton and i hope it does for other people.
Guiding principles of Kibbe for Romantics (ripped from his book, you dont need to follow everything but i think it gives you a general idea of what to look for)
SHAPE: Shape is the key to your look! Whatever mood you want to express, in whatever situation your find yourself--work, play, or glamour--keep your shapes rounded with soft edges! Circles, ornate swirls, and intricate flowing shapes are the direct expression of your extreme Yin. Soft bouffants are also acceptable. Always maintain the hourglass figure!
Avoid: All straight lines. All sharp edges. All geometrics.
LINE AND SILHOUETTE Second only to shape in importance, your outline should always be soft and flowing silhouettes that showcase the lush curves of your body. Waste definition is essential, always, as is lots of gentle draping everywhere.
Avoid: All severe silhouettes. All tailored silhouettes. All straight lines with angular edges. All vertical lines that hid the waist. All unconstructed, boxy, or horizontal lines.
FABRIC: Lightweight fabrics that drape easily. Softly woven fabrics (challis, crepe, tropical-weight woolens, jersey). Ultrashiny fabrics (charmeuse, shantung, crepe de chine, metallics). Ultra soft of plush textures (suedes, velvets, boucle knits, angora). Sheer fabrics (chiffon, voile, batiste, handkerchief linen).
AVOID: Stiff fabrics. Heavyweight fabrics. Rough textures. Extreme matte-finished fabrics.
DETAIL Detail should be soft, intricate, ornate and feminine, with emphasis on framing your face. Oversized bows, flouncy ruffles, and delicate lace are always good choices as long as they are luscious and womanly, instead of "little-girlish." Necklines should be soft and draped with curved edges (ornate necklines are especially sophisticated). Shoulders should be curved, with round pads; shoulder tucks or gathers, leg o' mutton, and draped dolman styles are all appropriate. Sleeves should be tapered at the wrist with intricate buttons, or very soft and flowing. Any kind of sparkle is excellent (pearls, sequins, beading, etc.) The waistline should always be emphasized, with soft gathers, folds, draped sashes, and lightweight and supple belts to give a cinched effect. Belt buckles should always be intricate and feminine.
Avoid: All tailored, angular, or severe detail. All chunky, rough, or oversized detail. All geometric necklines. All sharp edges--pleats, square shoulder pads. All crisp detail--perky bows, tiny ruffles. All minimal or "no detail" looks.
Skirts: Should be kept full and flowing with soft gathers at the waist and uneven hemlines. Your version of the basic "straight skirt" is actually tulip shaped: full and gathered at the waist and tapered at the hemline, which is short. All flared styles are excellent, from trumpets and swings to any bias-cut or gored style. Lengths should be kept gracefully long on uneven hemlines (mid calf), and short on the tapered styles with an even hemline (mid kneecap).
Avoid: All straight and tailored skirts, A-lines, and pleats.
Pants: Should always be soft, draped, and showcase your luscious curves! Gathers at the waist and a tapered or pegged bottom are the best shape for you.
Avoid: Straight or tailored pants. sharp details (pleats, cuffs, pockets). Baggy, unconstructed styles.
Blouses: Soft, draped styles. Sophisticated flounces and fills. Any antique styles.
Avoid: All tailored styles.
Sweaters: Soft, fluffy knits. Clingy, draped knits. Plush knits. Short lengths with waist detail. Cowl necks.
Avoid: Skinny, ribbed knits. Thick, nubby knits. Oversized sweaters. Turtlenecks and long pullovers. Cardigans. Crew-necked shetlands.
DRESSES: Should always be feminine and flowing. Waist emphasis, ornate detail, and swirling or flouncey skirts.
Avoid: Stiff, structured, or tailored styles (coatdress, chemise, etc.). Straight styles with no waist. Shapeless, wide, or baggy dresses.
Basics Before Dressing
As youll be able to see- I do not follow every single rule he makes, and sometimes like things he says to avoid. These rules arent law but they should make you look twice at what you wear and if it works for you and how to make it work for you and your style. I break these rules plenty- just as long as I am maintaining the structure by waist emphasis and clothes choice (high waisted bottoms).
While you don’t have to follow the materials list directly, just try to pay attention to what the clothes are made of and prioritize non-polyester clothes. Don’t buy clothes that don’t suit you or don’t fit you in the hope that it one day magically will or that you will lose the weight. If you are losing weight rapidly, then wait a little before buying expensive new clothes and wait until you get to a more stable weight for you. The key factor is always, always, always waist emphasis! In every outfit strive to have waist definition be the key component.
Shapewear- a must
Shapewear is so crucial to a the more structured hourglass look. While you should be working out, there will always be lumps and bumps that you would like to be slimmed or rounded. Shapewear will do that for you. That snatched look you see on red carpets and celebrities is a large part due to shapewear- as many admit in interviews. Shapewear has the ability to make your outfits overall look more expensive and just better on you. Now, I bought skims full price and the quality sucks- my mid thigh shorts literally ripped on a date so that was great. Honestly, I would go for spanx. I thought they were so expensive for some reason. Because Spanx is kinda the OG of shapewear brands that we think of, they have such a large library that their sale section is pretty robust so you can pretty much get a lot of pieces like high waisted panties for 10 dollars or full body-thigh suits for $40 dollars. And ive never experienced ripping like I did with Skims. Sign up for the Spanx newsletter and youll get updates on deals every couple of weeks, including free shipping.
A really easy way to get into shapewear is buying the Spanx high waisted underwear. I would highly recommend in investing in shapewear panties/boyshorts. Its not much different than other types of underwear, smooths/diminishes on lower belly fat which most women have, and I got 3 for ten dollars each. I like the “everyday shaping” ones the best since they don’t look like shapewear necessarily and are pretty comfortable to wear around. I get black in all of these since it goes with my lingerie since im garbage at matching colors so I just get it all in black. Panties and boyshorts in shapewear can be worn with pretty much every outfit (so long as youre covered on your lower stomach. For tight dresses and skirts- you probably would want to get shapewear that would smooth your thighs and butt- as Ive noticed in a newer pencil skirt I bought, just the boyshorts aint cutting it. It just looks a little lumpy without. I would highly recommend just buying sale spanx at their website- and in general try to look for styles that are still sold for full price on other parts of the site or are part of a collection, one off items aren’t as good. (ie, “retro panties” are not as good as the “everyday shaping line, boyshorts”). Find the areas where you need it too- a full body suit is expensive and you probably don’t need it- if your thighs aren’t perfectly shaped, or you have some belly fat, buy shapewear to help those areas. Shoot for a level 2/3 for max effectiveness.
General Principles
Now for the main event. You need to learn your measurements. Buy a simple measuring tape and do a full set of measurements for your body. Weight hangs so differently on us as we aren’t bone thin, so just generically buying a “small, medium, or large” just wont cut it unless you want to waste money. I have a pretty unpopular opinion- I think you have to pay more for clothes with this body type than others. Fast fashion is pretty much wasted money for us unless youre buying cheap camis and tops, even then, exercise caution. Its just not made for us. It costs a lot more money to cut clothes for curves than a pretty uniform straight shape. For this reason, I would recommend looking into vintage-reproduction clothes. Romantic body types haven’t been “in” since about the 1950s as the predominant style. While the hourglass type has always been in style, clothes that suit the romantic have not necessarily been. Tall, thin, angular are more trendy- and traditionally romantic clothes are made for non-romantic body types (polly). Therefore, I find that vintage reproduction clothes just look better on my body- wiggle dresses, cigarette pants, those are the things that look the best on me. I don’t want to look kitchy or like im wearing a costume- these cuts just look the best. The brands I pretty much only shop from now are Vixen by Micheline Pitt, La Femme en Noir (her goth brand), and I peruse other sites like Pinup girl and Stop Staring!. I use mostly micheline pitt because I feel her clothes are more “safe” for me to buy and fit my general style.
HIT UP POSHMARK for these clothes! Legit! I love buying secondhand clothes since I feel its more environmentally conscious and I love a sale. I usually look up “pin up couture,” “stop staring,” “micheline pitt,” and “la femme en noir” maybe twice a week to see if theres any good sales going on for pieces on my wishlist. Always make an offer! You might as well anyway and ive gotten bomb deals by going maybe 20% lower than the asking price on a piece.
Style
Style is kind of the most important piece here because you want to bring the principles of Kibbe into your style and pieces you love. If you love tanks with shorts, transition into more high waisted shorts (with belt?) and add a crop top or tuck a form fitting tank into the shorts. I used to be scene so I have a soft spot for that alt goth look still. I like to use Micheline Pitt for more basics (black crop with black capris with belt is life) whereas La Femme is used more for more gothy alt vibes without bordering on cartoony or cheap looking. La femme is pretty intensely boob-centric- just keep in mind (im about a 36d) if that’s something that makes you uncomfortable. Also, some of the styles in LFEN have a long vertical line with not a lot of waist emphasis is probably not for us (art deco collection for instance). I think it plays to romantic ideals great though- lace and little feminine detail is recommended for us. Just as a side recommendation, wait for sale! Legit, Micheline has sales like every other month so I just wait for that since some of the pieces get pricy. Keep in mind though the quality is always consistent and the sizing is consistent throughout the line which is great- as long as you have your measurements on hand you will have a good fit.
Jeans/ Pants/ Skirts/ Shorts
Jeans are tricky for curvieslim thick/romantics. You are pretty much in a struggle between shape and longevity (cotton) vs stretch. When you get 100% cotton jeans like a Levis 501, youre getting shape and a very long shelf life- but it isn’t really for curvy girls. Im a size 6 pretty much across the board in Levis EXCEPT for the 501s. In them, I literally go up to a size 12. TWELVE! Needless to say, I didn’t buy them. On the other hand, stretch is good to have BUT it makes the fabric last a lot less and I have destroyed so many American Eagle jeans with my thighs before I got into Levis wherein of maybe 25-30 pairs, only two have ripped in the thigh for me (I think 720s if you care, of course highest amount of stretch to cotton ratio). The golden ratio for me is about 90% cotton, 10% stretch. It gives enough construction and shape and longevity to a pair of jeans while still being comfortable and having that give. That’s a ratio that fits my fave pair of jeans, the Levis Wedgie Skinny fit which, if you can find in a non-plus size, you should at least try on. The wedgie fit is meant to look similar to a more vintage fit but it also shapes your butt and tapers off at a short length. The more common pair online is the plain Wedgie fit, which is like 98% stretch which isn’t my ideal but I do have a few. They just need to be broken in a little and follow the size chart. Wherever you buy jeans you should probably go in person if possible just to see how the stores standard jeans fit and how you like them. The golden ratio for us when it comes to jeans is, for me, high waisted + room in butt and thigh + tapered/skinny ankle. A bonus would be a lower stretch amount 15% and under I would recommend.
When it comes to regular work pants, I use Micheline Pitts cigarette pants and her capris. The fit is really good and theyre pretty flattering with the high waist emphasis and cut. And her capris! I thought all capris would make me look like a middle aged mom- hers are incredible. They give a super flattering cut and make your waist look tiny and ass look all round. I would avoid palazzo and wide cut pants- they just make me look fat. Same thing with shorts- I have Michelines and the Levis Wedgie fit shorts which have a high waist and cut off mid thigh and I think theyre pretty great, especially paired with a tight belt around the waist. Kibbe doesn’t recommend pencil skirts but I think theyre pretty hot with a long sleeve top and belt (with shapewear!). I wouldn’t necessarily recommend mini-skirts (which I love) because I personally haven’t found any that aren’t waaaaaaaay too short for me with my smaller waist and larger butt and thighs.
Tops
Crop tops are ideal for your body if you can pull them off with a high waisted short or pant. Tucking longer shirts into your pants and adding a belt to cinch the waist is a simple but effective romantic outfit. I prefer a longer sleeve, ¾ lengths looks great on romantics as well as a slightly longer short sleeve than you would see typically in fast fashion. It is recommended in kibbe to avoid oversized tops, despite how cute and comfy they are. It does make you look bigger. Lace detailing is great, corseted details, just some very femme tops look great as well
Dresses
I love a wiggle dress on a curvy girl. I think theyre so sexy and make you just look so classy but have that wow factor. I think they are hands down the best dresses for romantics. They have that built in shape that compliments our curves so nicely, and mixed with a belt and shapewear just create this beautiful look. An A-line fit and flare dress also looks nice but is a bit more “cute” than sexy.
Notes I'm sure I missed out on a lot of good points but I feel this is a great starting point for helping romantics. Ill post my fave pieces below- thanks!
https://stopstaring.com/collections/hottest-sellers/products/million-dollar-baby-black (i found on poshmark for like 70)
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/pre-order-decadence-wiggle-dress-in-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/vintage-cigarette-pants-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/pre-order-miss-kitty-maneater-wiggle-dress-in-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/vixen-swing-dress-in-raven-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt-1
https://lafemmeennoir.net/collections/shop-la-femme-en-noiproducts/copy-of-la-dentelle-dress
https://lafemmeennoir.net/products/pre-order-wicked-web-dress?variant=16415989301282
EDIT: Disclaimer
submitted by kittyaphrodite to Kibbe [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 03:51 throwRAfiguredidask He seems to good to be true- is he gay? (27f, 31m)

I recently went on a couple dates with a great guy. He is super smart, very funny, sweet and gorgeous. He was a college athlete but also a total nerd. Our sense of humor and interests totally aligned, and we’ve been having a great time.
On our second date, one thing lead to another and... things didn’t work, if you get what I mean. Now, we’d had a LOT to drink, so that very easily explains it. But there’s just something bothering me. How can this guy be so wonderful and still be single... coupled with not being able to seal the deal. He’s liberal but his parents are very conservative, so that I guess would make it understandable if he were gay and didn’t want to come out. I love love the nerdy stuff about him, but I’ve really never met someone who has that side to them when they’re also athletic/popular jock type of person.
I’ve been hurt before (a long term relationship that didn’t work out because he was catholic and I’m not, and I don’t want to raise my children in a particular religion), so maybe I’m just being overly cautious or overly fearful of getting hurt again by something outside my control? But then I also have never had these thoughts about anyone else I’ve been on a date with or dated, so maybe I shouldn’t ignore it?
Does anyone have any advice? In particular, has anyone dated someone who turned out to be gay, OR has anyone been that person? Please let me know what to look for so I don’t get hurt again.
Thank you.
Edit: well aware that this sounds dumb/making a problem out of nothing. I just think intuition shouldn’t be ignored, but also aware I’m really scared of being hurt... so don’t know which one this is
submitted by throwRAfiguredidask to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 03:46 kittyaphrodite Guide to Dressing Romantic Body Types: slim thick, curvy, petite

hey guys! This took a while of thinking to get done but I hope it helps!
The first step to being able to effectively style yourself is to find out your kibbe type. Here is a link to the test I took- https://theconceptwardrobe.com/kibbe-body-types/the-kibbe-body-type-test. I think its all the better the less preconceived notions you have about kibbe as your opinion could become clouded and you could suffer type resistance- as in, you want to be one body type but you really are another. I think the kibbe system is great because its not based in making you feel like shit about yourself. Every single type has universally-considered gorgeous and beautiful women. It is also about being honest to yourself. I am about 5’0- I will NEVER be a tall supermodel. It’s just not happening. And that’s fine! Look at the women you are in the category with and see how beautiful they are. That being said, I am considered a romantic and that’s what this guide will be tailored toward. Here is the full outline of kibbes romantic section in his book Metamorphosis- https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/seasonalcolokibbe-s-romantic-t1990.html. By the way, for whatever result you get on the kibbe test, if you google “tapatalk (your kibbe type)” you should find your own chapter results.
I feel I finally have a style and idea of how things work for my body which is petite and curvy. I think it does feel like a niche as curvy doesn’t necessarily mean a larger size, I am a size 6. I prefer to include real recommendations into my posts cause I feel it takes a lot of legwork out and is more helpful that way. I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving recs to people with different body types and have you buy something garbage!
also, as apart of this pre-styling guide- learn your color season. I don’t have any great links but here on the subreddit are many great posts that can point you in the right direction. Of course, is it law to not wear purple as a warm spring? No, of course not. However, it can help point you in the right direction in clothes you might be interested in buying and trying to pick the best colors for you. Finally, kibbe, color systems, and my suggestions aren’t law or things you have to do or else. Everyones different! Still, this stuff takes forever to learn and a lot of time and money to figure out and I think it helped me a ton and i hope it does for other people.
Guiding principles of Kibbe for Romantics (ripped from his book, you dont need to follow everything but i think it gives you a general idea of what to look for)
SHAPE: Shape is the key to your look! Whatever mood you want to express, in whatever situation your find yourself--work, play, or glamour--keep your shapes rounded with soft edges! Circles, ornate swirls, and intricate flowing shapes are the direct expression of your extreme Yin. Soft bouffants are also acceptable. Always maintain the hourglass figure!
Avoid: All straight lines. All sharp edges. All geometrics.
LINE AND SILHOUETTE Second only to shape in importance, your outline should always be soft and flowing silhouettes that showcase the lush curves of your body. Waste definition is essential, always, as is lots of gentle draping everywhere.
Avoid: All severe silhouettes. All tailored silhouettes. All straight lines with angular edges. All vertical lines that hid the waist. All unconstructed, boxy, or horizontal lines.
FABRIC: Lightweight fabrics that drape easily. Softly woven fabrics (challis, crepe, tropical-weight woolens, jersey). Ultrashiny fabrics (charmeuse, shantung, crepe de chine, metallics). Ultra soft of plush textures (suedes, velvets, boucle knits, angora). Sheer fabrics (chiffon, voile, batiste, handkerchief linen).
AVOID: Stiff fabrics. Heavyweight fabrics. Rough textures. Extreme matte-finished fabrics.
DETAIL Detail should be soft, intricate, ornate and feminine, with emphasis on framing your face. Oversized bows, flouncy ruffles, and delicate lace are always good choices as long as they are luscious and womanly, instead of "little-girlish." Necklines should be soft and draped with curved edges (ornate necklines are especially sophisticated). Shoulders should be curved, with round pads; shoulder tucks or gathers, leg o' mutton, and draped dolman styles are all appropriate. Sleeves should be tapered at the wrist with intricate buttons, or very soft and flowing. Any kind of sparkle is excellent (pearls, sequins, beading, etc.) The waistline should always be emphasized, with soft gathers, folds, draped sashes, and lightweight and supple belts to give a cinched effect. Belt buckles should always be intricate and feminine.
Avoid: All tailored, angular, or severe detail. All chunky, rough, or oversized detail. All geometric necklines. All sharp edges--pleats, square shoulder pads. All crisp detail--perky bows, tiny ruffles. All minimal or "no detail" looks.
Skirts: Should be kept full and flowing with soft gathers at the waist and uneven hemlines. Your version of the basic "straight skirt" is actually tulip shaped: full and gathered at the waist and tapered at the hemline, which is short. All flared styles are excellent, from trumpets and swings to any bias-cut or gored style. Lengths should be kept gracefully long on uneven hemlines (mid calf), and short on the tapered styles with an even hemline (mid kneecap).
Avoid: All straight and tailored skirts, A-lines, and pleats.
Pants: Should always be soft, draped, and showcase your luscious curves! Gathers at the waist and a tapered or pegged bottom are the best shape for you.
Avoid: Straight or tailored pants. sharp details (pleats, cuffs, pockets). Baggy, unconstructed styles.
Blouses: Soft, draped styles. Sophisticated flounces and fills. Any antique styles.
Avoid: All tailored styles.
Sweaters: Soft, fluffy knits. Clingy, draped knits. Plush knits. Short lengths with waist detail. Cowl necks.
Avoid: Skinny, ribbed knits. Thick, nubby knits. Oversized sweaters. Turtlenecks and long pullovers. Cardigans. Crew-necked shetlands.
DRESSES: Should always be feminine and flowing. Waist emphasis, ornate detail, and swirling or flouncey skirts.
Avoid: Stiff, structured, or tailored styles (coatdress, chemise, etc.). Straight styles with no waist. Shapeless, wide, or baggy dresses.
Basics Before Dressing
As youll be able to see- I do not follow every single rule he makes, and sometimes like things he says to avoid. These rules arent law but they should make you look twice at what you wear and if it works for you and how to make it work for you and your style. I break these rules plenty- just as long as I am maintaining the structure by waist emphasis and clothes choice (high waisted bottoms).
While you don’t have to follow the materials list directly, just try to pay attention to what the clothes are made of and prioritize non-polyester clothes. Don’t buy clothes that don’t suit you or don’t fit you in the hope that it one day magically will or that you will lose the weight. If you are losing weight rapidly, then wait a little before buying expensive new clothes and wait until you get to a more stable weight for you. The key factor is always, always, always waist emphasis! In every outfit strive to have waist definition be the key component.
Shapewear- a must
Shapewear is so crucial to a the more structured hourglass look. While you should be working out, there will always be lumps and bumps that you would like to be slimmed or rounded. Shapewear will do that for you. That snatched look you see on red carpets and celebrities is a large part due to shapewear- as many admit in interviews. Shapewear has the ability to make your outfits overall look more expensive and just better on you. Now, I bought skims full price and the quality sucks- my mid thigh shorts literally ripped on a date so that was great. Honestly, I would go for spanx. I thought they were so expensive for some reason. Because Spanx is kinda the OG of shapewear brands that we think of, they have such a large library that their sale section is pretty robust so you can pretty much get a lot of pieces like high waisted panties for 10 dollars or full body-thigh suits for $40 dollars. And ive never experienced ripping like I did with Skims. Sign up for the Spanx newsletter and youll get updates on deals every couple of weeks, including free shipping.
A really easy way to get into shapewear is buying the Spanx high waisted underwear. I would highly recommend in investing in shapewear panties/boyshorts. Its not much different than other types of underwear, smooths/diminishes on lower belly fat which most women have, and I got 3 for ten dollars each. I like the “everyday shaping” ones the best since they don’t look like shapewear necessarily and are pretty comfortable to wear around. I get black in all of these since it goes with my lingerie since im garbage at matching colors so I just get it all in black. Panties and boyshorts in shapewear can be worn with pretty much every outfit (so long as youre covered on your lower stomach. For tight dresses and skirts- you probably would want to get shapewear that would smooth your thighs and butt- as Ive noticed in a newer pencil skirt I bought, just the boyshorts aint cutting it. It just looks a little lumpy without. I would highly recommend just buying sale spanx at their website- and in general try to look for styles that are still sold for full price on other parts of the site or are part of a collection, one off items aren’t as good. (ie, “retro panties” are not as good as the “everyday shaping line, boyshorts”). Find the areas where you need it too- a full body suit is expensive and you probably don’t need it- if your thighs aren’t perfectly shaped, or you have some belly fat, buy shapewear to help those areas. Shoot for a level 2/3 for max effectiveness.
General Principles
Now for the main event. You need to learn your measurements. Buy a simple measuring tape and do a full set of measurements for your body. Weight hangs so differently on us as we aren’t bone thin, so just generically buying a “small, medium, or large” just wont cut it unless you want to waste money. I have a pretty unpopular opinion- I think you have to pay more for clothes with this body type than others. Fast fashion is pretty much wasted money for us unless youre buying cheap camis and tops, even then, exercise caution. Its just not made for us. It costs a lot more money to cut clothes for curves than a pretty uniform straight shape. For this reason, I would recommend looking into vintage-reproduction clothes. Romantic body types haven’t been “in” since about the 1950s as the predominant style. While the hourglass type has always been in style, clothes that suit the romantic have not necessarily been. Tall, thin, angular are more trendy- and traditionally romantic clothes are made for non-romantic body types (polly). Therefore, I find that vintage reproduction clothes just look better on my body- wiggle dresses, cigarette pants, those are the things that look the best on me. I don’t want to look kitchy or like im wearing a costume- these cuts just look the best. The brands I pretty much only shop from now are Vixen by Micheline Pitt, La Femme en Noir (her goth brand), and I peruse other sites like Pinup girl and Stop Staring!. I use mostly micheline pitt because I feel her clothes are more “safe” for me to buy and fit my general style.
HIT UP POSHMARK for these clothes! Legit! I love buying secondhand clothes since I feel its more environmentally conscious and I love a sale. I usually look up “pin up couture,” “stop staring,” “micheline pitt,” and “la femme en noir” maybe twice a week to see if theres any good sales going on for pieces on my wishlist. Always make an offer! You might as well anyway and ive gotten bomb deals by going maybe 20% lower than the asking price on a piece.
Style
Style is kind of the most important piece here because you want to bring the principles of Kibbe into your style and pieces you love. If you love tanks with shorts, transition into more high waisted shorts (with belt?) and add a crop top or tuck a form fitting tank into the shorts. I used to be scene so I have a soft spot for that alt goth look still. I like to use Micheline Pitt for more basics (black crop with black capris with belt is life) whereas La Femme is used more for more gothy alt vibes without bordering on cartoony or cheap looking. La femme is pretty intensely boob-centric- just keep in mind (im about a 36d) if that’s something that makes you uncomfortable. Also, some of the styles in LFEN have a long vertical line with not a lot of waist emphasis is probably not for us (art deco collection for instance). I think it plays to romantic ideals great though- lace and little feminine detail is recommended for us. Just as a side recommendation, wait for sale! Legit, Micheline has sales like every other month so I just wait for that since some of the pieces get pricy. Keep in mind though the quality is always consistent and the sizing is consistent throughout the line which is great- as long as you have your measurements on hand you will have a good fit.
Jeans/ Pants/ Skirts/ Shorts
Jeans are tricky for curvieslim thick/romantics. You are pretty much in a struggle between shape and longevity (cotton) vs stretch. When you get 100% cotton jeans like a Levis 501, youre getting shape and a very long shelf life- but it isn’t really for curvy girls. Im a size 6 pretty much across the board in Levis EXCEPT for the 501s. In them, I literally go up to a size 12. TWELVE! Needless to say, I didn’t buy them. On the other hand, stretch is good to have BUT it makes the fabric last a lot less and I have destroyed so many American Eagle jeans with my thighs before I got into Levis wherein of maybe 25-30 pairs, only two have ripped in the thigh for me (I think 720s if you care, of course highest amount of stretch to cotton ratio). The golden ratio for me is about 90% cotton, 10% stretch. It gives enough construction and shape and longevity to a pair of jeans while still being comfortable and having that give. That’s a ratio that fits my fave pair of jeans, the Levis Wedgie Skinny fit which, if you can find in a non-plus size, you should at least try on. The wedgie fit is meant to look similar to a more vintage fit but it also shapes your butt and tapers off at a short length. The more common pair online is the plain Wedgie fit, which is like 98% stretch which isn’t my ideal but I do have a few. They just need to be broken in a little and follow the size chart. Wherever you buy jeans you should probably go in person if possible just to see how the stores standard jeans fit and how you like them. The golden ratio for us when it comes to jeans is, for me, high waisted + room in butt and thigh + tapered/skinny ankle. A bonus would be a lower stretch amount 15% and under I would recommend.
When it comes to regular work pants, I use Micheline Pitts cigarette pants and her capris. The fit is really good and theyre pretty flattering with the high waist emphasis and cut. And her capris! I thought all capris would make me look like a middle aged mom- hers are incredible. They give a super flattering cut and make your waist look tiny and ass look all round. I would avoid palazzo and wide cut pants- they just make me look fat. Same thing with shorts- I have Michelines and the Levis Wedgie fit shorts which have a high waist and cut off mid thigh and I think theyre pretty great, especially paired with a tight belt around the waist. Kibbe doesn’t recommend pencil skirts but I think theyre pretty hot with a long sleeve top and belt (with shapewear!). I wouldn’t necessarily recommend mini-skirts (which I love) because I personally haven’t found any that aren’t waaaaaaaay too short for me with my smaller waist and larger butt and thighs.
Tops
Crop tops are ideal for your body if you can pull them off with a high waisted short or pant. Tucking longer shirts into your pants and adding a belt to cinch the waist is a simple but effective romantic outfit. I prefer a longer sleeve, ¾ lengths looks great on romantics as well as a slightly longer short sleeve than you would see typically in fast fashion. It is recommended in kibbe to avoid oversized tops, despite how cute and comfy they are. It does make you look bigger. Lace detailing is great, corseted details, just some very femme tops look great as well
Dresses
I love a wiggle dress on a curvy girl. I think theyre so sexy and make you just look so classy but have that wow factor. I think they are hands down the best dresses for romantics. They have that built in shape that compliments our curves so nicely, and mixed with a belt and shapewear just create this beautiful look. An A-line fit and flare dress also looks nice but is a bit more “cute” than sexy.
Notes I'm sure I missed out on a lot of good points but I feel this is a great starting point for helping romantics. Ill post my fave pieces below- thanks!
https://stopstaring.com/collections/hottest-sellers/products/million-dollar-baby-black (i found on poshmark for like 70)
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/pre-order-decadence-wiggle-dress-in-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/vintage-cigarette-pants-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/pre-order-miss-kitty-maneater-wiggle-dress-in-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/vixen-swing-dress-in-raven-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt-1
https://lafemmeennoir.net/collections/shop-la-femme-en-noiproducts/copy-of-la-dentelle-dress
https://lafemmeennoir.net/products/pre-order-wicked-web-dress?variant=16415989301282
submitted by kittyaphrodite to Vindicta [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 03:16 RedditSuggestName 38 [F4M] - SoCal 4 SoCal - (locals only) LTR - I know my person is out there, we just have to find each other

TL;DR: BBW, loves Disneyland, TV and her pets (2 cats and 1 dog); looking for a fellow DDF guy, who wants to get married and have kids in a couple years too.
Locals only, because I do want to meet, COVID safe of course.

The long post:
My dream is to find the whole 9 yards: friendship, marriage, raise kids together; then we retire someplace warm or with a beach view. Does that sound good to anyone else?
If you sub to financialindependence/ we'll get along. I'm determined to retire early.
I’m a Hispanic 5’2, single, curvy/BBW, with hazel eyes, naturally dirty blonde hair (I dye it purple); living in the Santa Clarita Valley. I'm 38 years old.
I'm at the stage in my life where I'm financially stable, and am ready to have kids in a couple years. I'm looking for a partner who is in the same life stage as me. So age isn't important to me, but this is. Please don't DM me unless you want and are ready for the same.
I have 2 cats and 1 dog, I love them a lot. I'll always have pets in my life.
I’m a chatty texter; I respond as soon as I can.
I’ve never been married, nor do I have kids; I’m STD and drug free - I’m looking for the same.
As for age, race, height, weight; none of that matters to me. It's more important to me that we're in the same life stage.
Apparently I have to say this explicitly. Only message if you are single and are also looking for commitment.
Be prepared to video chat. I have no desire to be catfished.
I'm staying sane through the pandemic with the help of my 3 fur babies, and lots of TV.
Let's see, I've watched: Ozark, Narcos, Narcos Mexico, Dead to Me, Legacies, Living with Yourself, Preacher, Fleabag, Silicon Valley, Twin Peaks (old, movie and new), Ray Donovan, On Becoming a God in Central FL, Penny Dreadful (original series), The Umbrella Academy, Perry Mason, The Boys, Atlanta, What We Do in the Shadows (still need to watch the movie; it's not on any of my streaming services right now), The Orville.
I am looking for a new show to watch....
I got a COVID test in June. It was the up the nose one, ugh. Negative, yay! I'm more than fine getting another test before meeting you. Please be prepared to do that same.
I know COVID has added challenges to the already difficult world of dating. But I have faith we can find a way to safely meet. There are places we can drink/eat at patios.
Honestly, if there isn't at least a plan to meet within a month of talking, I'm out. I'm not looking for a penpal.
ABOUT ME:
-I want to live my life filled with love, laughter, family, yummy food, my puppy and kitties, and one day, kiddos.
-I'm a homebody who likes going out on special occasions.
-My hobbies include TV show and movie marathons; Disneyland (at night); Rock concerts.
-My Favorite shows: Arrested Development, Chuck, Friends, Agents of Shield, Game of Thrones, Schitt’s Creek, Supernatural, Umbrella Academy.
-Favorite movies: Corpse Bride, Airheads, Blow, The Departed, Office Space, The Prestige, Marvel Comic Universe, Harry PotteFantastic Beasts, Star Wars.
-Favorite bands: Pantera, Metallica, Green Day, My Chemical Romance, AFI. The most recent concerts I've been to are movie composer orchestra combos. i.e., Danny Elfman, and Ramin Djawadi.
-I have (had? Haha) a long commute. I listen to a podcast in the morning (The Ralph Report) and audiobooks at night; music too when I’m in the mood. Constantly looking for new audiobooks. Would appreciate recommendations. I like fantasy books; Harry Potter, A Song Of Ice and Fire. I fell in love with the Mistborn trilogy this last year.
-I'm looking for a serious, long term, monogamous relationship. I hope to meet someone with some similar interests, so we have something in common, but not someone exactly the same as me, because I don't think that'd be interesting or make for a good partnership. We’d be partners that help each other out, making life more enjoyable along the way.
-I live a healthy lifestyle (mind and body). Pre-COVID, I worked out daily. I’m on a weightloss journey. I would need to be with someone who’s supportive. Possible even currently going through the same thing or did in the past.
I need to be with someone that doesn’t give a shit about stretch marks and what not. Besides, if we have kids, I’ll get more.
If you eat healthy most of the time, it would make things easier.
I do still enjoy cheat meals, with carbs and sugars on special occasions. It just isn’t a daily thing anymore.
-Be hygienic, I am. Brush your teeth at least twice a day. Be a fan of mint and gum. Wash everywhere, including behind the ears.
Bonus points: if you wear cologne. I wear perfume on special occasions; mostly floral scents.
-I‘m Liberal. Being honest, I won’t have anything in common with someone who voted for, agrees with, and/or plans to vote for Trump or any of his butt kissers.
For example, I don’t think wanting universal healthcare so that I don’t have to worry about bankrupting myself and my loved ones, should I get in a horrible accident or cancer, makes me an evil socialist. It makes me want my country to be on par with the rest of the civilized world.
-I’m not very religious, I don’t think I can be with someone who is. I wouldn’t be good at religious conversations and I would not go to church.
-I don’t have any tattoos, only my ears are pierced (I wouldn’t care if you have tattoos or piercings).
-I’m middle class, and would need someone in at least a similar financial situation, so we can enjoy doing things together (restaurants, events, travel, tickets to Disneyland for the kids, etc...). I’m a fan of paying for my own food, tickets and what not. I am NOT looking to be a sugar baby and won’t be someone else’s sugar momma. We’re adults here; adults pay their own way.
-Traveling, of course I love to travel. I want to go back to Europe, I need to visit places like the PNW, Niagara Falls, Boston. When I have kids, I want to take them at least one to NYC for xmas (I love Christmas Tree lights); I would love to spend the other holidays in some place warm, like Australia/New Zealand. I like staying in fancy hotels. Room service is awesome. Taxis/Ubers are awesome. Right now, my job allows me to take a month off for vacations in summer. I need to start taking advantage of that.
-My dream is to retire early; in about 20 years. Not sure how that'll work with having children, but both things are worth attempting.
-I'm not a fan of being in the sun, because I get sunburnt easily. This is a big reason for why I am not an outdoorsy person.
-I hate being cold. I’m a big fan of heaters and electric blankets.
-I won’t care if you watch sports. Just don’t make me watch, don’t make our lives revolve around them, and we’ll get along. I don’t mind going to live sporting events, maybe once or twice a year. I’ll have no idea what’s going on, but I’ve had fun attending the few sporting events I have.
-I love my family, but it's a complicated relationship. I need a partner who understands this. Who will follow my lead with dealing with them, and above all else, will not try to interfere.
-Living Apart Together (LAT) appeals to me; or at the very least, we'd have a very big home. I never want to share a bathroom again. And I like the idea of each of us having a private space to go to if we just need some alone time.
-I’m pro vaccinations; sorry, can’t let an anti vaxxer touch me. If we were lucky to have kids, they would be vaccinated. In 2019, I got up to date with MMR and DTap booster shots, got the flu vaccine, and got the HPV vaccines. You’ll get bonus points if you’ve done this too.
-as far as sex life goes, I need to be with someone who gets off on making me orgasm. Be good with kissing, cuddling, oral, fingering (you gotta know where the G-Spot is). Bonus points is if you can do this for hours. Do it right, and you’ll be rewarded. Only a guy willing to wear condoms gets to touch me.
And no, I’m not looking for anything casual or a FWB. no we would not see if we’re sexually compatible out on the first few dates.
Sex is an important part of a lasting relationship, but it’s not the only thing. We have to click elsewhere before we get to sex.
-I don’t do drugs, don’t smoke anything at all; this includes 420 stuff. I drink alcohol on special occasions, but it’s not often. I’d need to be with someone who is the same.
In the subject line, please put your eye color.
Thank you for reading. I know this was long, but I know what I want. Has anyone seen the great early 2010s show Happy Endings? There’s a quote that I think describes what I’m looking for. Someone to realize: “I found a woman who was so sure of what she wanted, and she wanted me.” Brad to wife Jane, S2E18 ‘Party of Six.’
Those who need NOT apply:
-Addicts
-Liars and cheaters (I will be honest and monogamous, and expect the same)
-Racists (I do not think people who move to a new country, searching for a better life, are criminals. If you disagree, we won't get along.)
-Physically abusive, violent (maybe I've watched Big Little Lies too many times...)
submitted by RedditSuggestName to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 03:15 RedditSuggestName 38 [F4M] #SoCal4Socal (locals only) - LTR - I know my person is out there, we just have to find each other

TL;DR: BBW, loves Disneyland, TV and her pets (2 cats and 1 dog); looking for a fellow DDF guy, who wants to get married and have kids in a couple years too.
Locals only, because I do want to meet, COVID safe of course.
The long post:
My dream is to find the whole 9 yards: friendship, marriage, raise kids together; then we retire someplace warm or with a beach view. Does that sound good to anyone else?
If you sub to financialindependence/ we'll get along. I'm determined to retire early.
I’m a Hispanic 5’2, single, curvy/BBW, with hazel eyes, naturally dirty blonde hair (I dye it purple); living in the Santa Clarita Valley. I'm 38 years old.
I'm at the stage in my life where I'm financially stable, and am ready to have kids in a couple years. I'm looking for a partner who is in the same life stage as me. So age isn't important to me, but this is. Please don't DM me unless you want and are ready for the same.
I have 2 cats and 1 dog, I love them a lot. I'll always have pets in my life.
I’m a chatty texter; I respond as soon as I can.
I’ve never been married, nor do I have kids; I’m STD and drug free - I’m looking for the same.
As for age, race, height, weight; none of that matters to me. It's more important to me that we're in the same life stage.
Apparently I have to say this explicitly. Only message if you are single and are also looking for commitment.
Be prepared to video chat. I have no desire to be catfished.
I'm staying sane through the pandemic with the help of my 3 fur babies, and lots of TV.
Let's see, I've watched: Ozark, Narcos, Narcos Mexico, Dead to Me, Legacies, Living with Yourself, Preacher, Fleabag, Silicon Valley, Twin Peaks (old, movie and new), Ray Donovan, On Becoming a God in Central FL, Penny Dreadful (original series), The Umbrella Academy, Perry Mason, The Boys, Atlanta, What We Do in the Shadows (still need to watch the movie; it's not on any of my streaming services right now), The Orville.
I am looking for a new show to watch....
I got a COVID test in June. It was the up the nose one, ugh. Negative, yay! I'm more than fine getting another test before meeting you. Please be prepared to do that same.
I know COVID has added challenges to the already difficult world of dating. But I have faith we can find a way to safely meet. There are places we can drink/eat at patios.
Honestly, if there isn't at least a plan to meet within a month of talking, I'm out. I'm not looking for a penpal.
ABOUT ME:
-I want to live my life filled with love, laughter, family, yummy food, my puppy and kitties, and one day, kiddos.
-I'm a homebody who likes going out on special occasions.
-My hobbies include TV show and movie marathons; Disneyland (at night); Rock concerts.
-My Favorite shows: Arrested Development, Chuck, Friends, Agents of Shield, Game of Thrones, Schitt’s Creek, Supernatural, Umbrella Academy.
-Favorite movies: Corpse Bride, Airheads, Blow, The Departed, Office Space, The Prestige, Marvel Comic Universe, Harry PotteFantastic Beasts, Star Wars.
-Favorite bands: Pantera, Metallica, Green Day, My Chemical Romance, AFI. The most recent concerts I've been to are movie composer orchestra combos. i.e., Danny Elfman, and Ramin Djawadi.
-I have (had? Haha) a long commute. I listen to a podcast in the morning (The Ralph Report) and audiobooks at night; music too when I’m in the mood. Constantly looking for new audiobooks. Would appreciate recommendations. I like fantasy books; Harry Potter, A Song Of Ice and Fire. I fell in love with the Mistborn trilogy this last year.
-I'm looking for a serious, long term, monogamous relationship. I hope to meet someone with some similar interests, so we have something in common, but not someone exactly the same as me, because I don't think that'd be interesting or make for a good partnership. We’d be partners that help each other out, making life more enjoyable along the way.
-I live a healthy lifestyle (mind and body). Pre-COVID, I worked out daily. I’m on a weightloss journey. I would need to be with someone who’s supportive. Possible even currently going through the same thing or did in the past.
I need to be with someone that doesn’t give a shit about stretch marks and what not. Besides, if we have kids, I’ll get more.
If you eat healthy most of the time, it would make things easier.
I do still enjoy cheat meals, with carbs and sugars on special occasions. It just isn’t a daily thing anymore.
-Be hygienic, I am. Brush your teeth at least twice a day. Be a fan of mint and gum. Wash everywhere, including behind the ears.
Bonus points: if you wear cologne. I wear perfume on special occasions; mostly floral scents.
-I‘m Liberal. Being honest, I won’t have anything in common with someone who voted for, agrees with, and/or plans to vote for Trump or any of his butt kissers.
For example, I don’t think wanting universal healthcare so that I don’t have to worry about bankrupting myself and my loved ones, should I get in a horrible accident or cancer, makes me an evil socialist. It makes me want my country to be on par with the rest of the civilized world.
-I’m not very religious, I don’t think I can be with someone who is. I wouldn’t be good at religious conversations and I would not go to church.
-I don’t have any tattoos, only my ears are pierced (I wouldn’t care if you have tattoos or piercings).
-I’m middle class, and would need someone in at least a similar financial situation, so we can enjoy doing things together (restaurants, events, travel, tickets to Disneyland for the kids, etc...). I’m a fan of paying for my own food, tickets and what not. I am NOT looking to be a sugar baby and won’t be someone else’s sugar momma. We’re adults here; adults pay their own way.
-Traveling, of course I love to travel. I want to go back to Europe, I need to visit places like the PNW, Niagara Falls, Boston. When I have kids, I want to take them at least one to NYC for xmas (I love Christmas Tree lights); I would love to spend the other holidays in some place warm, like Australia/New Zealand. I like staying in fancy hotels. Room service is awesome. Taxis/Ubers are awesome. Right now, my job allows me to take a month off for vacations in summer. I need to start taking advantage of that.
-My dream is to retire early; in about 20 years. Not sure how that'll work with having children, but both things are worth attempting.
-I'm not a fan of being in the sun, because I get sunburnt easily. This is a big reason for why I am not an outdoorsy person.
-I hate being cold. I’m a big fan of heaters and electric blankets.
-I won’t care if you watch sports. Just don’t make me watch, don’t make our lives revolve around them, and we’ll get along. I don’t mind going to live sporting events, maybe once or twice a year. I’ll have no idea what’s going on, but I’ve had fun attending the few sporting events I have.
-I love my family, but it's a complicated relationship. I need a partner who understands this. Who will follow my lead with dealing with them, and above all else, will not try to interfere.
-Living Apart Together (LAT) appeals to me; or at the very least, we'd have a very big home. I never want to share a bathroom again. And I like the idea of each of us having a private space to go to if we just need some alone time.
-I’m pro vaccinations; sorry, can’t let an anti vaxxer touch me. If we were lucky to have kids, they would be vaccinated. In 2019, I got up to date with MMR and DTap booster shots, got the flu vaccine, and got the HPV vaccines. You’ll get bonus points if you’ve done this too.
-as far as sex life goes, I need to be with someone who gets off on making me orgasm. Be good with kissing, cuddling, oral, fingering (you gotta know where the G-Spot is). Bonus points is if you can do this for hours. Do it right, and you’ll be rewarded. Only a guy willing to wear condoms gets to touch me.
And no, I’m not looking for anything casual or a FWB. no we would not see if we’re sexually compatible out on the first few dates.
Sex is an important part of a lasting relationship, but it’s not the only thing. We have to click elsewhere before we get to sex.
-I don’t do drugs, don’t smoke anything at all; this includes 420 stuff. I drink alcohol on special occasions, but it’s not often. I’d need to be with someone who is the same.
In the subject line, please put your eye color.
Thank you for reading. I know this was long, but I know what I want. Has anyone seen the great early 2010s show Happy Endings? There’s a quote that I think describes what I’m looking for. Someone to realize: “I found a woman who was so sure of what she wanted, and she wanted me.” Brad to wife Jane, S2E18 ‘Party of Six.’
Those who need NOT apply:
-Addicts
-Liars and cheaters (I will be honest and monogamous, and expect the same)
-Racists (I do not think people who move to a new country, searching for a better life, are criminals. If you disagree, we won't get along.)
-Physically abusive, violent (maybe I've watched Big Little Lies too many times...)
submitted by RedditSuggestName to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


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Dating Personals Single:Zhanna_from_Odessa_Ukraine

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